Surprising myself with these quick updates, time for them to actually talk at last.

Chapter 8

Olivia sat on the small wall in the garden and watched Elliot as he walked towards her.

"Top up?" he asked her holding out the bottle of wine.

"Sure," she nodded thinking a little more alcohol would help this conversation. He refilled her glass and realised he hadn't brought his glass out. He sat down next to her and took a drink from straight from the bottle. Olivia looked over to him and raised her eyebrows."Forgot my glass," he explained.

They sat in silence for a short while.

"So talk," she said quietly.

Elliot nodded to himself and took a deep breath.

"First of all you have to know I never meant to hurt you…."

"How could you think…" she interrupted but Elliot held up his hand to stop her.

"Liv you need to let me talk. No interruptions otherwise all we are ever going to do is argue….Okay," he said glancing at her. She never spoke."Okay," he repeated.

"Okay….fine," she huffed. Elliot couldn't help but smile, she sounded like a huffy kid when she spoke.

"Like I was saying I never meant to hurt you. I was going through a lot of shit at work and away from work with Kathy. Maybe I should have told you, but I know what you are like, you would have tried to help me, tried to get me to go back and make a go of it with Kathy, but I didn't want to, not this time. Unlike the first time we separated, this time it was my decision. I wanted the divorce. Things hadn't been right between us since we got back together, but we tried for the kids. Then after the trouble with Kathleen and then Dickies friend we realised we weren't doing any good by staying together. I asked her for a divorce after I was cleared of assaulting Hunter Mason."

"But things were fine between you."

"No Liv they weren't. We pretended things were good, but neither of us was happy. You even said yourself you stopped her leaving during the Bushido case. We finally sat down and talked, we were honest with each other for the first time in years. We sat the kids down later that night and told them, I moved out two days later once I got an apartment."

"So why didn't you tell me then?"

"I planned to, I thought I had all the time in the world, but then things got really fucked up after Jenna, shooting her hit me really hard. If you thought I could be an asshole before the shooting that was nothing compared to what I was like in the weeks after it."

"You could have come to me? We were Partners I would have been there for you."

"Right after the shooting I didn't want anyone, I just wanted left alone. I started drinking to help me sleep; I kept missing my appointments to see the shrink." He looked across to her "I saw your calls and read your texts Liv and I went to answer you so many times or to call you back, but I just couldn't do it."

"Why?" she asked looking down into her drink.

"Because I was embarrassed," he told her. "The job had finally broken me, Kathleen being arrested, Dickies friend getting killed, Hunter, Sonia dying, I couldn't take it anymore, and I didn't want you to see me like that, I was a mess." Everything he told her was the truth, but he couldn't tell her the full reason not yet, it was too soon.

"And you really thought I would care about the mess you were in. You were my partner El, and my friend, I would have been there for you."

"I know, but I needed to sort myself out. Haung came to see me and I started to finally talk about what I wanted in my life. I wanted to get myself sorted before I came to see you. I didn't want any…"

"Baggage," she said still not looking at him.

"Yeah baggage," he said frowning as he looked at her. "But the longer I left it to get in touch the harder it became. Then your calls and texts stopped, I smashed up my phone and I just figured you were over me. That you didn't need me or miss me, I even got it in my head that you hated me, for what I had done. It took a lot of convincing from Haung that you didn't."

He watched her as she took a drink from her glass. "I could never hate you El… Seriously pissed with you for shutting me out, but I could never have hated you." Elliot took a long drink from the bottle as he listened to her talk. "It felt like a knife being driven into my heart when Cragen told me you had handed your papers in and weren't coming back. I felt like going around to your house and slapping some sense into you. I even drove to Queens twice and sat down the street from the house in my car. Of course I didn't know you had moved out then. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Liv, I know I could have handled things better but I thought I was doing the right thing, you have to believe me. I had finally built up the courage to come and see you when this job came up and I was told I was going undercover. I could have easily strangled Dana, and that was before she told me who I was to be married to," he smirked and saw Olivia smile. They sat in silence for a while taking in everything that had been said as they drank their wine.

"I miss you Liv. I have had you back in my life for almost a month and I feel further away from you now than I ever did when I left….. I just want my friend back."

"You think we can do that, after everything we have thrown at each other over the last few weeks."

"I'm sure we have said worse to each other over the years," he said nudging into her. "In fact I can think of quite a few times where you have called me a lot worse than a Prick."

She finally looked over to him and saw him smiling at her.

"I was always coming back to you Liv; I don't think I could live the rest of my life without you in it. I need you."

Olivia sniffed and reached up wiping the tears away that finally fell from her eyes.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you," she said her voice breaking.

"It's okay, I guess I deserved it, I was being a complete prick to you."

"And about earlier, what I said about Rollins and Dani, I'm sorry it's none of my business what you have done or do."

She jumped when she felt Elliot's hand on hers and he leant into her as he talked. "There is nothing going on with Rollins. I was just being a prick again," he told her. "And as for Dani we will talk about that another time," he said squeezing her hand as he stood keeping hold of her left hand. They both looked down at their joined hands as he ran his finger over the gold wedding band she was wearing. "You know Liv; if I had wanted a blond I would have stayed married to Kathy. I wouldn't have divorced her…. Blondes are so overrated," he grinned.

Olivia looked up at him and saw him smiling as he looked down at her hand, her heart beginning to race.

"We should get back inside," he said to her. "Everyone will be wondering where the hosts have gone," he said puling her to her feet so they were stood just inches apart. "We going to be okay?" he asked her still not leaving go of her hand.

"Yeah…. We will," she nodded. "We need to talk about things still, but I think we will be okay… I want my friend back as well," she smiled at him. He licked his lips and nodded.

"Come on let's get back to the party and try to enjoy ourselves on the free drink and food supplied by Cragen" he grinned holding her hand tighter as he led her back towards the house.

Finally they talked without killing each other. But I can't have everything running smoothly, what is it he is scared of telling her.

I will try for one more update before I go away for a week with my Cadets. I won't have any internet then so I will do my best.