Chapter 17
Elliot came back downstairs twenty minutes later in a pair of cargo shorts and t-shirt. Olivia had been right when she had said it was too hot for anything else. Even his cold shower had really cooled him off that much.
"You set the table," he said to her.
"Yeah well, we have to make him believe we are a happily married couple for now…..Until you cheat on me," she said with her back to him, so Mark wouldn't be able to read her lips if he was able to. She was cutting up the last part of the salad and throwing it in the bowl. "That was Cragen on the phone. They have someone tailing Mark all the time. He was just letting us know he is at home, so probably watching us."
Elliot came up behind her and rested his hands on her hips.
"Trust me I don't want to have to do that part," he said gripping her hips softly. "I'm not the kind of man to cheat on my wife. Why do you think it took me all these years to just kiss you?"
"Such a good Catholic Boy huh," she grinned.
"Damn right," he smiled kissing her shoulder. "I could have just said screw it and told you how I felt despite being married. There were plenty of times I wanted to trust me. The amount of times I fantasised about kissing you, holding you….Making love to you," he said his voice dropping deeper than she had ever heard before and it hit her right between the legs. She tried to control her breathing as he talked his warm breath blowing against her skin. "But I couldn't say anything because I knew it would ruin our partnership and friendship and I couldn't do that."
"How do you….Shit," she moaned as his lips gently pressed against the skin on her shoulder. "How do you not know I wouldn't have just gone for it?" she asked him biting down on lip and squeezing her legs together to try and ease the dull throb there.
"Because you're too honest. You would never have an affair with a man who had five kids at home. You are too much of a good woman for that and I would never want you to do that."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do Liv, that's one of the reasons why I fell in love with you," he smiled against her neck. "Now come on let's get something to eat," he said placing a single kiss on her shoulder. "Don't want to give Munch to much of a good thing this early in the night."
Olivia chuckled. "You get the lasagne out I will get the wine and salad out," she told him relieved he had moved away from her. If he had kept going like he was god knows what Munch may have seen.
"This is so much better than the last three weeks of fighting," he said as she went to the fridge.
"Yeah it is," she agreed as she stood and watched him bend over and take the lasagne out the oven, her eyes on his ass and a smirk on her face. Elliot looked over his shoulder at her.
"You checking me out Benson?" he asked her expecting her to get embarrassed.
"Damn right I was," she smirked. "You're not the only one who is free to look now," she told him slamming the fridge door shut.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
They sat at the table so neither of them was facing the camera Mark had placed so they could talk freely.
"This is amazing," said Olivia as she took another mouthful of food. "I never took you for the chef type."
"I'm not…. Well I wasn't. The first time I split with Kathy I lived on takeout every night, however the girls pointed out I put a little beef on then so this time I decided to give the cooking part a go. The girls gave me a few things to try at first and it just went from there."
"Do you see the kids often?"
Elliot took a sip of his wine before answer her. "I thought you wanted to leave talking till after this?"
Olivia shrugged. "We need to talk about something and as Dana pointed out we may be here for quite a while."
"First time I have agreed with anything that woman has said."
"Awww come on you know you love her."
"More like I could kill her. She is still a complete pain in the ass."
"She can be but we have her to thank for this," she said. "If it wasn't for her you might still be…. Well you know…"
Elliot sighed and put his fork down. "Liv I was coming to see you no matter what. I was just building up the courage and trying to think of the right thing to say, so I didn't get a kick in the nuts from you. Everything I have done over the last few months was so I could be with you. But then when it came to actually coming to you and telling you, I got scared, in case I had been wrong and you didn't feel the same for me. I was more worried about coming to see you than I was when I finally sat with Kathy and then the kids and told them I wanted a divorce."
"Am I that hard to talk to?" she asked him.
"Sometimes," he smiled but she didn't look at him. He leant across the table towards her. "Liv, neither of us in the past were exactly the type to open up about our feelings. We kept everything bottled up inside, instead of just saying how we felt. I mean for Christ's sake I told you I would give you a kidney instead of just telling you I loved you and I was glad you were back."
Olivia couldn't help but smile as she remembered the conversation in the elevator all those years ago.
"Why do you think that was?" she asked him. "Why was it we couldn't just tell each other that we cared and needed each other?"
"Because we knew if we did, then our partnership would have been over. And I don't think either of us was ready for that. As much as I knew I loved you for all these years I had my family and as you pointed out I would never cheat on my wife, and I wasn't ready to lose you as my partner."
"So why now. What changed? Cragen said you had moved out of home months before the shooting."
Elliot reached across and took hold of her hand. "My Mom, that's what."
"You're Mom?"
"Yeah. When Kathleen was in therapy after her arrest we would sit and talk for hours some days. She let it slip one day about my Mom visiting her in lock up."
"Oh right… I erm I didn't know that."
Elliot smiled when he saw her cheeks blushing.
"Liv," he chuckled. "She also told me, that it was you that got my Mom there and how you had gone to see her behind my back."
"I had to do something," she said quietly. "I couldn't just sit back and watch Kathleen go to jail. "You and Kathy weren't thinking straight….."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought you would be pissed off. You never talked about your mom; I actually thought she was dead. Kathleen's lawyer caught up with me outside the court house and told me about your mom and how you had been to see her but nothing had come of it."
"So you took it upon yourself to go and see her?"
"Yeah. I met her on the pier at the small café there and we talked. She is a pretty amazing woman."
"Yeah she is, it just took me a long time to realise it."
Olivia smiled at him and ran her thumb lightly over his hand. "She told me about the things that happened when you were a kid, I get why you were angry with her, but Elliot you were just a kid."
Elliot shrugged. "Back then I was. But I kept all the anger and hatred towards her bottled up inside me for so long. And I missed out on having her in my life."
"So when did you finally go and see her?"
"A few weeks after you did. We finally sat and talked and I finally listened to her," he smiled. "It started to become a regular thing meeting up."
"That's so good to hear El," she said before taking a sip of wine. "So what was it she said that finally made you ask Kathy for a divorce?"
Elliot smiled at her. "She told me it was time for me. That I had to go after what I wanted for once, that I had to go after what would make me happy and to stop living my life for everyone else."
"And that meant leaving your wife?"
Elliot nodded. "When Kathy and I got pregnant with Maureen my Mom didn't hold back on how she felt. She hated that I had given up on everything I wanted in life, and chose to settle down. Don't get me wrong she loves the kids with all her heart, but she knew I gave up on everything I had always wanted and never put my own happiness first. I think that's why I got so angry that day on the beach when I went to see her about Kathleen, I knew she was telling the truth then."
Elliot looked her in the eyes.
"We would sit for hours after visiting Kathleen and would just talk. Then one day she just asked me straight out why I went back to Kathy when I found out she was pregnant, when it was obvious I wasn't happy. Of course I tried to deny this telling her I was happy and it's what I wanted, but she just laughed at me and told me that was bullshit."
Olivia couldn't help but smile.
"Apparently I hadn't realised that every time we would talk I would talk about you, I hardly ever mention Kathy. So my Mom being my Mom and having no filters when she talks asked me how long I had been in love with my Partner," he smiled.
"And that's when you decided to end your marriage?"
Elliot nodded.
"My Mom made me face everything. I finally admitted my feelings for you to her. God it felt so good to finally just say it out loud," he smiled. "I took Mom home that day and stayed at hers for the night, I spent hours walking along the beach just thinking, trying to clear my head. By the time the sun came up I knew what I had to do. I went home later that day and told Kathy I wanted a divorce. It was so hard not to tell you straight away, cause all I wanted to do was hold you and tell you how I felt, hoping you would feel the same."
"Maybe you should have and then none of the other stuff might have happened."
Elliot shook his head. "It was too soon. I wanted to be settled in my new place, the divorce in place first, so when I did tell you….." he paused as he looked at her. "So when I told you, you would have no excuses to run, which you would have done Liv, you and I both know it."
Olivia pushed her chair back.
"You don't know that," she said walking away from the table and into the kitchen area.
Elliot stood up and slowly walked up behind her. "Yes I do Liv. And you do to. If I had come to you and told you I had left Kathy and I was madly in love with you, you would have been out of New York City on the first available flight. That's why I was waiting for the right time." He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her back to him and dropped his head to her shoulder resting his chin there. "Unfortunately before the right moment came along for me to tell you, Jenna happened and my life went to shit," he said his lips brushing the skin. "And it took me awhile to get my shit together, but like I have already told you I was always coming for you ….Always."
Olivia closed her eyes and let out the breath she was holding as his lips nipped at her skin.
"It was always you Benson," he whispered against her skin. "I love you."
Olivia turned slowly to face him.
"Kiss me again?" she asked him.
Elliot smiled as his hand slowly made its way up her side and across her shoulder. He felt her shiver as his fingers lightly traced over her skin on her neck.
"You sure?" he asked her. "You do know Munch is watching everything."
She nodded. "He is also listening and yet you just opened up to me and told me everything. Not caring who was listening."
Elliot shrugged. "I needed you to know, and I didn't want to wait. I'm sick and tired of holding back on everything and keeping quiet. I don't want to keep quiet anymore, I don't care who knows how I'm feeling or how much of soppy ass they all think I am."
Olivia couldn't help but laugh.
"You're making this so hard," she told him.
"What do you mean?"
"I figured I would be able to tell you how I felt and then just detach myself from you until after the case," her body trembled as he ran his fingers through her hair. "But you keep saying all these things and …. And you kissed me. And now I just…"
"You just what Liv?"
"I….." she closed her eyes as she licked her lips before biting down on her lower lip. "Now I just want you," she breathed. "In every way I have ever thought about."
Okay folks think this is getting close to a ratings change. I reckon one more chapter, I will let you know next chapter.