The prickly feeling of paranoia hasn't stopped scratching at the back of Shizuo's brain since he decided to sit in the back corner of the library. Normally he wouldn't be here outside of his community service hours but the book he checked out had really captured his interest and he just couldn't leave it at home. It feels good to him, to read something he picked out after hardly touching a book in years - even if it's nonfiction. The sense of nostalgia he felt at reading the title only grew as he read well into the evening at home and he found he could identify with much of the text.
He had hoped to continue reading in peace here in the sanctuary that is the back of the library, but that damn feeling paranoia. Shizuo has the strongest feeling of being watched, but there isn't anyone else back here.
Shizuo had checked the surrounding shelves before settling in, making sure no one could see him. Still, the feeling persisted. And Shizuo's gut had never been wrong before.
There was the matter of the smell as well. He'd come to accept it as something exclusive to the back of the library and tries to not give it much thought beyond that.
Unfortunately, red eyes keep flashing across his imagination. The emotion in them playing out for him over and over again. But Shizuo has never been good at figuring emotions out.
He craves a cigarette, but pops a piece of bubblegum into his mouth instead. This is a library, after all.
Shizuo isn't sure if wants to see the boy with the grinning red eyes again. There's just something about him that won't leave Shizuo alone. It's really starting to piss him off.
Shizuo isn't sure just forgetting about the boy is an option.
For once Izaya can't bring himself to open his field book and take notes. That would mean taking his eyes off the scene in front of him.
Izaya is in his closet, sitting pressed against the wall by the door as he stares through the tiny peephole he had made when he first started using this space. On the other side of the flimsy drywall his Shizu-chan sits in that creaky wooden chair that should've been thrown out years ago, reading. Izaya almost can't believe his own eyes.
After Shizuo had left the library yesterday Izaya had waited for the girl at the front desk to clock out. Izaya has always had a wealth of patience but that had somehow vanished that day. When the library assistant finally left Izaya had just barely restrained himself from jumping over the desk to get to the computer, containing himself enough to be more discrete and walk around like an average human. In a terrifyingly short amount of time, considering the pace of the school's computers, Izaya managed to unlock the computer and get into the book records. Shizu-chan's book of choice: the very same book on deviant behavior by that criminal investigator Izaya had been pouring over.
Izaya isn't even mad that someone had taken the book he was working through away from him. At least, he doesn't think he is. Izaya can't think of a time he had felt so many things at once. Whatever this collage of feelings is it's sending electricity up and down his spine to the point where he can't even keep his toes still. It's keeping him from blinking as he watches Shizuo from the hole in the wall. It's addicting.
This new angle of Shizuo is something he's never seen before. It opens up so many possibilities that even Izaya hesitates to consider. Such as evidence of Shizuo's self-image, a common topic of conversation, maybe even a… common interest?
Izaya unconsciously presses himself closer to the wall, closer to his longest-studied specimen - glasses digging into his face. What does Izaya not know about Shizuo yet? Izaya only sees him at school and surely he does other things. Does Shizu-chan watch TV? Maybe he plays video games. Does he eat just as poorly at home as he does here? What kind of soap does he use? What kind of porn does he hide under his bed? So many questions that don't even begin to unravel his Shizu-chan, and that doesn't even account for how he will change over time. How will Shizu-chan carry his past with him as he ages?
But Izaya will lose interest in him before it goes that far, surely. He always does.
Suddenly, one very strong emotion rises up in Izaya into clarity through the mess.
Fear.
Izaya thinks that maybe. Just maybe. He won't lose interest in Shizuo. And the possibility terrifies him, but he just can't pull away from the sight he's indulging in. Not yet anyway.
Izaya was already well-aware that Heiwajima Shizuo was a difficult to understand person. Just about anyone could tell you that because of how much he raves against violence, yet has put more people in the hospital than anyone else. Izaya's not stupid enough to believe that Shizuo's a hypocrite on purpose, or that he's lying about hating violence. Izaya was sure after the first three days of observing that his Shizu-chan truly hated violence. Izaya suspects that Shizuo also hates himself.
Not that that's a particularly spectacular revelation on its own. It's only logical given the disparity between his values and actions. Many people hate themselves, it's hardly a unique trait. But Shizu-chan is more than another self-loathing teen.
Shizuo is a good person. Which is something Izaya never thought he could believe in. Morality, being the relative thing it is, is impossible to summarize in words like "good" and "bad" and yet somehow… somehow Shizuo is good. Izaya just knows it. He has tried so hard to prove both for and against that fact to himself with concrete evidence but he couldn't prove nor disprove it. All of Izaya's knowledge feels helpless as the mercy of Shizuo's purity as a person.
Maybe it's the way Shizu-chan protects his friends Kyohei and Tanaka. Maybe it's the way he doesn't excuse them when he thinks they're wrong. Maybe it's the way he eats chocolate after a big fight, hunched in some corner alone in his shame.
Izaya has extensive notes on each and every detail about his specimen that he has observed, right down the brand of cigarettes he smuggles into school to smoke west side of the roof. Izaya is sure he could even identify the brand by scent alone. But it's never enough.
Izaya would still watch his Shizu-chan for hours. Izaya wonders just how much it will take for it to be enough for him.
Shizuo and Izaya have in fact met before the riddle in the bookshelves. It's a moment Izaya is sure he wouldn't forget, if he could forget things that is.
When Izaya was still tailing his last specimen, an athletic red headed girl who seemed to be more like a boy, but Izaya isn't one to shame for something as silly as that. After all, he has a feminine frame himself. Which is how he was able to tail her so well outside of school.
Before Shizuo, Izaya had very much enjoyed watching this girl and had even decided to follow her outside of school one day while she was out in the city with her burly brother. He did so looking more… androgynous than he usually does. His sisters, the little devils, make him play dress-up with them and force him into some of the most horrifying outfits, but he admits it has become a useful skill.
Izaya remembers everything about that day, right down to his clothes. He was not in the fluffy pink skirt his sister like to see, opting for some red shorts that are smaller than any boy's pair, a loose-fitting black blouse, calf-high black socks, and his usual sneakers. An outfit much more his style that he tries not to admit to looking great in, nothing super girly. No shame if it's not girly. It's just ambiguous.
Izaya had ducked into a random store across the street from the girl, which had turned out to be an ice cream parlor. To avoid suspicion Izaya made his way to the counter to get something small when he met Shizuo. Shizuo in a pink apron scooping ice cream.
Their interaction was nothing special. Shizuo didn't recognize Izaya and treated him like he would any customer. Polite and mumbling and no eye contact as he took Izaya's order and got him a small bowl of the coffee flavor.
Izaya took his ice cream, sat by the window, but couldn't focus on the girl anymore. He was drawn to the blonde right away.
To Izaya's delight, Shizuo turned out to go to the same school as him. The infamous badboy who Izaya had only heard frightened whispers of in the halls. People saying that the transfer had already been kicked out of one - or was it four? - schools before being sent hear.
And that was it. Izaya was hooked.
Shizuo finally can't take the feeling of being watched anymore and decides to either get to the bottom of it or get out. He combs the back of library, once again finding nothing. Then, he passes the storage closet. The faint scent that has always been present in the space is much stronger here, almost identifiable. What's that bitter? Kind of soft… coffee maybe? No, not exactly. Shizuo steps closer to the door and inhales deeply.
"... stinks." He grumbles to himself, and test the handle. Completely unaware of the silent panic on the other side of the door as Izaya tries to will himself to hide deeper in the closet but can't tear himself from the peephole.
The door is locked and Shizuo glares at it, he's got a strong feeling about this. But if the door is locked… He really doesn't want to get in trouble for trashing school property again. Shizuo gives up his search for now and decides to go for a smoke instead.