A/N: I'm so glad to hear that you all are enjoying the subtle changes in the rewrite! Chapter Five is here, and it's the last I will be updating until the first, as I stated I do not plan to post on the holidays. I do have more chapters for you guys and I can't wait to share them with you. Hope you have a great new year's and I look forward to our return!
"So," Maya flipped absentmindedly through the vintage records with feigned interest. "How long are we avoiding this?"
Riley schooled her features into a mask of indifference as she glanced over toward her sister.
She knew she was being studied.
Ever since Lucas had come back into their lives, her friends and family had been watching her, waiting for a reaction. Much to their dismay, she had yet to offer one.
"Not avoiding anything."
Her gaze darted back to the bookshelf, and landed on a worn copy of Sense & Sensibility.
A sigh slipped past her lips as she pulled the book out by its spine.
She understood the endless battle between head and heart better than most since she'd been fighting it herself, for years.
Riley sat at the bay window, wringing her hands in her lap. She knew that Lucas wanted to reach for them. The only reason he didn't was because he knew she'd pull away. That was their new normal since the triangle had resolved itself.
Her eyes lowered to her lonely hands.
It was better that he didn't reach for her. Easier.
"Riley, something has to change."
She could feel his green eyes searching for hers. She couldn't meet them though.
"I love you-"
Her heart leapt at the declaration despite herself. It always did when he used that word.
"but I can't do this anymore-"
And then it stopped.
It wasn't fair what she was doing to him; rejecting his advances, while silently begging him not to fall in love with anyone else. She knew it couldn't last. He deserved more than the sadistic limbo she was offering. He deserved someone who could accept his love and return it without guilt or fear.
"And if you don't love me the same way-"
Her head snapped up from her hands to his face.
Was that what he thought?
"I never said that I didn't love you," she interrupted, her voice just above a whisper.
He shook his head with a frown.
"You never said you did either," he stated with more edge in his voice than he intended.
Riley winced, focusing her eyes back on her hands.
She had said it. Once, back in Texas. He had misunderstood the meaning at the time, but the word had still been spoken. She'd confessed her heart and purposefully misled him at the same time. Farkle had said it too, that night on the roof when he'd broken her confidence. Her feelings were far from a mystery after that.
"Lucas, you know how I feel about you…"
Riley knew what he wanted her to say but she just couldn't do it. That was the first step toward trying to be her parents and everyone that did that ended up going down in flames. She couldn't let that happen to her and Lucas too.
He stood up and paced the circumference of the window, his hands on his hips.
"I do know Riley! That's the hardest part about this. Knowing that we could be more and should be but you won't let us. I know what I want and I know you want it too. I get that you're scared but…" he hung his head with a sigh. "If you really felt what I feel then you wouldn't be able to hold back the way you do."
He reached out toward her, pulling back just before they could touch. The proximity alone made her shiver with anticipation.
"It takes everything I have not to reach for your hand, or brush you hair from your eyes when it falls into your face…or kiss you. Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you?"
He'd sworn that he'd never yell at her again after that first day, but it wasn't a promise he'd been able to keep. She didn't blame him though. He had every right to be angry with her for pushing him away.
Every time he talked like this she wanted to give in. She knew if she did they would ultimately disintegrate but wouldn't the expression of joy on his face be worth that downfall? Wouldn't one more taste of his lips be worth never speaking again? She knew that wasn't a reasonable response but it was hard to be reasonable when he was so close to her, offering her all the things she wanted so badly. They would be hers if only she would reach out and take them.
The brunette stood timidly and placed her hands over his very muscular arms. Her stupid teenage hormones raced as they bulged. Between her heart's yearnings and her body's cravings it was becoming exceedingly difficult to keep saying no when literally every part of her was screaming yes.
"I want to kiss you too, Lucas. You know I do."
He turned to her, his green eyes pleading, "Then kiss me Riley,"
Before she had a chance to respond his hands were on her face pulling her closer to him.
The moment his lips met hers she knew she was a goner. There was no saving them now. She would be his for as long as it took for the clock to run out. She wouldn't think about the consequences of this moment, she couldn't. Right now, she'd just surrender to the mixture of bliss and oblivion swelling inside her.
"Riles!" The blonde barked impatiently. "Earth to Riles!"
She reached for the small plush ladybug propped on a nearby shelf and launched it at her friend.
The soft toy grazed the side of Riley's head, pulling her back into the present.
"Where'd you go just now?" Maya demanded.
The brunette turned the cover toward her friend, allowing the memory to speak for itself.
The two women shared a knowing look before casting their eyes in separate directions. Neither liked remembering the dreaded "triangle that wasn't."
That time, dark as it had been, had revealed something about her best friend that Maya hadn't seen before. Because Riley was so good in nature; so optimistic to the point of naivety, it had yet to occur to her that her sister would ever lie, or that she'd be so good at it. She knew better now.
She watched her best friend open the book and sift through the pages. To the untrained eye, the brunette might appear drawn in by the story, but Maya knew it was a much different narrative that had caught her sister's fancy. The story of Riley and Lucas.
"Have you contacted a lawyer yet?"
Riley folded the book shut with one hand, her gaze fixed on the cover.
"Of course." The statement came out more as a question.
The only lawyer she'd had contact with since her conversation with Lucas was her mother, and there had been no mention of legalities. At least not on her end. Topanga had insisted on researching the statutes for such situations.
The blonde raised a brow in skepticism.
"So, you know that according to the great state of New York, you are Lily's only legal parent, and Lucas can't do jack without your say so?"
The brunette was so flustered by the news she nearly dropped her book. To her credit, she recovered quickly.
"That's…what the lawyer said." Again, her tone was more inquisitive than declarative. "I'm a little surprised that you know that, though?"
Maya smirked at her best friend's maneuver, lifting a record from the bin for inspection.
"I hit a few buttons on a computer. It's not a big deal."
She slipped the record back into its sleeve.
"What matters is that Hop-Along has no rights! He can't come barging back into your life, demanding anything he wants. This time it's on your terms, not his."
The blonde raked a hand through her hair. Talking about Lucas- even thinking about him, made her blood hot and her brain fuzzy. She would need a clear head to successfully steer her best friend in the right direction.
"So, what are your terms?"
This was Riley's chance to set boundaries with him. The trouble was, she lacked the follow through. Whatever instinct she had to protect her daughter wouldn't apply to herself. Lily gave him the perfect excuse to slither his way back in, and though the brunette had come far since her days as his doormat, she was still healing from the scars he'd left behind.
Riley didn't have any terms. Since she'd never sought counsel, she'd been oblivious to the power she wielded. It had been nearly a week since she and Lucas had fought in front of her mother's bakery. That was six days without a restful sleep or appetite, six days she had clung to her poor little girl, afraid to leave her side for even a moment. All that time she had spent worrying and wondering how she ever could have secretly hoped for this, could have been spent with peace of mind.
She should have asked. She should have done something more than hide in her apartment and hope that the problem would disappear. Life had taught her long ago that there was no avoiding conflict or change. Her only option was to move forward. Even if she had no idea how to do so.
Isaiah Babineaux wasn't exactly known for being a complex person. He was the loudmouth. The jester. If asked what kept him up most at night, he'd probably reply a dry bowl of cereal. Of course, he had other concerns and interests, such as his dancing and his friendships, but he'd never had any terrible secrets lurking beneath his carefree exterior.
Lucas was the one with "the caged monster" inside. Not him.
Zay squirmed in his seat on the sofa. The cushion was dark red, and soft-so soft it felt like quicksand. The more he wriggled, the deeper he sank.
"Is it weird that I'm here?"
He glanced around the apartment. From the second he'd crossed the threshold, the hairs on his neck stood at attention. Though the host was welcoming, the walls were a maddening white, and he couldn't shake the thought the couch was trying to eat him.
"It feels weird that I'm here."
Josh lowered himself into the chair diagonal from Zay with a shrug.
Truthfully, it was a little strange having him there. They had shared overlapping social circles for several years, but had never spoken outside the mandatory gatherings. There was only one reason he could imagine for this meeting.
"Is this about our girl in common?" He asked, anxiously. "Because if so, I really don't-"
His guest cringed both inward and outwardly.
Something about that phrasing was just gross and made him wish he could disappear into the couch cushion.
"It's not-not about," he fumbled, searching for an explanation. He understood why Josh would leap to that conclusion. After all, she was the only interest they shared, but it wasn't his romantic life that had brought him to Mathews' door.
He cleared his throat and tried again.
"I uh…" he shifted nervously. "I find myself in a-well a bit of a situation."
His mind flashed back to his altercation with Lucas and the rush that had accompanied it.
"One I've never been in before and have no idea how to handle. And the people I'd usually talk to about his…well they've got their hands full right now."
Riley had enough on her plate without him showing up and dumping his own feelings about the situation in her lap, and her father was hardly biased after what had happened. He'd encourage any behavior that might drive Lucas away.
Josh leaned forward in his chair, with a nod.
"And you thought since I'm a Mathews, you could just come lay on my couch and I'd give you the answers to the universe?"
His tone was clearly teasing, but that was the sum of Zay's thoughts- minus the couch laying.
"Ya'll do kinda have a reputation for this sort of thing," he mumbled.
Hearing his assumption out loud made him feel small. No wonder the walls felt as though they were closing in, and he was sinking into the couch! The apartment hadn't sensed his presence and rejected him. It was his own conscience, telling him he was somewhere he shouldn't be.
Josh was Riley's uncle, and Cory's brother. Surely, he too, would have his own feelings regarding the situation with Lucas.
"I should go." He placed his hands on each side of the cushion, prepared to force his way out, and nearly lost his balance when he found the obstacle all his head.
Mathews chuckled with a sympathetic smile.
"Look, if you're worried about putting me in an awkward position, I'm already there. You might as well talk to me."
There were only a handful of details he'd gleaned about Isaiah Babineaux over the years; the most significant being how the man in front of him had bettered the lives of Maya, his niece Riley, her daughter Lily, and the Mathews family, as a whole.
He was always there for those in need, and the fact that he'd been desperate enough to turn to a person he barely knew just to keep from burdening those people with his problems, spoke volumes to his character.
Zay cautiously lowered himself back onto the sofa. Why Josh insisted on listening to his troubles, he couldn't comprehend. But he was in no position to turn down a life line, no matter where it came from.
He perched himself on the edge of the seat, questioning where to begin.
"Okay, so….I have this friend, or rather I used to-"
"So, Lucas," Josh interrupted.
Zay confirmed with a nod.
"Yeah, him. We were good friends, best friends."
The brunette groped for something wise or reassuring to say.
"I know you talked your parents into moving up here, so you two could be together."
Zay tilted his head to the side.
"Yeah, I did. But by the time I got up here, he was different. We were different. He was so focused on Riley and worried about what she'd think, that he didn't even want to acknowledge me at first. You'd think he'd have been the first one to welcome me, but it was Maya."
Josh smiled sympathetically.
He'd never thought to question why Maya and Zay were so close before.
"I mean, I missed him, but I understood. Just like I understood when he took her back to Texas with him." He craned his neck, as though attempting to make it pop. "And then when they broke up and that whole mess went down…Riley needed support and Lucas wasn't here. That never made sense to me, but I accepted it."
Lucas wasn't the type to leave a girl in trouble. Especially, if that girl was Riley Mathews.
"Do you hear something?"
Both men turned toward the entrance of the apartment in time to see the door knob rotating. The door cracked open and there was a tinkling sound from the other side; before a petite blonde slipped through, and carefully closed the door behind her.
Josh and Zay exchanged a conspiratorial glance, the former clearing his throat to get her attention.
"I don't remember giving you that."
The blonde tensed at the sound of his voice. She'd been caught red-handed, breaking into his apartment, with a key he'd never given her. It wouldn't be easy to talk her way out of this one.
Zay grinned. It was satisfying to know he wasn't the only one who'd been ignorant of her collection.
"Yeah, apparently she's got one for all of us."
Maya whirled around, all thoughts of her defense forgotten.
"Josh, Zay," her voice quivered slightly despite her efforts to control it. "What are you doing here? Together?"
They looked over at one another, shrugging simultaneously.
"I was invited by him," he pointed to Josh.
That wasn't exactly how it had happened, but he had been asked to stay. That was close enough to an invitation, wasn't it?
"And I live here," the brunette offered one of his charming smiles in retaliation.
Maya didn't know what to do.
Their arrangement was delicate; one that relied on the concept of compartmentalization. Only by keeping the two relationships separate and equal, had they managed to avoid the usual flaws of a triangle. Upsetting the balance could change that.
She glanced around the room for a clock.
The boys wouldn't let this go. Both wanted an explanation for her appearance and the truth was not an option. There was too much at stake to abandon her mission. However, in order to protect one person she cared for, she'd have to sacrifice the feelings of another.
Or she could take a page from her best friend's book and talk around the issue until she could figure out a safe exit strategy.
The doorknob made another rotation and Josh's roommate entered the crowded living room.
Maya cocked a brow at the newest addition.
"If you're here for the fan club, I think you missed the opening ceremonies," she quipped playfully.
He chuckled nervously, unsure how else to respond.
"I'm just gonna," he pointed toward his bedroom door, and took Josh's nod as permission to be dismissed.
The blonde slung her bag over her shoulder as he disappeared behind the door.
"Obviously, I walked into the middle of something," she leaned in to plant a kiss on Josh's cheek, then Zay's. "I'm gonna let you get back to…." she paused, studying them both. "Whatever it is you were doing."
She didn't like the idea of leaving them alone together, but it was the only option that didn't end in disappointment for someone.
Josh ran a hand through his hair as he watched her let herself out.
"Do you get the feeling she's up to something?"
He turned toward Zay, who rubbed his mouth to cover his laugh.
"Only always."
Maya pulled out her phone the second she turned the corner of their building. She'd successfully managed to escape their accusations before they even started, which was good, because they wouldn't have liked her answers. She peeked over the side one last time before opening her messaging app and pressing the send button.
A deep, masculine voice greeted her on the other end.
"I'm guessing there's been a change of plans?"
She smirked into the speaker.
"We just need a new clubhouse, that's all."
Riley's thoughts were still in tangles when her shift at the bakery rolled around that afternoon. She'd been angry with Maya for suggesting she leave Lily behind, afraid that Lucas might show up on her doorstep with some unheard-of ruling that could take her daughter away. It wasn't until Maya's announcement that no such law existed, she was finally able to breathe.
Katy smiled at the brunette as she entered through the back.
Horrible as it sounded, she'd felt a strange kinship with the young woman who had been left in a similar predicament as her own. Now that the father of her child was not only back, but willing to make an effort, there was a flicker of jealousy ballooning in her chest.
"There's a gentleman waiting for you over by the register."
She pointed back toward the serving area.
The young waitress tensed at her words. She had a pretty good idea who was waiting in the next room, and wasn't sure she was ready to face him after their last altercation.
Riley forced a smile, reaching for her pad and pen.
Whatever envy the older woman felt, melted away with that expression.
"Good luck, honey."
The brunette took a moment to gather her wits.
Fighting with Lucas always drained her. He was relentless in his pursuit and privy to her every weakness. Her only hope for survival was to outlast his attempts to wear her down, which she didn't feel strong enough to do at present.
But there were customers to serve and wages to earn so she steeled herself for another battle and headed into the fray where she was met with clear gray eyes instead of deep and tortured green.
After surveying the room, and seeing to the more immediate matters, she headed back toward the counter with a smile.
"Hey there stranger," she greeted warmly.
The dark-haired man leaned in closer, resting his crossed arms on the counter.
"Stranger?" He threw his head back and laughed. "From beloved friend to stranger in just six days, that's gotta be some kind of record."
Her head shifted slightly to the right and he realized that she wasn't teasing. She genuinely didn't remember their last encounter.
"I was here for that big party your parents threw, remember?"
It had been a memorable evening for him. Not only did he have the privilege of basking in her company, but at one point in the evening he had worked up the nerve to wrap his arm around her shoulders and she had let him. She'd even tipped her head back against his arm when they'd laughed at a joke Josh made.
The waitress counted back in her head, embarrassed to have made such an obvious error, and to have injured his feelings.
"Of course, I remember..." she dazzled him with a sympathetic smile. "I guess it just feels like longer."
That party felt like another lifetime away; the end of an era. But that was how time worked. Each day seemed to drag by until she looked up and realized that she was losing chunks of time. Months and years snuck up on her, and flew right by. It was the same with Lucas. Each time she thought of his return she had the distinct impression that life was moving too fast, and yet it had only been a week since the night those changes began.
"Miss," an impatient customer called from the other side of the room.
She mouthed an apology to her friend and made her way over toward the needy patron.
He watched her as she worked, admiring from a distance. She wore her "customer service" smile, which was only a notch above her "I'm fine" one, where the light never reached her eyes.
She laughed politely at something they said, brushing back her bangs with the tip of her pencil. Then she nodded and scribbled something down on her order pad and quickly disappeared into the back.
All the while he sat and marveled at her quiet strength.
When Josh had said they were going to visit his niece, he'd imagined a little girl with pigtails, not a beautiful young woman who was just three years younger than himself. She was kind, seeking him out and doing her best to make him feel included, and smart. Despite putting off college for two years, she was intelligent and well versed on many subjects.
His greatest disappointment was learning of her situation.
He never once thought of Lily as anything other than a blessing, and had no doubts that Riley would make an incredible mother. But for the life of him, he couldn't wrap his head around a man who would leave her in such a position. Nor could he understand her blind faith in this person, despite all evidence of his guilt.
The brunette reappeared, balancing two full smoothie glasses on her tray. She glanced back at him from the corner of her eye, making a silly face behind the glasses.
His shoulders shook from the laughter he held in.
Once the smoothies were delivered, she made the rounds before rotating back to the counter where he was waiting. He was different now. Gone was his childlike enthusiasm and winning smile.
"Hey," she placed a hand just above his wrist. "Are you okay?"
There was a bite to this laugh, as though he were laughing at something he shouldn't be.
"I should be the one asking you that," his stormy gaze fell to her hand on his skin. "but even if I did, you wouldn't tell me, would you? You'd say everything was fine."
Her thumb tapped against his wrist.
"Am I really that transparent?"
The man shrugged, offering a half-hearted grin that faded too quickly.
"Kind of, yeah." He teased, cautiously sliding his hand out from under hers until his fingers were curled around hers.
A small chortle bubbled from her lips and she couldn't help but smile.
"I don't know how I am."
A hundred different emotions rose to the surface with that one sentence, but she swallowed them down, unwilling or unable to face them just yet.
Her eyes darted down to their joined hands.
He was a good friend, and a good man. The first she had connected with since her failed engagement. Though she'd never admit it, she'd played the "what if" game in her mind. What if she hadn't followed Lucas to Texas? What if they had never been anything more than friends? There could have been something between her and Wes, something more than curiosity and missed opportunities.
The father in Lucas wanted peace. However, that voice of reason had been drowned out by the pounding of his heartbeat inside his ears and the rush of adrenaline flooding his system. The first time he'd seen them together his heart had shattered right there on the sidewalk. He'd been so lost in the pain that he couldn't feel anything else, and the learning the truth had brought little comfort. For six days he'd picked their conversation apart and tried to decipher the clues Farkle had hidden in their otherwise useless exchange. One swift jab to the man's jaw and all that pent up anger and frustration would melt into nothing.
At least that was one of the many lies his temper fed him.
The blonde peered down at his hand. His knuckles were white and his fingers coiled.
He'd finally been forced to seek help in middle school, but even after suspension and year's worth of therapy he'd still struggled to keep "Texas Lucas" from stirring.
His fingers uncurled and he gave his hand a shake to restore blood flow.
Tempting as the anger was, he knew what would happen if he gave into it. He would still be a stranger to his daughter. Riley would lose all respect for him. And all his effort to become a better man would be for nothing.
Besides, if he'd read the situation correctly, the guy in the window was already in a world of pain.
Witnessing the two of them together was like watching a scene from his least favorite film. If his freshman year were a movie, and the role of "poor sucker stuck somewhere in the undefined area between the levels of friends and more" had been passed on to someone else.
Lucas shook his head, hoping to clear it like an etch a sketch.
As much as he hated the idea of Riley moving on, sharing a child with a woman didn't give him any type of claim to her. She wasn't his to defend or protect, and even when she was, the brunette had never wanted him to. If she chose to be with the guy, he'd have no choice to accept her decision. Still, it helped knowing the odds weren't in his favor. He'd been trapped in that hellish limbo for a year, and there was nothing enviable about it.
Riley was busy bussing tables when the doorbell rang, signaling a new customer.
"I'll be right with you," she called over her shoulder as she stacked the leftover dishes and placed them on her tray.
There was no reply, but the footsteps continued to the other side of the counter. She finished with the tables and headed back to the man with his nose buried in the menu.
"Good evening sir," she chirped an octave higher than her speaking voice. "Can I start you off with anything?"
Lucas lowered the menu with a sigh, resting his arms on the counter.
"Please don't do that. Don't talk to me like some random guy who you pour coffee refills."
He might not be her fiancé anymore or even the love of her life, but they were something special to one another. She was his first girlfriend, his first love, and best friend. It was her voice alone that could cut through all the static in his head.
Her eyes darted toward the other side of the counter where Wes was watching from the corner of his eye.
His reveal had come as no surprise. Some part of her had known he wouldn't be able to stay away. Whether that knowledge came from an inexplicable bond or just recognition of behavior, she wasn't sure. Nor was she certain she wanted to.
Whatever the case might be, he'd chosen to hide himself among the customers. So, she'd decided to treat him as one. At least until she could repair her shield enough for their next go-around.
"Why don't you take a few more minutes, and I'll come back to take your order when you're ready?"
His lips formed a thin line.
"But I already know what I want," he reached out to stop her from leaving.
"Please Riles."
Her gaze shifted to his hand on her wrist. As much as she wanted to feel nothing, she couldn't help the static shock that ran through her at his touch.
"I have to make the rounds." She sighed, slipping her hand out from under his.
The bakery wasn't that crowded and no one seemed to be in need to immediate attention. She was just searching for an escape hatch from his company. Not that he could blame her after their last one.
"I just came to apologize for the other day," he blurted, desperate to make her stay.
The brunette froze mid-step, sucking in a deep breath.
Those words were exactly what she'd hoped to hear, but much like her last wish, the reality left her wary.
"I hate fighting with you," he continued, sensing her doubt. "That's not who we are, or who I wanna be."
Riley wished she could agree. It may not have been who they were in the beginning, but it was who they had become by the end.
She swatted anxiously at the bangs that had fallen in her face.
"I don't want to fight with you either."
His green eyes brightened and his lips formed a dimpled grin.
"Do you think we can get a do over on that talk?" His voice was hopeful. "I promise to stay calm and listen to you this time."
Just as she opened her mouth to speak a customer on the other side of the room called out for her assistance. When he'd first walked in she would have gladly welcomed the interruption, but it felt as though they might finally be ready to progress and her work was holding them back.
"I really do have to work Lucas."
He nodded, and turned toward the exit. This time it was Riley who stopped him.
"I have a break in a few hours, if you want to come back then."
He blinked rapidly, trying to process her offer.
"Yeah?"
She giggled at his flustered expression.
"No, yeah. I'd like that. A lot."
The customer shouted again, doing his best to flag her down. She gave him a sympathetic smile before heading their direction.
Wes, who had been observing their exchange with his heart in his throat, dropped his head to hide his frown. He was happy that Riley's loyalty had been rewarded, and Lily's sperm donor wasn't complete scum. But after seeing her interact with the guy he understood why so many who loved her were concerned for her wellbeing since his return.