Shizuo hopes, rather unrealistically, that Kasuka somehow forgot that Shizuo promised he'd investigate the secret lair today.

Kasuka, of course, asks immediately. Shizuo is home late without a single injury after all.

Shizuo manages to tell the story and omit all the embarrassing bits about how he felt. Except, of course…

"How did you know it was his blanket?"

With how feminine it was, it would've made more sense to assume it belonged to the librarian. And Shizuo just can't think of a good enough lie.

"It uh… it smelled like him."

"It smelled like him?"

"... yeah."

A few heartbeats of silence pass between the two boys and Shizuo's leg almost starts shaking, jeopardizing the wellbeing of the couch yet again.

"I see. I would not have thought of that. You make a very clever detective."

Relief floods Shizuo's face. Yes. Yes of course that's what it is. Detective work.

"Thanks." He grunts, and tells the rest of the story with ease. Kasuka looks as surprised as Shizuo's ever seen him when he tells Kasuka that he finally had a face-to-face confrontation with the other boy.

"And he called me that awful nickname again. To my face while trapped in that closet with me. He must be completely insane!"

"Did you get his name?" Kasuka asks, having been silent for the majority of the story.

"I uh. Aw, shit I forgot! I'm such a fucking idiot!" Shizuo holds his head in his hands and the couch starts to rattle dangerously.

"You are not." Kasuka places a comforting hand on his shoulder, his calm presence gradually getting Shizuo's leg to stop twitching. "What happened after that?"

Shizuo tells Kasuka about pinning the other boy down and threatening him. Shizuo does not tell Kasuka how the other boy's voice oozed pure sin when it purred over the syllables of pleasure and Shizu-chan. He does not tell Kasuka how the other boy looked under him, the way that embarrassment of a sweater that was in no way the cutest thing he'd ever seen hung off the boy's shoulder, the expanse of smooth skin shamelessly on display from under it when it started riding up on the floor. The way those stupid, in no way adorable, glasses sat crooked on a nose that must've been too small for them to balance on. The way he looked giddy, unfocused, and intoxicated with his eyes blown wide and dark.

Shizuo wonders if the closet was really dark enough for his pupils to be that dilated. He wonders if the other boy was high. It would explain why he goaded Heiwajima Shizuo, the most dangerous student, completely unguarded while in a small space.

But that just doesn't sound right to him.

Shizuo does tell Kasuka about the deal he ended up striking with the boy.

"Making deals does sound very villainous."

Shizuo nods in agreement. "Definitely a shady guy."

"He is not so clever after all." Kasuka decides. "Or he really doesn't know you at all. You will definitely solve this mystery and he will lose."

Kasuka's encouragement and endless faith in Shizuo never fail to make him smile, and suddenly the events of the day don't seem so imposing.

"What will you tell him to do when you win?" Kasuka asks. Shizuo does not have an answer for him.

Izaya may have gotten out of the frying pan but now he's hurled himself into the fire. He wonders how long it will take before he burns up into nothing.

He could spend all his time wallowing and thinking about what he should've done differently but that would be pointless. It already happened.

… but why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? Why did he have to keep pushing?

The memory of Shizuo pinning him down, screaming in his face with rage comes to mind for the seventh time since he got home, somehow forgetting his blanket in the closet again.

Oh right, that's why...

His whole body thrums with a pleasurable but unwanted heat just from the memory, pooling in his lower abdomen exactly the way he wishes it didn't. It's another cold shower for him tonight and then he really needs to force the girls into bed.

Izaya takes a deep breath and locks the bathroom behind him, practicing the same level of choir-boy self control he always does when his body feels like this, although he is far from innocent in every other respect. Thankfully, Shizu-chan is apparently a complete idiot and didn't notice what happened to Izaya when he pinned him down and yanked his hair, or else Izaya would definitely be dead.

He removes his sweater slowly, careful to avoid even the most minute contact with his nipples - knowing from experience what that does to him. Just before dropping the red torture-device onto the bathroom floor it finally hits him.

Shizuo saw Izaya in that.

It doesn't matter. It's too late now. It doesn't matter. Izaya chants to himself over and over, trying to swallow the embarrassment. He's not bothered by the fact it happened because of another man so much as it being because of another person. The potential issue of homosexuality is secondary to the fact that Izaya felt almost no sexuality until recently.

He drops the sweater and works open his pants with even greater care. Izaya can't even bring himself to look down at the sticky mess he's made of a perfectly good pair of boxer-briefs.

He didn't notice. It's fine. It doesn't matter. It's fine. Everything is fine.

His eyes burn with mortification.

Izaya's body is numb by the time he allows himself to step out of the shower and he wishes he could feel this numb all the time.

He pulls on his black t-shirt, shorts and socks that he wears as pajamas, tosses his soiled clothes from the day into the laundry - mentally noting that he'll need to buy more detergent soon - and goes to the living room to find the twins.

Mairu and Kururi are tuckered out in front of the TV while an action movie he probably shouldn't be letting them watch plays. The girls are barely awake, curled up together in their favorite blanket that's full of holes which he should really fix.

Izaya gathers the toddlers up into his arms and after a moment of internal debate on whether or not to rouse them. Ultimately he decides that while he's not always the best brother he should at least try to balance out his shortcomings with some better care. So he carries the girls to the bathroom and wakes them up to make them brush their teeth before sending them to bed.

They beg and beg to be tucked in and given a story, just as he feared they would, and he agrees with a tired sigh. Sounding and feeling like an over-worked, single mother.

Izaya, of course, is not a single mother. They are merely his sisters and he is merely their brother. The three of them have a mother and a father, both of whom are alive and well, married, and financially comfortable.

Izaya and his sisters just haven't seen them for over a month. Again. Their parents are constantly traveling for work, leaving Izaya to care for their little girls.

When Izaya was a child he used to move with them for their work. He has been to three daycares, four elementary schools, and two middle schools. When Marui and Kururi where born his mom and dad finally decided that maybe it wasn't for the best that their children would have to grow up without a stable home and decided to settle down in Ikebukero.

Or more accurately, they decided to buy a house in Ikebukero and have Izaya make it a home.

His sisters are a handful, but he doesn't resent his parents. Izaya understands why they're never around, they've never hurt him, they send plenty of money for groceries and bills, and sometimes they're even there for birthdays and holidays. When Izaya was a young child he would get upset that his parents never paid much attention to him, but he matured quickly enough. The twins are more persistent on having affection than he ever was, which he really cannot understand considering the fact that the two of them are always together. Surely that should be enough, but no. They still demand at least one hug a day and a kiss goodnight.

Izaya tries not to spoil them, but he usually gives in despite his concerns at how much slower they may mature than he did.

The girls are asleep in no time and finally Izaya can retreat into his room. Despite how badly he wants to sleep the numbness of the shower and emotional exhaustion are starting to wear off again. Soon the noise in his head starts up again - confusing jumble of His thoughts on Shizuo, how he might get out of this mess, and all his research on deviant behavior that's yelling at him to finish it. He's spent his whole life trying everything short of medication. It's never quiet.

Another sleepless night for him.

Shizuo and Kasuka are putting away the last of the dried dishes when the front door opens and their mom is finally home. Once again, no sign of their father. While their mom is hardly at home because she works three jobs, their father is always out late because he drinks and gambles all their mom's hard-earned money away.

Their father always says that one day he'll make up for it by winning big.

In Shizuo's eyes the man's only consolation is that he'd never hurt his wife. He's kind and grateful to her, but he's still pathetic.

Shizuo truly believes that his mother is a real-life angel.

Whenever Shizuo locks himself away after a bad day his mom always comes in to check on him. Her hands are rough and calloused from countless hours of work as they thread through his hair and she asks him about his day. Shizuo always confesses everything to his mom. What happened, how he felt, the amount of damage he caused this time…

And every time she holds him close and tells him it will be alright. She says that it's okay, it's not his fault he's like this, that she's proud of him for containing his anger a few moments longer than the last time. That she loves him and that will never change.

When Shizuo was little, that made everything better. Now he just feels like his piss-poor excuse of a father. He can't control his drinking and gambling just as Shizuo can't control his strength and temper but Shizuo's mom always says she forgives them.

Shizuo can never forgive his father, he will never be good enough for his angel of a mother. Shizuo can never forgive himself. He's a terrible son.

But he doesn't want to be. So he puts everything he can into helping out at home. He has the dinner he made hot and ready for her by the time she's finished hanging her coat and taking off her shoes.

"Ah, Shizuo you're a life saver. This looks wonderful!"

He smiles and tonight can be proud to tell her that thanks to his community service in the library he hasn't been in a fight in over a week. He knows he's still not the son she deserves, but he'll never stop trying.

A/N:

Sorry for how long this chapter took, but I'm in the thick of exams and papers. Most of you guys probably know how it is :)

I don't normally do big A/Ns but I felt it was important that I clearified something here in case I didn't write it well enough in the story.

Izaya is not, and never was asexual. Please do not misunderstand his lack of sexuality for asexuality! I do not want to give the impression that asexuality can be "cured" by the right person nor do I want to invalidate it! It's a perfectly legitimate orientation just like any other piece of the LGBT+ community, Izaya is just not one of them. He may wish he was but it, of course, is not a choice.