Chapter 4

Olivia scanned the coffee shop and spotted Cragen at the far end sitting by the window; he looked up and saw her giving her a little wave. She ordered a coffee at the counter then walked over and joined him.

"So do I need to ask what is so important that we need to meet up?" she asked as she sat down.

Cragen sighed and took a drink of his coffee.

"This can't continue between you and Elliot."

"Fine pull me out then," she said sitting back and folding her arms staring at him.

"I can't and you know that. You're in there until the FEDs or 1PP say so."

"Thank you," said Olivia as the waitress put her coffee down in front of her.

"That's why I think we need to talk. I need to tell you a few things," he said watching her as she took a drink. "About Elliot."

Olivia narrowed her eyes as she looked at him and put her cup down.

"What do you mean, about Elliot?"

"About when he left….. How he left."

"I know how he left," she said standing up and grabbing her bag. "He left without saying a damn word to me."

"No you don't, now sit your ass down," he warned her. "I mean it Detective….sit down."

Olivia looked at him shocked at how he spoke to her.

"I'm not getting my ass chewed by 1PP cause you can't get on with the job, because your still pissed at how your Partner left. So I am going to do what Elliot asked me not to and tell you everything."

Olivia slowly sat back down.

"What do you mean, what Elliot asked you not to?"

Cragen sighed leaning forward.

"I went to see Elliot when I got the envelope with his papers in. I wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing. When I got to the house Kathy looked shocked to see me. It turns out Elliot had moved out of the family home 2 weeks before the shooting in the station with Jenna and had his own place."

"They had split up again."

Cragen nodded. "The divorce papers had been signed for weeks. Kathy gave me his new address, but before I left she explained that things between them had been getting worse for a while. They both tried to make it work when she fell pregnant and had Eli, but things never went back to how it was. Too much had happened, they had both changed so much, so they agreed to make the break for good this time, before they started to hate each other. All the stress with Kathleen being arrested didn't help. She thought Elliot had informed me and was shocked that he hadn't let anyone know, especially you."

"Yeah well he likes to keep things close to his chest," she said to her Captain. "What's new there? He never told us the first time it happened either."

Cragen nodded before carrying on.

"He wasn't even shocked when he saw me stood outside his door. Said he had been expecting me now I had his papers. He told me I was wasting my time if I was there to talk him into coming back, but I told him I just wanted to know why."

"And did he tell you?"

"Yeah. He said he just couldn't do it anymore. He had reached his breaking point and if he didn't leave now it would end up killing him."

"And he couldn't tell me this, his partner?" she snapped.

"No, he couldn't. Because he knew if he came to you and told you, you would have tried to talk him into staying…."

"No I wouldn't," she cut in.

"Yes you would," he smiled. "Just like if you had left and Elliot wasn't ready for you to go, he would try and talk you out of it."

"He still could have talked to me. He didn't need to ignore me and just disappear like he did. I tried to call him, text him to make sure he was okay and got nothing back from him."

"He just needed time to sort himself."

"And he couldn't do that with me in his life, he had to cut me out?" she asked getting angry. "12 years of being his partner and he leaves without a word to me. Hell he didn't even tell me him and Kathy had split up again."

"Because he knew what you would do."

"And what's that?"

"Try and get him to work it out with Kathy, get him to go home. But he didn't want to go home. He didn't want you to try and fix things for him. He needed to sort things out for himself. He admitted to me he was a mess after the shooting. He locked himself away in his apartment and drank until he passed out just to help him forget. He didn't want to see anyone not even his kids. He smashed up his apartment, even broke his hand punching hell out of his wall, and smashed up his cell phone, which is why he didn't respond to any of your messages."

He looked at Olivia as he talked and saw the hurt on her face that he hadn't gone to her.

"I was his partner, he should have come to me," she said quietly. "He didn't need to go through it alone."

"He didn't. When he didn't turn up to see the department shrink they got in touch with George. He found out where he was and went to him. Elliot being Elliot tried to throw him out and yelled a lot, but you know how stubborn George is. In the end Elliot opened up to him. Told George how everything just got to him. The shooting, being falsely accused of molesting that kid, Kathleen getting arrested, his feelings…."

He quickly stopped talking and took a drink of his coffee.

"Let's just say he talked more than he ever has before. George went to see him every day and it helped him. It also helped him come to the decision to leave the force. He realised he couldn't work SVU anymore. He needed to do something different. It was George that put him in touch with someone in the FEDs, and once George was happy to sign him off he started working for them."

"I still don't get why he couldn't tell me all this. Why he had to just leave like he did without a word and never get in touch."

"Liv he just needed time. Then he was going to call you and see you. He asked me to tell you about him leaving as he wasn't ready to see you just then. Like I said he was in a bad way physically and emotionally. He had a lot of stuff he had to sort out especially up here," he said tapping his head.

"It just hurt," she said wiping away the tear rolling down her cheek. "I thought I meant more to him than that."

Cragen smiled. "You do Olivia."

She sniffed and used a napkin to wipe her nose. "Well it doesn't seem like it. It's like he hates me."

Cragen chuckled and Olivia looked up at him.

"Something funny?"

"You saying it seems like he hates you, you haven't exactly been a ray of sunshine around him either." Cragen looked at her as she wiped her eyes. "Can ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did something happen between you and Elliot….. Away from work."

Olivia's head snapped up and she glared at her Captain.

"Jesus Christ," she huffed. "What the hell is it with everyone? Cant a man and a woman just be friends why is it they always have to be screwing each other?"

Cragen smiled. "I never asked if you were sleeping with your Partner, I asked if something happened between you and Elliot."

"He was my Partner and he was married," she said looking down at the table.

"That's not an answer, that's an excuse. And Elliot wasn't always with Kathy."

"Yeah well nothing happened in those three years either," she told him.

"What? Even when you asked for a new Partner and then you left to go undercover for all those months? Without telling Elliot, or answering his calls," he smiled.

Olivia finally looked at him. "It was complicated, I needed time to think."

"Just like Elliot did. And I remember how when you came back things were a little tense for a few weeks but things finally settled and he forgave you, and you finally got your Partnership back on track. Olivia when you left him he was a mess. His mind wasn't on the job; he didn't want to work with anyone else. All he wanted was you and he had no idea where you were, what you doing and if you were even coming back. At least you knew he was safe."

Olivia watched him as he stood up and he put some money down on the table for their coffees.

"The stuff for your small party tonight will arrive this afternoon, Rollins is going to be delivering it and setting it up," he smiled down at her and she looked up at him nodding. "She will also stay throughout the party as a friend, which will give you both time to mingle."

"Thank you," she said quietly as he went to walk past her. He stopped when he was stood just behind her.

"Liv, Elliot left the job…..Not you, he was always going to come back to you. I think his exact words were, "I want a clean slate, no baggage holding me back, nothing to get in the way when I finally see her again."

"What do you mean?" she asked, but Cragen was already heading out the door leaving her sat alone those last few words going round and around in her head.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Liv!" he called as he dropped his bag by the door and walked through the house to the kitchen. "Liv!" he yelled again as he opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. He sighed as he leant back against the fridge and took a drink from the bottle. His body was aching; it had been a while since he had gone through a work out like they had just had.

"Your getting old Stabler," he mumbled to himself as he walked back through the house pulling his t-shirt off. He threw it over the back of the couch and carried on walking towards the stairs. He stopped and turned back around grabbing the t-shirt and taking it with him, picking up his gym bag on the way. The last thing he needed before tonight was another argument with her, he thought as he headed up the stairs for a shower.

He knocked on the door to the bedroom Olivia was staying in wondering if she was in there. Getting no answer he entered and went across to the wardrobe and took out some clothes for him to change into. He walked over to the large bed and sat on the edge of it looking around the room. It had been made up to look like a loving married couple room. He reached over and picked up the photo on the bedside table that was face down. The glass was cracked where Olivia must have slammed it down. It was photo from years ago that they had used in other undercover missions. Their heads were pressed together and Olivia had her arms around his neck, they both looked so happy. He remembered when they were taking the photos they could stop laughing and joking around. He also remembered how he had wanted to pull her to him and kiss her as the joked around getting the right shot. It had taken all his will power and strength not to do it. He put the photo back making sure it was stood upright and facing the bed up before leaving the room. No matter how much shit she gave him he needed to talk to her, even if he had to tie her to a chair and gag her to make her listen. And the party tonight was the perfect time; she wouldn't be able to cause a scene.

Might be able to get a second update done later, depending how busy I get at work.