The pride (and a small fraction of hope) that had bubbled up inside of him were reduced to shame when Cas' next words were uttered: "Get out of here." They kind of cut at him, leaving deep wounds. He was embarrassed to have thought anything different, and he wasn't going to wait until Cas was awake to say the same thing conscious. Dean was sure to be quiet as he left Cas' room, not being able to take it if Cas caught him now.

He paced in the main room, angry at himself. He was sick of the devious hope finding its way into his thoughts when he tried so hard to keep it at bay. The whole thing was so confusing. And frustrating… Mostly frustrating. He sat down in the nearest chair and stared down at the grains in the oak table. A thought occurred to him, and it made his skin crawl. Maybe Cas was different now. Maybe he just wasn't the same without his grace. And one of the sole differences seemed to be a complete lack of affection towards Dean. The man had barely uttered two words directly to him in over a week.

The idea made him even antsier and he had to stand up to pace again. Enough with this stupid, unrequited, schoolgirl's crush on Cas, fucking enough. Clearly it'd been a stressful year and his psyche was trying to deal with it in weird ways. He'd lost too many people to not latch completely onto the ones he still had. Surely if he ignored it enough it would go away.

Before he even really made a conscious decision to do so, he'd snatched his keys up off the counter and was on his way to the nearest liquor store. When he walked in, the bell on the door ridiculously loud, he didn't really know where to begin. He had no idea what would affect him. He found the hardest alcohol they had and cleared the shelf of it, having to take a few trips to get it all to the counter without a cart.

Dean charged it all to a card. He was amazed the card cleared the huge purchase. Back in the Impala, he twisted the cap off of the nearest bottle, reveling in the sound of the seal breaking. He took a few generous swigs: nothing.

He started the car, the open bottle still in his left hand. He toured the main road, searching for a bar with a lot of cars around it. After finding one, he parked and finished the first bottle; still not feeling much.

After three bottles had been emptied and he didn't think his body could fit anymore, he had an impressive buzz warming him from the inside.

He stumbled into the building, being careful not to fall and get himself thrown out. He eyes the bar, looking for what he sought. A couple blondes caught his eye over by the pool table but he continued searching until a tall brunette with great boobs and a pretty face started smiling at him.

He made his way over, offered his hind, "Name's James, mind giving me yours?" H was suddenly very aware of the fact that it'd been what felt like years since he picked a girl up in a bar. It didn't matter; she took his hand and replied with her name: something with a 'K'. Kristen? Kim?

She made it too easy, really. Some of his cheesiest lines were enough. It wasn't long before he had a hand on her waist, guiding her towards the door.

After he pointed out the car, she turned, covering his mouth with her own. Like everything else, it wasn't the same as when he was human, but the alcohol in his system did a little to make her touches tingle on his skin. He backed her up against the car with enough presence of mind to try and be gentle. The pads of his fingers grazed her sides, creeping under the fabric of her shirt, trailing across the faintly warm skin of her hips. Her fingers were tangled in his hair on the back of his head and on the nape of his neck.

She broke off for a second to catch her breath. And (Kary? Kelly?) smiled deviously at him as she held her hand out for the keys. She opened the back door and stepped in, beckoning him to follow with the curving of her index finger.

He broke the distance between them in a rush, feverishly moving his lips against hers. Her hot tongue against the outline of his mouth did just what he needed it to do, get Cas off his mind completely for the first time in much too long.

He shrugged out of his jacket and flannel as she pulled her blouse over her head. Her fingers sought out the hem of his t-shirt and she yanked it up over his shoulders. After their mouths met again, her nimble digits trailed downward over his chest and stomach muscles. He shivered a little against her mouth and he felt an answering smile spread out across hers.

He looked her in the eyes as he inched her jeans off, and his own followed her denim onto the floor of the car. The only sounds that filled the enclosed space were shallow breaths and the scrape of skin against skin.

…

He'd waited awhile before he'd driven home, opting instead to walk around a little while the last of the alcohol burned out of his system. He'd been disappointed to find that the very thoughts he'd been trying to avoid didn't take long to find him again. He hadn't been especially eager to get back to the bunker, wanting to revel in his brief escape a little longer.

When he had driven back, the sun had already begun to light the sky and he hoped everyone was still asleep inside. He was silent as he opened the front door and walked down the hall, conscious of the squeaky steps. He could easily just use some of his power to simply transport himself inside but he felt weird about using Cas' grace for anything that wasn't necessary. Seeing how things stood now, he was even less willing.

Dean had a sneaking suspicion that Cas regretted using him as his grace-receptacle. That he would've rather just let Naomi get to it instead. He did his best to push the train of the thought out of his mind as he shrugged out of his jacket. He pushed the door of the kitchen open to start some coffee, coming face to face with both his brother and the man in question.

…

Sam lifted his eyes to the door when he heard Dean's footstep outside it. Cas had been buttering his toast but Sam could hear that he'd paused.

Dean pushed the door open, surprise lighting his eyes as they took in the both of them. Sam noticed that his clothes were a little rumpled and that an foreign red color tinted Dean's lips.

"What have you been up to?" he teased. But he snuck a sideways glance at Cas who had returned his full attention to his toast. Of course Sam had noticed something different about the two's dynamic and he found it incredibly eerie for Cas to show so little response to Dean's presence at all for the past weeks. He looked between them both and decided they needed some time to sort out their issues. Sam grabbed his mug of coffee and the newspaper from the day before and went to read in his room, hoping some progress would be made, while also keeping an ear open for any concerning exclamations.

…

Dean avoided looking at Cas after making the initial eye contact when first walking in. He turned his back to the man now sitting at the table, nibbling on toast. Dean reached for a mug, filling it with the familiar, gritty substance. He plastered on a default expression, rigid and stoic.

"How did you spend your sleepless night?" The man at the table wondered aloud.

Dean nearly spilled his coffee, the man's attempt at making conversation taking him completely by surprise.

It was almost pathetic how fast Dean spun around to answer him, much too eager.

"Went to a bar. Got laid." His voice came out more spiteful than he's intended. He realized how angry he was at him; getting saddled with grace and then ultimately being left to sort it out on his own. A light went on in his head; had tonight really been about trying to get Cas off of his mind? Or had he really been trying to make Cas jealous? And more importantly… would it work?

"Sounds like fun," Cas answered over Dean's internal reveries. Clearly it would not. He set his empty plate in the sink and left Dean alone in the kitchen.

AUTHOR's NOTE

Okay, I'm the one writing this and I'm even super pissed at both Cas and Dean. What do you guys think Cas was dreaming about? Any theories? Also, you may notice I updated the chapter titles (plus made very few, very minor changes to some of the chapters) so feel free to check out the songs depicted in relationship to the chapters if you're dying for some insight into each chapter or my scatter-brained intentions involved with writing each.