Hannah sat at the back of the shuttle, eyes glazed over, her mind in a daze. She'd left Riley in charge on the planet and joined the medical crew on the shuttle back to the Avian. The doctors and nurses onboard hadn't stopped working from the minute they boarded. They had Daniel hooked up to a dozen wires and spoke in hurried medical speak. Hannah didn't understand most of it, but it didn't sound good and it couldn't be good, not with the worry etched on the doctors' faces.
When they reached the Avian, another medical team met them in the hangar bay. They transferred Daniel to a gurney and rushed him to the med bay. Hannah followed, but was halted from entering the sterile ward by one of the doctors, who offered an apology, but demanded she stay outside. Through the med bay windows, she saw them push Daniel down to a surgical room. She became aware she wasn't alone when a voice spoke to her.
"What happened, Lieutenant?" It was Captain Maddock. He stood at her side, his face clouded with concern. Hannah launched into an explanation, recounting the discovery of the creatures and the vicious attack. Maddock shook his head and glanced back through the window, then reached out and put a fatherly hand on Hannah's shoulder.
"Go get cleaned up and come back here," he instructed her.
"I should get back to the planet," Hannah mumbled. "To the team."
"They're in good hands. Trust me. You won't be any good down there, not right now. Shower and come back. That's an order, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir," Hannah acquiesced, forgetting to salute and walking through the medical door and out into the hall. Shower…She began to move towards the showers, then abruptly changed her direction. She didn't want to be anywhere near people. She stumbled her way to engineering and the safety of her cubby.
She sat down, her back to the bulkhead and stared out the window. Planet 627 met her gaze, a glowing orb of apparent beauty against a black background. As her adrenaline waned, Hannah's mind played back the scene that had just transpired below. A groan escaped her lips and her body began to shake. Cries came next, long drawn out sobs she couldn't hold in any longer. She brought her hands up to her face to wipe away the tears, but they were still caked with Daniel's dried blood. She lowered them and wept till she could do nothing but suck in empty breaths. Once her emotion was spent, she brought her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs and closed her eyes. Her inner thoughts tormented her. I should have drawn my shotgun sooner…Why did I start with the rifle? I could have had that creature down before it got to him. I should have had it down before it got to him…My first major mission and I lose a man…and it's Daniel…I lost Daniel.
She didn't know how long she sat there, but eventually obedience prompted her to leave her cubby as she recalled that she'd been ordered to clean up and go back to medical. She shuffled her way to her bunk, grabbed a fresh uniform and proceeded to the showers. Luckily, no one was there, so she had the privacy of showering alone. The warm water felt like a haven as it washed away the grime and blood that clung to her. Once she had finished and dressed again, she made her way back to medical, her mind clearer, but her heart a tremble with fear.
When the medical door slid open, she saw Captain Maddock still present. He stood by the windows peering into the med bay. She approached, coming up alongside him.
"Did you let it out?" he asked without looking at her.
Hannah didn't need to ask what he meant. "Yes."
"Don't be ashamed, Lieutenant. It's necessary. Good soldiers aren't robots. If you felt nothing for those under your command, I wouldn't want you on my ship."
Hannah nodded, a little surprised that Captain Maddock was being so open with her. "Any word?"
Maddock shook his head. "They're still in with him. They haven't lost him. Not yet. There's still hope."
Hannah waited outside the med bay all night. She watched doctors rush back and forth through the windows, but no one came out to update Daniel's progress. Captain Maddock was in and out throughout the night, attending to duties then coming down to check if there had been any developments. Hannah knew he could have just called the bay, checked with a doctor through the comm, but she suspected her captain came to support her as needed and she was grateful. Waiting was killing her. She had tried to doze here and there, but couldn't make herself relax enough to call any sleep she managed restful.
Finally, when the early morning hours were upon them, a doctor came out to report to both Hannah and the captain. Daniel would live, though he had lost part of his leg. The creature had crushed the bone with such force that there was nothing to recover. They'd had to amputate his right leg just below the knee. For now, they were keeping him sedated, wanting his body to recover. In a couple days, when he had his strength back, they'd bring him out of sedation and fit him with a prosthetic.
Hannah felt relief and distress at the same time, elated Daniel was going to make it, upset that he'd lost a limb. The doctors let Hannah and Maddock into the ward as Daniel had been moved to recovery. Maddock pulled back the curtain surrounding Daniel's bed and Hannah scrutinized Daniel, trying to assess his current state. He was pale, an obvious sign he'd lost lots of blood. His eyes were closed and his breathing deep. She walked to his bedside and gazed on him, guilt overwhelming her.
"Lieutenant?" Maddock asked. "Something you need to say?" She shook her head, but Maddock contradicted her response. "You shouldn't lie to your commanding officer."
"Saying it wouldn't do any good," Hannah whispered faintly.
"Saying it gets it out in the open where it doesn't have any control over you anymore," Maddock expressed, then sighed. "The first time I lost a man under my command, I beat myself up for months. It didn't do me any good and it won't help you either."
Hannah looked up at her captain. All her dealings with him had been professional. She viewed him as an authority, a figurehead. Now, for the first time, she perceived him as a person, a real man who had seen things and experienced things she didn't even know of. What had he learned in his thirty-six years of life? His grey eyes spoke a wisdom she knew she didn't possess and she could tell he was asking her to confide in him, to trust him, not just as her captain, but as a person.
"I should have gotten my shotgun out faster or realized the minute we saw the little creature that something bigger could be nearby. It's my fault." Hannah brushed a hand over her eyes, willing herself not to cry in front of Maddock.
"The hard pill to swallow in the military is that you are bound to lose men," Maddock said. "You didn't lose him. Seems to me you should be proud. From what I hear, you got in the final shot that took that thing down."
"I could have taken it down earlier."
"Sounded like it kept coming no matter what your team did. Lieutenant, take pride in what you did down there. You saved this man's life."
Hannah fixed her eyes back on Daniel. She hadn't viewed it that way. She had concluded that she failed him. She hadn't considered her actions had actually saved him. Still, her guilt wasn't entirely quelled.
Hannah drew in a long breath. Daniel would be unconscious for the next two days. She couldn't do anything up here, but she could get a second chance to protect her team. She looked back at Captain Maddock.
"Sir, there's nothing I can do here. I'd like to return to the planet, to my team."
Maddock's face grew angry. "I'm afraid that won't be possible, Lieutenant."
"I failed, sir, but I won't let it happen again. I won't disappoint you down there."
"It's not that. I had a conversation with Dervin. He's not happy with you right now."
Hannah creased her eyebrows in confusion. "Why?"
"His biologists are up in arms that the first thing you do when you step foot on their planet is kill its wildlife."
Hannah exploded. "What? It would have killed us!"
"I know. I agree with your actions completely and I've told Dervin that. From what I gather, Tarun took up your defense, too, and quite adamantly."
"What did they want me to do? Cuddle it and ask it to like us?"
"They understand you had a reason to do what you did. They just wish you'd done it a different way."
"And what way would that be?"
Maddock shrugged. "They're pansies, the lot of them. Scientists and explorers with their minds on the stars and their heads up their butts, idealists for whom reality doesn't exist."
Hannah shook her head, crossed her arms over her chest and tried to control the wrath inside her.
"Anyway," Maddock continued. "They don't want you down there. I've sent two replacements down to your team. What I suggest is you get some sleep." Hannah opened her mouth to protest, but Maddock held a hand up, causing her to close it. "Get some sleep. I'll order you if I have to, but I'd rather you just listen to sense."
"Yes, sir," Hannah spoke resignedly. She glanced once more at Daniel and proceeded to walk back to her bunk. The moment she collapsed into it, her mind shut down and she drifted off into a heavy sleep.
The next couple days Hannah divided her time between her duty shifts, the med bay and sleep when she could manage it. She spent hours at a time just sitting next to Daniel. She couldn't think of anything to say, so she didn't talk. She didn't even quite understand why she thought being near him crucial. He wasn't aware she was there, so why did she come? But for some reason she felt more at peace when she was by him, as if her presence could some how remedy his awful situation.
Unfortunately, she ended up on duty when the doctors brought him out of his sedated state. When her shift finished, her comm had beeped and she tapped it to hear Captain Maddock informing her Daniel was awake. Maddock had already seen him and conversed with him. He reassured her that Daniel was doing well. She'd thanked Maddock for letting her know and dashed straight to the med bay.
A she approached the bay, she saw through the windows that the curtains had been drawn away that surrounded Daniel's bed. He was sitting up, a doctor checking his vitals. She stopped and watched. She wanted to go in, to talk to him, but didn't know what to say. Should she apologize? The very idea of saying to him, "Hey, sorry I failed and your leg got bitten off," just sounded weak and stupid. For a moment she considered just leaving the bay, not saying anything at all, but Daniel had seen her through the window. His eyes met hers and she stared, trying to read the emotion within. She didn't see anger or hate. She saw…compassion. But why compassion? It was such a strange emotion to catch in Daniel's eyes. He lifted up his hand and waved her in. Hannah walked into the med bay, making her way over to his bed. The doctor was just leaving.
"Hey," Daniel greeted her quietly.
"Hey," Hannah answered back. She tried to avoid looking down, but in trying not to, her eyes inevitably flickered downwards.
"It's weird," Daniel said, patting his right thigh and looking at where the rest of his leg used to be. "But I can still feel it."
Hannah nodded. "Phantom pain."
"It's not painful," Daniel assured her. "Just feels like I could stand up and walk out of here." He paused a moment. "The captain tells me I have you to thank for being alive."
Hannah shrugged. "I don't know about that."
"I know you," Daniel spoke softly. "You think you failed me."
Hannah felt her eyes begin to water, so she turned her head and coughed and rubbed her face to hide them.
"You didn't do anything wrong. It's a new planet. None of us knew that thing lived down there."
Hannah said nothing, just breathed slowly.
"Come on, please don't beat yourself up over me. I'm not worth it."
Hannah's heart sank. How could he say something like that? "You are worth it, Daniel. You're worth it to me."
Daniel grinned and chuckled.
"What?" Hannah demanded, wanting to know why her sincerity was being treated as a joke.
"You used my first name. Does that mean something?"
She smiled at the teasing look in his eyes, letting the humor of the moment relax her tension. "If you start acting like Lucas…"
"I promise I'll call you 'Lieutenant' in front of the men and never 'Red.'"
"Good." There was a pause in the conversation. Hannah looked to the ceiling, not knowing what to say next.
"I think I've made up with the Hawk," Daniel announced, rescuing the silence.
"How so?" Hannah asked, turning back to him.
"They've been coming to see me ever since I woke up. It's like the whole ship found out about the incident down there."
"They've been talking about it for the last couple days," Hannah informed him. She'd been forced to repeat the facts several times over as rumors continually created a larger story, most of the time describing her team under attack from an entire army of black furred creatures.
"Well, the entire Hawk seems to think I'm some kind of hero." Daniel sounded uncomfortable when he voiced the word "hero." "Captain Maddock even told me he's put me in for a medal."
"That bothers you?" Hannah asked, perceiving Daniel's distaste for the idea.
"The thing is, I didn't stand there and think 'I need to go push that woman out of the way so I can be a hero,'" Daniel explained. "I just acted with no thought at all."
"Maybe that is what makes a hero. You know, what you just do because it's who you are." Hannah was surprised by the wisdom she'd just heard come out of her own mouth and struck by a realization at the same time: Daniel was a hero. He'd acted when it counted because his very character was composed of tenacity and bravery.
"If they give me a medal, I think I'll just keep it in my footlocker. Wearing something like that would just feel out-of-place."
Once again, the conversation lulled. After a minute went by and neither of them said anything, Hannah started to walk back to the entrance, speaking as she went. "I guess I should let you rest."
Daniel flung out an arm and grabbed her hand. "Just stay. I don't want to be alone. I don't care if we don't talk."
Hannah slid her hand out of his grip, but she walked back over to his bed and sat in a chair next to it. "Okay."
"They gave me this game pad," Daniel said, holding up a large, rectangular data screen. "Want to play chess?"
"I hate chess."
"Yeah," Daniel nodded. "I forgot. Parcheesi?"
"That I'll play."
As Daniel turned on the game pad and tapped the icon for the Parcheesi board, Hannah was thrown back eight years ago once again. She remembered a rainy day of playing games at her house, how she and Daniel had laughed and chatted. Here we are, she thought, up in the stars, sitting on a spaceship and playing the same games we played as kids. For some reason, it just felt right.
As the week wore on, Hannah spent every spare moment at Daniel's side. He'd gone into surgery the day after he woke up so the doctors could attach his prosthetic leg. They'd spent hours connecting his nerves to the device and sealing it. Hannah was grateful for medical advancement. Daniel wouldn't need to replace the prosthetic for ten years or so if it worked as intended.
Daniel reported feeling sensation immediately once he'd woken up from the surgery. He could move the prosthetic toes and foot easily. Still, learning to walk with it was another matter. Hannah showed up more often than not at his physical therapy sessions as he learned to interpret the sensory data from his new leg. It felt different, he'd said, not knowing exactly how to describe it. Like he had a leg, but it wasn't entirely part of him. The doctors said it would just take time to get used to it.
Hannah took to walking around the ship with Daniel once he could stand for longer periods of time. He still limped, but he got better at it every day. By the end of the week, when the teams returned from planet 627 and his team visited him, they could hardly tell a difference in his physical appearance. The entire team had held a party for Daniel, complete with cake bribed out of the cook. Lucas even presented him a token gift, a small skin rug sewn from the fur of the creature that had attacked him. Hannah ignored the fact that the scientists probably didn't know her team had absconded with a piece of their precious wildlife discovery.
Another week passed by. The teams had only spent the weekend aboard ship and then ferried back down to the planet to spend the week with the scientists and explorers. Daniel had been released for duty and Hannah noticed how he kept showing up at her on duty locations whenever he was off duty. He also developed the habit of finding her during her downtime. The result was that they spent more time chatting than they had in eight years. To Hannah, it felt like they were making up for lost time, filling in the gap between childhood and adulthood. So it shouldn't have surprised her what happened one day when Daniel trespassed upon her cubby, acting entirely nervous.
She'd gone to her cubby for a moment of solitude when she became aware of Daniel's steps heading her direction. She always recognized his approach now as he limped ever so slightly. Daniel hadn't been back to her cubby ever since that conversation after she'd punched him. Hannah intuited he respected her desire for privacy. So she naturally wondered what had compelled him to seek her out.
She heard his voice before she saw him. "I hope I'm not intruding?"
"You're not," she spoke out.
He poked his head around one of the metal beams. "Mind if I sit with you for a bit?"
"No." She scooted over, making room for him. Daniel sat next to her, his palms braced on the floor behind his back and his legs stuck straight out.
"I can't sit cross-legged yet," he mentioned. "Feels too strange still."
"You've made good progress. All the doctors say so."
"Yeah." Daniel coughed and his eyes darted around the cubby. Hannah noticed he was tapping his fingers on the floor, a nervous habit she recognized from his childhood.
"What's up?"
"Huh?" He stopped tapping his fingers. "Um…"
"Why are you acting so odd? Did the doctors tell you something? Something you don't want to tell me?"
"No. No, I'm fine. I really am."
"O-kay. So what's wrong?"
"I wanted to catch you when you were alone."
"Yeah?" Hannah felt annoyed and afraid at his stalling, wondering what bad news he'd tracked her down to tell her.
"Well, you know, we've kind of become friends again, which is really nice."
Hannah smiled. "Yeah, it is." She'd come to enjoy Daniel as much as when they were kids, even more so.
"It's just. You know, when you confront your own death to the face, it makes you think about life, about what you really want to do. About your future." He coughed into his hand. "Sorry, dry throat."
Hannah's heart leapt in anguish. "You're leaving, aren't you? You don't want to be military anymore, is that it?" Hannah chastised herself. She didn't know why she didn't see this coming. Getting your leg chewed off would send anyone fleeing from the ship. She couldn't blame him. Yet, she grieved inside. She didn't want him to go, didn't want to live the military life alone again.
"Oh, no. No, I'm not leaving."
Hannah knit her eyebrows. "Oh. Then what?"
"Look. Maybe I should just ask you not to answer right away. Before I ask you, just promise me you'll think about it."
"Think about what? I'm not making a promise I can't keep."
"Yeah, that's what I'm scared of."
"Huh? Daniel, look, just spit it out. What is the problem?"
Daniel lifted up a hand and ran it through his hair, then took a big breath. "Hannah, I want to marry you."
Hannah almost laughed, but then caught the seriousness in Daniel's eyes. "You…you're really…you mean it."
Daniel lowered his eyes. "I guess, by your reaction, I've received my answer."
"Uh…" Hannah tried to form a response. He wanted to get married? She was shocked, having not seen this coming. But what truly took her off guard was how she felt: pleased and happy. Was she really in love with Daniel Shepard?
"I…we…we've only been together again for a month," Hannah pointed out, blurting out the first thought that came to mind.
Daniel looked up at her, his eyes hurt, but also determined to convince her of his feelings. "I don't care if I was only fourteen when I first fell in love with you. I swear I've never loved anyone but you."
Hannah didn't know if she quite bought that. "What about your Sadies?"
A guilty look passed over Daniel's face. "Yeah, about them…They were like playthings really." Hannah looked taken aback and Daniel held his hands up. "Okay, yeah, I know I shouldn't view them that way. I don't think I did at the time. But none of them held a candle to you. I never clicked with anyone like I did with you, like we click now."
Hannah knew the sentiment because she felt the same way. She just never knew Daniel's feelings had reflected her own. Now it was her turn to deal with nerves. She sucked in her lips, then blew a breath out her nose. "I lied."
Daniel cocked his head, confused at the turn in conversation. "About what?"
"I didn't exactly lie, I guess. I just kind of misled you."
She saw heartbroken comprehension dawn in Daniel's eyes. "You do have a boyfriend. Back on Earth? In a different company?"
"No. No. Not at all," Hannah spluttered, grasping that Daniel hadn't detected her lie. "No, I just, I never dated anyone ever."
Daniel suddenly smiled widely. "You didn't? You mean, you actually kept the promise?"
"I didn't try to keep it," Hannah voiced, not wanting Daniel to misinterpret her actions. "It's just…I think I intimidate men. It seems all they can do is respect my intellect and authority, but that's as far as it ever goes."
Daniel sat there grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Oh don't give yourself airs, Daniel Shepard," Hannah reprimanded him. "I liked plenty guys, they just never liked me back."
"Well, I'm not intimidated," Daniel declared. "If you ask me, they missed out. There isn't another girl in the world like you. And I mean it, I don't want to live my life without you. Hannah, I love you."
She heard the truth in his declaration: he did truly love her. Did she love him? She realized with a start that she did. How long the love had rested in her heart, she didn't know. She couldn't help but chuckle inside. Love didn't present itself the way she thought it would. She didn't see fireworks or hear violins. It didn't make its appearance with bursting red hearts like on those old time cartoons from Earth. It had grown quietly, biding its time, just waiting for her to notice it and when it was time, it didn't burst forth screaming in exaltation. It knocked at the door of her heart and informed her feelings that it existed.
"My parents will freak," she said.
Daniel gave her a small, half-smile. "Yeah? About what?" he asked cautiously.
"I'm sure mom always dreamed about having a big wedding. And dad always said he'd be standing next to me with a shotgun to shoot any guy he thought unworthy."
"So…I need to be glad your dad isn't here?" Daniel still wasn't exactly sure what she was saying.
"I don't know. But I know they're going to lose it when they read the e-mail I send them informing them that I just got married way out here and they couldn't attend." Hannah grinned bashfully at Daniel.
"You're saying 'yes'? You really are?" Daniel wanted to confirm.
"I'm saying 'yes.' I'm saying I love you, idiot."
Daniel sat up straight, then angled over and brought his hand up to her cheek. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. This time, Hannah kissed him back.
Two days later, Hannah found herself on the bridge of the Avian, standing with Daniel in front of the Admiral of the Fleet, Admiral Wallace. Captain Maddock held a place next to Daniel, who had asked him to be his best man and a witness. The only attendants were a select few peers that meant something to either Hannah or Daniel. There was no finery. They both wore their dress uniforms, though Hannah had let her red hair hang loose for the event. Admiral Wallace spoke briefly about the meaning and commitment of marriage. After a swift recital of traditional vows, an exchange of rings, and a kiss, Wallace proclaimed them a married couple.
So it was that in a short, but meaningful ceremony, Hannah Collier became Hannah Shepard.