A/N: So, I guess apologies are in order for making you wait such a long time between chapters. I lost someone very special to me in early December and I just haven't been in the right frame of mind to write for pleasure. Hence my absence and then after the Xmas I picked up an unpleasant virus that let me feeling like I'd been run over by a bus. On another note, this chapter has become ridiculously long and I've been forced to chop it up – something I hate doing, so I procrastinated about exactly where to end it.

Hope you enjoy the new abridged version. : )

Serieux Part 2

Chapter 15 Boys and Their Toys

Gibbs ambushed Hermione Granger when she came back to the NCIS office to formally agree to the one-off proposal involving NCIS' forensic scientist, Abigail Sciuto. While she didn't particularly like it, NCIS were going to stipulate that the charges of attacking a federal agent to be dropped if Abby agreed to resign, effective immediately from the agency and not seek any future position in law enforcement in the future. Unfortunately, the agency and the people they were tasked in serving had way too much to lose if the Goth got slung into prison.

When Vance had explained the plan to deal with Abby, Jethro went ballistic, especially since it seemed to be a fait accompli and no one had bothered to talk to him about it before making such a dumb-ass decision. When he tried to call in his usual 'favours' with Leon to save Abby's butt, the director had been emphatic that there was nothing he could do to change the outcome. He insisted that Sciuto had cooked her own goose when she chose to assault DiNozzo in a room which was full of federal agents as witnesses.

Jethro snorted unconvinced by this rationale, since the deal they planned to offer her - no charges if she resigned and went quietly - meant that they had to be invested in hushing up the reason for her leaving. If they could order everyone not to talk about the assault if she left, then he didn't see why Vance couldn't drop the whole matter and order everyone not to discuss it and let her keep her job. It seemed like a no-brainer to him – especially when Vance had so much more to lose if Gibbs dropped him in it with SecNav.

If he were to testify against Vance, not only would the director lose his job but he'd probably end up in prison and conceivably lose his kids. And if he retaliated against Jethro…well technically, Gibbs was already over the mandatory retirement age, and had no family if Leon spilled the dirt he had on him. That said, he was damned certain Vance would never try calling his bluff since he had far more to lose.

Yet Vance had been the immovable object which was surprising. When Gibbs pointed out that the director could simply swear everyone to secrecy who'd been in the bull pen during the altercation between Abby and DiNozzo, for the good of the agency. He'd explained to the gunny, in a pained kind of voice that since DiNozzo's 'new employer' had become aware of the attack she'd demanded that they impose appropriate consequences. And since this wasn't the first-time Abby had attacked one of her colleagues and had already been formally warned that her behaviour would not be tolerated, they really didn't have a leg to stand on. Especially as SecNav had been made aware of the situation too and Sarah Porter wanted Abby gone.

Which was why Gibbs tried on numerous occasions to tackle DiNozzo, confident he could persuade him to stop victimising Abby. Clearly the former detective was using this whole ploy with Abby as a childish means to get back at him for how he'd treated him this past year. Since the SFA was responsible for her plight it was only right for him to fix it before he left.

The only trouble was Jethro would have to interact with him to remedy this FUBAR but honestly this last year he couldn't look at DiNozzo without feeling unbridled anger at the agent – had done since the Iran Op. Which admittedly wasn't a huge problem cuz after working with him for fifteen years he had it down pat because DiNozzo was incredibly easy to manipulate. All he had to do was just show him the smallest kindness and he was putty in his hands. Usually in the past all he had to do was invite the SFA back home, cook him a cowboy steak and tell him he depended on him.

Lately he couldn't stomach having to make nice to that backstabber just to get him do what he wanted so Gibbs had to get more creative. Fortunately, accusing the former cop of failing to look after his teammates had been a helluva effective way to derail him. After all, he knew DiNozzo felt a deep-seated guilt that he hadn't managed to save Caitlyn Todd, Paula Cassidy or Jenn Shepard. Plus, the SFA still felt inexplicably guilty about leaving a deeply disturbed Ziva behind in Israel (the dumb ass). Everyone but DiNozzo could see she was weighed down by the reality of her professional kills and all the shit heaped on her by her sociopathic father finally catching up with her.

Regrettably though, when he tried to influence DiNozzo to drop the whole ludicrous matter, it didn't prove to be quite as easy to control the former cop as he'd foreseen. Jethro's attempts to manipulate him had been completely unsuccessful, despite his initial confidence that he could easily sway him to drop the charges against Abby.

Trouble was that whenever he tried approaching DiNozzo about the subject he ended up walking away without bringing up Abby's sacking – and that's what it was, even if they were forcing her to resign. If he could actually talk to him about it, Gibbs just knew he could order DiNozzo to save Abby's career and he'd comply but the moment he got close to the ass-hat who'd basically wrecked his team, things got real fuzzy and he forgot what the hell he wanted to say to him.

Jethro was so bothered by his very bizarre behaviour he'd even sought advice from Grace his counsellor. Especially cuz she seemed to be extremely interested in their exchanges and his feelings for his soon to be ex- senior field agent slash wannabe-but-ultimately-failed-to-become-successor. Yeah, suck that up you loser!

Grace had a theory about why he couldn't bring up the subject with DiNozzo. (Of course she did – shrinks had a theory about everything, even when they knew squat.) Her half-baked 'theory' was that due to his deep-seated anger at DiNozzo, Jethro's subconscious was afraid he might physically do harm to the SFA, so it was making him forget what he wanted to say to him. She called it a "defence mechanism" to prevent violence – one to save them both.

Then she wanted him to explore why he was experiencing such extreme feelings of anger at his 2IC and asking questions that made him furious. Questions about his inability to maintain an intimate relationship with anyone and questions about his plumbing and how it was functioning; it pissed him off! It was none of her god-damned business. According to Confalone, he was feeling impotent because a) he had been shot and b) his 2IC stepped up and performed Gibbs' job admirably. Crap. Jethro was NOT IMPOTENT – thank you very much! Damned shrinks!

He swore if she dared to ask him if he'd been bottle fed or breast fed when he was an infant or what age he'd been potty-trained; he'd shoot her with his Sig!

Plus, DiNozzo hadn't performed his job admirably. Just like before the team was thrilled when he came back and took over. DiNozzo was the one who was furious – hated that he got himself a makeover and sulked that Bishop and McGee were exclaiming over how great he looked.

All he'd wanted were some techniques to stop him zoning out when he was around his SFA - which was why he'd brought it up in the first place. Instead, she insisted that he needed to get to the root of his 'bad' feelings for DiNozzo and deal with them healthily. He snorted - as if his feelings were any great mystery – the man was a pain in his ass with his know-it-all ways, when really, he was talking out his ass. After all, he'd never lost his wife and child, so what the fuck did he know about anything?

Gibbs decided that if he was going to save Abby's job then he needed to confront DiNozzo's new power hungry boss and persuade them to drop the vendetta against Abby. She was an innocent pawn and Vance and Sarah Porter were willing to sacrifice her job to save their own political necks. When he explained the situation, he was sure the minister would see reason.

Fortunately, Vance let slip that DiNozzo's new boss would be coming in to NCIS on Wednesday to discuss the issues before they returned to the UK. Perfect opportunity!

~o0o~

Gibbs' contact in security informed him the UK entourage had arrived and were headed to the cafeteria to await their meeting with the director. He promptly informed the clueless probies he'd been forced to train in advance firearms training 'to continue practising their shooting techniques until he returned.' Jogging back from the firing range, he reached the cafeteria and observed a group of five strangers wearing visitor badges and business attire. They were seated at a table, engaged in lively debate while drinking tea/coffee and stuffing their faces with pie.

Approaching them, Jethro heard the older female smile teasingly at the smallest of the three males and say. "So is butterscotch pie as good as treacle tart, Dennis?"

He chuckled good naturedly. "That's rather difficult to judge, Penelope. I've eaten my fair share of treacle tarts over the years – almost as many tarts as I've had pumpkin pasties, so it's not fair to compare the pie on one tasting."

The younger female smirked at the group. "Besides, are we truly going to start comparing pies and tarts? That's like contrasting apples and oranges?

Dennis rolled his eyes cheekily. "So where do pasties fit in the taxonomy of pies and tarts, Professor?" he joked teasingly looking at the younger female. "They have pastry surrounding by a delicious filling, so are they a pie or a tart?"

Rolling his own eyes impatiently at the inanity of their conversation and before they had a chance to get into a long discourse about the differences between baked goods, Gibbs interrupted – with all his usual charm and decorum.

"I looking for DiNozzo's new boss." He stated tersely, looking at the males on the team, trying to pick out the most likely candidate for the minister (UK version of the Secretary). Sure, he'd heard scuttlebutt about the boss being a woman, but when he checked out the older female, his gut discounted her immediately. She lacked the necessary toughness or authoritative air needed to oversee a secret law enforcement organisation. – unlike Sarah Porter who had it in spades. Likely it was just a fake-out to hide the real identity of the head honcho.

The five people all exchanged enigmatic looks and he decided that the one wearing the expensive suit and the slightly foppish air was the boss. The smallest guy (The Pieman) didn't project the necessary authority either – Gibbs had him pegged as a bit of a wimp, while the biggest of the three males was really well built. That suggested to Jethro that 'Muscle Man' was the brawn on the team - not the brains.

So, when the young female (who he assumed was a secretary, based on her age, plus the teasing) directed two questioning brown orbs his way after silently dismissing her entourage, he was shocked. Her companions rose obediently from the table but only to move to an adjacent table where they could keep an exceedingly close eye on her and glare daggers at him.

"And you would be?" She enquired frostily in what he decided was an upper middle class English accent.

"His current boss," he declared, managing to hide not only his shock but also his relief - DiNozzo's boss was young. She was young enough to be his daughter and therefore he'd have no difficultly in dominating her and getting her to do what he wanted. He'd switch up his magnetic personality and talk her round easily. This should be a piece of cake to get Abby off – Leon was clearly losing his touch if he couldn't talk this young woman into dropping the charges.

It wasn't like DiNozzo was the only one who could make females swoon with his charm. Jethro had been married four times after all and had also a couple of very close calls with that Malison Hart lawyer and Hollis Mann; thankfully he escaped another ill-fated marriage by the skin of his teeth. Undoubtedly those unions would have ended up in the divorce courts too, since he seemed to have atrocious luck picking decent partners.

"Ah the infamous Leroy Jethro Gibbs," the slender young woman responded sardonically. "I'm Hermione Granger, Minister for International Cooperation."

"Minister for International Cooperation?" Gibbs repeated and snorted derisively. Lamest cover story ever. "Sure and I'm the Pope!" he returned sarcastically.

"Really?" the Minister for International Cooperation quirked an elegantly manicured eyebrow disbelievingly. "I had the mistaken impression you saw yourself as Zeus – King of the Gods, since you obviously don't believe that laws and rules made for mere mortals apply to you."

Gibbs recoiled as if burnt, forgetting about his first impulse which had been to use his baby blues and famous half smile to charm her pants off. He was expecting her to be shy and reserved, or for her to be a typically sexually repressed, stiff upper lipped British politician. Polite and observing of standard protocol, even if it killed her. After all, she hardly screamed sex kitten the way that Jenn Shepard had when she was director. Even as a probie, Jenn had exuded wanton sexuality, and knew how to flirt, suggesting that she manipulating men to get what she desired, which was power - pure and simple.

So, Gibbs had, on some partly conscious level, decided to flirt with the young woman, knowing he had a charismatic personality when required - that enabled him to get what he wanted when it came to women. Yet, that slip of a girl, as Duck would say, had immediately gone on the offensive and attacked him… well his alpha personality wouldn't stand for it. He ditched the legendary half smile that turned females into piles of goo, in favour of his highly effective laser scowl that made probies and other agents wet themselves.

"Excuse me?" He let her have it with both barrels, sarcasm dripping off him.

"You were informed by both your NCIS director and my new director, Anthony DiNozzo, that the agency he will be heading up was none of your business – that it was need-to-know. I've seen your jackets – the military and NCIS ones so I know you've done black ops. You know what 'need-to-know' is and yet you ignored a direct order." She glared right back at him and he saw a simmering rage – a primal anger that shocked him.

"You attempted to breach the Official Secrets Act of an ally of the US. You then decided not just to ignore orders but you co-opted a bunch of colleagues to break the law too. One can only hope that they won't hold it against you when they find that in doing so, they've earned suspensions, permanent black marks on their records that could jeopardise any hope they have of promotions and or even loss of their jobs. Charges of espionage are a real downer on a resume, in my experience."

Gibbs felt like he needed to attack this girl who'd managed to get under his skin, seemingly without even trying. Clearly, she had a massive chip on her shoulder. She acted like he was a naughty schoolboy rather than the famed bastard he took so much pride in being.

One thing was plain, despite appearances, she obviously was a helluva lot tougher than she looked. The gunny wondered if she was a natural redhead.

"It's not their fault - they didn't know." He objected on behalf of his sources.

"Sad, but irrelevant." She countered dispassionately, "As I'm sure you're already aware, ignorance is no excuse in the eyes of the law…especially if you happen to be employed in law enforcement. While it is unfortunate for them, they should have known better.

"Dr Mallard's career is effectively over; I suspect although at his age it probably won't cause him too much financial pain. Henrietta Lange, with all her years of experience, should have known better too. While suspension or black marks on her record are unlikely to be of much concern to her considering her past record of transgressions, the fact that all her UK sources have been ordered to stop cooperating with her will hurt. And more than likely, our Commonwealth cousins will follow suit - once they learn why she's being sent to Coventry. That will make it difficult – if not impossible for her to do her job effectively."

Gibbs deliberately ignored any stray thoughts of how pissed Hetty was going to be. She might be tiny but she was a fearsome ball buster and he unconsciously crossed his legs at the thought of her wrath. As for Pride, Callan and Hanna, Jethro seriously doubted any of them aspired to become pencil pushers so black marks on their jackets weren't likely to impact much… hopefully.

Hermione stared hard at Gibbs before delivering her bombshell. "I doubt that any of those forms of censure are likely to have any sway over you, not after reviewing your psychological profile and your personnel file. So, let me speak to you in terms you are likely to relate to."

And there was the damned schoolmarmish attitude again – he thought angrily.

Dropping her voice so he was the only one who could hear what she had to say, she let him have it. "Anthony DiNozzo's new position is none of your business and if you don't stop prying into what doesn't concern you, I'll make sure that you're charged with the 1st degree murder of Pedro Hernandez. Plus, I'll be forced to turn over evidence that Dr Sciuto was an accessory, after the fact, to his murder."

What the fuck! How did she know about Hernandez?

"I know that the likelihood of your murder conviction placing this agency, plus every case you've been involved in investigating, in jeopardy of being dismissed, won't really matter to you. If you had even a smidgeon of the honour you're always alluding to as a former Marine, you'd never have entered law enforcement after you killed Hernández." She indicted him, disdainfully. "If you did have any honour then you'd have considered the damage your crime would have on the agency, should… correction WHEN it came to light. It could cripple the agency."

He rolled his eyes petulantly at her histrionics – can anyone say Drama Queen? Although, with him not leading the MCRT and investigating dirtbags perhaps she was right, they would crumble without him.

"I know you don't care about anyone but yourself – your precious rules make it crystal clear that you're an egocentric narcissist." Hermione told him bluntly, shaking her head in distaste. "But I do know that you'll do anything to protect your precious surrogate daughter - because she's important to YOU. That means you'll also do anything to keep her out of jail." She regarded him like he was a pathetic pile of steaming dog crap.

Gibbs tried not to let his outrage, his shock, his burgeoning fear show – striving heroically to keep his features even. He'd made a real error in underestimating this Granger woman unfortunately. She was a real absolutely nut cracker and she'd coldcocked him for sure. Never in a million years was he expecting her to know about Pedro Hernandez. Had Vance ratted on him? No, Leon knew what side his bread was buttered - if he did that, he would end up in jail too.

Hermione smiled at him but it was singularly without warmth and her eyes had become hard and glittery. It was a predatory smile which he recognised as having the prey on the run type of grin – one Gibbs knew well as an apex predator himself.

The Minister for International Cooperation seemed satisfied that she'd made her point but still decided to ram the message home. "You're reputed to cut a swathe through the law enforcement community because you know where all the bodies are buried and threaten to dig them up. Like I said, Agent Gibbs, I've studied your psych profile, so it's worth repeating again.

"I know where your 'bodies' are buried, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. If you don't cease and desist in your pathetic search for my agency and its personnel immediately, I'll take great pleasure in digging them up including Dr Sciuto's part in Hernandez's assassination. Having sighted your jacket, I very much doubt that he's the only victim you've 'buried' either. Leopards don't change their spots!

"At the very least, I'll wager that if I were to dig around just a little, I'll find that it wasn't the only time you've stepped across the line and broken the law, disregarding this particular act of espionage of course."

Gibbs felt a familiar, almost comfortable feeling of rage at the world stir within him – it was comfortable like an old pair of ratty slippers that were so well worn they'd moulded to the shape of your foot. It was a rage that he'd felt most of the time since he learnt that his family had been taken away from him.

It had kept him company at night when he was bunkered down in his basement, drowning bourbon to get through the night. Rage was an old, dear friend and it followed him when he was investigating dirtbags. His team, who dared to be frivolous and happy, especially DiNozzo damn it, dared to lecture him when they had no idea what it was like to suffer.

Wrapping his anger around him like a snuggly blanket, he desperately wanted to defuse the threat that this woman posed to him and Abby and not surprisingly, when he felt cornered, Gibbs usually came out swinging. His default impulse, albeit visceral, was to pummel the threat into oblivion – although he knew if he tried that approach her, it would probably be the last thing he did. He glanced across at her entourage, out of earshot yes, and yet close enough to reach him if he threatened their boss in any way.

Specifically, the two large and imposing males that were in hindsight, her protection detail and looked like they'd cheerful break him in two. The bigger male resembled a tank and looked like he could bench press Jethro if he wanted to, which admittedly made him pause – Marine or not. Still even if he realised that attacking this sarcastic British bitch wouldn't be the best idea, it didn't negate the desire or the rage he was experiencing.

Deciding it might be best to remove himself from proximity with her before he did something he might have cause to regret later, he stood up. It said a lot about his emotional state that he'd forgotten why he'd waylaid the minister in the first place. Yet as he was preparing to beat a somewhat dignified retreat, she caught him on the back foot…again.

"By the way, Agent Gibbs," she called, stopping him in his tracks. In his mind, she was swiftly approaching the status of his former wives in her ability to piss him off and she didn't even have a baseball bat or golf club. "You know… you never actually told me why you were so keen to talk to me. But I'll hazard a guess that you were going to berate me about Dr Sciuto's plight, how Agent DiNozzo was being a jerk - demanding she face unfair consequences for her precipitous actions."

His expression revealed his irritation. Damn it, he hated being so predictable and yet, here was perfect stranger besting him at every turn. He hated this woman intensely, even after such a short exposure.

"First off, Special Agent DiNozzo has already tried unsuccessfully to plead for clemency for Dr Sciuto," Granger revealed. "And since he was the one who was harmed by her actions, I doubt very much that you have anything pertinent to say. Just save your breath and accept she's getting off far more lightly than she deserves – personally I'd prefer she was thrown in jail to rot."

Since he had wanted to stop Abby losing her job, he shrugged as it was useless to deny his intentions in approaching her and despite her telling him it was a waste of time, he refused to give up on his surrogate daughter. "She didn't mean it…it was a momentary brain snap. I know Abby and she's sorry for what happened."

"No…no it wasn't a brain snap." Hermione shook her head, disbelievingly. "Dr Sciuto made that crystal clear to me when I talked with her and she told me why she did it. Secondly, she also failed to express any remorse – in fact, she placed the entire blame on Agent DiNozzo."

Gibbs had found it increasingly difficult to keep his cool in the face of her constant verbal parrying and that last bombshell she dropped incensed him. Shaking his head as if to shake off his homicidal feelings towards her, he objected. "That's impossible – she's locked up on the psychiatric ward at Walter Reed. No one can talk to her."

He knew, because damn it, he'd done his utmost to see her. He'd tried calling in favours with everyone he could think of – but no go. He'd been supremely confident that as Walter Reed was military, he'd find someone he knew or that knew someone who could pull strings and get him in. Unfortunately, Abby was being kept in a secure ward and no one was getting in to see her – not even him. Frankly he was worried about her - she must be working herself into a right state, not able to see him.

Hermione shrugged nonchalantly. "Depends on who asks. I asked…I talked to her. As to your other gripe, if you want to blame anyone…other than Sciuto, seeing she's a middle-aged woman who is definitely no kid and should be held responsible, I suggest you both stop blaming Tony."

She'd raised her voice in frustration and the three males and one female at the nearby table turned as one and scowled at him. She turned to them and shook her head before continuing tearing him a new one.

"Here's a thought! How about blaming yourself for giving her the impression she's bullet proof, regardless of her uncouth and childish behaviour. But then…one could make similar observations about your own behaviour - the anger, the verbal and physical abuse, threats and intimidation that you use as a default setting. Uncouth and very, very childish! she declared mockingly.

"Not to mention, the mind games, playing favourites and ignoring chain-of command that epitomises your highly questionable leadership style. Your underlings exhibit Stockholm Syndrome – you're the last person who I would listen to in pleading for mercy!"

~o0o~

Almost two weeks later:

Harry Potter was mostly enjoying his assignment in the United States, hanging out with muggles (oops non-magicals) as he spent time with his godfather and watched his back at NCIS. Truth to tell, it was the most time they ever got to spend together – well that Harry remembered. Apparently before his parents were killed, his honorary uncles, Remus and Sirius spent a lot of time with the Potters. Sirius gave him his first flying broom for his birthday, not just the awesome Firebolt in his third year at Hogwarts that made him an object of envy amongst his mates.

Granted, he'd spent some weeks living with Sirius at 12 Grimauld Place during the summer that the Order of the Phoenix had been reactivated, back when he was a teenager. However, others were also staying at the Black ancestral home at the time too, including the Weasleys and various other Order members were constantly popping in and out for meetings. It had hardly been conducive to Harry getting to know him intimately and forming (or reforming) familial bonds.

In hindsight, one of the obstacles for him and his godfather spending quality time together once they were reunited again in his third year had been is mother-in-law Molly Weasley and her piss-poor attitude to Sirius. She'd constantly run interference between them whenever they were together, and when she was unsuccessful at forcing them apart, she was constantly berating his godfather, criticising him and accusing him of making Harry a substitute for his father James.

As if she hadn't been guilty of making her six sons (but most especially Ron) substitutes for her adored twin brothers who'd been killed during the first war against Voldemort. Can anyone say pot and kettle, Mollywobbles? Five of her boys couldn't wait to escape her cloying sentimentality and overprotectiveness when they left school. Charlie and Bill fleeing overseas and taking up the highly dangerous occupations of dragon keeper and curse breaker to gain their emancipation and it surely hadn't been their dad, Arthur they'd run away from.

Yet at the time when Harry stayed at Sirius' ancestral home, he'd been a teenage boy; one who'd suffered emotional and physical neglect and abuse, thanks to the Dursleys, so he'd been even more clueless than most males. Molly's verbal and emotional abuse of Sirius - who was highly vulnerable after 12 years of torture in Azkaban and a year on the run - had mostly sailed right over his head. And even if he'd had a normal upbringing, adolescents weren't exactly noted for being socially aware or empathetic, Ron had certainly been a prime example of that! Looking back as an adult, Harry found himself becoming angry on Sirius' behalf, not to mention his own lost opportunity for making precious memories with his cousin/godfather.

Back then, Molly had no right to make decisions regarding Harry. She wasn't his mother or even his guardian – by rights Sirius was supposed to have been. That was before Dumbledore decreed that Hagrid remove him from his godfather's loving but shattered arms that terrible night when Sirius had found Harry after Voldemort killed his parents and tried to kill him.

Now as an adult and a father himself, looking back on that night, Harry was pretty certain that if Sirius had been allowed to look after baby Harry instead of having him ripped away from his protective embrace, the whole confrontation with Pettigrew would never have occurred. His focus would have remained on the distressed child who he had a close familial bond with, since not only was he Harry's godfather but they were also cousins, related through his grandmother Dorea Potter (nee Black.) It meant Harry would have had a chance to grow up in a loving magical home with Sirius and neither would have suffered the abuses of the Dursleys and Azkaban's Dementors.

Which of course wasn't Molly's fault, but still, she had no right to interfere in their interrupted relationship the way she did when they finally had an opportunity to renew it after 13 years.

It wasn't even as if she'd known Lily and James Potter and with seven kids of her own she had no business being jealous of another adult getting close to Harry. It was incredibly petty and immature of her. Even to this day, whenever he'd talked about Sirius, his mother-in-law had always been quite scathing about him. Even knowing how much he meant to Harry and how responsible he still felt for Sirius dying when he'd been conned into breaking into the Ministry of Magic by Voldermort.

Not to mention that she was attacking someone who was spectacularly wounded, both emotionally and psychologically. Thanks, in part to his years of false imprisonment and torture and his guilt over Harry's childhood and what he perceived to be his abandonment of his godson. What Harry had belatedly come to realise about his father's best friend after talking at length to Sirius' older and beloved cousin, Andromeda – Teddy's grandmother – was he had a childhood easily as bad as his own.

In some ways, Harry decided that Sirius' childhood was probably worse than his. At least Harry knew, when he finally went off to Hogwarts and discovered his real identity, that his parents loved and were proud of him. In fact, they'd loved him enough to die protecting his life and it had helped to know that his parents were honourable people – were heroes of the light. Yes, he'd endured abuse and neglect at the hands of his mother's family, but Sirius had endured abuse and neglect at the hands of his own parents and much of his extended family too.

Even having to endure Sirius' mother, Walburga Black, vicariously via her magical portrait at Grimauld Place and her unpleasant and equally twisted and utterly deranged house elf, Kreacher, was a truly horrific experience. At least they could close the curtains on the portrait and shut the crazy old shrew up when she drove them mental. Sirius, as a child couldn't stop the witch spewing her vile, hateful filth like they could with a flick of their wand on the portrait. Surely that degree of crazy must have had a huge impact on her two poor sons – Sirius and Regulus.

Andi had confirmed that Padfoot's parents tried beating him into submission, tried to beat the rebelliousness (i.e. the Gryffindor) out of him, especially when he became the first Black male not to be placed in Slytherin House when he started at Hogwarts. They'd even tried forcing him into taking the Dark Mark when he was just 16 years old. Half dead but unyielding, he'd fled to the sanctuary of Charlus and Dorea Potter, who were Harry's grandparents. Dorea though a Potter by marriage was a Black by birth and had immediately offered the battered Sirius refuge and all but adopted him. Yet there had remained sixteen years of abuse and as Harry already knew from personal experience, you couldn't wave your wand and magic it gone.

So, as an adult wizard with the benefit of twenty/twenty hindsight, Harry regretted that no adults had told his mother-in-law, Molly Weasley to pull her head in when she'd been a bitch to Sirius. Or when she'd insisted that he and Hermione had to assist her kids in cleaning up the flea-pit that the Black ancestral home had fallen into, instead of simply letting him spend time with his godfather. After Sirius' death he harboured a lot of resentment to Molly for her pettiness where his godfather had been concerned.

So, when he'd heard the unbelievable news about Sirius' resurrection via his best friend, he'd literally jumped at the chance to spend five weeks as his personal protection detail – living and working with him 24/7. It gave the younger wizard a real chance to focus on getting to know his godfather properly. Harry knew that it was going to be more complicated to cement any bonds when they were home in Britain, and not just because they had to keep Sirius' true identity a closely guarded secret.

He also had responsibilities that had to be met - as an Auror, as a husband and a father. Truthfully, this trip had caused significant tension between himself and Ginny, and he would no doubt pay for the fact he had decided to accept the assignment regardless of her ire, including her hexing him repeatedly when he brought it up. There were times he cursed her twin brothers, Fred and George for teaching her some of the more creative and painful hexes when they were kids.

Of course, while being a clueless male, Harry was aware some of the 'negativity about his assignment' expressed by his highly opinionated wife about him coming to the US was because Hermione was here too.

Ever since Ron's death five years ago, Ginny had revived her childish jealousy and her obsession that Hermione was interested in him. Any time they spent together as the best friends they were (and had been since their first year at Hogwarts) he inevitably paid for it later. His wife would engage in immature and petty reprisals, usually making him sleep in the spare room or simply refuse to speak to him.

As much as he hated her hexing him and her fiery outbursts, he deplored her passive aggressiveness even more. Harry was getting more and more pissed off, especially since he had no intention of cheating on his wife with Hermione, or any other witch if it came down to it.

And it wasn't as if he hadn't had plenty of offers – not from Hermione – but from witches of every age and physical type, even before he got married. The amount of underwear that he'd received via owl post over the years was immense, not to mention bloody annoying and being here in the States, he was enjoying being totally anonymous. No silly fan girls throwing themselves at him constantly had been a soothing experience – he wished that it could always be like that. Even Sirius' squib friend in Human Resources, Delores had been extremely deferential and kind to him and Hermione, even though she knew who they were. Yet she treated them as normal people.

So, while he was here, Harry basked in the freedom that five weeks in the US offered him in getting to know his godfather properly; the man who'd named him as his heir to the Black House and its fortune. Luxuriated in the freedom to go about his business as a normal average wizard without all the hoo-ha that followed him everywhere he went back in the UK about being the stupid 'Boy-who-lived.' Not to mention the wizard who defeated Voldemort as one third of the so-called 'Golden Trio.'

That stupid reputation followed him everywhere he went – even almost two decades later. Just taking his kids to Kings Cross station to board the Hogwarts express turned into a logistical nightmare. People wanted to befriend him because of his fame and because, thanks to his inheritance, he was rich and had influence. These five weeks offered him the freedom to live in the muggle world and not only see how the other half lived – especially with all the technological changes since he left Privet Drive and the delightful Dursleys but to just be normal for once.

Truth be told, the first time he lived with muggles, he'd been such a down trodden little house slave, he didn't get a chance to fully experience life in the non-magical world. He was too busy earning his keep, cooking their meals that he frequently was not permitted to eat, tending the garden and taking care of any of the myriad of household chores Aunt Petunia doled out. The only reason he'd been permitted to go to primary school was because it was muggle law and Vernon and Petunia would have been fined if they hadn't let him attend.

Even at school, Dudley had made sure he didn't enjoy the experience, swiftly gathering other thug-like boys and persuading them to engaging in Harry-hunting which when caught, inevitably turned into Harry-bashing. And when he was brazen (i.e. stupid) enough to get better grades than his cousin 'Ickle Dudikins' then his loving Uncle Vernon convinced him rather forcefully (i.e. brutally) to see the error of his ways. So, it had not been a good opportunity to experience what non-magical society had to offer and he had to admit that on this trip, he was enjoying his second exposure so much more.

Harry was also intensely curious about how muggle law enforcement professionals managed to catch bad guys without magic. He vaguely remembered how his Uncle Vernon and Dudley loved watching cops and robbers' shows on the telly, programs like Heartbeat about a country cop set in the fifties, The Professionals, The Sweeney and The Bill. And although Vernon was scornful about most American TV shows – well all things American actually - he did have a soft spot for a show set in Hawaii about a private investigator who drove a superfast red sports car. Chasing bad guys in fast cars seemed exciting, as was the good guys exchanging gunfire with the baddies – at least it seemed to be on TV shows. Although back when he was living with the Dursleys he'd never had a real chance to watch television – he merely caught stolen glimpses of those shows.

Now here in DC, Sirius had a bunch of television shows stored on mirrored circles which the muggles called DVDs, so Harry could watch shows about cops, shows about doctors, nurses and hospitals, sci-fi shows and funny shows that made him laugh. He even had the show about the private investigator living in Hawaii and solving crimes – it was called Magnum PI and oddly enough, it was one of Sirius's favourite TV shows; well one of them anyway.

As well as shows, Sirius also made him watch some awesome movies – Star Wars, The Matrix, Avatar, Men in Black, The Searchers, The Magnificent Seven, Twelve Angry Men, The Great Escape, Casablanca, Psycho and Gunfight at the OK Corral. He'd claimed that as his godfather it was his responsibility to educate Harry into classic films. He still had a huge pile of so called classics he insisted were 'must-see.'

Not that they only watched movies and TV shows when they left NCIS each night and headed to his godfather's apartment. First off, both men were damned good cooks, which had surprised Harry that Sirius knew his way around in the kitchen. After all, the reason he could cook was he'd been the Dursleys' domestic slave – chief cook and bottle washer, housemaid and gardener from a very young age. His aunt and uncle insisted the Freak (their loving name for him) earn his keep and earn it he did many times over. However, his godfather, in the few short weeks they'd lived together at Grimauld Place in London, had shown absolutely no aptitude for cooking. Although… to be fair, with Molly Weasley playing the part of bossy hostess, there was no way she'd have allowed Sirius to cook in his own house – even if he wanted to. She barely tolerated him living there.

Still, his godfather had turned out to be no slouch in the kitchen - when he bothered to cook, and his ability to make Italian cuisine was absolutely first class. Harry had offered to cook his extremely popular lasagne, which everyone back home raved about (when his mother-in-law wasn't within hearing.) Sirius had thrown a massive and very vocal tantrum though when Harry went in search of store bought pasta sheets in his pantry cupboard. Then to Harry's amazement, after throwing a hissy fit, he turned to and produced his own handmade pasta which was sublime. Other nights he created home-made gnocchi, ravioli and linguini that left the younger wizard simply gobsmacked.

When it came to other types of cuisine, they were on a much more equal footing, thankfully. Apparently, little Anthony DiNozzo had learnt how to cook Italian dishes from his Nona (his grandmother on his Italian side) plus several top-notch chefs who worked for his father when he was growing up in New York on Long Island. Since Sirius had all of Tony's memories, that had translated to him also having his abilities in the kitchen and his musical ones too. So, his godfather was teaching Harry how to make pasta from scratch, but it was still kind of hit and miss to the younger wizard's frustration. Sirius insisted that it was a case of practise makes perfect.

Apart from cooking, Sirius also introduced Harry to the amazing world of computer video games. Harry couldn't believe how many there were and how exciting and realistic they were either. It had all started innocuously enough with some car driver simulation programs after the wizard expressed how awesome it had been to be part of a MCRT car chase to apprehend a bad guy (Sirius called him a Naval petty officer). While Harry wasn't sure why his pettiness was noteworthy or why it was given equal importance to him being an officer, he shrugged, because when it was all said and done, these were muggles. They had a lot of very strange habits he didn't understand.

As much as he thought he'd fit in when he offered to be Anthony DiNozzo's (Sirius') shadow for five weeks, he found that he was more of a fish out of water than he'd expected to be. In hindsight, despite living exclusively in the non-magical world for ten of his first eleven years (plus the summer holidays when Dumbledore insistent he spend with them every year) he realised now he'd lived mostly on the periphery, thanks to the Dursleys, merely looking on. They'd given him a skewed view of the non-magicals and their ways.

Anyway… sailors and their character flaws aside, he'd sort of wished out loud that he knew how to drive a muggle car and next thing he knew, he was glued to the huge television screen, the incredibly realistic graphic of the driving simulator (Sirius' words, not his) giving him some idea of what it must feel like to be driving a high-performance vehicle, chasing down bad guys.

Then after going to the shooting range with the MCRT and watching them go through their paces with their firearms, Harry rather coveted having a go at it too. And yes, he'd admit that it might have had something to do with Gibbs' snide remarks in his ear about UK cops not being as good since they didn't carry guns. Okay, so Harry knew that was a simplistic statement about UK muggle cops and in the case of cops from Northern Ireland, patently wrong since they were armed. Plus, other UK cops – well British cops at least - had armed units that could be called on if required, but he wasn't clear enough on specific details so he didn't challenge the stupid prat.

Smug tosser! Still he was mindful that he had a cover to maintain, so he kept his mouth shut and ignored the childish taunting. But now it was getting to him. It pissed him off when he felt that their honour and competency had been unfairly called into question.

So, his godfather had produced some computer games requiring him to shoot an assortment of weapons including a crossbow, an old fashion bow and arrow in a Robin Hood game and a variety of handguns and rifles. Harry discovered, not surprisingly, that after so many years aiming his wand and casting spells at dark lords, low-lives and magical criminals that his aim was true. Naturally, he picked up firing muggle weapons remarkably quickly and he quite enjoyed himself.

Yet even though the video games were awesome, it wasn't the same – just like a video game where you might be able to cast spells at wizards performing illegal acts to capture them wouldn't be realistic. Although he didn't say anything to his godfather since that would be churlish, somehow Sirius seemed to understand how he felt because he dragged Harry off to a paintball competition with other cops on their first weekend off. It was so awesome that he couldn't stop talking about it every chance he got. Harry even decided to take some of the other Aurors paintballing when he went home since Sirius assured him that paintball centres were located in England too.

When they talked to Hermione via the computer she'd laughed at his boundless enthusiasm and retorted, "Ah…boys and their toys, Harry. Boys and their toys."

When she saw his hurt pout, she had rushed to reassure him. "There's nothing wrong with you boys having some fun with your toys and no that wasn't a crack about your…erm equipment. It's not like you got to have a normal childhood – not for a wizard and not for a non- magical child, Harry. I'm sure the Dursleys never bought you any toys growing up. Plus, you never had a positive male role model – you barely had any time to cement a relationship with Snuffles when he came back from Azkaban and then he was gone again. You don't remember your dad and let's face it, Vernon Dursley was definitely NOT a father-figure."

Harry snorted about Vernon. He knew that what she said was right, but it was more than just about the obese walrus. The truth was, that as much as Harry Potter had an abysmal upbringing with no time for playing games or making friends, Sirius had also had a less than optimal childhood himself and if you added in the memories of Anthony DiNozzo, whose memories he carted around with him as extra baggage, it added up to a whole heap of messed up psyches. Anthony apparently, was the only son of two alcoholic parents who'd abused and neglected the young boy most of his life.

While each of them had endured their fair share of beating, physical disciple or having the shit beaten out of them resulting in contusions, broken bones and even bruised organs, physical assaults heal, given enough time. Psychological and emotional damage was a whole other quidditch game though – those hurts often never truly fade away. So, considering the situation, it wasn't at all surprising that the pair of them (or should that be the three of them) should indulge in what Hermione had called a 'Boys Own Adventure,' given an opportunity to spend time together and have some fun.

It wasn't so much that they were having a second childhood, rather they were living out their first one, but as adults. Which was pretty pathetic, and the dad in Harry mourned that their inner kids never got the opportunity to be real kids when they should have. His pragmatic side though was grateful they'd been given this second chance and he decided to enjoy it while they could.