Izaya is really weird about touch.

Not that Shizuo isn't, but he thinks he has very good reason to be. One moment of irritation, one jarring thought, one unthinking muscular twitch and he could crumble bones like a soda can.

Except with Izaya, who's confidence in Shizuo's control and quiet presence and scent makes him limp.

But as far as Shizuo knows Izaya has no reason to be so weird about being touched. If Izaya was predictable about it, like preferring a certain amount of physical boundary or was really clingy that wouldn't be weird - it wouldn't puzzle Shizuo so much.

It's just that one minute Izaya is keeping his distance, then he's clinging to Shizuo like a baby animal, then he's squirming away from Shizuo as fast as possible.

Disregarding The Valentine's Day Incident in which Izaya's reaction was completely justified and Shizuo would like to permanently remove the moment from his memory, Izaya is very inconsistent and Shizuo just wants him to make up his damn mind. He's prepared to respect any sort of physical boundary Izaya wants but if the little twerp could just fucking pick one already that would be great.

Or at the very least tell Shizuo how he's feeling at the time instead of just expecting Shizuo to read his mind.

Damn it… Shizuo sighs, loosening his nervous grip on their bento boxes as he waits for what will most likely be another exhausted Izaya. Everyone's been tellin' me my whole life that girls are the confusing ones…

Then again, the people who say that are the same ones who've been tellin' that guys who date other guys always act girly.

Shizuo's been trying not to pick at the corners of the bento boxes while he waits, deep in thought. As time wears on he's failing miserably from an increasingly bad feeling that sets his teeth on edge.

Shit, why am I so anxious? It's just lunch!

But there's something in the pit of his stomach that says something is wrong.

Then he sees Izaya walking towards him and knows for sure that something is wrong.

It's subtle, unnoticeable if Shizuo wasn't watching closely. Izaya is hunched over and walking a little different. Not at all like the cute little bookworm or the villain.

Shizuo stands in response to his arrival, taking a step closer and clutching the lunch boxes so hard that the plastic cracks. He decides to set them down on his chair for safe-keeping.

"What happened?" Shizuo blurts out the first thought that comes to mind before cursing himself.

It's Izaya. There's no way he'll tell me anything with such a direct question.

Shizuo wishes, not for the first time, that he was more clever.

Izaya stiffens at Shizuo's question, his posture snapping upright confirming his suspicions that something is indeed wrong.

"What are you talking about?"

Lier.

He takes another step towards him, looming over Izaya. At this distance, more details become apparent to Shizuo. Namely, the skin on the side of his face appears to be slightly darker than the rest of him. Not by much. Only slightly off.

Shizuo frowns in confusion.

"What the fuck-?"

Shizuo mumbles, grabbing Izaya's face to get a closer look and rub his thumb over the dark patch before he's cut off by Izaya crying out and jerking away.

The world is suddenly is slow motion. All the blood seems to drain out of Shizuo's body, starting with his face and rushing down leaving him is ice-cold panic.

"Fuck!" Shizuo snatches his hand away, bringing it into his chest where it can't hurt Izaya. His mind works furiously to form words over the rush of voices in his head.

I hurt him. Oh my god I hurt him. I just wanted to- I wasn't thinking- I wasn't concentrating- I grabbed too hard- oh god what if I broke something- Oh my god I hurt him!-

"I-Izaya, I'm so sorry!" Shizuo exclaims, voice cracking over the sounds of his heart panicking. "I didn't mean to, I- are you okay?!"

Shizuo wants to hold him, to see that Izaya's alright. But he doesn't dare touch him again.

Izaya's hunched over again, face in his hands, no doubt in agony-

"I- I'm okay, Shizu-chan! You didn't hurt me. I'm fine."

"How can you say that?!" Shizuo gasps between increasing shallow breaths, eye completely fixated on Izaya's small form.

"You're hurt! I grabbed too hard and… and I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm-"

Shizuo continues to babble, beginning to feel light-headed and nauseous until…

Until his wrists are grabbed my two pale hands that might as well be blown glass. Shizuo wants to jerk away from the delicate fingers that wrap around him but doesn't dare move out of fear of shattering them.

"Shhh, sshhh, Shizuo it's fine just-! Just quiet down alright?"

Shizuo tries to be as quiet as possible, but can't stop sucking in breaths so sharp they feel like blades.

"Come on." Izaya says softly removing one of his hands from Shizuo's to grab Shizuo's stuff for him before leading Shizuo into their mutual sanctuary.

Settling into their safe space is a haze in which Shizuo allows himself to be driven by Izaya but refuses to look at him. Can't look at the person he hurt whom he cares so much about. He remembers all the times he's been violent. All the times he's been intimate with bones cracking. He can't forgive himself for those times, but the thought of that happening to Izaya, especially by his hands, makes Shizuo want to vomit.

"Shizuo, relax. It's okay. I promise you didn't hurt me." Izaya tries to console Shizuo again, draping their favorite blanket over Shizuo's shoulders. The softness and familiarity is almost enough to make Shizuo sob. But he can't. He's not supposed to cry. No matter how he feels he's supposed to be a man. He's not even the one who's hurt.

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya whispers, cupping Shizuo's face in his cool palm. Soft and nothing like Shizuo's which have become worn and calloused from years of destruction.

But still… Izaya isn't afraid. Izaya is touching him.

"Shizu-chan, look at me."

Shizuo looks anywhere but at Izaya's face, unwilling to see the damage. Izaya's fingers tighten on Shizuo's face, digging into his cheek in a way that isn't painful - but strong.

"Shizuo."

Shizuo finally looks at Izaya's face.

It's fine. Every part of his face is in place as it was before Shizuo put his hands on him. The slightly off-color patches are still there but there's no blood. His jaw is sharp as ever, is nose is in the center of his face where it's supposed to be, his cheekbones are high and not crumpled in.

He looks beautiful.

"But… but you…"

Izaya hesitates visibly before responding, then removes his left hand from Shizuo's face to lick his thumb.

This only makes Shizuo more confused.

Then, be rubs the wet thumb over his cheek, wincing at the contact. The dark patch of skin that he rubs smears to reveal an even darker, more ominous patch of deep, yellowing purple.

"I already had a bruise here, it's still just a little tender is all." Izaya smiles, but it's anything but reassuring. "You weren't too rough on me, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo swallows hard, fear still present but shifting its focus. He longs to cradle Izaya's injured face in his hands, now that he knows he was not the one who hurt him - but he refrains.

"What happened?" He repeated the question.

"Ah, just tripped down the stairs and got a bit banged up, but I'm alright. I applied ointment this morning."

Liar.

Shizuo's frown deepens. Slowly, carefully he raises his right hand to brush his fingertips over Izaya's cheek - as gently as he knows how. This time, Izaya doesn't shrink away from the feather-light touch. "Why bother to try and hide it, if that's all it is?"

"I knew you'd worry." Izaya shrugs simply.

That part may be true but…

He's lying to me again.

"I see you've brought bento." He observes casually. As if he didn't just lie to Shizuo's face about the source of such severe facial bruising that Shizuo still can't see the full extent of.

"Yeah… I want you to eat some of it."

Why are you lying to me?