{Sheldon}

He could only think of two things he wanted, himself to fall asleep, or Alison to wake up. He wasn't about to fall asleep, and he didn't want to wake Alison up. She deserved to sleep while she could; after all, he was fine. Miserable, but he knew there was nothing she could about that. Still, he couldn't deny that there was something inherently comforting about having someone who truly cares about you. If he didn't think that Alison deserved to sleep, he would have woken her up a while ago. A long while ago.

He had briefly fallen asleep, he assumed based on the passage of time, though only a half hour. He might have slept for 18 minutes, best case. Probably more like nine. He hoped that Alison was closer to 30. He hoped that she might suddenly wake up. But most likely that wouldn't happen for another hour. Human sleep cycles averaged around 90 minutes. So her suddenly waking up was tragically improbable. Placing a hand over his stomach he tried to settle in, Alison would eventually wake up, even if it's tomorrow morning. He wanted to settle in, he wanted to melt into the couch. He knew he couldn't literally, but he still tried to relax all of his muscles.

Just as he had finally succeeded he sneezed. Just a sneeze, but effectively undoing all of the effort put into relaxing.

"SHELDON" She wailed and bolted upright, reaching her feet and facing him nearly instantly.

{Alison}

She caught herself, telling herself that this isn't how she should act, that this was a risk, that she shouldn't let herself expose her real thoughts. She had never let anyone in, Mandy briefly, but no one for real. She tightened, one arm at her side, and the other clutching her elbow. She had taken this pose of nervous tension that reveals nothing but her reclusive nature many times, it was nearly instinctual. But his reaction threw her off more than her own.

He slowly stood up and gave her a loose hug.

"It was just a sneeze, I'm fine," he reassured, "I'm kind of glad you are up…"

"Well then, I'm glad to be up," she smiled, and she wasn't lying. Sleep was never of high importance to her. Even now when she knew she should at least try to sleep. She couldn't sleep with unfinished business. And a sick Sheldon was definitely unfinished business.

He sat back down on the couch, and she followed, sitting next to him.

"Okay so tell me honestly…" He didn't finish, but he didn't have to, there was only one thing he could possibly be talking about. He wanted her official opinion on Star Trek.

"I don't know enough to love it, but I'm definitely intrigued-" She beamed, hardly able to breathe, thrilled as she thought over the situation. She was holding back, she was elated to finally be giving herself the freedom to sink into some classic science fiction.

She hadn't wanted to become a dreamer. She didn't want to fill her mind with incredible things, and then not get her chance to shine. Sure she didn't plan on being able to actually do something like movies indicated, but there was something about the look of a stark white lab room that thrilled her. It was just the feel of a proper space.

It felt good to be free. Even though she was the only thing holding herself back. To finally give yourself the go-ahead on something you have always refrained from knowing.

{Sheldon}

"Alison, as great as that sounds, you are quivering," he flatly told her. She was grinning and out of breath. There was something she wasn't saying. He didn't want to care. She liked it; he had gotten her hooked, officially. That should have been enough, but it wasn't. She wanted to say something more, or maybe not wanted, but there was more to be said, and just knowing that there was more to her answer made him want to know.

"I'm just… Thinking," She gave her useless answer.

"Oh, please, we are always thinking. I don't doubt that you are thinking but-" he started, but couldn't finish. He placed his hand back over his stomach, shutting his eyes. He fought to finish his statement, "but that doesn't answer… anything really."

Talking was getting tiring. He had to get her to talk, while saying as little as possible. Suddenly his whole world had become this apartment, and this Dr. Carter.

"Are you…?" Alison asked, not able to finish her question. Perhaps if this was the case now wasn't the best time for him to get answers as to what she wasn't saying. He had to know why she was acting like this, it didn't make sense. Well, it did, but any way he could imagine there had to be another detail.

"Asking what's wrong." Sheldon spat out.

"I suppose you wouldn't believe me if I said 'nothing'..." She smiled, tears in the corners of her eyes, the same way she had in the conference room, smiling, and clearly some part happy, but something hurting her. "I'm happy, kind of, in this reverse way where absolutely nothing makes sense because of it, oh great, I guess I better explain this…"

"Well it all started about 20 years ago," Her voice waivered, "I was little, just starting school, cute, inherently nerdy, and painfully naïve," She paused, and he took the time to picture that. It almost hurt how clearly he could. "So there I was, in the first grade. Kindergarten was fine; I was expecting more of the same, one best friend, and a class full of people who couldn't care less about me. To put it simply, I really didn't get that," She articulated.

{Alison}

"I had the misfortune of meeting one girl, a pathological liar, with the makings of a social outcast, and do I need to even mention that she was stronger than me, I mean even now look at these noodle arms…" She started. All she could think about was why she was even telling him this story. She knew why, but she couldn't think of any reason why she would divulge everything to Sheldon. A week ago they hardly knew each other.

"She pretty much decided that she hated me for no reason, before she got to know me. And, well, it only got worse when she did. Imagine me, a little girl, dressed in a painful amount of pink and glitter, looking up at the teacher with big hopeful eyes, and asking her 'Are we doing Science today?' to her I was a joke," she felt the first tears start to slip. "I didn't notice that most of my classmates didn't care, that to them science was just an excuse for the teacher to take us outside to look at the weather. I couldn't see it back then, and maybe neither did she, but something about a perky, little nerd, who actually had a chance to shift the paradigm at least a little, she decided I was dangerous."

"I couldn't take it after a while, so I figured if I couldn't be myself I would just be nothing. After all, the innocuous people rarely get teased, all though in hind sight I'd almost say she might have been jealous of me. Maybe she thought that if someone like me, a hopeless nerd in her eyes, could have a best friend, could be almost popular; there was no reason she shouldn't. I had a chance to be something, and maybe she didn't mean me any harm. I want to imagine she just didn't know how it hurt me. I avoided her for 2 whole years after that," she could hear the tearful clarity slipping into her voice.

She stood in front of the board again, reliving the moment where she blinked back tears as soon as she read her name on the class list. She felt the pressure of her would collapse on top of her, telling herself to give her another chance.

"Fourth Grade, we were in the same class again. Some little piece of me snapped once and for all. I faked a smile and tried to give her a second chance. And it was a real chance, I honestly meant everything I said, we became great friends, and it was great for a while," she explained, this was the hard part, she felt her chest tighten, a knot forming in her throat, the muscles refusing to let her breathe, "But it wasn't, It never was. I didn't see that I wasn't really happy. I didn't know that I was faking it all. I stripped back all of the defining characteristics of my personality and just was, I left myself a ball of energy."

"It wasn't a conscious decision, but none the less, I missed the opportunity to be myself. I missed the best friend I ever had. I loved science still; I couldn't erase that for anything. But I didn't always get it. My teacher decided I probably had ADHD. Yeah, THAT was the problem. And- here's the part that reinforces my jealousy theory- For about four years we were best friends. And that appeased her. Having "me" as a friend was enough for her, even if it wasn't the real me." She was hardly doing better than stammering.

"Just before she moved away things took a turn for the worst, well, no things were the same, but I started to see it. The subtle glances that killed my confidence and shut me up, how we never were real friends; but if it was just us, and no one else, it felt real," She sobbed, "I spent so long conditioning myself to hide, but then I discovered that I was really just hiding from myself. My opinions and self-expression trained away so I could hide from a bully, it's silly isn't it."

{Sheldon}

She looked up at him, her teal-y aqua eyes clearer than ever, extenuated by her red face and the thin teary veil over them.

"I trust you, more than anyone I have ever met," the sticky sound wiped flat from her voice. She was totally sincere, "No really, I have told myself all these years that the only way to exist is to hide myself from everyone, including myself, and now there is you, you have always done the things I forbade myself. That is why this feels so magical. I am finally giving myself permission to sink my imagination into a foreign world, and it feels like I'm flying."

He didn't know how to respond to that, and he didn't think she did either. He placed an arm around her shoulder, and she set her forehead on his chest. It didn't feel forced, they were close to each other, closer than he would usually allow, but it felt right. She trusted him with everything, and he understood. She was a girl, and he actually had answers. She was different; she was nothing like Amy, or any other girl. She was reclusive and shy, yet sociable; it was a strange combination, a strange combination for a mysterious girl. And Raj says Sci-Fi is a turn off…

Alison trusted him so much after only a week. 9 days ago they had never heard of each other. She had just told him things that she had clearly never told anyone. There was no way this friendship could break apart. For once that was a huge relief.

Sorry for the wait, this was kind of hard for me to write, but I hope it turned out well. There will be a bit for the sub plot next chapter J