"Hey, Shizuo, where you been?"

Kadota, Tom, and Shizuo unofficially meet up in an alley around Sunshine 60 every weekend to hang out and smoke, but lately, Shizuo's been too busy with his weird crush to think about it. After that sense of calm he attained with Kasuka last night and being exhausted from staying up all night, he's ready to revisit the other people in his life.

"Sorry guys, things've just been kinda crazy…" Shizuo mumbles in response to Tom, joining the guys against the alley wall.

"What kinda crazy?" Tom asks conversationally, offering Shizuo a light for his cigarette.

Shizuo accepts the light and considers his answer. Where do I even start?

"... It's complicated."

Tom frowns. "Your community service can't be all that complicated… unless… Shizuo, did you meet a girl?"

Shizuo goes scarlet and almost inhales his cigarette before he can even think to try and keep his cool. While Tom isn't right about him meeting a girl, the implications are the same.

"N-no. I didn't meet a girl." Shizuo replies between coughs, happy that he isn't lying to his friends at least. It's way more complicated than that.

Tom and Kadota give him strange looks of disbelief and Shizuo knows that if he was in their position, he wouldn't believe him either. But he can't just tell them he's… been thinking about a boy. That's gay, I can't say that.

Can I?

"Okay…" Kadota says, braving the awkward silence. "If it's not a girl then what's up?"

Shizuo closes his eyes and thinks about the last couple of days, resting his head back against some cracked bricks as he takes his time with a drag. Then, he realizes the most perfect, obvious answer. It won't account for all of his absence but it'll change the topic.

"Got jumped by some gang in blue yesterday."

Tom's eyebrows shoot up into his hairline and Kadota sucks in a sharp breath.

"The Blue Squares made a move on you?" Kadota demands, leaning forward and lowering his voice.

"If that's what they call themselves." Shizuo shrugs, refusing to whisper like his friend is.

Tom whistles and ruffles his dreadlocks. "Seriously? Those middle schoolers are going crazy if they wanna fuck with you…"

Kadota takes the topic far more seriously. "What exactly happened? Did they say anything?"

Shizuo thinks back to evening on the empty sidewalk. "They ambushed me with a wooden bat to the back of my fuckin' head, which hurt like hell…" He recalls, but try as he might, he can't remember if any words were said around him through the red, violent haze of the moment. "and I don't remember if they said anything. Just put those idiots in the fuckin' hospital and called it a night."

"Damn man, a bat…" Tom grumbles. "They must know about your rep so it makes sense they'd bring weapons but still… bashing people over the head is some serious shit. You can kill somebody like that."

"I know." Shizuo snaps and pulls the cigarette from his mouth, already grinding his teeth in anger at the memory. "You can't just go around doin' shit to people that could kill 'em!"

"Whether they realize what they're doing or not, they aren't playing kid games." Kadota agrees.

Tom lets out a deep, tired sigh. "Geeze… stuff like this really makes me feel like an old man, y'know… sure, we do stupid things but gang violence is something else entirely."

The three nod and sigh together, sliding down the wall to rest in silence. Shizuo considers what it means to be in a gang, why people form and join gangs.

The book he read talked a lot about gangs being made for people looking for a family, a place to belong - and how they can destroy communities because they become so consuming that boys are forced to join them for protection. At face value, Shizuo thinks he can understand. If he did not have a good support system at home, who knows where he'd be? He's a delinquent as is and is looking for acceptance like a lot of the guys who are part of gangs.

But when Shizuo thinks deeper, looks inside himself, he's not sure he can relate at all. Shizuo doesn't feel like it's in his personality, his core, to settle for artificial acceptance. He doesn't think he could join a group of people he disagreed with for a sense of family or whatever, no matter how lonely he was. He feels inherently different from the types of people who join gangs and not just physically. But that could be a product of upbringing as well…

Aw fuck …. this psychology, philosophy shit is ridiculous. Why can't people just not be assholes?

… maybe I'll ask Izaya if he thinks people are born different or raised differently. I bet he's got a lot to say about it.

Remembering Izaya brings Shizuo back to what Tom said, about him finding a girl, and he can feel a blush painting his face again. Shizuo ducks his head to let his blond backs shadow over his face to hide the color.

Izaya is not a girl. Therefore, Izaya will never be the girlfriend Tom was asking about. Izaya is a boy. Therefore… if Izaya is really… like that and Shizuo is like that too then… Izaya would be his boyfriend. Maybe.

Shizuo's face feels hot like the smoldering tip of his cigarette which he sucks in closer through a flurry of nervous breaths, trying to think quieter now. Whispering in his own head as though his friends could ever hear his thoughts.

Shizuo wonders if having a boyfriend is like having a girlfriend. He's never had a girlfriend before, never even had a serious crush before - he feels entirely out of his depth.

But Shizuo has imagined what it might be like to have a girlfriend before.

He wonders if someday, he and Izaya could go get ice cream together and take a walk in the park. Maybe feed some birds and… and hold hands.

Aw shit… Shizuo frowns in annoyance, finding a dilemma already. We're both guys so who would pay for the ice cream?

He thinks about sharing lunch with Izaya, tucked in some quiet corner together while they enjoy a homemade boxed lunch.

But it's a girl thing to make the bento, right? I mean, I make a good bento but it's a girlfriend thing… but neither of us would be the girlfriend…

He thinks about introducing Izaya to his brother, finally. Having Izaya over for dinner with his Mom. Introducing Izaya to his friends…

Oh no… that's it. This imaginary relationship has too many complications. I can't do it.

He thinks about Izaya in that awful sweater and those nerdy glasses. He thinks about babysitting Izaya's sisters, how they call him Shizuo-nii. He thinks about curling up with Izaya for a bedtime story with the girls. He thinks about reading a mystery novel together, racing to see who can spoil the end first, wrapped up in that stupid, sweater-blanket. He thinks about Izaya, dangerously smart and quick and so beautiful it's unfair. He thinks about… maybe someday… kissing Izaya.

Maybe it wouldn't be too complicated. Maybe I could do it.

On Monday morning, as promised, Izaya paid Nakura a visit again.

This time Izaya brings a disposable dust mask to school to better conceal his identity in case Nakura decides to try anything stupid, but when Izaya sneaks in behind Nakura, losing at poker again, and blindfolds him with a black bandanna he didn't resist. Just lets out a little whimper of fear.

How boring.

Nakura brings Izaya to the back room where all the files are kept, unlocked with a key he stole from one of the counselors, and keeps a look-out at Izaya's request while he looks through the files.

This room contains files on all students, both physical and digital. He has to be careful to pick through the room without disturbing the piles of boxes and files, not leaving so much as a clear spot in the thin layer of dust that wasn't there before. Despite some poor organization, Izaya makes quick work of finding his Shizu-chan.

All of his information from elementary school is physical, yet to be digitized with the changing times, and kept shoved into a rickety filing cabinet with a ring of coffee stains. As much as Izaya wants to read them right now, he knows he shouldn't waste time and pulls out his phone to photograph them all instead. The digital copies on the computer take a bit more time to find because of how slow the computer itself is, not because Izaya has to hack through any sort of security. The password to the computer is on a post-it note on the edge of the monitor. Typical. He saves the files onto his flash drive which he stuffs in his pocket. Izaya closes up the files, turns off the computer, and slips out. That was almost too easy, and Izaya is only disappointed that Ran Izumi doesn't go to their school. What a gold mine that would be.

Not that Izaya expected this to be too difficult. It's a school, not a bank.

Nakura keeps his head ducked down, quivering as Izaya walks by, not even looking at him.

"U-um…" Nakura squeaks, "That's it right? You got what you wanted! Y-you'll leave me alone right?"

Nakura's fear and submission sends a now familiar, still pleasant rush of power through Izaya. Feeling lighter than he has in days, Izaya can't resist skipping back behind Nakura for what may or may not be a final time. Depending on his possible future uses.

Nakura's body curls in on itself like a dying bug when Izaya approaches him and Izaya can see the sweat matting his hair down to his forehead. Despite how disgusting it is, Izaya covers Nakura's eyes from behind, like a flirty lover, and whispers to Nakura.

"I got what I wanted, thank you for your cooperation, but I can't promise I won't visit you again - since we're such good friends." Izaya giggles at his own joke and presses a kiss to Nakura's sweaty cheek through the dust mask to put the icing on the cake of terror before skipping out of the office. Straight guys are so easy to frighten with even the tiniest suggestion of homosexuality.

Except for Shizuo, apparently.