I had heard that anyone who climbed Mount Ebott never returned. Funny, I thought that had a completely different meaning.

I jotted down a few notes in my notebook. It was battered and torn, but held itself together just fine. I righted my glass and continued to write.

"What are doing, kiddo?"

I snapped my notebook shut. Gerson was peering over my shoulder. I spent a lot of time learning about the history of Monsters from him. He was nice, if a little odd. My favorite interests are history and science, and Gerson is better than any textbook.

"Just random thoughts," I said. "Nothing important."

"That's too bad," He stared at me with his good eye. It unnerved me.

"Do you need something?"

Gerson waited a few seconds before answering. "Are you okay?"

I tilted my head. "What do you mean?"

He seemed sad. "No need to hide it from me." Gerson shook his head. "That look in your eyes, the feeling of your SOUL, your isolation, and the way you withdraw into yourself. I saw it enough during and after the war, and I lost a lot of good friends who acted just like you. I regret not doing anything to help them. Please, just talk to me."

I held his gaze. He knows. What does it matter? It doesn't concern him.

"I'm fine, Gerson," I smiled. "Perfectly fine."

Gerson wasn't convinced. "Just talk to me, boy. Tell me what happened."

I tilted my head again. "I don't know what you mean. I think you're mixing up signals. Nothing is bothering me."

"Boy, please." His eyes were pleading.

Memories burned behind my eyes: the constant nights of seclusion, screams and breaking plates ringing through the night, the stinging of a broom handle or fist, crying myself to sleep.

"I'm fine," I lied.

Gerson dropped his gaze. "Alright… If that's what you say. If you ever want to talk, my door is always open."

I'm sorry, Gerson. "Thank you, Gerson."

Later that day…

"Integrity? I thought human SOULS had Determination."

"They do. But it seems some SOULS have ad different color and characteristics."

Alphys, the Royal Scientist, taught me about SOULS. Gerson had introduced me to her. She is a little awkward, but I like her. Alphys had told me about Determination and answered almost every question I had about SOULS and Monsters. I spent most of the day talking to and helping her.

"I based the categories on certain qualities the humans demonstrated when they were alive. Blue is Integrity, Orange is Courage, and Green is Kindness."

"What about my SOUL?"

"Well…um… I have never seen your SOUL, so I can't say for sure. But I'll look into it."

"Thanks." We were heading into her lab to fix a problem with the fans. Endogeny was following on our heels.

"They look good," I commented.

"Yeah…" Alphys petted Endogeny. "You can say that."

We reached the fan room. Smoke was billowing from some of the rotating blades. Alphys turned off the system and we replaced and reconnected the broken parts.

"There! That should do it." She flipped the switch. The fans spun to life. It was okay for a moment before smoke benched from the switch and some of the fans blew out metal bits and their safety grates. I was surprised and fell down.

"I'm sorry! I'll fix it. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said absently. I picked myself up off the floor. A fan was spinning fully functional, blades a blur and safety grate gone. I felt myself being pulled in.

Just reach out. A voice in my head whispered. Let the fan finish it. Put an end to everything, make it disappear.

My hand was inching closer and closer to the blades.

"Arf! Arf! Arf!"

"What is it, Endogeny? Hey! What are you doing?"

Is this finally the end? I've waited for so long…

"Get away from there!"

Just let it slip away. I can finally rest. I can stop the pain.

My hand was just millimeters from the spinning blades.

"Stop it!"

Just a little more.

"Stop!"

Alphys tackled me and we collapsed on the floor. Blinking, I quickly got to my feet. Alphys was worriedly staring at me.

"Thanks, Alphys."

"W-what was that? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Why were you-"

"I'll see you later." I hurriedly walked out the door.

"Oh…okay…"

A few days later…

"So you can't make an artificial SOUL?" I asked

"No. I think it might have something to do with the characteristics of a SOUL, like Courage or Kindness. You can't make stuff like that."

"Can you make something that can hold and use existing SOULS? Maybe a robot or something?"

"That could work. Hey… um… we need to talk."

"About the SOULS?"

"A-about the fan."

I flinched inwardly. "Nothing happened, Alphys. I just hit my head and was confused."

"You said that, but I can't believe that."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine. If something happens I'll talk to you right away, okay?"

She looked skeptical. "Okay…"

A couple days later…

"Just move this here and plug this in instead of this…" I was muttering to myself as I was working on an experiment with the DT Extractor. Alphys told me that this was the machine she used to extract DETERMINATION from the three SOULS. She didn't know what would happen to a living human, so she told to steer clear of it. I was mostly curious about how the machine worked.

I plugged in a wire. The machine started making a whirling sound.

DETERMINATION DETECTED. BEGIN EXTRACTION.

Sparks ran up my arm and then back down. I gasped. Something deep inside me was getting dragged out. I didn't move as more and more was extracted. Everything became hazy and seemed fluid. Like I would just fall through…

Something grabbed the neck of my shirt and pulled me back. I landed against the wall with Lemon Bread hovering over me. The machine was powering off.

"Thanks for finding me. I'll take it from here."

Lemon Bread moved away to be replaced with Alphys.

"That was a close one," I said. "Tell Lemon Bread-"

"Why are you doing this?"

I stopped. "Doing what?"

"Don't play dumb. I told you that machine was dangerous, and then that time with the fan. Why?"

"They were just freak accidents," I said.

"They were more than that. Tell me, please." Alphys pleaded.

"There is nothing to tell," I lied.

"Why are you trying to get yourself killed?" She asked desperately.

"I'm not!"

"Stop lying!" The sudden force behind her voice made me freeze. "I know what I saw! Please tell me why."

"I don't k-"

"Please," She begged. "Just talk to me. Your friend."

I paused. Then my body began to shudder and I cried. I slumped against the wall and brought my knees to my chest. Alphys was beside me with her arms around me.

"I-I-I-" I was crying too hard to speak.

"Take your time," Alphys said gently.

"I… I wanted it to stop. The legend said that nobody came back from Mount Ebott. I thought that meant that everything would end. That I wouldn't have to remember the pain and screaming. So I jumped." I coughed, my body wracking. "But it didn't stop. I still remember! I don't want to remember anymore! I don't want to feel it anymore! I don't want to be here anymore! So why am I still here?"

Alphys didn't respond.

"Why am I still here? I just want it to stop."

Why am I telling her? She doesn't understand. She doesn't know.

"Sometimes… I feel the same way." I stopped with a wheeze. Looking at Alphys, I could see tears in her eyes. "Some days, I just want to disappear…"

"Alphys…"

"After everything I did, after all of the pain I caused, it seems everyone would be better off if I was gone. Then I can't make anymore mistakes and can't hurt the people I care about." She was on the verge of crying.

"How…How do you live with it?"

She looked at me, eyes wet with tears, and smiled. "Because I have people I care about, and who care about me. If I disappeared the Amalgamates would have no to look after them." She paused. "I couldn't be that selfish."

I was surprised. "Selfish?"

"Yeah. If I did that, I would only hurt people I love. I've already caused so much pain that I don't want to cause anymore."

We sat in silence for awhile. Lemon Bread watched from a corner. Finally, I said, "Thank you, Alphys. I feel a lot better."

"Is that the truth?"

"Yeah, it is." I was silent again. "Hey, Alphys?"

"What is it?"

"How about... how about we live for each other?"

She didn't respond. After awhile, she said, "Sure. That sounds great."

A few days later…

I was sitting by the barrier, lights shifting and pulsing.

So, I can't cross through? I thought of what life would be like never being able to go back to the Surface. To never go back to the life I had before I fell down here. I smiled. That's fine. I'd prefer staying down here.

I had just gotten to my feet when I heard a whooshing sound ring through the air. Turning, I saw a flash of red. I stumbled back quickly, barely avoiding losing my head as the trident whipped through the air. A gash started to bleed on the side of my neck. King Asgore was blocking the entrance to the throne room.

"Your Highness!" I said surprised. Alphys had introduced me to him had seemed nice, but he never stuck around long if I was in the room. "What are you-"

"Please don't resist. Just let this be quick." He would not look me in the eye.

"What do you mean? Make what…"

Realization struck me. Human SOULS are needed to break the barrier. I'm a human and Asgore already has three SOULS. Then, I remembered how he got them.

"No…no…no…No No….No… NO!" Why now? Why couldn't this have happened just a few days ago. I would have accepted this, but now…

"How about we live for each other?"

"I am sorry, child." Asgore waved his hand and I was engulfed by a blaze. Everything burned. I couldn't breath, and my skin felt like it was melting.

Why is this happening now? Should… Should I give up? Isn't this what I wanted?

"If I did that, I would only hurt the people I love."

NO! I won't die here! This time, I want to live! I will live! I'll live for Alphys! I grabbed my notebook and stood up. Something flowed through me, giving me strength. It gave a will and desire I never knew I could have. I knew exactly what it was. I opened my notebook.

*You are filled with PERSEVERANCE!*

*You are filled with DETERMINATION!*

I walked out of the flames, my SOUL glowing a bright purple. I leafed through the pages of my notebook. Every doubt, every pang of envy, every flood of anger, and every time I cried was written in these pages. It was apart of me, another crucial limb. I know the power of these emotions and thoughts. I will control them, wield them.

Asgore raised his hand. Now!

I remembered the screaming, the loneliness, the pain, the harmful thoughts. I swallowed them in Determination.

The words in the notebook squirmed, grew, and shot off the pages.

Terror

Anger

Pain

Hate

Death

Disaster

Misery

Envy

Failure

Nightmare

Lonely

Sorrow

The words intercepted the fireball. They vanished in a cloud of smoke and embers.

Asgore seemed stunned. Now's my chance!

I lifted my arm, not holding the book, and forcefully brought it down. The words zipped through the air, slamming into the King. He was pushed back, grunting with each hit.

I smiled. This is it! This is where I finally make a stand!

I raised my hand. More words lifted off the pages. Excess letters floated aimlessly around me. I brought down my arm. The words charged.

Asgore countered with a barrage of fireballs. The words and flames disappeared in puffs of smoke.

I summoned more words. They swarmed around the King. In a blink, Asgore had cut them down with his trident. The severed words fell and shattered into oblivion.

Asgore waved his hand again. I used the words to create a wall against the onslaught. It seemed to hold, until some of the words broke and I was hit by the flames. It burned, but I stayed standing.

I won't last much longer. I have to end this now!

I poured all of my Determination into the notebook. A myriad of words sprang to life, as many as I could call. Breathing heavily, I brought down my arm. The words worked themselves into a storm.

Asgore created a fireball larger than me. Closing his hand into a fist, the ball exploded into over a hundred projectiles. My storm met his fire.

Smoke filled the air from the collision of attacks. Eventually, my words were outnumbered by the fireballs. They rained down on me. Several at once, burning me again and again.

I can't keep fighting. He is too strong.

"Please. Just talk to me. Your friend."

No! I'm not giving up!

I stayed on my feet. My notebook had been knocked out of my hand. The left lens of my glasses was cracked. My SOUL was vibrating violently.

More fireballs rained down. I stood against the blaze. I was knocked down, but quickly got to my feet. Over and over, the fireballs lashed out, I did not give up. My body felt like it was falling apart. Every time I fell I got back up.

My SOUL shook harder and hazardously, until it was an indistinguishable blur.

I was knocked down again. My body pleaded for rest, but I refused. Pushing myself up, I screamed to release the anger and emotion I had bottled inside me for so long. My SOUL cracked nearly in two.

Everything inside me collapsed. I felt the Determination seeping out of my damaged body.

"How about we live for each other?"

"Please, just talk to me."

"Because I have people I care about, and who care about me"

I crumpled. My SOUL mended itself, but I was done. I couldn't move, couldn't talk, barely able to breath. I just thought.

So this is it? Funny, I was anxious for this to happen, but now I'm just sad.

I was on my back, staring at the glowing ceiling.

I guess I couldn't keep my word Alphys, I'm sorry for that. If I could, I would live life to the fullest. Gerson, I should've talked to you. It was a mistake not to.

My eyelids were heavy. I was tired.

Alphys, please live for me. I would do it, but I don't have that option anymore. These days down here, especially the last few, were the happiest of my life.

"Goodbye, Alphys."

Gerson stomped into the throne room. Asgore was sitting on his throne with the boy's notebook in his lap.

"Gerson… What can I-"

"That's enough." Cold fury was laced with the old warrior's words. "I'm not here for small talk."

"… Of course."

Gerson stepped forward. "During the war, I never questioned your decisions. Not once. I respected you and your just ruling. However, those days have passed."

Asgore kept his gaze on the flowers.

"He was a child, Asgore. A child. He had problems of his own and was innocent. No justice came with his death. None at all. What excuse could you have for this?"

The King kept his gaze lowered. "His SOUL was needed to break the barrier," He said softly.

"What rubbish!" Gerson shouted. "You have never complained about life down here! Not until that day! These deaths are not for the Monsters. They are out of your anger and your own desire for the revenge of your children!"

Asgore said nothing.

"Well, guess what! Your vengeance has brought nothing but pain and sadness! This was all a mistake! Your mistake that has taken young lives!"

"…Gerson-"

"Enough! I don't want to hear what else you have to say! I just came for the notebook." He stretched out his hand. Asgore gave him the damaged notebook.

Gerson started to leave, but stopped. "Alphys doesn't need to know how he died. She shouldn't have to bear that pain." With that, he left.

He reached his shop and slowly opened the notebook. After a few minutes, tears were streaming down his face.

"Oh child, I had no idea how much pain you were in. I wish I could have helped you." He took a shaky breath. Gerson leafed through to the last few pages. He read them slowly, then he barely smile. "I'm glad that Alphys could relieve your pain. I hope that you can rest in peace now. Sleep well, boy."

Once again, this chapter was beta read by Eccentric Axolotl. Their advice has helped me so much.