He's pretty sure his entire abdomen is going to be purple forever with how deep the bruises are, and that at least one of his ribs is cracked, and that his body hates him. But there's no way that Izaya can refuse what Shizuo made him. Especially after that episode.
So when Shizuo asked him to eat Izaya opened the box. It took a bit of coaxing but eventually, Shizuo agreed to let him under his favorite blanket with him so Izaya could press his shoulder against Shizuo's and share in the warmth.
Comforting Shizuo is strange to him. He already knows Shizuo has the full range of normal emotions and is pretty much normal in psychological terms, but it's still strange to see him look so vulnerable. The same boy who's sent his fellow students flying across campus, the same boy who pushes past teachers who confront him about his behavior or grades with a cigarette between his lips, this same boy looks like he's going to cry from making Izaya flinch.
And that makes Izaya… strangely happy.
He tries not to grin when Shizuo finally relaxes enough to hide his face in Izaya's shoulder, breathing hard as he always does when they're this close. It such an unexpected treat to see this side of Shizuo, and on Izaya's behalf too. Izaya was fully expecting to be berated if Shizuo noticed anything was off. He might have been if Shizuo didn't have a panic attack. Not that he wanted Shizuo to panic but…
His Shizu-chan is just so good at his core. It's in his very nature to be good. Izaya really shouldn't have expected anything else, in hindsight. Shizuo did tell him all about his trauma with that woman he had a crush on as a child.
"Izaya… you know that I just want you to stay safe right? That I don't want… I don't want you to be in any danger."
Izaya smiles softly down at Shizuo, although his face is hidden too deeply in Izaya's shoulder for Shizuo to see it.
"Of course, Shizu-chan. You know me, I'd much prefer my books to any sort of trouble. This was just an accident."
But his Shizu-chan's goodness is also the very reason Izaya has to lie and hide so much. His good Shizu-chan wouldn't understand why Izaya has to do what he's doing. Izaya doesn't fully understand it himself. It's all because of feeling as powerful as they are nameless, feelings that Izaya thinks might be at his core.
Shizuo looks down at the bento in Izaya's lap as Izaya picks up his first bite of food. When Izaya eats, his smile melts from an empty mask into something warm and awe-struck.
This is it. This meal is perfect.
Izaya has never enjoyed eating something so much in all his life. Eagerly, he scoops an even bigger bite onto his chopsticks.
Ah, it's good. Shizu-chan is so good!
I could eat Shizu-chan up forever.
:::
That evening, Izaya forgoes Kanra and fighting for inviting Shizuo over to teach him how to cook.
Not only was Shizu-chan unbearably cute as he flushed with pride while Izaya gushed over his skill, this should help ease Shizuo's worries. All he has to do is bribe his sisters into silence about his late-night drag trips and it should be fine. If he can learn to cook half as good as Shizuo, he swears him and his sisters are never eating instant dinners again.
He's got an hour for Shizuo to drop off his stuff at home and do whatever chores he's got before heading over. It's easy to convince Mairu and Kururi to keep quiet with the promise of a home cooked meal from their brother and his 'future husband' or their 'brother-in-law.' Apparently, his reality check that same-sex couples can't get married in Japan didn't quite sink in. By the time Shizuo's knocking on the door to get out of the rainy evening the girls have promised to be good and stay quiet, he's glad they believed him when he said the cross-dressing was supposed to be a surprise for Shizuo. Now they're all excited about being in on the secret but won't shut up about having 'Shizuo-nii' spend the night.
Izaya's considering the idea himself. It is awfully rainy outside…
Izaya opens the door with a towel ready and Shizuo apologizes for being wet as he steps inside, visibly surprised when Izaya drapes the towel over his shoulders. Then Mairu and Kururi come running with their own towels to give to Shizuo and surprise leaves his face in favor of laughter.
With three towels over Shizuo's shoulders and his sister's shooed back into the kitchen Izaya can formally invite Shizuo inside.
"You're so lucky to have such young sisters…" Shizuo says quietly as they walk inside. "I'm not that much older than Kasuka so I never got to properly enjoy him being so little. They're so cute."
The softness in Shizuo's expression is far too sweet and his words make him sound far too perfect to have a family with and Izaya is not comfortable with that. He's not ready to have a family and the idea that Shizuo might leave him for someone who he can actually have children with is too real of a fear for him to think about right now.
"Oh my, Shizuo… Maybe I shouldn't let you around my sisters after all." Izaya gasps, raising a mocking hand to his mouth in shock.
"Huh? Why?"
"I had no idea you had a sibling lolita complex. How obscene!"
"Oh, shut up!" Shizuo scoffs, giving Izaya an affectionate shove. "That's not funny."
Shizuo's mostly dry when they get to the kitchen and the girls agree to take the damp towels to the laundry room with the promise of being allowed to help cook.
"My kitchen is yours." Izaya drawls, leaning against the counter. "Feel free to use whatever's here. I hope we have enough ingredients to make something."
Shizuo takes a quick look through the fridge and the cupboards, considering some recipes he must already have in his head. For all the things Izaya has memorized, he does not have recipes.
"Hmm... How about some Oyakodon? Unless you were planning on using that chicken for something else?"
Izaya rolls his eyes, as much at Shizuo's incessant consideration as much as his own neglect for meal preparation. He didn't even know he had meat in there that was still good. "That sounds fine."
"Great. This is an easy one and it only takes about twenty minutes…" Shizuo starts grabbing ingredients and placing them on the counter. "... Maybe thirty if you're learning… Or forty with your sisters."
Izaya gives him an affectionate shove back when the eggs are safely on the counter that he's pretty sure Shizuo only stumbles from to be a good sport.
True to Shizuo's word, it is pretty easy, even while trying to find things to let the twins help with. Izaya's never seen anyone cut an onion as fast or as consistently sized in his life, not that he's ever seen anyone cook but he's pretty sure it's still impressive, and he had no idea Mairu and Kururi would get so excited over being allowed to help beat some eggs.
While Shizuo and the girls set the table, Mairu and Kururi insisting on displaying what they made in art class that day as centerpieces, Izaya gets a head start on the dishes. He keeps his head down and firmly refuses to look at the scene. Just hearing it is almost too much for him. It fills his heart up with so many conflicting emotions. Happiness is in there, and melancholy, and insecurity, and want and… Izaya decides to stop thinking about it.
It's not picture perfect, but there are four portions of home-cooked, family-made Oyakodon over rice on the table and a flashy centerpiece of grade school finger paintings and Shizuo and with his baby sisters who aren't sitting next to each other in Izaya doesn't know how long so they can sit on either side of Shizuo.
It feels like so much, and it hurts, and Izaya doesn't know if he can keep hurting so much.
But the three of them are smiling so bright and when Izaya joins them his house feels more like a home.
The food's not as good as what Shizuo made for lunch, but it's the best thing Izaya's ever made. The girls love it and brag about how good they were at helping. Shizuo seems happy too. Izaya thinks that he's probably a little better when he's with Shizuo for a lot of reasons.
By the time it's all over the twins are begging Shizuo to stay. Just a bit longer? They beg. Just for a bedtime story. It might be the lonely child in Izaya, or maybe it's the loner with a crush, or maybe it's the vixen with prey, or maybe it's all of them - but Izaya wants to beg Shizuo to stay too. He keeps his mouth shut and lets the girls do it.
After a glance at Izaya for approval, as if that were necessary, Shizuo agrees to stay for a story if the girls help with the dishes.
Izaya doesn't even remember what book he read to his sisters that evening. All he remembers is sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Shizuo as they read different parts for different characters.
And when the girls are tucked in with the lights out and a glass of water on their bedside table Izaya doesn't know which side of him grabs Shizuo's shoulder in the dim hallway and whispers.
"Spend the night?"
"It's raining pretty hard."
"And it's no different than our naps in the closet together."
"We have and extra toothbrush."
Izaya doesn't know which part of Shizuo agrees, but he doesn't care because Shizuo is pulling up Izaya's biggest pair of sweatpants which fall to his mid-shins and taking off his shirt and getting into Izaya's bed.
It really isn't different from their naps in the closet with the way Shizuo's large body curls around his own from behind, the way Shizuo's bicep becomes Izaya's pillow, the way Shizuo buries his face into Izaya's hair and breathes deep.
But it's very different the way Shizuo consciously pulls Izaya's body flush to the heat radiating off of the bare skin of his chest, the way they tangle their legs together while they're both awake, the way Izaya holds Shizuo's free hand in his own, and the way Shizuo kisses his cheek.
Tonight, Izaya spends the night at home as himself falls asleep to the sounds of Shizuo's heartbeat and the rain on the windows.