A/N: Thank-you to everyone who has left feedback. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up in a day or two.

Serieux Part 2

What - No Mea Culpa?

Unfortunately, Tony woke up in the hospital at the butt-crack of dawn. The nurse checking his vitals and his surgeon's freakishly early post-surgical rounds put paid to any hope he might have had of grabbing a few hours' sleep to make up for the late night they'd had. Harry had been roused by the nurse entering the room too. One look in his direction and Tony knew he was not in good shape, physically or mentally.

Their chat about Severus and the mental gymnastics Harry had fabricated to make excuses for Snape's years of bullying students, himself included, had been a very difficult one. If Tony needed more evidence of how off kilter Harry was feeling, his hair all awry was a good indicator. Not that his hair was all that obedient at the best of times – he'd inherited his mother's eyes but got James totally unruly mop. Of course, him running his fingers through it in his agitated state most definitely had not improved its appearance this morning.

Adding to his generalised air of disreputableness were the dark circles under his eyes that reminded Tony of a Giant Panda, and rumpled clothing that he'd been wearing for over 24 hours. It wasn't surprising that they both looked disreputable (he didn't want to know what he looked like) was because they'd probably only been asleep for an hour or two when a young nurse named Amanda woke them when she bounced in the room. Her perky good nature was difficult to tolerate when they were still half asleep although she didn't seem fazed.

Worse, she brought them both a depressingly sad breakfast consisting of lumpy oatmeal and lukewarm coffee, scrambled eggs that could have down dual duty as hockey pucks they were that rubbery accompanied by soggy toast. After being tortured by far too many hospital meals over the years, Tony was sure that the food was deliberately prepared to provide a strong incentive to patients wanting to get out the hospital as soon as possible before they starved. It sure wasn't cooked to promote healing.

Looking at Harry playing with his rubbery eggs unenthusiastically, he took pity on him.

"Hey Harry, you could go down to the hospital cafeteria when it's open and try to find something to eat that isn't completely inedible."

Seeing his half-hearted nod of acknowledgment, Tony felt like a monster for causing Harry's mental anguish but it was necessary – at least Hermione had insisted that he needed to talk to him. The trouble was though that Tony knew how it felt to have to totally revaluate something (someone) you believed in implicitly, even if you were a deluded fool. It sucked!

Clearly, today was going to be a day to coddle Harry and give him a chance to regroup. He knew that Hermione hoped that by giving them this time together that he might help straighten her best friend out about some of his illusions. It wasn't easy though - he needed to do it without destroying him. Last night he'd essentially swept the rug out from under him and now the younger wizard was trying to figure out which way was up. So, Tony needed to back off or he'd drive his godson right back into defending Snape even more staunchly.

It was always a lot easier to debunk someone who was still alive – maybe it was the whole never speak ill of the dead etiquette. Although the older wizard knew that there was more at stake in this case. Finesse was an imperative to winning the overall war.

So, in between grabbing naps and having nurses come in and out, he'd studiously avoided mentioning the ever-present elephant in the room. Although he was depressingly aware that he needed to talk to Harry about his indefensible stunt back in the day when Snape was nearly attacked by Remus because Sirius had been a stupid jerk.

On a cheerier note, the doctor seemed happy with his medical status and he said that barring complications, he could be discharged tomorrow. Tony was thrilled to hear that as he was already climbing the walls and he had only been here a day. He couldn't wait to return to work - lying around brought up way too many unpleasant memories.

Tobias arrived to give them an update on the investigation, bring deli sandwiches, pastries and coffee, making sure he was welcomed with open arms, as Harry moaned blissfully as he bit into a pastrami on rye. The FBI agent had called into his apartment to collect Tony's laptop so they could give Hermione a sitrep too. After eating lunch Tony dialled up Hermione on a videocall. Once they'd exchanged greetings and she'd gotten an update on Tony's medical status, Fornell started his briefing.

"Right… well the CIA have finally confirmed to the FBI, after ducking and weaving for most of the day that they'd terminated Trent Kort after a couple of his 'jobs' didn't go to plan. He was cut loose from their employ, six weeks ago."

Tony frowned. "Okay…so why was he still alive?"

Harry looked shocked and Hermione demanded. "What do you mean?"

Tobias rolled his eyes. "It's the worst kept secret amongst the alphabets that assassins who are employed by the CIA never get to hand in their notice or retire if the Company has anything to say about it."

"They enforce a really harsh non-competitive clause on all its assassins." Tony quipped flippantly.

"Not the only employers who have a less than compassionate retirement package, for assassins, Tony." Fornell observed wryly.

Tony flashed back to the ex-mossad assassin, Namir Eschel, who'd faked his own death for the Israelis and then went on to work for the Iranian Intelligence. He'd set Ziva up when Gibbs was down in Mexico marinating his brain cells with cheap hooch. Eschel was murdered by the Iranians when he'd outlived his usefulness, even though he thought he was a valued asset. As smart as assassins were in lots of ways, when it came to their own worth they were usually incredibly short-sighted, if not downright idiots.

They all thought they were too smart…too valuable…too good for it to happen to them. They were wrong! They were just as liable to be taken advantage of, and taken out with the trash as any other mere mortals.

Tony sighed, noting that Harry and Hermione didn't understand the subtleties of Toby's speech, so he decided to stop with the beating around the bush. "He's saying that if they get fired, the CIA doesn't want them to end up working for anyone else, especially their enemies so they disappear them. Basically, people like Trent Kort end up in an unmarked grave somewhere remote, taking a long dirt nap or else they become shark bait." he stated bluntly.

The witch and wizard both looked suitably sickened and Tobias exchanged a cynical half-smile with Tony before cautioning them. "Don't waste too much sympathy on them, guys – almost without exception, career assassins are sociopaths. While some sociopaths may be channelled into occupations where they can subjugate the worst aspects of their personality and contribute positively to society, they're in a very elite subset."

"Professional assassins develop a taste for killing – they become addicted to the thrill of the chase and the kill. In this case, clearly Kort was a war criminal who somehow managed to make his way into the States," Tony refused to feel any guilt for the Death Eater's demise. "Who knows how many victims he murdered over the years." Tony pointed out dispassionately.

"So have you managed to ID Kort yet, Hermione?" Fornell asked her curiously.

"Not yet. I have a number of people working on it, though."

"I'll ask the FBMI to run his face through the age regression facial software. In case he had plastic-surgery done."

"Thanks, Toby. That's a great idea. Our Aurors here would look at me like I was a crumple-horned snorkack if I suggested that," The Minister of Magic observed dryly.

Tony sniggered. "Considering that a lot of them have no idea what a computer is, that's not surprising."

~o0o~

Tony poured himself a juice from the fridge before wandering over, gingerly sitting down on his sofa. He was feeling mildly pouty since everyone insisted he stay home today and rest instead of going into the office. He'd always hated being forced to take sick leave; it gave him too much time to think about things that he considered were better off being ignored. It was a failing of his that most people would be shocked at – undoubtedly declaring that he wasn't capable of deep thoughts, but then most people would be wrong.

At least when he was working, he could employ his never-in-the-off-switch brain to help catch criminals and solve puzzles. However, in their infinite wisdom, after he got stabbed the day before yesterday everyone decided that following his discharge today, he should be at home resting. So, with time on his hands he was desperate to know what was happening regarding Trent's botched assassination attempt. Instead he was stuck at home with nothing to do but obsess.

Harry, meanwhile had offered to go and get some food, since the cupboards were looking rather bare. Although well intentioned, it also meant Tony was currently alone in the apartment with only his thoughts for company, and that was always dangerous. Mostly because it was way too crowded in his head with his various personas – each of which were highly opinionated and wanting their viewpoint heard. Time was running out before he left his team of 15 years behind, so it wasn't surprising that without a case to occupy his time, his focus had turned inward to the less than cordial way his teammates had handled news of his job. Not that he was blameless either about the way he reacted.

Looking back, Tony was reviewing his own actions and he wasn't all that happy with himself. Good as it felt at the time to confront Gibbs about Luke and his behaviour and deliver some long overdue home truths, that wasn't how Tony DiNozzo/Sirius Black operated. Disrespect of a superior, especially in front of subordinates was simply not his style. He'd felt almost intoxicated when he delivered the long overdue smack-down to Jethro but ultimately, he was disappointed in himself. Disappointed in what he saw as his own weakness and his lack of restraint. Gibbs was a bastard, but that didn't give him license to be one too.

Tony felt ashamed that he'd let Gibbs get under his skin, causing him to lash out and publicly expose the Marine's vulnerabilities. Even experiencing the heady and euphoric feelings of finally getting back at him for all the public humiliation and disrespect he'd endured from the man over the years, didn't disguise the fact that it had been bullying behaviour by doing it in public. Nor did it excuse it, for that matter.

Tony had spent so many years compartmentalizing his feelings, his identities, hiding his real self and keeping a lid on his emotions. He'd always avoided taking pain killers, which alarmingly, loosened his tongue and steered clear of drinking too much alcohol. Tobias' blunt analysis of Gibbs' mistakes in Iraq that morning on the way into NCIS to hand in his resignation had seemed like insurgency and therefore seditious. Unfortunately, it had been wonderfully liberating too.

As a seasoned agent and Gibbs friend, Fornell pointing out that he'd screwed the pooch, shattered a ball of guilt inside of Tony. He'd been consumed by it for months for not preventing the almost shooting in Iraq which was almost fatal. Fornell's absolution and punting the blame back onto Gibbs had set him free. Even though Tony and Fornell both understood why he'd frozen, the point was that he had still frozen in the field with a kid attempting to shoot him and thus, had ended up creating a huge mess for everyone else to clean up.

Still, Tony should have handled it better. He should have ignored his baser instincts.

Someone banging on his door interrupted his process of self-recrimination. Even if he hadn't known who it was at his front door - thanks to his enhanced sensory abilities - plus 15 years of listening to his unsolicited visitor announce himself while working in the field together. The kicker was the irritated yelling confirmed the identity of the angry door banger.

"Open up, DiNozzo! I know you're in there. Let me in!"

Sighing, he swiftly cast Hermione's charm because he didn't want this turning ugly and besides, Harry and Hermione would kill him if he let Gibbs get close enough to lay a hand on him – even if it was just a head slap.

Wondering briefly if he should let Harry know, he decided there was no need. Gibbs was all bluff and bluster but he wasn't physically a threat, at least not when Tony was charmed. The bigger threat was Gibbs using his network of cronies to dig into a matter what didn't concern him…or his contacts. Tony was pretty sure Gibbs had tipped off Kort – like he'd alerted so many others in his spider's web of contacts too. Trent and Gibbs also had some weird frenemy-esque bromance crap going on – at least they did until Tony killed the smarmy prick. Okay maybe bromance was a tad too strong of a description. Maybe it was more of a 'I scratched your scaly back, now you can scratch my slimy back' sort of relationship.

Making his way slowly to the entrance of the apartment as Gibbs continued his demands to be let in, Tony opened the front door up and waited as Gibbs got that goofy 'what was I going to say' look on his face. It was rather funny!

Scowling at him, Tony demanded, "What are you doing here, Gibbs?"

Looking around bemused, he frowned. "I think I wanted to talk to you or… did wait… did you call me?"

Shaking his head, he stepped aside, letting the silver haired agent into his apartment. Gesturing him to take a seat, he decided not to offer him coffee. This wasn't a social call and Gibbs hadn't been invited over to have a chin-wag. Plus, the doc had told him to take it easy today – to rest. So, the quicker he could get this over and done with the better.

"Okay Gibbs, what was so damned important that you had to go banging and yelling at my door?" he enquired sitting down at a distance which allowed Jethro to think independently and state his business. "Oh and by the way, thanks for asking, I'm fine – it was just a scratch. Just like the time Ziva decided to fire her gun in a metal shipping crate and the wooden crates jumped up and gave me a splitter." Tony retorted snarkily.

"At least you're alive…unlike Kort. That would be the second highly skilled assassin you've gotten the better of. How do you explain that?"

"Gee, I guess dumb luck…or maybe, just maybe I'm not the bumbling dumb cop you all believe. You know, Jethro… at one point in our partnership, you used to know that it was all an act so people would underestimate me. It's a damned useful tool when trained killers think you're not a threat…makes them sloppy. What happened to you…to us? Care to explain that to me, Jethro?"

Gibbs blood pressure was visibly rising as Tony spoke. The undercover wizard anticipated that soon Gibbs would find himself in a mental haze once more as the charm kicked in.

Ignoring his query in typical Gibbs style, he directed his laser-like blue eyes at Tony. "What is your damned secret that was so damned important that it cost Trent Kort his life. Who hired you, DiNozzo?"

"As you've been told several times before, that information is so above your pay grade, Gibbs and always will be. Get over it and move on!"

Tony realised that failing to mention Padfoot's involvement in Kort's death was a huge miss step but he was not feeling up to scratch, mentally or physically. He scrambled to cover for his mistake and deflect Gibbs by doing what he did best - pissing him off!

"And for your information, I didn't go looking for Kort – he set up the crime scene – killed that girl to ambush me. Luckily that feral dog attacked him or he'd have killed me. Did you ask him to take me out?" Tony deflected, knowing that Kort was acting on his own.

Not surprisingly, the former Marine turned bright red and the vein above his left eye was pulsing as he moved closer, clearly intending to head slap his former SFA and triggered Hermione's charm. Looking around befuddled, he held up his hand that had been going to hit Tony, examining it before turning it over to stare at his knuckles before he curled it into a fist and shoved it into his lap as he cast a helpless look at Tony.

"What was I saying?" he asked exasperatedly.

Tony smiled tightly. I was just going to apologise for losing my temper with you in the bull pen the other day when I called you out for freezing right before you were shot. Don't get me wrong…I'm not prepared to carry the can for you letting yourself get shot in Iraq. Not anymore! But still… I shouldn't have done that to you in public. It was disrespectful to your position."

Gibbs looked like he didn't know how to respond, although his default emotion of anger was probably waring with his feeling of bewilderment while Tony experienced a sudden insight into Gibbs behaviour. Could the reason why he'd been such an asshole be because he honestly expected he'd be allowed to clean up his own mess… because after all it was one of his ridiculous rules? Like you could force the world to follow your asinine rules if you acted pissy enough.

Even though Gibbs ignored his rules on a daily basis – and in this instance, he ignored Rule 10 which is why he froze in the first place - he could be such a hypocrite sometimes. Okay – maybe Rule 10 wasn't the sole reason he froze, but it was a huge part of it.

Truth to tell, Leroy Jethro Gibbs never had the guts to dealt with his overwhelming grief and guilt over the loss his family, dragging it around with him as excessive baggage instead. He'd even hauled it into work with him for the last quarter of a century and made everyone else suffer along with himself because he refused to deal with his feelings by seeking help. This time though, he'd dragged a 14-year-old kid into his screwed-up vortex of misery and pain too.

All because he couldn't take a simple shot to disarm a confused, messed up kid. One who needed saving from himself. Gibbs failed him because he was even more messed up than Luke and he couldn't or wouldn't even save himself. Luke had no chance.

Standing up carefully so he didn't pull on his stitches, he hoped Gibbs would get the message that he was throwing him out. "I have to go and take my medication now Gibbs. Thanks for stopping by and if I don't see you before I leave, I'll say goodbye and good-luck. I'd say thanks for everything but in the scheme of things, I think I've more than paid you back for you dragging me out of Baltimore." Tony stated, thinking that it was a sad state of affairs that they'd let what was once a strong partnership and friendship come down to this farewell.

Although really, what the hell had he been thinking – hanging around like a bad smell for way too many years. He should have left Gibbs' team years ago; certainly after Ziva had replaced the agent who had been killed by her brother. Back in the day, that had seemed just a bit too pat for him but then he'd let a lot of things slide over the years that he shouldn't have because he trusted Gibbs more than was prudent – more fool him.

Looking like he wanted to argue but evidently unsure what he'd already discussed, Jethro stood up grumbling about finding out what DiNozzo was hiding. Letting him have the benefit of his patented icy glare, Gibbs stomped off without saying another word and Tony felt sad and empty. No acknowledgement of all he had done for Gibbs over the years, not even a good luck or stay safe. Just plain old-fashioned pique because Tony refused to tell him what he wanted to know. How sad was that?

After seeing him out of the apartment Tony wandered into the kitchen to swallow his antibiotics with a glass of water. Despite his sadness he felt heaps better for admitting to Gibbs that his behaviour in the bullpen wasn't professional and that he regretted his insubordination. He'd never understand how Gibbs could believe apologies were a sign of weakness. He felt empowered when he did what was right. In this case by admitting his mistake and saying he was sorry rather than what was easy and pretending that nothing was wrong or hoping it would just go away. Plus, if you viewed everyone as your adversary, then you tended to treat them as antagonists, which made it highly likely that's how they would respond to you too.

Feeling sad that he and Gibbs had probably had the last conversation they were ever going to have, since they'd reached an impasse. Frankly, he was tired of always having to be the one to make the first move and he wasn't willing to do it any longer. It was highly improbable Gibbs would ever be willing to admit he'd made mistakes, either to himself or Tony and at this point in his life, he needed a genuine mea culpa to even begin mending what was broken between them. Hence his very strong conviction that they'd spoken their last words to each other.

Trying to put the shared past with Gibbs behind him, Tony still couldn't help wondering if Jethro had the fortitude of a true Marine and got help to deal with the loss of his family, how it would have affected those people around him.

Honestly, Tony wished his own messed up headspace and emotions could have been addressed so easily by going to see someone and talking about what ailed him. But if he'd shared his shit with a shrink – the whole dying and being given a second shot at life thing, the sharing his new body with an emotionally messed-up cop's memories and huge black dog who was the animal side of his personality. How would have gone down?

'Oh, and yeah… by the way, Doc, I'm a freakin wizard and yes, magic is real but you can't tell anyone this stuff cuz you're not supposed to know that! In fact, the 'magical powers that be' will wipe your memory if you reveal it'. Odds on he'd have ended up in a padded room so damned fast, drugged to the eyeballs. If he was lucky! More likely, his pact with Destiny would be declared null and void and he'd cease to exist.

Now with Toby, Harry and Hermione to share his crap with, or some of it, because in good conscience it was too overwhelming for him to dump all of it onto them, things were a heap better than they used to be. And that was fortunate since his leaving had stirred up so much repressed stuff that he'd ruthlessly shut up tight in a bottomless trunk for nearly two decades. Not to mention all the other stuff that he hadn't had a chance to deal with, prior to his little trip through the Veil. Truth to tell, he was one very messed up individual - thanks to his family and years of incarceration. Then there was all of Anthony's shit too and they'd held everything together by ignoring it as much as possible.

It made him wonder how different his life might have been in the US if he'd had someone he could confide in. Plus, he realised just how selfish and cowardly Gibbs was to take out his pain on his colleagues when he could have worked through his anger with assistance if it was too hard to do on his own. Not that it would have been easy but then again, that wasn't an excuse to avoid doing the right thing.

His cell phone pinged, and he checked it. McGee was informing him that his report on the crime scene had been completed and emailed to his work inbox and Cc'd to the Director. Ellie reported Vance was furious that they hadn't realised that the scene had been faked to draw him out. He'd reamed the two juniors out for not preventing the attack on Tony; no doubt he was expecting it to cause an international incident.

Since he was under no illusions who had placed himself and Harry in mortal danger with a former CIA assassin, Tony felt like Leon should have been ripping Gibbs a new one instead of junior agents, but unfortunately they had no conclusive proof that Jethro had tipped Kort off, only his intuition. Still, it wasn't fair to blame Tim or Ellie.

Shrugging philosophically because he had finally had the last laugh with Kort, he briefly considered letting Jeanne Woods nee Benoit know the man who tried to murder them both had finally got what he deserved. Further reflection, he decided instead to respect her request for him not to have any further contact with her.

Sitting down at the piano, he began playing a mix of Beatles' songs pianissimo, his thoughts turning to his team. He'd been deliberately avoiding addressing his feelings about how deeply he'd been hurt by McGee's attitude towards him, not to mention the bad blood that he'd never realised existed between them. Tim's terse text, not even asking how he was doing had reopened that festering sore that he was trying to ignore.

Truth to tell, it hurt him a helluva lot more that Kort's attempt to kill him again…because he already knew that Trent Kort had hated his guts. And it was mutual- even before he'd realised Kort was a Death Eater. He'd always felt particularly close to Timothy McGee but he was starting to realise that the feeling hadn't been reciprocated, and that hurt - like a cutting curse that never healed itself.

Tony had finally been forced to accept, courtesy of Hermione's insightful talks, that he was a pathetic idiot trying to recreate his family from back in the day when Sirius Black was alive in magical Britain. Since joining NCIS he didn't have time to form normal relationships which could have led to a proper family, due to the punishing hours his boss made them work. So, he'd cast his NCIS team mates into the role of his de facto family since he spent so much time with them. He done it partly because of loneliness but also because it was in Padfoot's nature to want to form a pack – he was not a lone wolf.

While he hadn't allowed Pads to physically express himself by transforming into a huge black dog, he was nevertheless an intrinsic part of who Sirius was and right from their first days in the US, he'd refused to stay mute, insisted on voicing his opinion on virtually everything. Bottom line, Pads needed pack – family to stay sane. Twelve years of Azkaban had been torture for the social canine to have to endure and even though it was Padfoot who saved Sirius from the Dementors by making it difficult for them to feed on his emotions, the cost for the canine had been extremely high. He was still feeling the consequences of twelve years of solitary confinement, which expressed itself in his desperation to have a pack and lots of social interactions.

So, in creating a pack, he'd foolishly cast Gibbs in the starring role of James Potter and look at how well that had worked out for him. Then to compound his cockup even further he'd sought out an equally ludicrous matchup in Timothy McGee, casting him to play the crucial role of Remus Lupin, his other brother/best friend, based solely on a handful of traits and some superficial resemblances.

Remus had been a gentle wizard, shy and retiring. He was the intellectual one of their pack who'd managed all their plans so that they always had an escape clause or alternatively, he took the original plan and honed it so they never needed one. Remus was also obsessively studious – being turned into a werewolf had a profound impact upon his friend's personality insomuch as he knew "His Kind" was feared and despised. So, Lupin sought from a young age to make sure he was as unobtrusive, as non-threatening as possible.

When they'd made friends with Remus on the Hogwarts Express, he and James protected the gentle werewolf (even though they didn't know about his lycanthropy until some years later) and encouraged him to believe in himself.

In return – he always had their back. Even when they were idiots and ran headlong into trouble, he stood by them. Incredibly, Remus never blamed them when the shit hit the fan - unfortunately that occurred far too often for all concerned. And yet, for as different as they were in so many ways - family background, disposition and his tragic affliction made it difficult to truly understand each other's experience, they'd been bound together by a bond of comradery, empathy and respect that was unshakeable.

They, along with that miserable turncoat Pettigrew, who he tried hard not to think about, had made a career out of playing pranks at school – no one was immune from their wicked humour and sense of the ridiculous. Not the staff, not the students and most especially not each other. And under their tutelage and influence, the far too serious Remus learnt to let his hair down (figuratively speaking) and to enjoy life at Hogwarts instead of fearing it.

Even after they'd discovered his darkest 'that-time-of-the-month-secret,' they'd vowed to stick by him and their friendship had grown even stronger. They'd even developed into animagi, just so they could support him during his lunar transformations since transformed, an animagus couldn't be infected if he bit them while he was a werewolf. Of course, they' had to learn the skill illegally, since they couldn't afford to let Remus' secret get out into the public. Even if public hysteria wasn't a factor, it was highly unlikely that the adults would have permitted them to spend the full moon with him as animagi. It was a secret that bonded them even more tightly to each other.

Now, once he went looking for comparisons it was easy enough to see how he'd come to adopt McGee to fill Remus' role because of his superficial resemblances to his friend – his shy, awkwardness. The outsider who stuck out like a sore thumb, the green newb who threw up at crime scenes. The nerdy, studious kid who was way too serious (no pun intended) for his own good, desperately wanting to be one of the cool kids, aka a field agent.

Despite experiencing some initial feelings of jealousy and insecurity, fuelled especially after Gibbs' below the belt crack about giving McGee his desk, he'd adopted McGee. Just like he and James had embraced Remus, making the shy werewolf one of their family.

Afterwards, just like the Marauders had pranked each other mercilessly and made endless jokes at each other's expense, he'd treated Tim like a favourite kid brother - basically like Remus - minus the lycanthropy. He chivvied him and pranked him, trying to make him stand up for himself and grow a much-needed backbone, an absolute necessity for anyone working in law enforcement. Pads defended Tim with his fierce canine loyalty and protectiveness because he'd already lost far too many people who were important in his life - the last thing Tony had ever wanted to see was the baby-faced probie agent lying naked on a slab in Ducky's morgue with a Y incision in his chest.

Sirius had always felt that he'd failed James and Regulus, so he could see, upon reflection, he'd always been far too over-protective with McGee, even if to others, some of his methods to try to train him were at best, unorthodox. One thing he finally realised was that the main difference between Lupin and McGee was that Remus always had his back. He never would have switched off comms if he'd been his backup on the At-Home case.

Nor would he have ever dreamed of joking about something so earth-shattering as turning off comms because Remus would have understood exactly how crucial trust was – that it was more important than anything else in his relationship with his team mates. The relationship hinged, after all upon being able to trust your partner to have your back when your life was put at risk. You depended on them so you could do your job and save lives.

There was no doubt that Probish had caught him very much off guard, making him re-examine long held assumptions about The Royal Woods incident. Specifically, why he'd let Tim off the hook for Ziva's supposed hurt over Rivkin. Why he'd always made excuses for him and not held him to a higher standard of behaviour? McGee knew better because he had trained him better.

Even though turning off mics was never acceptable behaviour in law enforcement, no matter what, Tony had still rationalised Ziva's behaviour. Her grief over Rivkin's death, her jealousy when she made Gibbs choose between them and he left her in Israel, plus, the trauma of her being held captive in Somalia. His own guilt that she'd ended up in a terrorist camp even though he wasn't responsible for her choices or her behaviour. Although he was responsible for the team dynamics because he let Gibbs disrespect him and the chain-of-command.

Bishop had rightly pointed out that Tim had none of Ziva's extenuating circumstances to hide behind. Truthfully, as devastated as he was that he couldn't trust either of the juniors to have his six in the field or undercover, McGee's betrayal hurt much more than Ziva's. Hindsight told him that was probably because he'd always thought of Tim as a little brother…someone who needed to be protected. The Mossad liaison had bludgeoned her way onto the team after spying on them all, ultimately helping to get Cate killed with her intelligence dossiers for Ari. He'd worked with her out of respect and loyalty to Gibbs because everyone could see that he loved her as a surrogate daughter but Tony had never truly trusted her.

And Ellie had been at least half right in her analysis. Much as Tony had refused to admit it, a part of him did fear that Gibbs would take the side of the junior agents and defend the indefensible, because like Tony, he felt guilty for what Ziva had endured in Somalia. But unlike Tony he had chosen to leave her to the tender mercies of her father because she'd given the Boss an ultimatum – an admittedly very foolish move - one which had guaranteed the gunny would choose him over her. Stupid really, if she'd played her cards right, Tony wouldn't have stood a chance against her since Gibbs always played favourites with females on his team.

So, if he'd reported her flagrant disregard of procedure, Tony knew he would have been forcing him into having to choose between them again.

Logically, he knew that as a SAS the Boss would be forced to side with him, since what McGee and Ziva did was inexcusable but Gibbs never liked being forced into doing anything - as Ziva had discovered at her peril. Factor into the equation that Gibbs was already wracked with guilt over her capture in Somalia and by what she'd endured so Tony was damn sure who he would have sided with this time.

He'd already felt like couldn't trust McGee and Ziva, so if Gibbs had sided with them then he had no one who he'd be able to trust. He couldn't risk losing that trust – it was all he had left. So, he didn't report it and he tried to brush the situation off as just a minor bump in the road. As Tim and Ziva just joking about shutting off the comms but not actually doing it. Although in truth, he'd never gone into an undercover assignment after that without knowing that he needed to watch his own back because secretly he didn't believe they were just joking.

He'd coped – after all, he was used to taking care of himself – he was a capable agent.