Time passed by in relative peace for the Shepard family. As Hannah thought back on the years, she considered herself incredibly blessed. Change for humanity had continued to move forward. There was finally a human embassy on the Citadel, even after a man had tried to assassinate the volus ambassador the year before humanity was granted one. Hannah had meant to take Daniel and Jane to the Citadel some day, but it hadn't happened yet. She wondered if Balak still frequented the station. He'd never been found by C-Sec. She hoped he'd left for good, afraid of Keta.
Hannah studied Jane while her daughter ate her cereal in the living room, watching the television. She wasn't a child anymore. She had grown into a young teenager, now fourteen years old. She excelled in school, besting all her peers in both academics and physical activity. Hannah recalled Daniel saying once that any child of theirs had to be amazing. Well, she certainly is, Hannah thought. Daniel had done a great job raising her. Hannah felt a twinge of regret. She wasn't really a consistent figure in Jane's life. Her military career continually kept her off station more than on. It wasn't that she had a bad relationship with Jane, far from it. She just felt she didn't know her daughter as well as Daniel did. Daniel had called Hannah a lot when Jane hit her hormonal surge around twelve. Hannah had to explain umpteen things about teenage girls to him. But he'd managed well, even through that stage.
Hannah sighed. She knew Daniel would have liked more children in their family, but since she was gone all the time, it just hadn't been practical. So he'd poured his own life into Jane, making her the center of his world.
Daniel sat at the breakfast table, reading his data pad. Hannah smiled at him. They were middle aged now, Daniel quickly coming upon his forties. Hannah was already thinking of how to greet the next decade of Daniel's life. She wanted to have a surprise party, if she could just make sure she'd be on station for his birthday.
"What do you think of Thessia?" Daniel asked, looking across the table at her.
Hannah took a sip of her coffee. "I haven't been there, but they say it's beautiful. You want to go on vacation there?" The last vacation they'd taken as a family found them back in Michigan, visiting her parents. Hannah always loved going home. Camping and aqua racing with Daniel and Jane formed some of her most precious memories.
"For our 20th anniversary," Daniel explained.
"We just celebrated our 15th and you're already thinking of our 20th?" Last year they had gotten away, if only for a short time, celebrating their 15th anniversary back on Eden Prime, reliving old memories and rock climbing galore.
"I hear Thessia books up quickly." Daniel winked at her.
Hannah shook her head. "I say 'no.'"
"What's wrong with Thessia?"
"Hum, let's see, a planet full of large breasted, beautiful blue women?"
Daniel chuckled. "They're monogendered."
"I don't care," Hannah said.
"I won't look."
Hannah stared down Daniel who was doing his best to keep a straight face, but failing. He laughed loudly. "Alright. Somewhere else then." He continued to scroll through anniversary spots on his data pad.
"I wish I had biotics," a voice declared as Jane entered the kitchen.
"O-kay, where did that come from?" Daniel asked, looking up quizzically at Jane.
"There's this news report about biotics on, explaining all they can do. It would just be so awesome."
"Well, sorry, kiddo," Daniel said. "You didn't luck out there."
"Dad, I keep telling you, I'm not a kid anymore." Jane eyed her father in exasperation.
"Yeah. I just keep forgetting. You're always going to be my sunshine."
Jane stuck her tongue out at Daniel who grinned as he teased her.
"It's time to go," Daniel spoke, his tone now reflecting parental authority.
"Okay." Jane trudged back into the living room to pick up her school bag.
"I'll go with her," Hannah said. "I don't get enough time with her as it is."
"I think that's a great idea," Daniel affirmed. He leaned over and kissed Hannah. "I've got to get to work anyway. A whole load of ships are being retrofitted today."
"Have fun," Hannah said. Daniel gave Jane a hug, then walked out the front door.
Hannah turned her attention to Jane. Her daughter was smartly dressed wearing a new style of pants, gray with a red stripe down the side. She wore a matching red shirt, long-sleeved with a swirling pattern around the collar.
"Your dad buy you that?" Hannah asked.
Jane laughed. "You know dad. He always thinks girls want what's in vogue. But, mom, I really don't care what I look like."
Hannah smiled. "You take after me in that area. Fashion and I aren't good friends."
"Oh, I don't know," Jane disagreed. "I think you look pretty sharp in that purple dress."
Hannah glanced down at the simple sundress she wore. "Your dad bought this, too."
"Well, at least he has taste." Jane shared a grin with her mother.
"Alright. Time to head out." Hannah gestured towards the door and she and Jane strolled out together. On the way to the education center, Jane filled her in on all the goings on since she'd last been on station. There was a whole lot of describing which teens had hooked up with which teens and the newest entertainment venues on station. Hannah baited Jane, asking if there were any interesting young men at school, but Jane groaned and said she definitely wasn't going to share that information with her mother.
"We're having another guest speaker today. A salarian!" Jane informed her excitedly instead.
"What's he speaking about?"
"Genetics, I think." Jane then launched into a description of her biology classes and what she had learned so far.
Hannah found herself pondering what Jane would become. Perhaps a scientist. She certainly displayed proficiency in math and science. Maybe she'd be an alien linguist. She had gone out of her way to teach herself at least a little of the asari, turian and salarian languages. Hannah was glad Jane had been exposed to aliens through the Mythos education system. Alien guest speakers were a common facet of her education.
Hannah said goodbye to Jane as she parted from her outside the education center and decided to spend a little time wandering the arboretum, enjoying being back home. She didn't do much thinking, just let herself relax and take pleasure in the beautiful greenery. She considered the stroll a chance to recover from her rigorous schedule onboard the Agincourt. Just recently she'd been promoted to Staff Commander. Steven was no longer her captain, having moved up the chain of command. Now he was a Rear Admiral and solidifying his role in galactic politics.
Hannah left the arboretum feeling content and happy. When she arrived home, she saw a message on her data pad.
Commander, this is Maddock. I know you have a pretty cushy job on the Agincourt. I probably won't get the response I hope for from this message, but I decided to at least try. I have a position open for a Staff Commander on the SSV Einstein. I know it's just a carrier, but I took it on anyway. It needed a strong captain to direct it. We have N7 graduates aboard, special forces to deploy in the event of an attack in the Skyllian Verge. The batarians are getting bolder. This is where the action is. I figured you might agree to transfer to my ship, if only for the chance of getting in on some action and receiving a promotion. Let me know ASAP. Captain Maddock.
Hannah was surprised at the message, but not by who had sent it. Over the years she and Daniel had maintained contact with Maddock. Hannah counted the years that had passed and realized Maddock had to be almost fifty. By now he could have been an Admiral, but he declined the promotion every time they offered it to him. He kept saying he was born to be a captain and that's what he was going to be.
Hannah contemplated the message. Did she want to accept and go back to life on a carrier, less prestigious than being on a frigate? Though Maddock made a good point—the Skyllian Verge was the focal point of military action these days. If she did accept, she'd find herself in a prime position for advancement. Hannah set the data pad down on the coffee table. She'd talk it over with Daniel, maybe wait a day to think it over.
She spent the rest of the morning in pleasurable activities, reading, exercising and watching an old black and white movie from humanity's past on the television, Casablanca. She'd seen it a couple times previously and had liked it each time. The ending was just playing in the background when her comm link beeped. She put her hand to her ear, wondering if Jane had forgotten something at home and needed her to drop it by the education center.
"Yes?"
She heard a hesitant voice on the other end. "Hannah…Is that you?"
"Yes."
"This is Brian, from the docks."
"Oh, yeah. Hi, Brian."
"Hey…um…You need to go to the hospital right away. Daniel's been in an accident…It's bad."
Hannah felt a tight knot form in her throat and her heart rate accelerated. She put a hand to her neck. "What happened?"
"I wasn't present. Look, you just need to get to the medical center."
"Okay." The comm went silent and Hannah rushed for the front door, her thoughts in a jumbled panic.
The moment Hannah entered the medical center, a grey-haired doctor met her at the entrance.
"Hannah Shepard?" he asked.
"Where's Daniel?" she questioned, peering into the center.
"I'd like to talk to you first."
"I want to see my husband. Take me to him now." She made to push past the doctor, but he firmly placed his hands on her shoulders.
"I'll take you to him, but first I must talk to you."
Hannah read compassion in the doctor's eyes and it scared her, but she took a deep breath, commanding herself be calm. "Alright. But make it quick."
The doctor led her to his office and motioned towards a chair. Hannah sat, her hands folded across her chest, staring at the doctor. He didn't sit at his desk, but pulled a chair over, positioning himself across from her.
"A shuttle your husband was working on slipped from its lift. He was underneath it at the time."
Hannah tried to speak through the knot that kept getting tighter in her throat. She felt a gripping pain in her chest and found it hard to breathe. "How is he?" she breathed out.
"Part of his body was crushed. His lungs collapsed. He also has a brain injury. There's a large amount of swelling around the brain."
"So…" Hannah said slowly, "Where do we go from here?" She wanted to know specifically what the doctor was trying to tell her, how long it would take for Daniel to recover.
"No medication or treatment is going to help your husband. His injuries are extensive. He exhibits no brain activity. We have him on a machine that is keeping his blood moving through his system, but that's all we can do."
Hannah's hands began to shake and she clasped them together, trying to control her emotions. "You're saying…he's already dead." It wasn't a question. It was a statement she knew was true.
"Essentially, yes," the doctor agreed, his eyes expressing sorrow. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this. We've kept him functioning so you and your daughter can say goodbye."
Hannah stood up from the chair, wringing her hands and taking several deep breaths. "Take me to him."
"Follow me." The doctor stood and walked out of his office and down the hall to a room. He opened the door and slid to the side so Hannah could enter. Hannah hesitated, part of her not wanting to go in and refusing to believe this was happening. After a minute or so, she stepped into the room.
Daniel lay in a bed, motionless. Several wires and tubes were evident, running from under the sheet that covered him to a machine next to the bed. A tube had been taped to his mouth as well. His head was swathed in some kind of wrap; all she could see were his closed eyes. His left arm rested outside the sheet. Hannah slowly walked over and clasped his hand. She stared at his eyes. It would be so easy to convince herself he was just sleeping and would wake up soon, but she couldn't escape the truth.
"Daniel," she whispered. Suddenly and with force, the tears came. She heard unearthly groaning fill the room as she wept, leaning over the still form of her husband. She cried until she had nothing left, till dry sobs shook her body. She continued to hold Daniel's hand tightly and raised her tear stained face to fix Daniel with her eyes. "I love you. I'll always love you. I promise there will never be anyone else." She didn't know why she was making this vow, but she felt she had to say it, to promise that she'd be loyal to him no matter what.
Time passed by, but Hannah hardly noticed. She didn't want to stop holding Daniel's hand and sitting by his side. She felt to let go was to lose him forever. She wanted every last moment they would let her have. But thoughts of Jane finally forced her to ask a nurse the time: 1403. Jane would be getting out of school soon. She had to be strong for Jane. Hannah stood up, willing herself to release Daniel's hand, but trembling as she left the room. She had to meet Jane and bring her to the medical center, but she didn't know what to say or how to say it.
Jane waved at Hannah as she exited the education center, practically running over to her. "Hey, mom, the salarian scientist was amazing. Do you know what they've learned on his home world? They…" Her voice halted. "Mom? What's wrong?"
Hannah had kept herself composed while waiting for Jane. She hadn't cried, but she couldn't erase the deep pain from her face. "Jane, walk with me."
"Alright," Jane said tentatively, following Hannah. After they'd moved away from prying ears and eyes, Hannah put a hand on Jane's arm.
"I need to take you to the hospital."
"Why?" Jane asked, her eyes fearful and wary.
"Your father was in an accident at work. He's not doing well."
Jane placed her hand on her chest and Hannah could tell she was having trouble breathing. "What's wrong with him?"
"He was crushed by a shuttle on the docks."
"What does that mean?"
"Honey," Hannah tried to say as gently as she could, "It means…we're going to have to say goodbye."
"No," Jane shook her head. "No. No. No!"
Hannah moved her hand from Jane's arm to her hand and squeezed it firmly. "Come with me."
Jane's eyes were already overflowing with tears. They walked the few halls down to the center and Hannah directed Jane to Daniel's room. He laid there the same as before.
"He looks…they can fix him," Jane stuttered, wiping her eyes.
"He's only alive because they're keeping him that way. If they remove the machine, everything will stop working. His body is a shell, Jane."
"How can you call him that?" Jane yelled angrily, eyes of fury on her mother. "He's not a shell! He's my dad!"
"I know he's your dad…" Hannah paused, taking several breaths, willing herself not to lose it, to stay strong for Jane.
Jane moved to the side of the bed and placed her hand on Daniel's exposed arm. "Dad, come on. You've got to wake up. Please, dad. Please, be a miracle for me."
Hannah drew in a halting breath, mist filling her vision. She moved close to Jane and clasped her shoulders from behind. "Jane…we have to let him go."
"I'm not giving up on him!" Jane shouted, pushing Hannah's hands off her shoulders.
"It's not giving up. He's already gone."
"No!" Jane clutched Daniel's arm. "Dad, you're the only one I have. I need you."
Hannah felt the sting of Jane's comment. For her entire life, Daniel had been Jane's center, the parent she depended on. Hannah had been the traveling mother, there now and again, but never consistent. Jane's entire world had collapsed the moment the shuttle had fallen on Daniel.
"Jane," Hannah said, softly, "Jane, please look at me."
Jane turned reluctantly, tears coursing down her cheeks.
Hannah placed her hands back on Jane's shoulders. "I know you love your father. I love him, too. And because we love him, we're going to have to let him go."
Jane shook her head and fell to the floor, sitting with her knees drawn into her chest and her head buried in them. Hannah knelt down next to her, waiting for Jane's weeping to slow. When her crying had calmed, Hannah reached out a hand to her arm.
"I don't want to do this until you're ready."
Jane refused to meet Hannah's gaze, instead focusing on the bed and the still form of her father lying there. "He's really gone, isn't he?"
Hannah felt emotion choke up in her throat, but forced herself to speak. "Yes."
Jane slowly stood and Hannah followed her. Jane gripped Daniel's hand. Her voice quavered as she spoke. "I want to be holding him when they do it."
"Okay," Hannah agreed. Hannah stepped into the hall, looking for the doctor. She wanted to do this now, before she lost her resolve. She found the doctor and he accompanied her back to Daniel's room, entering along with a couple nurses. When Hannah nodded, the doctor stopped the machine. Daniel slipped away silently, no movement, just the man they had both loved exiting their lives forever without a word.
"I love you, dad," Jane whispered as she held tightly to his hand.
"He's gone," the doctor informed them quietly.
Jane turned and bolted from the room. Hannah didn't follow. She couldn't. She was rooted to the spot, staring at Daniel, now dead in reality.
"Can I have a moment alone?" she requested. The doctor nodded and left the room followed by the nurses.
Hannah leaned over and kissed the only part of Daniel's face uncovered, tenderly pressing her lips against both his eyelids in turn. She thought back to when Daniel had vowed he wouldn't leave Jane without a father. He'd kept that promise for fourteen years. Then she remembered when they'd struck a deal to grow old together. He would never have the pleasure of keeping that promise.
Hannah stroked his left arm, knowing it would never hold her again. She was alone…but no, that wasn't true. She had Jane and Jane had her. She couldn't think of herself as alone. Daniel would want her to be there for Jane, to help Jane to live and recover from his loss.
"Daniel…" Hannah heard the tremor in her voice and her tears began anew, "Thank you for loving me, for sticking with me all these years. Thank you for raising Jane, for being a good father to her. I'll never be able to fill your shoes, but I promise to try to be there for Jane like you were. Don't worry about her. I'll take care of her." She stopped to gulp air. "I love you. I love you. I love you." Her voice faded out.
The doctor came back in, ready to instruct Hannah on where they went from here, to discuss a funeral and where Daniel should be buried, whether he would be cremated and sent out into the stars or his body prepared for a trip back home to Earth. Hannah found herself actually glad she was forced to make decisions. As she listened and made choices, she didn't have to think about how Daniel had left her all alone with Jane.
Hannah returned home long after dinnertime. She didn't notice because she had no desire to eat. When she passed through the front door, she immediately searched for Jane. Jane was nowhere to be found. Hannah ended up sitting on Jane's bed in her bedroom. The fish tank Daniel had procured for Jane purred in the corner, the air filter bubbling at the top. The fish swam languidly back and forth and for a time, Hannah was mesmerized by them, keeping her mind on their patterns to the exclusion of everything else. Eventually she pulled her eyes off the tank and gazed around the room. Jane had amassed an impressive collection of model ships that were displayed on shelves attached to the wall. Her collection included many alien designs as well as Alliance ones. Hannah's eye fell on a small rack tacked horizontally to the wall and noticed something was missing: Jane's marksman rifle. While most parents were giving their daughters dolls, Hannah and Daniel had bought Jane a rifle. Daniel had taught her how to use it at the Mythos shooting range. Hannah stood, knowing that was exactly where Jane would be.
She strode into the living room, intending to walk out the door to find her daughter, but her data pad caught her eye. Sitting on the couch, she saw it was still open to Maddock's e-mail, asking her if she would be willing to join the Einstein. Hannah picked up the device, took a long, shaky breath and switched to the video call screen, tapping a location with her finger. When Captain Maddock appeared on the screen, she broke down and cried out an explanation of the day's events.
Hannah found herself standing outside the shooting range at least an hour after it had closed. Jane wouldn't have been allowed in at her age unless an adult had been with her. But Hannah knew her daughter was resourceful and determined. Hannah paced around the corner of the range, looking high and low for any way to enter without going through the front door. She spotted a ceiling panel that was partially askew and a trash receptacle out of place underneath it. She climbed up on the bin and pushed back the panel, then pulled herself up into the ceiling. Crawling carefully, Hannah found another panel open several feet away. Looking down, she recognized the lobby of the range. Hannah lowered herself through the opening, letting go when she felt close enough to the ground to do so.
She heard the sound of a rifle firing. As she stepped into the range, she observed Jane at the far end, shooting at a target that was scoring every point. By the tally of the score, Jane had been here awhile. Hannah admired her poise, efficiency and skill, all trained in her by Daniel. Hannah reached over and drew a rifle out of a rack on the range wall, then walked down towards Jane. She saw her daughter's eyes flick over to her momentarily, but Jane kept on aiming her rifle and firing.
Hannah stepped into the slot next to Jane. She picked up the ear muffs sitting there, placing them over her ears. She brought her hand up to the right side of the muffs, turning a knob to up the volume of the speakers and microphone that would allow her to communicate with Jane next door. She understood Jane right now more than she ever had. While shooting, Jane could lose herself in nothing but the gun and the target. She didn't have to think of her father at all.
Hannah raised the old style marksman rifle to her shoulder, took aim at her own target and fired, striking a direct shot to the head. "You know I beat your dad in a rifle competition when we met the second time." There was no response from Jane. She didn't even know if Jane could hear her, if the speakers inside Jane's ear muffs were turned on. But it didn't matter. Hannah had to talk, if only to herself. "I punched him. I think he loved me even then, but I didn't know it at the time."
"He told me," a quiet voice sounded in Hannah's ears. Hannah saw another bullet strike Jane's target and her score rose.
"He was a good husband," Hannah commented, focusing on the heart of the target and firing a perfect shot.
"He was a good dad," Jane's voice spoke into Hannah's ear muffs, following with a shot from her rifle to the heart of her own target.
Hannah took a breath, lining up a shot to the neck. "He loved you, Jane." She pulled the trigger. Another perfect shot.
A bullet struck Jane's target, also in the neck. "I loved him," Jane declared.
Hannah aimed at her target's right arm and fired. "I loved him, too."
Jane's voice came quivering through the ear muffs. "I should have told him more." Another bullet, another shot landing on Jane's target.
Hannah's voice caught in her throat and she breathed out a hushed answer. "He knew, Jane. He knew."
"How can you be sure?" No bullet fired.
"Because you had a bond no one could break. He wrote about you in every e-mail, spoke about you in every video call. You were his heart, Jane. You meant everything to him."
There was a long moment of silence. Then, Jane spoke so quietly, Hannah strained to hear. "You meant everything to him, too. He talked about you all the time when you were away."
Hannah felt fresh tears brim in her eyes and reached up to cover her eyes with her hand. "Mom?" she heard a voice, only it wasn't in her ear muffs. It was beckoning her from behind. Hannah turned to see Jane standing behind her, her ear muffs removed, her eyes full of tears once again. Hannah withdrew her ear muffs and set them down. Mother and daughter stood staring at each other, grief and sorrow thick on the air. Jane suddenly rushed at Hannah, flinging her arms around her mother. Hannah returned the action, holding Jane in a tight hug. Jane's sobs filled the air and Hannah's body shook as she cried. They stood there entwined for several minutes, sharing the terrible pain that consumed them both. After a time, Jane managed to take several deep breaths and speak.
"What's going to happen to me?"
"What do you mean?" Hannah asked, choking back residual tears.
"Now that dad's gone…" Jane paused and took another breath, "When you go away again…I'll be alone."
Hannah let go of Jane, gently pushing her back and fixing her with a determined gaze. "You won't be alone, Jane. I'm transferring to the Einstein, a carrier. Captain Maddock asked me to. I already called him. He's invited us to live with his family on Arcturus Station."
Jane's eyes actually brightened slightly. "I'll get to be with Jules."
Hannah smiled. "Yes." Jane had been Jules Maddock's pen pal for several years. They'd even met a few times. "You'll get to see more aliens, too." As humanity's hub for military and politics, Arcturus offered the most exposure to aliens in human controlled space. "Jane, I would never leave you behind. We're all we have left."
Jane trembled and hugged Hannah again, so tightly, as if she couldn't let her go. "I love you, mom," she whispered into Hannah's shoulder.
"I love you, Jane," Hannah whispered back. As they stood there in the range, holding each other, trying to make sense of the loss they'd suffered, Hannah restated to herself the promise she had made to Daniel that she would take care of Jane, that she would be there for her. Hannah blinked her eyes, forcing her tears to stop.
It was time to pull herself up by her bootstraps. She was a single mother now.
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has been following this story! The Shepard family has become my own over the past few weeks and this chapter killed me as I wrote it. But I'm excited for what's to come—threads of theme and characters are going to be tied together soon.