Unconsciously, Izaya slips into humming the tune of a lullaby he used to sing to his sisters when they were babies and damn near inconsolable. Now that they're toddlers they're only slightly easier to put to bed. He certainly doesn't miss having to take care of two babies. Even in those days when his parents came home every evening, they were always so late. They usually didn't get home until after he managed to convince the girls to eat their dinner and spent hours rocking and singing them to sleep.

He doesn't miss having babies, but he's willing to bet Shizuo would have loved to be around for that. He's a sap like that. Shizuo probably would've been too scared to hold them, and that was the most challenging part. Izaya was younger back then, too small to safely hold two babies at the same time and the girls were always very demanding of getting equal attention.

But Mairu and Kururi are growing up fast, and pretty soon, they're not going to need him.

Izaya slows the pace of his lullaby, playing with the pitch of random notes while he tosses poorly organized files of gambling records the Blue Squares kept stashed in some cardboard box behind the once locked door of Ran Izumii's private room out the second-floor window of the warehouse to flutter off into the night. Out for anyone to see and hopefully far enough away from the destruction of this place. Chances are he's not going to be able to just walk out of here with that box directly to the police station. Not if he wants to have more fun tonight.

He shifts his weight from his center to his left hip, swaying like Kanra back into Izumii's private room and pitching his voice up like Kanra while he hums the next few bars. Just to see what she sounds like when she sings it.

She's horribly off-key.

Izaya searches every nook and cranny of the room, searching for anything that might devastate this gang or their leader, anything at all.

And under the grimy couch, he finds the perfect thing.

A shoebox full of photos of girls. Unconcious girls. Unconscious, naked girls sprawled out on this very couch. It's perfect. He doesn't throw these into the wind. These, he stuffs into his bra for safe keeping.

He laughs at the absurdity of stuffing anything into his bra and starts the lullaby over, humming louder and faster while he jumps up onto the couch to kick all the cushions off. Just in case there's something underneath. But also because it's fun.

There's nothing under the cushions except some stray dollars and crumbled empty chip bags.

He slashes open the cushions and pillows with the four-inch kitchen knife he brought and inside there's yellowed stuffing and two stacks of yen that were never mentioned in the Blue Square's amateur record keeping. He tosses it all into the wind, giggling as the icy air burns his face and lungs and almost steals his wig. He throws his hands up in the air, laughing, and twirls away from the window back into the warehouse.

Everything is in order down on the main floor of the warehouse. Now all Izaya has to do triple check for anything else incriminating and wait for Izumii Ran's retreat from the police station when his gang is on the brink of extinction. He picks up one of the slashed cushions from the floor, places it on the center of the couch, sits, and waits.

I will always be hungry.

Izaya idly wonders if Shizuo will ever find out about this. He's bound to notice not being attacked by this gang anymore, but will he hear any rumors? And if he does, what will he hear? Rumors are a funny thing. Even if Izaya had a rumor ready to spread about the fall of the Squares the moment it traveled from one mouth into another's ear it would change. It's almost as though rumors are alive. Like children, they take on the influence of everyone they come into contact with.

Izaya wonders if he should think of some rumor to start as an explanation for what's about to happen. Some kind of message to keep the other gangs away from his Shizu-chan. But the truth is, there's no point in trying to plan for that sort of thing. Humans will make what they want of this and anything he does try to say about Shizuo will only bring more negative attention to him.

I must always be fed.

Shizuo might have been Izaya's reason for starting this, but now Shizuo's only a small part of it. Izaya knows a gang like the Blue Squares has no chance of really hurting Shizu-chan. But like a rumor, this desire to exercise his power has grown into its own beast. Izaya's been bored. And there's only so far books can take him. He spoke to Shizuo through the bookcase that day for a change. Ever since he's had a taste for change it's become a craving, an addiction, there's no backing out of this. Izaya has to evolve now. Evolve or die.

It thrills him.

The finger I touch.

The front door to the warehouse creeks open and someone walks in. The multiple footsteps are heavy and accompanied by a heavy drag across the concrete.

Izumii's sledgehammer.

Izaya stands and walks silently to the doorway of Izumii's private room. He'd left it open on purpose. It leads out to a metal platform overlooking the ground floor of the warehouse and has one set of stairs to get down.

"Haha! My asshole brother was right! We can't trust Akihito's new squeeze after all." Izumii laughs when he sees Kanra in the open doorway to his once locked room.

"I didn't believe it at first. A scrawny chick who was hanging with Akihito and not me? What kinda dumbass sabotage plan is that?" The hammer drags across the concrete with a loud screech as it's quickly pulled up and tossed over his shoulder. The four boys with him laugh. Akihito is not one of them. Fifteen boys went to battle, five made it home, but they'll all be arrested soon enough.

"You make it sound like your brother's the one really running the show, although I wouldn't be surprised. Most children could outsmart you." Kanra teases, grabbing the rusted railing overlooking the main floor with both hands. The metal is shockingly cold on her hot skins, adrenaline pumping even the tips of her fingers into trembles of excitement.

"Listen, bitch." Izumii sneers. "Before I break your legs and let my boys have some fun with ya I gotta know: What's your angle here? I don't recognize you, so what the fuck is your problem with me? You some slut's sister lookin' for revenge?"

A dam of tension breaks inside of Izaya and he doubles over with laughter. He laughs and laughs and judging by the Blue Square's faces he's been laughing for far too long before the answer comes out in a rush between breathless giggles.

"Aahah...ha...hehe… Oh, no. Nothing quite so noble."

Izaya stands tall and squares his shoulders. He lets his hands fall from the railing and slowly holds them outstretched on either side of his body. His palms and chin are tilted up as though he could fly away and is only tethered to the Earth by looking down his nose at the crowd.

Will soon turn red.

Kanra doesn't need to exist. Izaya doesn't need to do this. Nothing is forcing him to be like this.

"I'm doing this because I want to."

The truth comes out of Izaya's mouth, and it's liberating.

Kanra pulls the stuffing out of her bra, a tattered old sock damped with a lavender and rosemary perfume. Izaya lights it.

:::

"Shizu-chan, I'm curious…" Izaya asked one morning in their closet after checking Shizuo's math homework in record time.

"That's frightening."

"Don't be mean." Izaya pouted, shoving Shizuo playfully who wasn't prepared enough to play along and let himself be moved. "This is a serious question."

That did not reassure Shizuo.

"Why did you want to be a police officer or detective?"

Shizuo stiffened and looked away awkwardly. He felt strange about how out of the blue the question was.

"I was just a kid." Shizuo shrugged. He hopped Izaya wasn't planning to pick his brain, but he knew that was inevitable.

"I know, but what did you like about the idea?"

"I don't know…" Shizuo grumbled and leaned back against the wall. "Same as any other kid, I guess. Wanted to catch the bad guys."

Izaya tipped sideways and leaned against Shizuo's shoulder. He looked directly at Shizuo's face.

"You wanted to be a hero."

"I mean… I guess… Can you just get to the point? Clearly, you have somethin' ya say…"

Izaya threaded his fingers through the hair on the back of Shizuo's head, toying with the blonde locks as his tone began to slip into that dark place.

"My point is you can still be a hero… in different ways."

"I know. I told you, I was a kid."

Izaya shifted towards Shizuo's back to drape himself over it. "Mm, please, Shizu-chan… You and I both know you're still hoping you've got that option, despite your history of violence."

Shizuo shrugged Izaya off. "Shut up."

Izaya bounced right back with his hands pressed to Izaya's shoulder blades. "I'm not making fun of you, I'm being serious.

You always look at the world like it's black and white, but want everyone else to treat you like you're in shades of gray. Start treating the world like it's in shades of gray. Like me."

Shizuo itched for a cigarette. "That from some poem you wrote in middle school or some shit?"

He remained looking hard at the wall, his eyes were fixated on the tiny peephole Izaya had made who knows how long ago to spy on the world outside of this little space.

"Telling me to do anything like you makes me want to avoid that thing at all costs."

Izaya blew a hot breath into Shizuo's back between his shoulder blades to make sure Shizuo knew he was pouting. "So mean…"

He wrapped his arms around Shizuo's waist and rested his cheek on Shizuo's back, his legs stretched out on either side of Shizuo's.

"All I'm saying is, being a cop wouldn't make you everyone's hero. Some people would never turn to the police for help, no matter how much they needed them. So be your own hero. Outside of the system who won't understand your spectacular strength."

"Are you telling me to be a vigilante or do your dirty work?"

"Always so suspicious of me…"

"You don't get it, Izaya. I know the police force is flawed."

"Then why do you want to be a part of it?"

"Because…

Because being accepted into the system would mean I finally did it. I finally got strong enough to control myself to face danger like a regular person."

"Hmm… How boring…"

Shizuo is not a good person. Not to everyone, anyway. That's impossible. But Shizuo doesn't care, as long as he can be a good person for who he cares about. If protecting his friends, family, and what he thinks is right means he's a villain for the rest of the world that's fine. That's the most anyone can do.

"Shizuo! Haven't seen you in awhile, man!" Kadota and Tom caught him on his way home from school with a wave.

"Oh, hey Kadota. Yeah, I've been busy with… A lot."

Tom and Kadota exchanged nervous glances as they searched each other for a way to say something which caused a nervous sweat to tingle the back of Shizuo's neck. It was Tom who spoke first.

"Listen, Shizuo… We're worried about you. We haven't seen you in weeks and… Well, it's pretty obvious you're seeing somebody."

Shizuo swallowed hard.

"... What about it?"

Kadota jumped in. "We're happy for you if you're happy but… Well… It's a bit weird we haven't met…"

"Them."

Tom's use of a gender-neutral pronoun was not lost on Shizuo. He didn't correct them, but it sent a wave of relief over him. It meant that they had considered the possibility that Shizuo was hiding because he wasn't with a girl. Shizuo had never expected them to guess but found it put him at ease. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and relaxed. These really were his friends.

"I know I've been weird lately and I'm really sorry about that." All of the defensiveness in his posture and voice had drained out of his body with that breath and left him open and honest. Just like old times. "I don't mean to shut you guys out and I promise I'm not going crazy and lettin' this person take over my life or some shit. There's just… been a lot going in. But I'm taking care of it."

Shizuo took a deep breath in and prepared himself to make a promise he'd need to be ready to keep.

"If everything works out we'll all have lunch on the roof together soon so you can meet them."

Kadota seemed to relax immediately but Tom didn't look quite as satisfied.

"If everything works out?... What if it doesn't work out?"

Shizuo never considered himself an optimistic person before, but right now, he needs to be. Things will work out. Everything is going to be okay. It needs to me.

He chases Izaya's scent through a maze of alleyways with no idea where he's going. He runs deeper and deeper into the darker parts of the city without a second thought. Everything is physically darker. Half the street lights are dim and flickering and a good portion of the buildings are hardly lit at all. But he keeps running, chasing the faint smell of cyanide until it's taken over…

By fire.