Chapter 13
She sniffed and looked up at him as he gently cupped her cheek.
"I was in love with you."
"El…..Don't…."
"I. Am. In love with you Detective Benson," he whispered as he looked into her eyes. "I have been for so long, but I tried to deny it, ignore it so I didn't ruin our partnership and lose my family. But in the end it became too much, people were starting to notice," he said leaning towards her. "And I knew it was only a matter of time before I told you," he whispered just as their lips were about to touch.
"Hey Sarge!" yelled Carl from behind then. "Where did everyone go?" he asked his voice slurred still from the drink.
"You got to be fucking kidding me," Elliot said his forehead falling forwards and he heard Olivia let out a shaky breath.
"El I think you need to get him back in," she said as she looked over his shoulder at Carl, who was stood naked in the doorway, scratching his head and looking confused.
"We aren't finished here," he smiled at her and she nodded. "We still have a lot to talk about."
"We do, but I think we should wait until after this case."
"Whoa, I'm so drunk," giggled Carl leaning against the door.
"Liv, this is too important to wait, we could be here for weeks yet."
"We can't blow this case because of feelings we may have," she said to him looking around at Carl who had slid down the door.
"What do you mean, feelings we may have?" he asked getting annoyed. "I tell you I left the unit because I was in love with you, we just almost kissed… we would be kissing if that fucking idiot hadn't come out and you want to wait to talk?"
"I am not going to blow this case," she said in a harsh whisper starting to get annoyed as she watched Carl slump to the side as he giggled and talked to himself. "We will talk later when we don't have Munch, Fin and Cragen watching us," she said starting to walk away.
Elliot grabbed her arm to stop her.
"I don't care if they are watching us, we need to talk, we can't ignore this."
Olivia knew he was right but she could feel herself getting angry with him. He ignores her for months and then this. He tells her he loves her. He finally said the words she had wanted to say to him for all those years, but couldn't. She had tried to tell him when she came back from Oregon and he was still separated from Kathy, but couldn't get the words out. A few months after her return she knew she had to say something to him. She had planned on talking to him and finding out his feelings when he announced Kathy was pregnant. She remembered how she had gone home and broken down whilst in the shower. She had sat on the floor the water flowing over her as she drank from the bottle of vodka until the water ran cold.
"We had months to talk Elliot, but you decided I wasn't worth the time. Well now it's your turn to wait."
"Jesus Christ have you heard yourself. Liv we can't ignore this we need to talk about what has just happened what was just said"
"And like I said, we will, after this job is done. Now I suggest you get him inside before he wakes the whole neighbourhood," she said pulling her arm from him and walking back into the house past Carl who was singing loudly grinning from ear to ear.
Elliot watched her leave. He couldn't believe he had finally told her he was in love her and she didn't want to talk about it. He had saw the look in her eyes as he said it, she had leant into kiss him as well. She had wanted it as much as he had. He felt his anger building as he stormed across the grass towards Carl.
"Get your drunken ass up," he ordered grabbing his arm and pulling him to his feet. Carl stopped singing and looked at Elliot hiccupping.
"Your wife is hot," he grinned at Elliot. "You are soooo lucky Sarge."
"Shut the hell up," Elliot told him as he carried him back into the house and up the stairs, throwing him back on the bed. He walked back down the corridor and stopped outside the main bedroom. "Fuck this," he mumbled and turned around heading back downstairs and into the kitchen.
He looked through to the sitting room and remembered the extra camera that had been set up by Mark. He opened the cupboard and took out the bottle of whisky and poured himself a large drink.
"Elliot you okay?" asked Mark from behind him.
"Fine," he grunted turning around and leaning back against the sink."Sorry I didn't meant to wake you," he said trying to sound genuine.
"You didn't. Carl did staggering through here did though."
Elliot nodded and took another large drink finishing off the glass and pouring himself another.
"Olivia didn't seem very happy when she came back through here," he said and Elliot tried his best not to glare at him and shrugged his shoulders.
"She is a little pissed at me," he told him, pretending to slur his words slightly to make Mark think he was a little drunk.
"Yeah, she looked it," he said and Elliot noticed the small smirk on his lips.
"Friggin women are never happy," Elliot said. "She is getting just like my ex wife," he sighed. Mark came into the kitchen a little more and rested on the bench opposite Elliot. Elliot picked up a glass and poured him a drink handing it to him.
"Olivia is your second wife?" he asked taking the glass from him.
Elliot nodded and began to chuckle. "She worked in the same building as me at my first base, we became friends, and well you can guess the rest."
"You had an affair with her?"
Elliot shrugged. "It was more than just an affair. My ex wife was always moaning about the bases we were sent to, she was never happy at the amount of time I spent at work and not with her and she bitched about everything and everyone. Olivia was different, I could talk to her, we could have a laugh when we were together."
"Was Olivia married?"
"No, she never had been until we tied the knot."
"So she was happy to have an affair with you, knowing you were married."
"Well I wouldn't say happy, and I wasn't exactly truthful with her at the start. I had told her me and the ex-wife were already going through a divorce. Once I knew it was getting serious with her I put in for the divorce. "
He could see the look of disgust on Marks face.
"What," he laughed. "I wasn't going to give up on marriage if this thing with Olivia wasn't serious. My ex-wife may have been a complete bitch to me all the time but she amazing in bed."
"So why is Olivia pissed at you?" he asked. "If you don't mind me asking? She seemed okay earlier."
Elliot shook his head.
"She hates it here. She didn't want to come here in the first place. She refused at first to mix with the other wives and didn't want any of them around here. It was like she thought I was going to do the same with them as I did with her. And then she heard the rumours about the rapes that happened and she has been on my case ever since to leave."
Elliot watched him trying to get a read on him when he mentioned the rapes but his expression never changed.
"I heard about those rapes. I hear the wives talking about them; it seems to have freaked a few of them out."
"Trust me I understand that but Christ the way she is going on about it is driving me crazy."
"Is that what she was upset about tonight?"
Elliot chuckled. "Oh no, that I could handle. It's her constantly going on about me talking to other women. I mean for god's sake, she is totally paranoid I am going to cheat on her."
"Well you know what they say," said Mark taking a large drink. "Once a cheater always a cheater," he smirked.
Elliot narrowed his eyes and glared at him.
"What the fuck do you mean by that," he snapped.
Mark jumped a little.
"It's just…. Sorry it's nothing, it's just a saying."
"You think because I cheated on my first wife I am going to cheat on Olivia?"
"No….. But, you were pretty close to that blonde tonight and Olivia didn't look happy."
"Yeah well maybe if she learnt to enjoy herself a bit more, I wouldn't need to have a laugh with other women. But having a laugh isn't having a fucking affair," he said finishing off his drink and slamming the glass down on the top. "I'm going to bed," he said pushing himself forward and staggering slightly. "I have had enough shit for one night."
He climbed the stairs slowly and walked along the short corridor standing outside the bedroom. Sighing he pushed the door open quietly walked into the dark room. He carefully made his way around the bed and climbed in. He couldn't see if Olivia was awake or asleep but he guessed she was probably awake. He turned on his side to face her in the dark.
"I know your awake Liv," he said quietly. "And I get why your angry with me for just coming out with it all and that my timing sucked, but I saw the look in your eyes when I told you how I felt. And I know you feel something as well. That's why you left for Oregon, that's why you were pissed about Dani. Its why you distanced yourself from me when Kathy got pregnant and its why me leaving hit you so hard."
Elliot heard her sniff but didn't say anything.
"I have waited all these years to finally get the courage up to tell you how I feel. To finally leave Kathy so I had a chance to be happy with you. And maybe I did do it in a fucked up way and I could have handled it better, but I'm so happy the truth is finally out. And if it means I have to wait years for you to say it back to me, then that's fine I will wait. And if you want to act as though none of this happened until we finish this case then okay. I'm not ecstatic about it but I understand and I will give you time."
He heard her sniff softly again as he moved across towards her. She had her back to him and lying on her side. He moved his head so his chin was almost resting on her shoulder and laid his hand gently on her hip over the top of the blanket.
"I love you Olivia Benson," he said softly smiling as he did. "And I am not running anymore, okay."
He kissed her neck gently before moving away and rolling over so his back was to her. Knowing if he was to lye facing her he wouldn't be able to keep his hands from reaching for her.
Olivia felt Goosebumps across her body as his lips brushed against her neck after he told her yet again that he loved her, before he moved back across the bed. She lifted her hand and wiped away the tears.
"I love you too," she said silently to herself as more tears fell.