Thanks to everyone who left feedback. Finally I'm feeling like the end is in sight although there may be a short followup or two sometime later when I clear the deck of my other WIPs. Hope you enjoy this.

Warning: If you're a Molly Weasley fan then perhaps you shouldn't be reading this.

Serieux Part 2

Chapter 22 Herb and Harry

Released from the hospital earlier that morning, Tony had already had to deal with an uninvited guest and spent time obsessing about his stupidity. He decided to make a cup of herbal tea – partly because he had a slight headache and just because he wanted to short circuit his ponderous thinking. Unfortunately, it proved to be only an interlude to his thoughts. This time, prompted by his godson.

As he sipped on rosehip tea, Tony's phone pinged indicating the arrival of another text. Checking it he saw that this time it was, Harry texting him from the store.

How do Americans call themselves a civilised society when they don't even have coriander? And how am I supposed to make my Harissa baked fish with bulgur wheat, when I can't find it?

Tony snorted in amusement, noting that Harry didn't get the whole text-speak phenomenon. Calling his godson, he waited for him to pick up.

"Hi Tony, you got my text?"

"Yeah, I did. What sort of coriander do you need – fresh or dried?"

"Fresh – it's the hero ingredient of the dish," he whined, disgruntled. "I invited Ellie over to dinner tonight, you know."

Tony was amused at how quickly Harry and Ellie had become buddies. He was relishing having a female friend who wasn't impressed by his fame or fortune (not surprising since she had no idea who he was) and Ellie was happy to have a male friend who didn't know all about her messy divorce from Jake. Plus, Harry was happily married and didn't try and hit on her. Although, Tony wasn't entirely convinced that the wizard's marriage was a happy one, based on some things Harry had let slip. However, he also knew that his godson would never cheat on Ginny either, so Ellie was safe with him.

"Okay, they don't call the fresh herb coriander. Ask for cilantro. And Harry, FYI 'Herb' with an aitch is a guy's name here in the US and the aitch is silent in the plant form," he informed him helpfully.

"Why is the aitch silent? Is it a rule? If so it's dumb!" he declared. "Is it the same with Harry? The aitch is sounded for Harry Potter but when you hound and harry someone you drop the aitch?" his godson snarked grouchily.

"I don't know, no and no. The aitch is pronounced for Harry James Potter and verb harry." He chuckled, "Sounds like you're regretting going shopping on your own," he observed teasingly.

Harry snorted. "I think I'll cope. Did you remember to take your meds?"

"Yeah I took them when ah… the movie ended," He prevaricated, realising that admitting that Gibbs had dropped by was a factoid that he should probably share with Harry in person, not while he was on the phone.

Hanging up, his thoughts soon turned to Harry and Ellie. It was a shame that Harry's marriage hadn't worked out how he'd hoped – he deserved so much more happiness after everything he'd been through. It was becoming painfully obvious that he and Ginny didn't have a whole lot in common apart from their kids. And perhaps spending time in Ellie's company was a wakeup call about how it could have been if he hadn't married a fangirl who bought into that whole Boy-Who-Lived crap.

Something else for him to hate Albus Dumbledore for, on his godson's behalf since the kid thought that the narcissistic old fool walked on water. Having been responsible for secreting Harry away with those vile Dursleys for a decade without giving a fuck about his welfare, he'd allowed those ridiculous stories about a baby who defeated Voldemort to flourish when he should have stamped them out immediately. Except that this fabled Boy-Who-Lived shit had suited his purposes - it added to his own mystique and made sure Harry's eventual return to the magical world would be as uncomfortable as possible for the guileless eleven-year-old, isolating him even more. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that the headmaster intended for it to drive him into his arms and strengthen his power over him.

Of course, it was hardly surprising that after the battle at Hogwarts those ludicrous stories would grow ever more outrageous. Hermione had explained quite a bit about what Harry had endured in the aftermath of the war. The so-called historical and biographical tomes written by daft bloody writers who eulogised Harry James Potter until he reached god-like status. Instead of a wizard who was gifted at duelling and defensive magic, in part because he had a freakin lunatic trying to kill him…not to forget Voldemort who was desperate to end him too, they extolled him until he was unrecognisable.

Depending upon the source, he was a Magi, a sorcerer with unmitigated power, a wizard that was as powerful as Merlin, he was a freakin elemental warlock - the likes of which the world had never known before. Plus, a whole heap of other ludicrous bullshit was written about his super human magical abilities that made Tony long to track down these idiots. He hesitated to call them authors, unofficial biographers or dodgy historians and make them suffer as painfully as possible for writing so much unmitigated tripe.

Hermione reported that there were the sappy romantic novels written about Harry that made him into an awesomely epic lover out of a tacky D-grade romance, or toilet novel (crap that you might read while on the toilet and wipe your butt on if you ran out of toilet paper). Plus, those sexually obsessed (perhaps repressed or regressed) witches and wizards who wrote erotica/porno-fiction about the major players in the fight to rid the world of Voldemort. Hermione informed him with tight lips and her magic tamped down tight, that slash novels were the most popular of this genre – often pairing Harry with Dumbledore, Draco Malfoy and or Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape.

That morsel of information had prompted a rage so furious that he'd been forced to leave his apartment and hit the gym - resulting in several punching bags being destroyed. He vowed he would find a way to ensure these sickos who thought pairing his godson with such abhorrent monsters was fun would contract the magical equivalent of herpes.

Hermione, when he confessed his evil intention, suggested that they should also cast a self-lusting potion combined with paralysis every time these fools tried to self-pleasure themselves. They came up with more evil methods of making these twats suffer – such as a horny compulsion charm paired with a secondary charm that would make them sexually repugnant to anyone who they tried to sleep with. Not surprisingly, they'd both ended up drinking several bottles of red wine between them, getting totally intoxicated and giggly, although he staunchly denied the latter charge (since it wasn't manly) once he was fully sober.

Of course, as Minister of Magic Elect (as she was at that time) and Tony being future Director of the DMLE, they couldn't indulge their sordid but extremely comforting fantasies since they were illegal and or unethical, unfortunately! Still, waking up with a raging headache and hangover (which Hermione thankfully had a hangover remedy for) he vowed to find a legal method of hunting down every single one of these douchebags who'd thought pairing Harry with dark wizards such as those four was hot - even in works of fiction - and ruin them financially. Hermione had sworn to help in any way she could…within the letter of the law, obviously.

Between the shite written about the Boy-Who-Lived which ensured when he went to school at Hogwarts that witches and wizards either resented him for his fame and fortune or they fangirled/fanboyed over him, Harry should be a massive whack job or a megalomaniac. Add to that the ten years he'd been forced to spent growing up with Lily's emotionally constipated, bitter, shrew-like sister, Petunia and her whale-like husband and son, and it was hardly surprising he married at such an inappropriately early age. They'd all ensured he was emotionally ill equipped to make decisions that would affect him for the rest of his life.

Considering how young Harry's parents were when they got married, Sirius supposed he sounded hypocritical for criticising Harry for doing what they'd done but there was really no comparison between his marriage and theirs. Although Lily and James had been reared in homes that seemed superficially similar to Harry and Ginny – non -magical versus magical – there were some very fundamental differences. Lily's parents were loving, supportive and proud of their daughter even if it unintentionally created a very jealous sibling in Petunia. Harry was seen by his aunt, uncle and cousin as a mutant aberration and an embarrassment and they had no compunction in telling him so. In fact, they felt it justified them trying to beat the freak out of him.

And while James had been spoilt rotten by Charlus and Dorea Potter, they'd never tried to interfere in his life (or more importantly his love life) plus they brought him up to treat purebloods, half-bloods and first generation witches and wizards as equals. Ginny, as the seventh and sole girl in a family of wizards was cosseted and treated like a princess who, if she wanted something, she got it. Basically, what she learnt from her adoring family from a very young age was that wizards fell over themselves to do her bidding and she'd had her father twisted around her little finger probably from the moment she could crawl.

Tony had to admit that there was something else that Hermione had innocently let slip about her mother-in-law caused him to hate on Molly Weasley, if in fact it was true and not hyperbole. Correction… to hate her even more because he wouldn't ever forgive her for trying to interfere in his relationship with his godson. Hermione quite blasély informed him during one of their talks that Molly had laughingly admitted to herself and Ginny back when they were teenagers, that while she was still Molly Prewitt, she'd used a love potion on Arthur to 'catch' him.

Tony was extremely relieved that he wasn't the head of the DMLE when she'd divulged that bombshell or he'd have been duty bound to investigate the information and arrest Molly if he could prove it. While witches tended to joke about witches using potions to 'catch' a wizard, the same could not be said for wizards if they used love potions on witches. It was rightly seen as sexual assault. Maybe the double standard when it came to witches was because of the archaic and sexist belief that wizards used potions to obtain sex and witches used them to 'help' them to persuade commitment phobic wizards into a relationship.

That was such a crock – having worked a total of ten years as a cop (thanks to his trusty time turner) Tony had spent a lot of time with rape victims – both male and female and gender wasn't a factor. Rape while ostensibly about forcing someone to engage in sexual activity but the truth was that for many rapists, it was as much if not more to do with power and forcing someone to submit for some sexual predators.

A love potion, regardless of who used it was wrong, it was still used to rape someone whether it was date rape or rape that took place within an established relationship or marriage. While using a love-potion was technically against the law, if he charged someone like Mollie (a witch) with rape he would have had a very difficult time getting a conviction, unfortunately. The likelihood of Arthur Weasley agreeing to testify against his wife, even if he could be persuaded that he was a victim, was negligent.

The cultural belief in the magical world of witches not being capable of sexual assault, who were harmless, weak individuals who just needing a little assistance for them to land a wizard was abhorrent. It was also something he was determined to change. Along with the extremely outdated concept that males couldn't be raped because they climaxed during an attack so they must have wanted it, although he recognised that one would be an even harder sell. He intended to begin by educating the younger generation of wizards and witches who were more open to new concepts – hopefully!

Unfortunately, that didn't even begin to open the Pandora's Box on sexual assaults for gay and lesbian wizards and witches.

Tony knew it wasn't going to be easy to change long entrenched and frankly, bigoted attitudes. Even Hermione, who had acculturation in the non-magical world, which (while still biased against sexual assault victims) was light years beyond that of magical Britain, was desensitised to the wrongness of witches using love-potions. Perhaps it was because if a motherly figure like frumpy, nurturing Mollie Weasley, who epitomised family life was laughing about using a love potion, admitting she'd done it too, it must be harmless, surely. So clearly Tony had his work cut out for him.

And aside from the wrongness of love potions in general, he also couldn't help wondering if Mollie might have encouraged her daughter to use a similar method of 'catching' Harry. Either through her own loud and proud example or by more subversive means. He speculated about Hermione too – had she ever considered that maybe her mother-in-law might have messed with her and Ron since they seemed even more ill-matched than Harry and a fan girl, if that was even possible.

Sighing, because the who thing was such a freakin mess that it made his head pound to even think about all the ramifications. Sometimes he thought he was crazy to have taking on the job.

One thing he did know – Harry, even if he'd effectively been forced to marry Ginny Weasley sans his own free will - wouldn't see it that way. He wouldn't appreciate having his wife and his children's grandmother charged as sexual predators, supposing it was possible to prove that they did use a love potion. Let's face it, Tony told himself grimly, his godson also thought that Dumbledore and Snape were noble self-sacrificing heroes instead of abusive douche-bags, so it was highly unlikely he would think that Mollie and or Ginny were rapists if they used a love potion to 'persuade' him to marry her and have a family.

Trying to focus on other things because otherwise he would drive himself mad, Tony thought of another difference between Harry and Ginny, Lily and James' relationships. Neither of his friends had grown up achieving legend status simply because a homicidal lunatic succeeded in killing their parents, and them surviving a death curse. Plus, Lily Evans had never been a giggly, fangirl obsessed with becoming Mrs Potter. She'd seen James with all his flaws and spent most of their Hogwarts years slapping him down every time he asked her out, so he didn't get a big head. When she finally agreed to go out with him, it was knowing his faults and she never hesitated to stand up to him when he stepped over the line, which was one reason he was so besotted with her. Their marriage was one of equals and their love was realistic – they were both stubborn idiots at times. Lily had also loved that James had chosen to serve the community as an Auror, unlike Ginny, who'd grown up filled with fairy tales of the Boy-Who-Lived and wanted to live like a princess with her rich prince.

Tony wished it had worked out better for him. Harry's dream for his adult life had seemed so very humble – he just wanted to have a family to love him and which he could love back and yet it seemed that even such a simple desire was too much for him to ask for. Obviously, Harry loved his three children more than life itself and he clearly loved Ginny but Sirius suspected that Ginny couldn't love him the way he needed to be loved – she loved Harry Potter the hero, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Wizard-Who -Defeated-Voldemort.

What Harry needed was to be loved for being the wizard who had messy hair, who sometimes wore mismatched socks, who forgave dickheads who had no business being forgiven. The boy, now a man, who still believed he was the cause of his parent's death, the 'Seeker' was still obsessed with quidditch and took his duty as a Auror extremely seriously. THAT Harry need acceptance; he need Ginny to love him for being a real, flawed wizard, for being his godson who didn't give a crap about his dual titles as Head of the Potter and Black Houses or the huge amount of money that went with the Black family fortune. He needed someone who understood that he was full of self-doubt and self-recrimination and wanted and needed to be loved unconditionally.

Realistically, he doubted that Harry would have found the sort of normal marriage he'd craved with any witch brought up in magical Britain. As far as Sirius was concerned, possibly the only chance Harry would have had of finding someone who saw beyond the idiotic fairy tales about him would be a witch that wasn't exposed to that shit – a foreigner or else a non-magical female. Seeing the way that his godson and Ellie interacted, he realised that even with all the difficulties it would have caused, a female who wasn't a witch would have been preferable to the fangirl witches that Dumbledore's manipulative shenanigans created.

The Boy-Who-Lived was the magical world's equivalent of Prince Charming and while there was nothing wrong with fairy tales, Prince Charming didn't have to live in the shadow of the myth. Harry did and it stunk!

As his smart phone indicated another incoming text message he snorted in amusement as he picked it up and saw it was from Harry…again Who knew that shopping in the non-magical world would prove to be such a challenge for his badass Auror godson. Looking at the screen he read:

Pads, where can I find rocket?

He called and waited 'til Harry picked up. "Hey Harry. You need to ask them for arugula. What do you need it for?" he asked curiously.

"I'm making a pear, rocket, walnut and parmesan salad for lunch," he replied.

Tony chuckled. "Who's coming to lunch?"

"What makes you think someone's coming to lunch?" Harry deflected.

"Because that is a lunch that you make when you want to impress your guest. Your female guest. It isn't Bishop, is it?" he queried, hoping he hadn't misjudged their friendship and that Harry had developed a crush on her. He knew they were good friends but neither Ellie or his godson would ever forgive themselves if they cheated on Ginny.

"No Snuffles, Ellie's coming to dinner – didn't I tell you? My bad…and you're right. Delores is coming over."

Sighing in relief, he laughed. He was really off his game today. "Oh yeah… you did mention it. So why is Delores coming? She isn't fangirling on you, is she?"

"Ewww…she's old enough to be my mother, Pads." He replied reproachfully. "No, if you must know… she's coming over to make sure you're okay and following medical orders. Ellie too. Apparently, you have a reputation of not being a good patient." He accused, ignoring the huffed outrage on the other end of the phone.

"They were going to come to visit together but I thought if they came separately we could talk about stuff with Delores."

"Talk about stuff?" Tony enquired stupidly but to be fair, he was starting to experience pain from his chest wound. The pain potion that Harry made him take had began to wear off. "What stuff?"

"The sort of stuff that Hermione, Tobias, you and I talk about when we're alone, Pads."

"Oh right. What time is she coming?"

"At 1 pm. I'd better get my arse into gear, Pads. Later."

Tony was looking forward to seeing Delores and Ellie; he'd miss both ladies presence when he left and he really hoped that Bishop wasn't prying into why Kort had tried to kill him. At present, everyone had assumed that he was the target but Tony wasn't so sure – he'd sounded full of hatred when he'd engaged Harry that he suspected the younger wizard had been his real target. Tactically, if Kort just wanted to take him out so he could focus on Tony then he would have done so from a distance since it was much less risky. That he wanted to get up close, suggested to Tony that it was personal between them.

Hopefully, Ellie would use her curiosity to dig into the whole Royal Woods debacle instead, and leave this case alone. It turned out that his intuition had been right and the victim at Rock Creek Park wasn't an ensign. Heavnly Goodtymes (her professional name) had turned out to be a DC sex worker and Fornell claimed jurisdiction for the FBI – citing the attempted murder of a federal agent. The actual case would be turned over to the Federal Bureau of Magical Investigations – a branch of the FBI which was the equivalent of the DMLE in the UK - to investigate her death but the team wouldn't know that snippet since they didn't know the existence of the FBMI.

The danger was that if Ellie didn't follow orders and went prying into this case the Federal Bureau of Magical Investigations would alter her memories in a flash if she stumbled onto any information that she shouldn't. With a brain chock- full of neurons as unique and complex as hers, Tony really preferred that some unknown and potentially ham-fisted wizard didn't end up rooting around in there and causing untold damage. Bishop, like himself thought outside the box, although their methods for assimilating and analysing data differed markedly.

Still, talking to Ellie and Hermione – two of his favourite people - about the Royal Woods case had made him realise how much he'd been romanticising his partnership with McGee. Subconsciously he'd been trying to recapture his lost past with James and Remus, attempting to recreate his most significant relationships. Which was beyond dumbass. Dragging McGee into his pathetic need to recreate his family, all based on a couple few disparate traits he'd possessed was ridiculous…it was just plain sad and pathetic of him.

He'd finally realised today that Tim probably had far less in common with Remus Lupin and a lot more in common with Harry's best mate and deceased brother-in-law, Ron Weasley.

From what he'd observed of their relationship, plus what Hermione and Harry had revealed during their recounting of stories about their time together, he could see quite a number of similarities now that he bothered to look for them. Both Ron and Tim were very insecure individuals and inclined to jealousy. Ron resented Harry for his fame and wealth and Tim resented Tony because of the DiNozzo fortune. The pair erroneously believing that money had made their lives easier, happier - that wealth made up for them being abused and neglected by their families.

Tony thought about all McGee's sarcastic put downs about him which he'd let roll off his back over the years. The lack of respect Tim had shown for his investigative skills – putting them down to blind luck. And there was the probie's fawning all over Senior, despite knowing some of the terrible things that he'd done to Anthony when he was a little kid. With the benefit of hindsight, Tony realised that Remus had never resented him despite him being born into the Black family with its gaudily ostentatious displays of wealth and bad taste, even though he came from a much more modest background.

Remus had possessed the depth of character to look beyond the superficial and realise that money didn't equate to happiness. In fact, even though he wasn't a trained investigator – unlike Tim- he'd still realised that Sirius was subject to a toxic mix of abuse and neglect that all the money in the world didn't make up for. Sadly, Tim had not made that leap.

These factors left him weighing up his friendship with McGee with a far more jaundiced yet accurate eye.

Since learning that Tim had lied to Probish, putting the blame on Tony for getting covered in poison ivy and trying to make him look bad, he couldn't help wondering what else the computer expert said about him behind his back. Just how much did McGee hate him? Was it really just a few weeks ago that McGee told him he was one of his best friends when Tony was having a crisis of confidence. Was Tim having a good old laugh at him behind his back for being weak and pathetic?

It made him wonder – was Tim lying to him too when he told Tony that he had achieved meaningful goals – that his life mattered when he'd been all existential and angst-filled. As proof of his achievements, McGee offered the proof that DiNozzo had a) saved Gibbs from drowning b) survived the plague and c) he was one of McGee's best friends. Thinking about the list of accomplishments he'd chosen to focus on, Tony realised Tim never mention he'd also saved Maddie Tyler's life after Gibbs managed to drown them both.

Was that because McGee didn't want to be seen to be criticising Gibbs by pointing out their boss had screwed the pooch that day on the dock? After all, Tim remained pretty mute about how much of a prick Gibbs had been this past year when he'd been treated as little more than an irrelevance. He'd never spoken up when Tony had been frozen out of investigations, or when he was benched if Tony dared to voice an opinion contrary to the Great-And- Powerful-Leroy.

Perhaps McGee didn't bother mentioning Maddie Tyler because he thought Tony was so shallow, all he only cared about was saving Gibbs' life. If so, that was pretty insulting, both to Maddie and himself. Seeing Tim had never tried to hide his opinion that Tony was superficial and a lightweight, he'd hazard a guess that it was some of column A… and a healthy dash of column B too. He didn't want to piss Gibbs off and he also thought that her life didn't matter to him.

Thinking back to McGee's pep-talk a few weeks ago, it dawned on Tony that Maddie Tyler wasn't the only person he 'd neglected to mention. Tony had also saved McGee and Cate's lives from a car bomb too. If their roles had been reversed and it had been him trying to bolster Tim's self- confidence, reminding McGee that he'd saved Tony's life would have definitely been one of the top three things he'd have mention.

Surely it wasn't something Tim could have ever forgotten– after all, he'd never forget dangling by his fingertips in that carpark when he was chased over the edge by the perp in the car. Since he still had nightmares about plunging to his death, it would have been the top of the list of things he'd point out to McGee as having making a significant difference to his life by saving it.

Yet Tim hadn't mentioned the car bombing at all during their recent talk - come to think about it, he'd never mentioned it. Not in the whole time they had been team mates. Not that Tony expected a medal or a parade and a big brass band, but some form of basic acknowledgment that it took place would have been nice. A simple heartfelt thank you would have been much appreciated. Yet Tim had never once recognised that Tony had taken his place holding the trigger to the car bomb he'd accidently triggered.

Tony had already been feeling sore and sorry from his premature return from the plague, even before he suffered from the bomb's impact. After the bomb blast he was in significant pain and Tim and Cate (who'd never thanked him either, although she died a short time later) had played a mean-spirited prank on him, despite not bothering to acknowledge his act.

They'd tipped a bottle of water all over him when he'd been ordered to lie down and rest (because he'd been blown up) and was in pain. It shouldn't have needed saying but it had been an extremely inappropriate time to prank him. He might play pranks but never knowingly on someone who was hurt, distressed or out in the field.

When the 'turned down radio comms' was viewed in light of that incident – it seemed like a pattern of highly inappropriate pranks was emerging. With a common denominator in both cases!

In contrast, Tony could vividly recall what his first impulse had been when McGee helped haul his ass over the edge of the wall… just as clearly as if it was yesterday. The first thing he'd done was to acknowledge Tim's help and thank him sincerely and emphatically for saving him. The Probie might not have put his life on the line but his fear of heights had made it truly difficult for him to approach the edge and lean over to assist. Tony had appreciated how difficult it would be for him, even while he was dangling and wondering about Gibbs' choice to go after the dirt bag over having his six.

Looking at Gibbs choice logically, not only was McGee severely phobic about heights but he was also a considerable distance away from him and had to run up several levels to get to him. Plus, back then McGee had puppy fat and was not exactly in the best physical condition to have to cover the distance on foot – meaning Tony had to hang on even longer. Gibbs on the other hand, had been in a car and could have reached him far sooner. It was not a foregone conclusion that McGee would reach him in time to affect a rescue, especially with his fear of heights.

Good to know even way back then, that his life wasn't as important to Gibbs as the former Marine catching his prey. Tony wondered if it had been Cate, Ziva or Ellie in peril of plunging four or five levels down onto the concrete below and hanging by their fingertips, would the Boss have been so gung-ho about capturing the perp. Would he have risked their life for a moment longer than necessary? Would he have trusted Tim to run down several floors of a carpark, while battling a crippling fear of heights to save one of Gibbs' girls so he could catch his dirt bag? Doubtful!

Tony gave himself a mental head slap…dumbass question you idiot – of course he wouldn't! His unresolved grief for his girls; his love-hate antagonistic relationship with his lovers for not being Shannon and treating his female co-workers as surrogate daughters was screwy, to say the least. Bottom line - Gibbs had such a fucked-up relationship with women but he would move heaven or hell to save them.

Tim saving his life had been a massively big deal to Tony, one he'd acknowledged gratefully because, truthfully, it had been far too close for comfort. So now that he was leaving NCIS it hurt that in all the years they'd worked together, Tim never even conceded his volunteering to take his place holding the bomb so Tim and Cate would survive. But McGee was perfectly happy to acknowledge Tony had saved Gibbs ass.

Did it gall McGee that much that he'd saved his life? Was it because Mr MIT/ Johns Hopkins had done something stupid and rookie-ish (i.e. accidentally triggered the bomb) or was it because Tony-the-jock had saved his probie-ass? So, did it all come down to jealousy, insecurity and resentment?

If that was the case, how the hell had Tony failed to see the deep-seated antagonism Tim clearly felt for him? All these years he'd genuinely believed that they'd had a relationship built on mutual respect, friendship and, soppy as it sounded – brotherly love. What a damned fool he was! Blind to the years of disrespect, all the passive aggressiveness and the contempt for his experience and his position, claiming he was joking when confronted. And wasn't hindsight a marvellous thing – if only he bothered to look at what had been right under his nose all this time, especially this year.

Tim had after all been very careful to do nothing that might invoke Gibbs' ire but he'd also be careful to avoid even the appearance of criticism of the boss, even in private, effectively making Tony feel even more isolated and lonely. Not exactly the actions of a so-called best friend in his humble opinion.

Honestly, would a best friend tell him on Valentine's Day, right after a painful break up with Zoe that 'in his opinion Tony enjoyed being alone?' It sure wasn't something he'd say to a friend who was hurting – but then it wasn't the first time he'd done something like it either. It was hard to go past the time when Tony discovered that Ziva had a dinner party and invited everyone on the team, except him. Tim had made no attempt to hide his absolute glee at Tony's hurt feelings with a massive shit eating grin. Ziva had even invited the ancillary staff like Jimmy, who back in the day had been very much on the outskirts of the team.

It was not exactly Tony's idea of what a friend would do. Especially after he'd spent hours locked in a freezing shipping crate after only just recovering from the plague and he'd been injured to boot. But then Tim had always been very gleeful whenever Senior turned up and created havoc at for him at work. Like he enjoyed watching Tony being humiliated, which didn't make a lot of sense since he claimed to have a troubled relationship with his own father. Call him stupid, but he'd expect him to be empathetic not taking pleasure in his pain. Unless Tim hated him.

He knew he could be a pain in the butt to work with. But hey, none of his fellow-agents were exactly paragons of virtue nor were they without their own annoying traits too. So why was it always only him that was described as annoying, infuriating, maddening?

Standing up to go to the bathroom to take a leak, Tony wondered why the hell he was doing it. Why put himself through this painful soul-searching journey and what the hell was it was achieving, anyway. Banging his head numerous times against the wall, hoping to short circuit the never-ending loop of thought, Tony wondered if the meds were to blame but he knew it wasn't – it was him. He totally should have ignored everyone and headed into the office like he had after he caught the plague.

Looking ruefully at the indentation in the plaster work caused by his head, he rubbed it and wondered if perhaps he was crazy. Maybe McGee was right. Maybe he was a masochist. Maybe he enjoyed causing himself extraneous pain. Maybe he didn't want to be happy. Maybe he did enjoy being all alone. Trapped in a deep well of negativity he finally received a mental kick up the butt from his alter-ego 'Anthony'.

'We're doing this Doofus, because both of us are fundamentally flawed, fucked up individuals. We keep stuffing our hurts down inside a mental box or in your case, a magical trunk and pretend it doesn't affect us. But it does, and until we can acknowledge it and deal with the fallout, we'll be doomed to repeat our history – good and bad. You know as well as I do that our jack ass families are why we keep trying to create the perfect family – and why we keep on picking douche-bags like Danny Price and Timothy McGee to be our kin.

'Now that we're leaving NCIS, soul searching and acknowledging all of the bad decisions we've made, instead of shoving them in the trunk, will hopefully help to prevent us repeating the same mistakes when we start over. We owe ourselves some closure, even if it hurts like a bitch.'

Tony rolled his eyes. 'Have I told you how much I hate it when you act like an ass and get all wise and preachy on me, Anthony? Stop it!'

His inner voice chuckled. 'Yeah… because I'm right and you know it. We are both victims of our crappy childhoods and burying all the pain didn't work. So, let's stop with the pretending that we're fine.'

"So what, this wallowing about, dissecting our relationships and holding a pity party's going to miraculously change all that?" Tony snorted cynically. "Get real!"

Anthony gave a mental shrug. 'Maybe…maybe not. But you can't say that what you always do is working for us, can you? You always end up with douche bags as your friends and family. Go on – give it a go – it can't end up any worse than this crap fest we ended up with as our family.'

Sensing Tony still wasn't on board Anthony pressed on, trying to convince Tony who was being a stubborn dick. 'You remember Lara Donnelli don't cha, we dated her for a few months, the year after that bitch, Wendy dumped us? Remember how Lara was into making woollen yarns.'

'Yeah, she was a spinner – had an antique spinning wheel. Not just wool; she used to spin all sorts of stuff: camel and alpaca fleece, mohair and cashmere. She made some pretty amazing yarns.'

'Yeah… I'd forgotten about her spinning camel hair and she also spun a whole lot of natural plant fibres as well. Remember how she used to spin those silks, bamboo fibre and cotton. Plus what was the hinky one she spun that long weekend when there was that blizzard and we had a blackout and we only had a fire to keep us warm and cook on?'

'Wasn't it banana…yeah banana fibres,' Tony replied nostalgically. 'What's with our walk down memory lane?'

'Re member how she'd hold a strip of long fibres in her left hand and pull a few fibres from one end of the strip with her right hand as she teased it out? The fibres seemed to grab at the other fibres and pull them along for the ride.'

'Yeah it was if once like in her talented hands, the fibres desperately wanted to attract other fibres and form into yarn or thread. Lara explained the tiny barbs that grabbed onto barbs in the other fibre to come together.' Tony responded, remembering all the unique, amazing yarns and fibres Lara had created and hand-dyed using natural dyes and colourings.

She'd dragged him out into the wilderness one weekend, looking for different varieties of berries and it reminded him of Lily dragging James, Remus and himself out looking for fresh ingredients for her potions. That's probably why he found an excuse to break up with her soon afterwards – it was too painful to remember them – even after all those years.

'You're like Lara, a gifted spinner. She works her magic with fibres, creating yarn that make clothing and fabrics. You work your magic with people. You take disparate individuals, eccentrics, oddballs and somehow you spin them into a team that shouldn't work but it does, Sirius. You're a people person - that's a damn good thing! You're only fault is that like me, you grab onto the people around us and turn them into family.' Anthony observed astutely.

'You and I have this desperate urge to create the perfect family, but dumb asses that we are, we frequently pick the wrong people to form a family with. And once we've spun them into our family it's damned hard to let them go when they don't fit in cuz their lives and ours are intertwine like yarn.

'Teasing apart the threads – that's real difficult, man. A part of us is scared shitless that we'll be weak and vulnerable without them.'

Tony thought about what Anthony was trying to say. 'Back in the day, Ducky told me I was the heart and the lungs of the team. Abby used to call me the glue that held them all together.'

'That's one way to look at it. Although…heart and lungs, while an awesome feat of engineering performs its functions like a pump, and glue? Well no one ever accused glue of having a skill set. Glue is… sticky and gloopy. Personally, I think you're so much more than a pump or a pot of adhesive. You're a people whisperer.

'Some people spin fibre and make yarn and fabric, some spin dreams, some spin songs or stories and then there are people like you who can create strong, resilient teams of people. Never underestimate the skills and talent it takes to be able to work with people the way you can.'

Honestly, the last thing Tony wanted was to admit that Anthony's woo-woo, touchy-feely metaphor resonated with him. But it did…damn it! It also helped explain why he'd felt so strongly compelled to revisit ancient history. Basically, he needed to tease apart the individual lives he'd painstakingly spun together to create his unorthodox family. Albeit a painfully dysfunctional family as he'd recently realised, consisting of seven disparate strands: Gibbs, Ducky, Abby, Tim, Jimmy, Ellie and himself spun tightly together to form the MCRT. He finally understood that's what he'd been doing, gradually pulling apart the family yarn into seven separate strands so he could let them go and move on.

Wishing that it wasn't such a painful process, he felt so damned tired. Teasing apart all the connections between himself and his team was mentally exhausting. Not to mention arguing with himself. Damn it, he hated getting injured and feeling weak and emotional.

Deciding to snatch a power nap before Harry came back he allowed himself to slip into a light doze when Anthony decided he wanted to have the final word. Typical!

'Besides, if you want Harry to rethink how he sees Snape and Dumbledore, you have to set him a good example. Show him you're prepared to do the same when it comes to your own crap, Tony.