"So Beca, last appointment you were telling me about your school and netball. I believe you were about to tell me about the night..."
"Yes, yes I was" Beca cut in.
"If you aren't ready to talk about it, we can leave it for now Beca."
"No no. I think I'm ready."
"In your own time then" Dr Gordon smiled reassuringly.
Beca took a deep breathe.
"I was 13. The top defender in my year for Netball. I was staying late at School getting ready for the next tournament. The changing room was flooded so they let us leave without changing back into our clothes. I was in my netball uniform. A skort, a top and a fleece. Knee high socks and a pair of pumps. Every girl in the team had to wear them. I rang my mum. I told her the situation and that I'd be home earlier..." Beca's hand dug into her leg as she tried to brace herself for the memories.
"I was walking home, playing with my phone, there was a man behind me, but I didn't hear him, I was to interested in my phone. He asked the time and it made me jump. We got talking and he needed directions. I lived on the street he was looking for, so I offered to show him the way..."
She began to relay what happened that night. She felt her mouth move and words come out, but she didn't hear it. She saw it. In her mind she was no longer in the therapy room. She was watching her 13 year old self. Frozen to the floor. Tears pouring out her eyes. She couldn't stop it then and she couldnt now. She had to set herself free. The words flowed from her mouth.
" After he stabbed me, I went numb, I couldn't move. I heared my mum screaming for me on the phone. Everything was going black. I saw flashes. I saw blue and red lights, I heard my mum crying and my dad comforting her. I heard the beeps of the life support machine and the paramedics telling eachother what to do. I saw the bright hospital lights, I saw nurses and doctors with pity in their eyes. Then nothing." Beca broke down completely. Her body falling off the sofa onto the floor. Tears pooling on the carpet beneath her.
"I think that's enough for today" Dr Gordon stated pulling Beca off the floor. And handing her a tissue.
"We can resume next week, if you're able to. You did well today. This is a step in the right direction" she reassured.
Beca ran from the therapy room as if it were on fire. She felt lighter but broken all at once. She didn't stop running until she got to the Cafe across from the hostel. She sat down. Staring at her window. She felt some sort of calm like she did when she looked out at the rain earlier that day. She felt like the cloud above her head was getting smaller. She smiled. She deserved a treat. She went into the cafe and ordered a slice of double chocolate fudge cake and a decaf coffee. She plugged in her ear phones and listened to her music.
'You can be amazing, you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug, you can be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love or you can start speaking up...'
Freedom. That's what she felt. Not complete freedom. But freedom all the same.
She watched the door swing open and shut as people came in and out. Then he came in. She almost skipped a breathe. It was him. The guy she saw the day before from her window. He was even more breathe taking close up. Her body lit up. She felt as though she was a Christmas tree. He looked her way.
'Damn, can he hear my thoughts?' She wondered. He smiled at her and waved.
She froze not knowing what to do. When her body became her own again, her cheeks were the colour of cherries. 'Gosh Beca, it's just a boy!' Her subconscious yelled.
He walked towards her.
"Hi, I'm Matt" He smiled.
"Beca..." She replied.
"Hi Beca. Is this seat taken?"
She shook her head, which made Matt's smile wider. 'Gosh, his smile is amazing' she thought to herself.
He sat down. She looked him over. Drinking him in. He smelt of coconut. She liked that.
'Maybe today is a new start' She thought to herself.
She hoped she was right. She wanted this to be a new start. A better start. Maybe she'd have a friend in Matt. Maybe it'd become more. Who knew. All she wanted was to see where it went. She wanted someone to talk too when she couldn't sleep. Someone to confide it. Someone to have coffee with. Someone to make memories with. This was the beginning of her life and she would do whatever it took to keep herself from going back to darker times. Not again.