Sugar and Spice – Chapter 9

My Wise Old Man

In the morning, Byakuya woke up before Ichigo and did the unthinkable.

Silently, he left the bedroom, collected his clothing from the bathroom and got dressed. He padded softly into the living room area, slipped on his shoes, his coat, and picked up the motorcycle helmet he had left on the countertop next to the cookbook. Briefly, he gazed at helmet he lent to Ichigo, but he decided he would have to leave it behind.

Just as he opened the apartment door to leave, another man stood with his hand extended as if he were just about to enter. He was wearing green hospital scrubs underneath his jacket.

Ishida looked up slightly surprised.

"Who... who are you?" He began to say when a look of recognition came to his face. "Ahh, you must be that pastry chef," he said, pushing up his glasses. Knowing this was Ichigo's chef, a blush began to turn his cheeks crimson when he envisioned the kind of activities that took place inside this apartment last night.

Byakuya nodded. "And you must be the roommate."

Ishida noticed how the chef looked a bit dishevelled, his raven hair uncombed and his shirt was wrinkled and un-tucked. It appeared as though he had just woken up.

"You sure seem to be leaving in a hurry." Ishida Uryū narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I apologize, but I need to be somewhere," Byakuya said coolly and brushed past the bespectacled younger man.

"Do you want me to give Ichigo a message?" Ishida offered as an afterthought.

Without turning back Byakuya said, "Tell him... I'm sorry."

Byakuya sighed heavily when he got on his parked motorcycle and drove away. He knew in his mind where he had to go, as if a beacon was beckoning him there. Misery and despair was bubbling up inside of him, gnawing on his desperate heart.

And all he could do was run.

To her...

The air was cold and fresh this morning, but Byakuya could not feel it. The sky was heavily overcast and grey, kind of how his body felt. So weary since he had barely slept at all, after he had laid down beside Ichigo last night. It only took Ichigo moments to fall asleep after kissing into his hair and telling him 'goodnight' in his sleepy, sated way.

Byakuya was not even sure if he had fallen asleep at all. It hadn't felt like it. He lay awake for hours just staring up in the dark, thinking and listening to Ichigo breathe deeply next to him. For a while, he even listened to that soft breathing and the next thing he knew, it was morning and his raw, tired eyes were open again.

The motorcycle came to a stop outside of a graveyard. Byakuya wandered through rows and rows of tall stone grave markers, and he stopped when he found the one he came to see.

Hisana Kuckiki.

Byakuya slowly walked up a few steps towards her grave and he just stood there like a statue, staring for a long time. It was as if he expected her to start talking to him, perhaps accusing him of being a horrible man, to scorn him for being an unfaithful husband.

He heard nothing of the sort.

"I'm sorry," he finally said quietly to her. "Please tell me that I have not hurt you, that I have not dishonoured what we had? Are you angry with me?"

Byakuya was torn.

It felt incredibly wrong that he should feel feelings of love for someone in the same way he had felt them for Hisana. Never did he think he could ever feel like that again. By feeling that way, it felt like he was betraying his dead wife, being disloyal to her.

"I did not mean for it to happen," he whispered miserably.

His heart hurt with the thought that he had the gull to fall in love with somebody else. Wasn't he supposed to love her forever? Is that not what he promised? He felt so selfish. Somehow, with the reawakening of his heart, with the discovery that it could indeed love again, he had opened old wounds. A chain of wounds he had spent the last six years trying to close, to stop them from bleeding all the time. He had even run away from his old existence, left the country to take on a completely new life. He discovered a challenge that occupied his heart in a different way and it helped to heal those wounds.

Then Ichigo wandered into his bakery...

And Byakuya's heart soared and there was an attraction unlike any other, as if fate had shoved him off the ledge and he fell head first with nothing to grab onto. At first, he thought it was just another harmless crush, someone to play with and tease, to admire from afar. Byakuya didn't expect to grow so fond of Ichigo this way. He never felt this kind of guilt when he sought to fulfill his needs with any other person.

However, Ichigo was different, so much different from anybody else. He was genuine, he was a good person—there wasn't a fake bone in his body. And when he looked into Ichigo's eyes, he could see the reflection of love that man had for him. There wasn't any question or doubt. Last night Byakuya could not stop himself, he could not stop the desire to feel the warm physical contact, to have someone to care for him and kiss his hair, or feed him truffles. To feel Ichigo's love. How badly he needed to feel it!

"I don't want to be alone, Hisana. But doing so make me feel as though I'm losing you all over again," he murmured wretchedly, kneeling down on the step. He swallowed hard as if to stop hot tears that stung his eyes.

"Byakuya... is that you?"

Byakuya stiffened. He knew that voice so he did not turn around. He did not answer back either, fearing that the emotion welling in his throat would give away his momentary torment.

"My son, I did not expect to see you here. I came to visit with your mother. What's the matter, why aren't you looking at me?"

Sōjun Kuchiki stood nearly as tall as his son did. He was a lean man, with dark blue, almost violet eyes that were softer, wearing a dark suit and a long black coat, his raven hair a little bit shorter than Byakuya's. It hung nearly the same way, except Sōjun now had a bit of grey around his temples. Normally he portrayed the traditional calm Kuchiki composure, but right now, he wore a look of concern when stumbling upon his son here at the graveyard.

Byakuya was very close with his father. Sōjun was the only person in the world that Byakuya trusted besides his sister Rukia. However, right now he could not face Rukia with such a dilemma. He wouldn't even know what to say to her. When Hisana passed away, his father was the one that urged him to go travel and rediscover his soul. His father was the one that supported his leaving the family company and living his own life.

Sōjun knelt next to his son, placing a hand on his shoulder kindly.

"You're upset," he said softly, his brows knotted with worry. Sōjun may have inherited the Kuchiki poise but he did not inherit the Kuchiki mask. He wore his feelings clearly on his face.

"Yes," Byakuya admitted.

"And you've come to speak to Hisana about it? Is she helping?"

Byakuya sighed. "She is not." He finally turned around and faced his father. "I've done something terrible, father."

Sōjun blinked in surprise to see Byakuya's eyes welled up with tears, but they did not spill. Rarely did Byakuya cry—such a stubborn boy, his son. Gently Sōjun reached out and brought his hand to Byakuya's face, brushing his thumb lovingly across the crest of his cheek.

"What could you have done that's so terrible," Sōjun said incredulously, listening and waiting patiently.

Suddenly, Byakuya felt as if he was eleven years old again and recalled the time he had burned his finger when he touched a hot pot handle. He had been trying to help his father cook dinner. The skin had blistered right away and his father rushed him to the tap to run cold water over the burn. Sōjun wiped away his tears with his thumb and kissed his stinging fingers afterwards—claiming kisses were like magic antidotes that took away the pain. Once a week his father declared that, he would cook their food instead of the hired cooks that normally fed them in their mansion. It was the best night of the week for Byakuya. He and his father both shared a love for cooking.

Byakuya cast his eyes aside and his face, removing his father's hand.

"I've fallen in love with someone."

It was almost amusing to see the puzzling expression on Sōjun's gentle face. He blinked with confusion and his lips parted as if to say something—then he closed them and sighed. Finally, a look of understanding appeared and his eyes lit up.

"So that's why you're here," he said understandably. "You've come to beg for forgiveness. Byakuya..." His father scolded gently. "Do you think that is what Hisana would want, for you to pine for her all your life, to be miserable and alone?"

When his father put it that way, Byakuya sighed out a 'no'.

"So then why, my son. Why let it eat you up like this?"

Byakuya stood back up and so did his father who watched him closely. He stuffed his cold hands inside his coat pockets unable to look his father in the eye.

"I haven't felt this way in so long, father. I had forgotten what it felt like." Byakuya felt a tear slide down his cheek. "It feels so wonderful, and yet, I feel guilty for having it when Hisana cannot. I feel as though I have let her down."

Sōjun smiled softly and embraced his child, closing his eyes. He spoke softly. "I can understand how you feel. I have not been lucky enough to find a love that matched the love of your mother's. And I miss her dearly every single day, trust me you won't forget about Hisana just because you've found another love. But let me tell you this," he said. "If I ever do find that kind of love again I would grab it and hold on to it so hard…so damn hard." He chuckled gently then. "I'd probably die of happiness to feel that way again. I'm almost jealous."

Byakuya let another tear soak into his father's shoulder.

"My son, don't run away again. You have been running for so long and I cannot bear to see you do it any longer. Hisana would probably be furious to hear you speak this way. You are dishonouring her with your misery."

A heavy sigh escaped Byakuya. "Perhaps you are right," he murmured.

"Give it time, Byakuya. Just enjoy this newfound romance. Ride that rollercoaster until they throw you off the ride!" Sōjun exclaimed.

Byakuya backed out of his father's embrace. He gave a small smile at his father's interesting choice of words.

Sōjun was beaming now. "That's something I love to see, a smile on your handsome face. You see, I told you that your face won't crack."

"Father..." Byakuya reproved.

"What? You are my son after all and I am always telling you, you are too darn serious. Tsk, like your grandfather." Sōjun scoffed. "I raised you from the moment you were just a screaming little kid. Only now, you don't scream as loudly anymore, but sometimes I wish you would. It can make you feel pretty darn good." He advised.

Byakuya chuckled softly.

"So now that you're smiling. Who is this person that has you all worked up?" There was a mischievous sparkle in Sōjun's eye now.

"His name is Ichigo Kurosaki."

The fine brows on Sōjun's face rose slightly. "That assistant at the bakery, the one you mentioned last week? What was it you said, the younger man with 'interesting orange hair'?"

"Yes."

"I see," Sōjun said spryly. "And I take it that you're coming from his place."

Byakuya sounded incredulous. "How can you tell?"

"Because it looks like you've just fell out of bed, Byakuya." Sōjun crossed his arms. "I wasn't born yesterday."

Byakuya nearly blushed.

Now Sōjun frowned, his face not appearing so gentle now. "And I also take it that Ichigo has no idea that you've run out on him without even saying a word, right?"

Only his father could cause Byakuya to hang his head in shame.

Sōjun 'tsk'd' his son again. "Looks like you'll have to make it up to him and soon. I suggest flowers and lots of butt kissing. Maybe even a bit of an explanation. He has a right to know how you feel. And if he cares about you the same way, he will understand."

His father was right. But when Byakuya heard those words, he thought of something else entirely, a crazy idea. "Father... I wonder if you could help me out with something. I need you to do me a favour."

"Anything my son, what can I do?"

Byakuya explained his proposal.

Sōjun smiled and nodded. "I'll see what I can do. But what if it backfires?"

Looking back at Hisana's gravestone, he assured. "I know a natural when I see one."

His father looked proudly at his son. "How about since we are here, we say hello to your mother? Here." Sōjun gave Byakuya one of the two white lilies he was holding. "You can't go empty handed," he said.

Byakuya took the flower. "I'd like that," he replied and dug out his cell phone. "Excuse me for a moment."

He sent Ichigo a text.

I've been stupid. If you can forgive me, I will explain everything

Let's spend tomorrow together? All day

My place, come early, we'll watch movies

I'll make dinner?

Bya-nana ;)

After Byakuya left the cemetery and said goodbye to his father, who he owed a ton of thanks to, he headed straight home and went straight to bed. The only thing nagging him was the fact that Ichigo had not replied yet to his text.

But he could not keep his eyes open any longer. All that emotional stress this morning and cold air, plus the lack of sleep all night took its toll. His father's words soothed him, he felt relief within his burdened heart and now he felt so drained, exhausted.

In moments, Byakuya fell asleep.

It would seem as soon as he slept he began to dream. He felt weightless and he was crying. He felt a wash of shame about that, even anger. He hated being so emotional and out of control.

All around him was a fog. There were no structures or life around him. It was as if he were dead and wandering around aimlessly in the afterlife.

It was not cold, the mist around him felt very warm and comforting like a blanket.

Feeling around, he reached out a hand hoping to find stability. His hand was dressed in a white glove, like the kind he might wear with an expensive tuxedo, one that he might have worn at his wedding.

Byakuya checked out his attire and, indeed, he was wearing his wedding clothes. It was an elegant black tuxedo with satin black lapels and a waistcoat underneath. At his neck, he felt a bow tie that felt as if it were strangling him. He retracted his hand and tugged at his collar to get some air.

It suddenly became hard to breathe. Tears spilled from his eyes and he gasped for air.

What was happening to him?

"Byakuya... my sweet husband, don't worry you're not dead." Spoke his dead wife's voice. "I am."

"Hisana...?" Byakuya wondered hopefully.

"Darling, I know you will never forget me," she said softly appearing like an apparition out of the mist.

Her attire was also her wedding clothes, a simple long white gown, straight and pooling around her feet. Her black hair was styled just the same, which hung just passed her shoulders, parted almost in the middle. She padded closer towards him, barefoot and appearing to be walking on air. But she didn't stumble as she moved gracefully.

When she got close enough, Byakuya reached out but he couldn't touch her, his hand couldn't find purchase. Pain filled his heart and it felt so overwhelming. "Hisana... I'm sorry," he said weakly. "I'm so sorry."

She hushed him and replied ever so softly. "Silly man, you have nothing to be sorry for. You have found love again and that makes me very happy. So very happy..."

Byakuya looked baffled at his lost love. "But—"

"—no Byakuya, don't make me upset. I will love you no matter what. You should not be here. Wake up."

Byakuya did not want to wake up, not yet. "Hisana, I've missed you so much."

"And I have missed you, Byakuya. Life with you was a splendid dream, but now it is time you continued that dream, for me. Go now, he's waiting..." Her violet eyes were watching him carefully for a moment. Then she turned and began to walk away, fading gradually as she went.

"Don't go!" beseeched Byakuya.

"Wake up."

"I love you," Byakuya pleaded.

"I love you too, silly man. Goodbye... for now."

And then just like that, Byakuya woke up with his head on a cold wet pillow, which was damp with his tears. He blinked rapidly trying to remember where he was. "Hisana..." he voiced softly inside the darkened room. It was obviously night time outside now. He let out an incredulous breath.

"Thank you," he told her, his voice swallowed up by the sheer silence in his room. Somehow, in his heart, he could feel her smiling down at him.

Suddenly, his phone gave a chirp. He reached over to his nightstand and picked up the phone. It read:

I won't lie. That hurt what you did.

I want to hear your explanation.

I'll be there around 11.

Don't expect me to voluntarily call myself strawberry.

Forget it.

Ichigo

Byakuya just laughed as he stared at Ichigo's grumpy message. He flopped back down against the pillows, eyes closing again. Yes, he had some explaining to do and it would not be easy, but he would do it. He would do it for him.

"Ichigo..." he murmured warmly, still holding his phone, clutching it to his chest. Byakuya allowed his heart to feel the warmth it so craved. In moments, he fell asleep again, peacefully this time. The heavy burden lifted from his soul.

A/N: Yes, I know a really short chapter. But it needed to be done, Byakuya needed his closure and he needed his daddy! I really hope you enjoy this Sōjun, he is, as I like to call him, a special and rare Kuchiki :) I wanted so badly to be able to write something with Sōjun in it. I'd like to think an AU Sōjun would be a friendly dad, someone Byakuya would be proud to call father. Sorry for the angst! But I was reading up on some stuff and people who lose a loved one often feel major guilt when they start dating other people. The next chapter will make up for all this emo stuff with serious fluff and yummy stuff. Ack! That rhymes *winks*

Reviewers:

ctofi1 - Many thanks for sticking with me throughout this story so far! It means so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the lemon and I hope you enjoy this chapters as well! Merci!

Niji Akahana - Excellent! I hope to provoke many more nosebleeds in the near future lulz! Lemons are so much fun to write *grins* Thanks so much for making me smile! And thank you for the comments.

igotmoneymoney - Weee! Thank you! :)

Cerulean Twin - Awww! Haha! Thanks so much hun! You're amazing! I'm over the moon that you like it and I really hope you continue to do so. *hugs*

CallMeSenseiKuchiki - Thanks so much my friend! Glad you found it hot, we likes hot Bya/Ichi hehe! I hope you liked Sōjun:)

fahaar - Yay! Comments! lol! Thanks so much :)

Yonaka Kyoki - Really happy to hear you liked the lemon. I really enjoy writing lemons and I'm also glad you liked the different ending. I find I often add quirky after-sex discussions because people say the silliest things sometimes. It's a great time to add in some fun stuff between characters. Lets you peek into their world. And of course Byakuya's guilt in this case. Yay! Sōjun!

My0wnlittleworld247 - I love your penname btw! It states exactly how my brain works XD! Your review really made my day! You say exactly what I feel about Byakuya's character sometimes. He's a maiden which gets repetitive. And that can be alright sometimes, but I like to think he's a man, damnit! A man with real needs and quirks like any normal person. I like a seme and an uke Byakuya, but seme Byakuya is more fun. I like a take-charge Bya. I guess it depends on the story, too. But in this story it feels like he needs to be seme, however, he does switch it up in one chapter :P I will keep trying to add chapters often lol! Thanks for you lovely insight. I really appreciate it! :)

Shenigmatic - Thanks so much hun! I love how you said this: "sophisticated air and added the sly flirtatious and ballsy attitude." THIS is exactly what I'm trying to give Byakuya's character, exactly. Outside of the anime I imagine Byakuya to be this way more. Aww! You're too cute! It's alright I get the same way over others people's fics hehe! You're comments make me happy! Thanks again!

Jushiro Ukitake 2013 - Your comments are sweet thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the build up hehe and the release *winks* Yikes! That was dirty XD! Thanks again my friend!

A fellow reader - Hehe... I'm glad it was worth the wait ^_^ Thanks for your comments.

Chibi'prince-sama - Weee! thank you! Your comments are awesome :)

Usamimi chan - Yay! I'm so happy I could bring you the scene with the dough. It was definitely one of my thoughts when I first started dreaming up scenes for this fic lol! Hehe, Ishida will open up a bit later ;) Aww, I probably didn't explain that scene well with Byakuya and Aizen perhaps. I tried to mention in the chapter that Byakuya wasn't afraid to use violence if he had to. I agree! I didn't want to make Bya seem like a wimp that couldn't protect himself, but it was just that Ichigo got to Aizen faster than Byakuya lost his own shit XD! I guess I didn't get that message across as well as I had hoped. Maybe we should start calling lemons chocolate truffles instead hehe! I wouldn't have a problem with that. Your comments totally make my day! You always have such great insight! Thank you!

Mdog - Hmm... 'smarts' is just slang for 'hurts' where I come from XD And that's how I wanted Ichigo to sound. I imagine he might talk with slang once in a while. But thank you for your suggestion :) And thank you very much for reading this fic!

geecee - I love a brave and bold Ichigo! He's just a bit of a bumbling fool when it comes to boys he's attracted to. i.e. Byakuya lulz! But now that he's gotten to know Byakuya a little more personally, *insert nosebleed here*, he won't have to be so shy anymore. I know you like your Bya uke, so for you to say you liked this chapter means a lot hehe! *squishes* You are delicious my friend!