Rey's head pounded, her lungs burned, but she couldn't keep her eyes open, they fluttered shut again. She moved weakly, her joints screamed, she felt awful, and she slipped back into sleep. Once again she stood at the center of the circle, the hole going into the ground, the hole was white, it glowed semi brightly, the ground under her feet were black; across from her on the opposite side stood Ben. his hair was curling slightly, blowing in some invisible wind she couldn't feel. His eyes down casted, a frown on his face. The scar shone brightly, red against white skin with a splash of black background from his hair. He wore black jedi clothes. Similar in style to her grey desert clothes, the tunic hung down around his knee, the wind blowing it ever so slightly. The pants were tucked into black boots, polished so finely the light from the ground reflected back.
The white light pulsed, getting warmer and warmer to stand around, rey held her hand up in front of her eyes to block the light, Ben was doing the same on the opposite side, he was looking at her now. Yelling to get her attention, but all the noise she heard was a ringing noise in her ears. He started trying to run around the side of the hole, it was round, he should be able to get to her. But the faster he ran, the farther his long legs took him; he never moved from where he was. He reached out to her, yelling, screaming, she reached out as well; her hand making contact with something soft but she couldn't see anything. The ringing becoming louder and louder until she was sure it'd drive her crazy. She looked down, suddenly she was wearing a white gown instead of her grey desert robes. Then they faded back in again, her shoes being swallowed by the white light, it hurt. She opened her mouth to scream but no noise came out.
Then the white light blurred everything, a man stood over her, with a bright light shining in her eyes, she closed her eyes again. The ringing was no longer overpowering her ears, she heard a muted beeping noise from a machine behind her. She was coming back into the real world. How long she'd been out she wasn't sure. She turned her head slightly, looking to her left, her hand is reached out loosely holding onto Ben's hand, which is also reached out towards her. His fingers had scars and small burns on them, they were rough and smooth in places, she turned her head back towards the doctors. He was talking to her, asking her if she knew where she was, who she was. Her response was a weak squeak coming out from a dry mouth. She glanced around the room, bright white lights, bright white walls and floor. Everything was white, her head pounding as she rolled her body, trying to get up. Hoping to get up, the doctor softly pushed her back down.
His words coming in and out of her focus loosely. "You'll be dizzy" she heard, "been awhile." he continued speaking, she ignored him as he turned towards Ben, talking to her, but she didn't listen anymore. She swung her legs out of the bed, her feet touching the white floor, cold under her feet, she pulled her toes back up from the ground, and then placed them heavily on it. She stood, wobbling a little, she put her hand on the machine next to her to steady herself. The ground spinning, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to tell what was the ground, walls or ceiling with all this white around her. She almost knocked the doctor over when she stumbled the small distance between her and Ben's bed. It took three small steps, but her feet were dragging, her feet weak and buzzing. Like they had been asleep too long and she had captured the sound bad electronic connections had and shoved that feeling into her legs.
The doctor let out a small surprised chirping noise, when she slumped onto the lower half of the bed Ben was sleeping in. He was starting to come out of whatever they've been in, whether it was something done to them on purpose or not would be the determining factor. One of the nurses were arguing with another doctor, telling him that they should keep the two of them apart. Rey ignored them and sat on the edge of the bed, slowly pulling her legs up onto the bed, she was small so she'd stay right at the end. It wouldn't be the first time she's slept at his feet, probably wouldn't be the last knowing the amount of their injuries. She could hear his grumbling first, the way the doctors breath hitched when he started to wake.
Ben looked innocent enough when he was sleeping, but awake, they'd seen what he's been capable of. Once she was settled and sure enough the doctors weren't going to drag her off his bed, she allowed herself to breath and feel. She felt empty. Her whole insides feel raw and weak, like she'd just spent over a week back on jakku without much water, her lips cracked and dry. Her insides feeling cracked and dry. When she moved her arm to reach up and grab Ben's hand, her ribs pulled, the skin on 2 places on her chest and stomach burned and pinched. She choked back a gasp as she let her arm drop again. Rey looked up in time to see Ben wake up with a jolt. All the nurses and doctors around them jumped back, staring as he sat up, his hand flying to his head, probably pounding like hers. Besides the machines beeping all the noise stopped, everyone too afraid of him to move, to check on him. The sheets fell away from his torso, to show 2 red circles on his upper body. One near the middle of his stomach area, slightly above and to the left of his belly button, and the other one further up and to the left, right under his ribs. Those scars fresh and barely healed, stood out compared to all the other scars he had. His new ones seemed to be in the same places Rey's burned.
Ben groaned. He held his head in his hand, the other gripping the sheets tightly as he tried to figure out where he was. Although with the doctors fearing him, they worked in mostly silence, out of his direct line of sight. Ben looked up and his eyes met with Rey's, he looked disheveled and she felt like it as well. Suddenly aware her hair is sticking up in every direction, she probably had dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was probably washed out and sickly looking from not being outside in however long its been since they both almost died. But he didn't seem to care, he let go of his head, reached towards her, ignoring the burning they both felt on their new wounds. He had to lean forward, not too far with his arms fully extended since he was so tall. He grabbed her and pulled her towards him like a sack of potatoes.
The doctors let out another sharp breath as he pulled Rey into his lap and held her, smoothing her hair down his hand as he softly rested his cheek against the top of her head. Rey huffed softly but held Ben back just as hard as he held her. Her ribs creaked, her wounds burned, and her mind and emotions felt broken and raw. She softly reached out across the bond, his emotions were swirling like a tornado. But all the heat was gone. Suddenly his emotions felt as empty and cold as she felt before. Before his emotions felt like sitting at a warm fire on a cool night when he was calm. Before they felt like lava running melting metal and burning wood when he was angry. But now he felt like a cold ocean mist cooling her skin. She suddenly felt too internally and needed the cool chill of his emotions.
Ben felt her touch across the bond. Her touch feeling like a fevered hand reaching for a glass of water. He felt different, he felt wrong, never in Ben's life had he ever felt cool before. Before he took the name of Kylo, he had always been a low burning flame. Something wasn't right, the energy he felt coming from Rey was overly warm, her body not burning too hot, but her emotions, her soul, SHE felt like she had suddenly caught fire. Not knowing where to go or what to do, he just continued to hold her, until she had slipped back into a sleep, the doctors worrying she'll slip back into acoma. But waking up was hard for them, this sleep was now a restful sleep. Once he was sure she was deep enough in her sleep, he stood, taking her with him like she was nothing more than a doll, and placed her back on her bed. One of the nurses put the blanket back on top of her and handed him a shirt. He picked at the machine stickers with his fingernails and then pulled the shirt over his head. He already was wearing the pants that matched the shirt, which were much too wide for him. Instead of tall and skinny he was wearing tall and wider clothing. Maybe these scrubs belonged to that one nurse, who seemed to be 7 feet tall and as wide as a door.
"You need to stay in bed and rest." one of them said, her scrubs a light blue, the only other color than white in this room. He just looked at her uninterested. She shut her mouth and huffed before turning to leave.
"Is the rest of this base like this? Will i need shoes?" Ben asked, his voice sounding weird in his own ears. The nurse looked at him softly, before leaving the room, he sighed wondering if she knew who he was, what he had done. Suddenly with the fire gone, he no longer felt so rough and hollow. Suddenly he didn't feel the need to be the worst possible form of himself. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, watching Rey sleep softly, waking up and seeing her large eyes, hollow looking face staring at him had felt like just another lightsaber to the heart. He had almost killed her, and himself. Ben took a steading breath, running his hands through his loose hair, it had gotten decently long, he normally kept it at about the same length, just long enough it framed his face. But now it was a good 3 inches longer.
How long had they been out? He sat on his bed with a heavy thump, loud enough he worried he might accidentally wake Rey up. Everytime he thought of her he had the desire to reach out and touch her face. To feel how soft her skin was under his fingers again. He almost allowed himself to stand again, to reach over and brushed the hair out of her face, when the nurse he saw earlier had came back. She was holding a pair of what seemed to be hard bottomed slippers. She mumbled a soft. "All i could find." and slipped out again before Ben could say thank you. He scoffed to himself. Slippers.
After donning his slippers, and the borrowed scrubs that were too large on the sides but barely long enough, he left the hospital room. Turning down hallways that started out as white medical tile until it became regular stone flooring. Where ever they were this place was old. Ben didn't like the way everyone glanced at him, without trying to look at him. The base started to get colder the more he followed the force, the hairs on his arms standing on edge as he moved deeper and deeper into the base. Ben wasn't sure where he was going, or why he had left Rey's side, every other moment they have had together, he had to closely been dragged away.
The bond was growing stronger in his mind, it was pulling at his edges, reminding him which way was home, a breadcrumb trail that couldn't be tampered with. Eventually his walking lead him to an old door, inside a storage closet. The chains that once held it shut were cut and put on the shelf next to it. The dust on the floor had recently been disturbed by one set of shoes. He knew who was behind this door, he could feel it in his veins, which for the first time in his life ran with deep seeded icy hate, instead of the burning rage he use to feel. Ben rubbed at his arm for a moment before he decided to open the door, he could feel every scar under his fingers, every burn and cut he ever received on his arms. He took a deep breath and opened the door to the caves. The glowing lights taking a moment to show up in his vision, he stood right on the other side of the door for a moment, letting the low light become the light. Ben started walking down the path that was lighted by jars of white glowing slime that dripped down the walls.
Everything glowing in here was odd, most things just turned colorless in darkness, but these kept their sight and color but glowed instead. Thinking about anything other than speaking to luke helped calm him, the nerves in his body swishing like and over full bottle of water. But he had to speak to him before Rey woke up, because something wasn't right, neither of them felt right. He walked up behind luke, who didn't seem to notice him, or he did was and choosing to ignore him.
"Good to see you up Rey." Lukes voice, sounding tired and strained.
"Actually Rey's sleeping again." Ben said, he watched Luke flinch, jump up and face him. All of it so quick for a man that's decently old.
"But- you felt like Rey. what are you doing?!" Luke reached for his lightsaber, which wasn't at his waist. Ben took a deep breath and just held his hands up weakly in front of him in surrender.
"I'm not doing this on purpose. Something isn't right. Before when i reached through the bond with Rey, i'd feel a chilling mist of water, or when she was upset or angry, i felt a storm raging, the ocean swirling. Now she feels like a low burning flame, the sand in hot sunlight." Ben walked up to where Luke was sitting, and sat down next to him. Luke still looking like a scared cat, all puffed up and ready to pounce. The rock was cold beneath Ben's clothing, his hands resting on the rock surface. All the heat was being pulled out of him and into this rock. Places strong with the Jedi force always felt draining to him, compared to how Luke described it as calming seeping of all negative emotions and thoughts. That's all Ben had to hold him up. Negative thoughts and emotions. What was left after it was all taken away? A hollow husk.
Once several years ago Luke and Ben had sat like this before at a sight similar in nature. A voice Ben now knew as Snoke use to haunt his mind, creating dark pockets of hatred and despair. Those emotions and thoughts would fill him up until he felt himself to be bursting until the night Luke had tried to kill him. Maybe snoke was clouding Lukes mind too, maybe in a way it was both of them together that finally caught the flame. Ben had burned the school to the ground, taken a few children with him, to give to this voice as a peace offering. Killed the others, while snoke told him to let them burn alive. Even the evil he commited had a form of mercy. Yet no one else would see it that way.
"I'm letting old things die. Im done letting the past that's been corrupted by Snoke drag me anywhere i don't wish to go." Ben's voice echoed through the caves softly. Even he could hear the pain in his voice, betrayed by his own master so many years ago, days ago he betrayed his master himself then. How cycles seem to continue.
"You two have been out for close to two months." Luke said, slowly sitting back down beside Ben. His bones creaking and popping as he went down, Ben realized Luke was getting old. The jedi order wouldn't be lasting long anymore. Ben could sense that Luke knew something else, something he wasn't telling him, but he weakly ignored it for now. It'd come out eventually, as all things do.
"Tell me Luke. What is to happen to us now?" Ben said into the silence of the caves, he could see Luke shifting, trying to draw timeout to think before he responded.
"You've committed vast crimes against the galaxy, it's people, it's leaders. Any other person the punishment would be death. But… death with you comes at a price. Your counterpart would also die, and she has a bright future ahead of her of helping with the light." Ben released the breath he had been holding, he knew that's the truth, if it wasn't they would of let him die months ago. Rey was too important to them, but did Luke feel the darkness she had inside of her too?
During their fight she had poured every emotion, every thought, every darkness she ever had into the bond to throw him off balance. The bond now felt heavy with overflowing emotions, even months after the fight. Ben had done the same, he had dumped every feeling, every darkness he held into that bond, but what had happened afterwards? Where did all those raw emotions go? Back into each other? Did they mix and create some kind of grey blob floating around? Ben chewed on the inside of his cheek, he didn't feel like he use to, before that battle, was it all really Snoke, or was he absorbing Rey's good side?
The water was softly bubbling, flowing, trickling down the walls. Despite the draining feeling he always had, he crossed his legs to meditate with the intention of calming himself. He hadn't tried it in so many years he was almost sure he was doing it wrong. He sat like that for hours, the rock underneath him draining him of everything that he was, but for the first time he didn't mind. He kept gently touching the bond, hoping that he'd feel her coolness coming through, crashing against his heat and steaming. Instead all he felt was overbearing heat, heat that felt like physical clouds that he couldn't wade past. His chest hurt, his heart pounded, and Luke peeled his eyes off of him before standing and turning to leave.
"I need to find a women. You wouldn't happen to have access to the First Order data logs would you?" Luke's voice echoed across the caves, his voice almost being drowned out by the heat in Ben's mind, all he managed was a weak nod. That's if the First Order hadn't utterly collapsed on itself with those in lower commands having a power hungry bloodbath over who would become the next leader. Luke's feet softly carried him away and out of the cave system until it was just Ben, sitting cross legged and breathing deeply. Searching the expanse of the galaxy for some kind of information. If the first order thought him dead, they wouldn't be concerned with getting rid of his data, and he's sure from the puddle of blood the two of them left behind there would be plenty of blood to convince them he was dead. Maybe that's what he wants.
Rey bolted awake, her chest tight with fear, to find herself not where she had been the first time. The first room had been larger, with bright lights everywhere, built into the walls, the ceiling. Everything was a bright white in that room as well, big enough to hold two beds and all the monitoring equipment they needed. But now she was in a dimly lit room, the floor based lights that were tucked up against the walls had a soft white glow. This room was also white, but the floor had a more off white light, while the ceiling wasn't white at all.
Ben wasn't here with her, and this room only held one bed. She reached out for Ben through the bond, he was there, he was alive, he was far away and meditating. His insides felt cold, like a bucket of ice water had been poured on his fire. She felt out to him with the burning edges of her mind and he blocked her contact; and it stung. He's busy, show told herself, her chest squeezing at the thought. He didn't have to humor you everytime you came calling. She whispered to herself in her mind. You had tried to kill him. The memory flipping through her mind. She flinched.
But she was scared, scared of where they were, what was going on and what would be happening with their lives now. Had they been captured by the First Order, was she a prisoner once again. Or had the rebels managed to take them home. Where was this home now? She felt out with the force, glancing her minds fingers over the edges of everything and everyone. She didn't feel the neat order of hallways and levels. The building was built down in twisting passages, deep inside this planet she reached out into caves made of crystals, glowing things and Ben. she opened her own eyes and Luke was standing in front of her, staring very intently, as if he had felt her touch slide over him like he was nothing. He hadn't like what he felt either it seems. He had a deepening frown that got deeper as it glanced over her face.
"He was right, something isn't right here." he said, rubbing his beard before turning and leaving the room. Not even a hello. It felt like a glancing blow across her chest, tightening the hollow burning she felt. She looked around the room and found a stack of clothes, a pair of scrubs with a long sleeved shirt. And a pair of hard soled slippers. She changed into the given clothes, out of the gown they had her in, and quietly left the room.
She made he way through the base, at first going to where Ben was, but about halfway there she decided that he didn't want her around. So she'd wait till he seeked her out. She decided she wasn't always going to follow him. Her chest burned at being lonely, even at a place that was suppose to have friends. Finn was somewhere, she could feel him, but he was drowning in his misery at the fact Poe had betrayed them. As far as she knew they weren't sure why he had still, he was always so fast to want to defend everyone from the First Order. Maybe while he had been held prisoner they had done some kind of brainwashing on him. She wandered past hallways and meeting rooms.
The command center had all the important people in there, none of them glanced at her, she felt like a ghost, floating past people with her toes barely touching the floor. She wanted a purpose, a reason to be here. Before everything it had been to bring Luke home, to defeat kylo, to defeat the supreme leader. Ben had cut down the supreme leader like he was made of butter. Had Kylo been defeated the moment Ben had cut him down? Or was he still in there, waiting for Ben to lose control again. Could he lose control when all he had left inside of him was ice.
Rey eventually found a rebel who didn't seem to busy, asked him where the showers and an empty room could be found for her to sleep in. the look he gave her was of surprise.
"You are Rey aren't you?" He said, his black hair cut short to his head, his blue eyes shining. Rey nodded her head, slowly, worried as to the reason he was so excited to see her.
"You have your own rooms, they come with a private bathing room. Everyone's been waiting for you to wake up, you have a very important rank now." he said, his voice chipper, it felt grating on her head.
As they walked she had to stop, and put her hand against the wall, to take a breather. This base was very large and her wounds burned so much.
"Should you even be out of bed?" his voice sounded so concerned. Something about the way he tilted his head at her made her feel like a child again. She shoved off the wall, rage beginning to pool in her chest.
"I'm fine" she barked, her voice coming out harsher than she meant, but he just nodded and continued walking; now in silence for the rest of the way. On the far side of the base was where her rooms were located, as far from the hospital wing as you could get. Maybe they knew she'd want away, maybe it was convenient to shove her all the way over here. She wasn't sure and clenched her fists. Once they rounded the corner and saw her door, there was a pile of things outside of it. What seemed to be flowers, and cards, random things that made no sense to her. She picked one of them up tenderly, and examined it. The young man that had brought her here had clapped his hands together. A large smile on his face.
"Oh i'm glad everyone has been leaving you get well soon gifts." his voice had all the excitement she didn't feel. She turned over the card, in big loopy writing it said 'Get well soon' with a large smiling cat drawn on it. Everything in front of her seemed to be hand made. Things were signed from people she'd never met, people she didn't know.
"I don't understand." her voice coming out rougher than intended, her emotions were so raw she couldn't control how she sounded. Like it wasn't even her speaking anymore.
"It's a thing people do to let you know they care. Let me help you pick everything up so you can take it into your room and look through it all."
She stood there and watched as he picked up card after card, object after object, what seemed to be little stuffed animals and flowers. Loose flowers, vases of flowers. He made a few trips, putting everything on the desk in her new rooms. After he had finished collecting everything, he started to walk away. He glanced back and saw her just weakly staring at the empty spot on the floor where everything had been sitting. He frowned, walked back over to her and help guide her into the room. He gently directed her to sit at the desk. And said something about sending a nurse to check on her. He left her sitting there and closed the door.
Not sure how much time had passed since he left, she finally moved out of the chair, the shock of everyone concern finally wearing off. She was curious of where she was, so she opened drawers filled with clothes similar to jedi robes, her old clothes, a new style of her old clothes. The grey desert clothes she had once worn, even sleeping clothes had been given to her. In another closet she found what seemed to be jackets and shoes. What was the outside like? The inside of the base had been pleasant, but as far as she could tell the base was built downwards. Into the planet. Was it cold outside? She felt the bond pull, Ben had decided he was ready to see her, after the way he held her in the hospital she thought he wouldn't of left her side. He would of been at the foot of her bed like she had been at the foot of his, she felt a bitterness in her chest, she could almost taste it. So she slammed down the bond, refusing to respond when he came knocking at her door thirty or so minutes later, instead she got up and went into the showers. Why she felt so bitter she wasn't sure, every negative emotion seemed to be geared up to ten and she couldn't shut it down.
Ben had knocked on her door, after finally getting up from meditating, something wasn't right with Rey, she felt raw and angry. She had slammed down the bond so quickly that he almost wasn't sure it was her doing it. He could feel her rage even after she closed the gate between them, once before it had been a wall, with nothing coming or going through the bond, it was now a large metal gate. Still just as blocking, but her emotions could pour out through the gaps of the gate. He could feel rage and bitterness, and a crushing sense of isolation. He shouldn't have pushed her away when she first came seeking for him. Ben knew something was wrong but he just seemed to make it worse.
He could hear the water start after he had knocked, she had waited till he was there to get in, to make sure she wouldn't be out by the time he came looking for her. He thought about waiting until she was done, but he had to go find Luke in the command center. Had to face the music. He had seeked Rey out to say goodbye, incase they sent him away from her. But she was angry and wouldn't see him. He knocked again, and sent his regret through the bond. Ben knew she could feel it, running his hand through his hair. He turned his back to the door and went to the command center.
The walk back to the command center didn't feel as long as the walk to Reys rooms had felt. He walked in still wearing his borrowed scrubs and slippers to stand in front of the newest generals and the commanders. Luke stood off to the side at a computer talking to a techinction. Their voices hushed, but Luke's concern written all over his face. The moment he entered the room, everyone had turned to look at him. Including a short, fat looking man with a commanders rank. He had blue skin and looked vaguely like a frog. Although Ben just ignored all of them and walked past to where Luke stood. Luke glanced over his shoulder briefly before going back to what he was doing.
"Why is this man just walking around. Someone arrest him please." the new general commanded, she was tall and thin, with light purple colored hair. She had a frown on her face that meant she knew who he was. But he had never met her before in her life. Rebels with plasma blasters stepped forward, to arrest him, they marched close enough to grab him, but Luke raised his hand and brushed them away. The soldiers glanced between the new general and the Jedi master. She bristled at the way Luke just ignored her. But jedis did not adhere to laws set forth by others. And these rebels seemed to fear Luke almost as much as they feared Ben. Despite his appearance of looking like a drowned cat, his hair was messy curls, the scars on his torso and face tugged and burned, but he was tall and took up a lot of space. He stood up straighter to his full height and squared his shoulders. Ready to fight if needed.
The new general wasn't impressed with his foreboding look, but all that mattered is that the soldiers took a step back from him. And when he was sure this little power struggle was over, he turned back to Luke to see what they were looking at.
"So uncle. What's been going on since i almost died?" his voice had a lighter note to it than had in awhile, he really had no clue what was going on in the galaxy. But he had an idea.
"Hmm? Oh it's all going to shit." Luke explained. He explained how the First Order has broken off into three sub groups, the knights of Ren taking over on group, general Hux taking over another with the stormtroopers, and a 3rd group that seemed to be low ranking stormtroopers tired of following general hux and the knights of Ren. The whole system seemed to have collapsed while the First Order computer system still was up and running. No one had quite the chance to shut the others out from the system.
"We're currently trying to figure out a way to access it without alerting them of our location." Luke said, Ben grinned when he looked at him.
"You don't have to worry about that, my personal access is invisible to the system. No one can find it. It was a security thing." Luke breathed a sigh of relief. Whoever this woman was, he really wanted to find her. Someone important to the Rebels? If so she would be dead already, if the First Order knew about the connection. Someone important to just Luke? Luke didn't seem to care about much anyone. Ben wasn't sure what they wanted from this woman, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he really wanted to know.
"So. who are we looking for?" Ben asked, Luke gave him a pointed look before waving him off. Normally a brush off would of had Ben steaming, ready for a fight, but today it felt like a dull pang. And he left it; instead hoping to maybe find a room for himself. He stopped at the doors leaving the command center.
"Do you know where i'm supposed to be? And don't say the prison." Ben had a smile on his face but the soldier just spit at the ground, before barking out a quick.
"Near Rey." and turned back to attention. Ben brushed it off, turning to walk back the way he had came to the command center. Maybe he was letting old things die, for that disrespect would of lost his head back before the fight. He still wasn't sure what had happened. Maybe he had burned through all his emotions, maybe he could finally find peace.
thank you for reading, please review it if you could i'd really appreciate it c: