Mature content warning.

Chapter 19

As the conversation continued to burn shame into his being, Sherlock felt utterly helpless. He was angry at himself. She said she'd wanted him to be honest. Which he was. But this...tact... thing John kept harping on him. That was something he lacked most in this situation. Molly, his sweet devoted wife had done everything he'd asked, yet still he hurt her. The truth often hurts. God knew he'd hurt her with enough truths to last a lifetime. Beyond, actually. So why did this one hurt her more than the others.

He wished he had told her the whole truth. Well, maybe that wouldn't have helped entirely. But he needed to make her understand.

He stood up and walked quietly into the bedroom. Molly was lying on the bed facing away. An occasional sniffle told him she was still crying.

"Molly... " He said, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I'll be fine, Sherlock. Just give me time. "

"I need to give you more than time. I need to explain. "

"I told you I didn't need details. "

"In this case, you are wrong Molly. You're question wasn't as black and white as that. I need you ...to understand. "

Molly heard his voice break. She slowly turned around to look at him. Even in the dimness of the room, she saw the raw vulnerability in his eyes. She may have not thought she needed to hear it, but it was clear HE needed her to.

"Go ahead. " She said quietly, watching as his eyes closed and he was carried away.

"I know...that I cared about her...but what I didn't understand then was that I cared because I believed she cared. Who I was as a person was what she wanted. I'd never had that before. "

"You had that from me. "

"No. Not precisely, Molly. You love me DESPITE the man I am. She cared BECAUSE of it. "

Molly felt sick. He was right.

" I didn't have to mince words with her. I could just be me. No apologies, no guilt. But it wasn't love. It wasn't even lust...per-say. "

"But you thought about her that way. "

"I never said that. "

"Yes you did! " Molly raised her voice.

"Please listen. You know my brain doesn't work like ordinary people. Before you, I had had sex with exactly 3 women. First at uni. I was very drunk, and frankly cant remember much. I know I didn't finish, because she got angry with me that I was too intoxicated to... finish. Kept going soft. The second was another addict. We were stuck outside in the snow...more of an experiment on if something actually worked really. About body heat and hypothermia. The last was Darcy. I didn't feel the need because my body had already experienced it, cataloged it and that was that. "

"Go on. " Molly said, trying to not to feel jealousy that anyone at all had felt him inside her.

"In none of those cases, had I actually been seduced. Nor been the seducer. It was just circumstance. It was interesting, being seduced. To have the feeling that you can control what a person wants from you. She was so in control of everything. And I was getting a taste for it. Not her, but the experience. "

"So, if Mrs. Hudson hadn't come in... "

"Yes. I believe I would have shown her who had the upper hand. Wipe that smirk off her face. It was experimental to me. Not of...feelings. like some of those women in dirty movies. They like to role play rape, because they like to feel the loss of control. Or vice versa for the man, in this case."

"I think I understand. And the other? "

Sherlock took a deep breath.

" When I saved her life, we had to try to leave the country quickly. We were having difficulty with one of the men who was supposed to help. He suggested he got something more than the money I had given him, after he took one look at her. She smiled and got down on her knees in front of him. Molly, each sexual encounter I'd had had up till then was just straight out sex. I hadn't... well, anyway, she seemed to enjoy me being in the room as she went down on him. She kept looking at me the whole time. I admit, my curiousity won over my mind. What a tongue, or teeth would feel like. The suction. About a month afterward, I thought about that again, and so I did what I did, picturing what she did. Not her, the act. Do you see? "

Molly tried to. In a way, she could understand. Didn't hurt much less, but it did soften things a little.

"I think so. "

"So... can you forgive me? "

"You didn't need my forgiveness. You needed my understanding. I'm so sorry I didn't give you that, Sherlock. "

"Don't. Don't you dare apologize. " Sherlock's voice broke again. " Just kiss me. Please? "

Molly took his hand and pulled him closer to her. The kiss was tender at first, until Sherlock lay down on his side, facing her. His hand went to her hip an he pulled her closer.

"You aren't thinking of curiosity now, are you? " Molly asked breathlessly.

"No, my sweet Molly. With you I don't feel curiosity. When Im with you, Im just...home. "

Molly teared up, as Sherlock cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again. The kisses grew in intensity, but it wasn't lustful. It was pure need to be as close to eachother as possible.

Sherlock undid her pants and slid them off just one leg, never breaking the kiss. Molly undid his pants and slid them down to his thighs, giving his arse a playful squeeze on the way back up. Sherlock lifted her leg and placed it on his hip, then slid into her. She was already ready for him. He moaned at the feeling as well as the fact.

So there they were, face to face on their sides, embracing in a fierce hug, their only movements coming from the area they were joined. Slow and deliberate. They remained like this for a long time. Just memorizing the feel of each other. Sherlock felt Molly's fingers grasp his shirt, and her breath catching. Her face was buried in his shoulder. He knew she was close. He was too. So very close. He grasped her bottom and pulled back to look her in the eyes, as he pumped several more times, quick and hard. They held eachothers gaze as they rocked together over the edge at the same time.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Molly had just finished making tea when John and Mary dropped off a sleeping Laura.

Sherlock took his daughter from his friends arms and put her to bed. The four drank tea and discussed what to do with Miss Adler.

" She knows more than she's telling. " Sherlock said pensively. " I will ask Mycroft to start bringing me tapes of the interrogations. I will see what I can deduce from there. "

"Wouldn't deducing in person be more... " John started.

"No. I don't want to be near her. "

Molly reached out her hand to Sherlock.

"Its ok. I understand. You can be around her. I won't ever doubt you again. Sherlock. " She said, squeezing his hand.

John watched the exchange with fondness.

A half hour later, Molly went to bed. Sherlock had a lot to think about. Not just about the Adler situation, but Laura and Molly. Molly knew now how he felt about her. But Laura...

Just as he was working out what he would say, Laura came into the room. Her tiny feet peeping from under her nightgown.

"What are you doing up, sweetheart? " Sherlock said picking her up and placing her on his hip.

"Bad dream. "

"Tell me. " Sherlock said, tucking her head on his shoulder and rubbing her back.

"Couldn't find you. It was so dark. When I did find you, you were with Molly. "

"Why is that bad? "

"I guess its not. "

"You guess? Laura, darling, she is my wife. "

"Exactly. You chose her to be with. You didn't choose me. You got stuck with me. "

Sherlock was finally beginning to understand.

He sat Laura down on the couch and crouched down in front of her, taking her much smaller hands in his large ones.

" Laura, while what you say is true on a baser level, you have to learn to look at things from a perspective other than the one you are currently on. Let me see. Say we went to a toy shop. You went and found a nice doll. You buy the doll. Then you come home and find that someone, me for example, made you a doll. It took a long time to make. It doesn't look like the doll from the toy store. But you know that I put all my love into its making. How are you going to feel about the home made doll? "

"I'd love it. Cause you did it for me. "

"Exactly. I chose Molly to be in our lives. But you are the home made doll. Something a part of me went into the creating of. Do you see? "

"I think so. " Laura said, with a look that told her father she was still working it out.

"Laura, you will always be a part of me. Even if I lost the first years with you. I regret that deeply, but all we can do is move forward. But Molly is a part of our lives too. And she loves you. She wants to be a good mummy to you. You will have to give a bit too. "

"I know. She's nice even when I am mean to her. "

"Me too. " Sherlock smirked.

"I'll try. I don't know how to have a mom. Its kind of nice being loved. "

Sherlock kissed her hands. " It is isn't it? For a long time, I didn't know how to feel love. Given or recieved. Sometimes, it takes a long time. Like with Molly. But you. You have been with me so little time, and already... I love you, my sweet baby. I really truly do. "

"Laura wrapped her arms around Sherlock's neck and hugged him tight. "

"I love you too, daddy. "

Sherlock sat with Laura in his arms as he gently swayed back and forth, hoping to help her go to sleep. So much was racing through his mind, though.

He was still going to ask Mycroft about the videos. He never wanted to see Irene again. That woman could have cost him his marriage. He wasn't taking any chances.

Laura felt him tense and perked her head up. Then, she squirmed until Sherlock put her down. Looking at him, she walked over towards the piano.

"That lady that came here with Uncle Mycroft... "

Sherlock stiffened. " Yes? "

"Molly seemed to not like her very much. "

"No. I don't believe she does. "

"And the woman... "

"Miss Adler. "

"Yeah. She didn't seem to nice to Molly either. Kept looking mean at her. Like she wanted to make Molly disappear and never come back."

"It would seem so. "

Laura nodded and sat down at the bench. She looked from her father to his violin, sitting on top of the piano.

Sherlock raised his brows before walking over to it and picking it up.

Laura started. She was playing a tune Mrs. Hudson had bought for her. It was slow, and simple, but hauntingly beautiful. Sherlock listened for a few minutes, then began to accompany her.

At the end of the song, Sherlock beamed with pride at his daughter.

"You've been practicing. "

"Yup. "

"Probably not a good idea at this time of night usually, though. " he said, chuckling, expecting a groggy Molly to stumble out.

"No. But we have work to do, daddy. "

"What sort of work is that? "

Laura looked away from him and started to play a little less soft tune.

"Play daddy. We have to think. "

"About? " Sherlock said, raising the violin again.

"Miss Adler of course. We mustn't allow her to take away OUR Molly. "