Omg, this is so late. This is the halloween filler I promised you guys! Sorry DX Im in a rush right now so the next chapter will have everything in it. Thanks to my Beta DaniZaraki for everything she's done for me, enjoy this chapter XD there will be a part 2...
"Ok, if you don't get in a straight line now I will cut your head open, remove your brains, post them on my door then make little children touch them. Would you like dirty, sticky fingers poking at your mind? I don't f*cking think so." Kakuzu hit the back of my head and Tobi jumped on Hidan when he grabbed my ass. F*cking dickhead.
"What is the point of this again?" Sasori asked. D'awwww sweet little Pinocchio.
Literally.
It's Halloween bitches and I got to dress the Akatsuki up to whatever I wanted, but Ren and Hadder got half of the team. Dammit.
Halloween is my favorite time of year. Besides Christmas because who doesn't like eggnog? Anyways, I get to scare little kids and get free candy and get super high on freaking madness. Yes that is possible; don't try to argue I have my hypothesis ready.
If one eats more than fifty pieces of candy, then that one person will get high.
No one can argue with science. This is the Akatsuki's FIRST HALLOWEEN. I find that hard to believe since the actual manga is a mixture of modern and ancient times. Freaking Kishimoto and his time confused ways…
Maybe this year, I can try and alter their time and be the technical creator of Halloween in their world! HAHAHA! (A.Nsorry about this chapter, I'm in a bad mood and I'm trying to make my chapter happy. Deal with the happiness.)
"The point is to dress up like whatever character, fictional or non-fictional, even an inanimate object, and collect candy from houses while scaring the shit out of little kids. Maybe Teenagers…" Pein rolled his eyes at me.
"Even without the costumes, you guys could go as yourselves. Pein would be scary enough with all those piercings and shit. Even with his orange hair he could go as a ginger." Ren snorted.
"Shut up, Mrs. Slut-Pirate." I hissed. Yes, Ren was a pirate with an eye patch and brown puffy pants. She even had the white, low cut, puffy shirt, the black combat boots, the large hooker belt, and the freaking brown corset. I tried to tell her no and that her chances of getting raped tonight would be higher and that her rapist might as well be Hadder, but she disagreed and put on the costume anyways.
"Hey," She pouted, "be nice, I helped you make the Akatsuki's outfits." She sighed.
I rolled my eyes and yelled up the stairs.
"You assholes ready yet? I'm getting irritated." I yelled.
"As am I, brat." Sasori growled, stomping upstairs only to come back down pulling Deidara by his long yellow hair. For his costume, he chose to go to the store and buy it, expensive asshole. He chose a dancing skeleton. The suit was black with white bones painted around the edgings.
"Itachi! Kisame! Konan! Zetsu! Hadder! Are you guys ready yet, It's getting dark!" I yelled, getting a few irritated replies back.
Pein chose to go as the grim reaper, mostly because it hid his face though. Hidan had also wanted the costume but since Leader already picked it out he went for an executioners' costume and blade. He cut half his neck off to be and executed executioner…what the f*ck.
We dressed Kakuzu up as the cash cow, we had a huge laugh over it. He said it was degrading and started to strangle Hadder because it was mostly his idea. Poor kid.
Madara dressed up as a vampire, black cape and everything. It almost looked realistic…if it weren't for the orange lollipop mask on the front. Dammit.
Itachi marched down the steps, holding a fake katana in his hands. I was pretty sure he had the ninja bag on his back hip. Maybe with real kunai and shuriken, but oh well. He had decided to dress up as himself, Akatsuki cloak and all. He even found a fake ring, cloak, and headband in my closet. The rest he found in Hadder's room, ha. Such an original costume.
"Itachi… is that my real katana?" I asked, cocking and eyebrow. He chuckled.
"No, but it's similar." Hidan snatched it out of his hands and drew it, pointing at a now descending Kisame. Ren screamed.
"Kisame! Not shark boy!" She screeched. Hidan, Ren, and I cracked up, pointing at the irritated expression on Kisame's face. He was a worm on a hook with a sign around his neck saying, 'Shark Bait.' Kakuzu stepped into my line of vision again and I laughed even harder.
"Oh, you cruel bitch!" Hidan barked, still laughing.
"Shut up Hidan." Kakuzu growled, kicking Hidan to the ground at which Hadder, coming down the stairs, screamed, "RAPE!" Ren, Hidan, and I started laughing even louder, choking on our own humor. Ren and I fell to the floor, at which Hidan would have too if he weren't already on the ground, rolling around holding our stomachs.
A furry paw landed on my shoulder and my ear buds sprouted back to life. The Akatsuki were laughing. Laughing. Oh my Jashin, the world is dying from pneumonic hammers. Hadder lifted my shoulder up, grinning at the success of his costume.
Pedo Bear.
Yes f*cking Pedo Bear. I almost fell to the ground again, my chest heaving with laughter and the frilly fabric of my dress drifting around me like a curtain. I was Malice, the exact opposite of Alice. You could never find this in stores, no, but E-bay? Hell yes.
I stole it from a lady called, 'UnicornHuntressXX7.' Troll, what did Unicorns ever do to you?
Next came Konan who dressed as a ballerina. A purple tutu clung to her hips attached to a purple, V-neck leotard with violet tights with black flats. Her purple hair was tied up in a pony tail at the top of her head, its usual paper flower stuck on top.
"Pein, stop staring at her butt." I laughed, gaining more laughs from the Akatsuki at his slightly surprised expression. Ren wasn't laughing though. Uh-oh. Here comes Mama.
"Hadder, you're going to scare some little kid in that costume. Everybody knows about Pedo Bear." She scolded. Hadder just shook his head and continued to rub his paws together.
"Not everyone, Ren. Most parents will and they'll keep away from me. When we get married, no kids." I stared at him, repulsed.
"Asshole." Kisame scoffed, smacking the back of his head. He yelped and rubbed it, frowning at Kisame before putting on the large bear head to go with his fuzzy costume. We all laughed. The stoic ones chuckled.
"Do I have to come down? I'm going to eat you, Ren." Hadder stiffened to glare at the Zetsu coming down the stairs. He was dressed in a pot, his fly trap was painted red with white spots, and his entire face was green with face paint. My eyes went wide as I continued to stare.
"Uh, hey Zetsu?" I asked
"I have a bad feeling about this. What." they said.
"Where's Mario and Luigi?" I asked, stifling laughter. Hidan, Ren, Hadder, Kisame, Deidara, and I started to laugh loudly. I would be surprised if our neighbors didn't call the cops.
"Why can't we dress up like regular people…?" Sasori asked, pulling at the suspenders of his costume. I opened my mouth to reply when the door burst open.
"Hey bitches! We're here to scare the shit out of kids! What's with the slow ass movement!" A tall girl with brown hair entered the room. Shit, I cursed. I forgot they were coming.
"Melanie!" I scolded. "How many times have I asked you to knock! What if I was raping one of these guys and you burst in to interrupt?" She held up a finger and lifted her head to the ceiling in thought. Talli jumped into the doorway sporting a tall Lolita goth outfit, complete with a dark plaid skirt, pigtails, and a black corset. I am so proud of her.
Melanie was in black fishnet tights with tall combat boots. Her chest was pumped up bigger with the push up bra underneath her white t-shirt, completed with a white face, black shorts, purple eyeliner, and black lipstick. Ah, these two never cease to bring the happiness.
"Ah, I would strip and join you for a threesome. Now, which one of you men are getting raped?" She mused, hopping up and down. Talli chuckled before latching onto Hidan's arm.
"Who's the built up guy under the mask?" Talli asked. Hidan smirked at the orange haired girl's reaction and groped her. Talli squealed and ran away to hide behind her sister. I laughed at them.
"My, my. Getting fresh now are we, Hidan un?" Deidara smiled, punching him in the skull. Hidan growled before punching him back.
"Shut up bitch. Just because you're too gender confused to get a girl doesn't mean you have to be such an attention whore about it." He said, punching him back. Melanie straightened up and laughed.
"Who knew Talli had anything to grope!" Melanie whooped. I laughed and grabbed candy sacks for everyone, starting to hand them out.
"Ok, everyone! Let's head out!" I yelled, opening the door and falling behind the crowd next to Melanie and Madara.
"Jashin, Jeen. You also stand next to Madara. What, do you have a mask fetish now?" I laughed at her.
"No, he's my boyfriend." Her mouth fell open as we stepped into the fresh night air, little sunlight peaking over the mountains. I took out my flashlight and continued to walk.
"Why the flashlight?" Itachi asked.
"We're ninjas, we can see in the dark." Kisame added. I shrugged.
"She's afraid of the dark." Talli said, rounding a corner and jumping in front of two kids, scaring the shit out of them. Deidara, Hidan, and Melanie laughed. The rest of them just ignored them.
"You're afraid of the f*cking dark? You f*cking pussie!" Hidan cackled.
"Hahaha! Wow, Jeen, un! Under all the toughness you act like a freaking girl!" Deidara laughed.
"Oh, hey Jeen! You scared of a little darkness? Afraid the boogie mans going to come out and rape you?" Melanie added. I glowered at them. Ren and Hadder glared at the three.
"Brat." Sasori said, taking Deidara by the hair and pulling him forward. He started to screech his protest and reach for his clay before Itachi took it off of his person and handed it to Leader. I grinned.
"My clay, hm!" He yelped, trying to get away from his master. Talli, Hadder, and Ren smacked the back of Melanie's head, taking her candy bag.
"You're on restriction for half the day." Hadder said.
"You're insane!" She yelled, rubbing the back of her head and lunging for her bag, only to miss and stumble.
"If I'm insane, what are you?" He asked. Ah, his famous catchphrase…
Kakuzu took the katana from Itachi's hand sliced Hidan's head off. It lay on the ground for a moment. Little princesses and power rangers ran from us, screaming bloody murder.
"Oi! You son of a bitch! That hurt!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes and grabbed his head by the hair/mask.
"That's the point." He grumbled, holding the bloodied appendage from his person. He handed Itachi the weapon back, who then rubbed it clean and proceeded to walk beside his partner. I glared at the three again before turning on the flashlight.
"Assholes." I hissed.
"Aw, Jeen. Am I an asshole too? Or am I still your friend?" I flipped around. Aw man.
"AH! Lily! I'm sorry we forgot to meet you." Ren yelled, hugging her. I rolled my eyes.
"You mean you forgot to meet her. I don't care." Hadder said. Ren rolled her eyes.
"Whatever. C'mon guys! Let's go hit some houses!" I glanced over at Lily.
Her brown hair was tied into a bun, her slender body was wrapped into a samurai suit, but her flawless face was covered in face paint and fake blood. Hahaha, original.
"Kakuzu, you asshole! Sew my head back on!" Hidan screamed. I laughed as a group of teens our age ran.
"Guys, go over there. There's a party." Ren said. All the heads snapped to the left. Lights came out of the windows and door. Out front, there were a few couples making out. I gagged.
"Get a room!" Melanie, Talli, Lily, Hidan, Deidara, and I screamed. They looked at us. Two of them looking slightly embarrassed while another two just flipped us off. We chuckled. The stoic ones just shook their heads and either chuckled with us or rolled their eyes humorlessly.
"Poor kids don't know the real meaning of fun. Why don't you teach them, Pinocchio?" Hadder chimed. Sasori rolled his eyes.
"More than happy to." He flexed his fingers and attached a few strings onto one of the guys. He twitched his forefinger and he went flying to the side, hitting a car and continuing to rub himself all over it. The alarm went off and all of us started to laugh uncontrollably. Pein, Konan, Zetsu, and Itachi just shook their heads. Kakuzu actually chuckled.
"Ghost!" He screamed. It was actually funny.
"Let's go guys." I said, leading them towards the house.
"This is Jimmy's party, Ren." Talli said, fixing her skirt. Ren's eye twitched.
"Shit." She hissed, hiding her face with her hat. I shook my head.
"Kakuzu can you guard her? Jimmy might harass her if you don't. If he harasses her, I will be forced to kill." I said. Hadder stood in front of Ren.
"I'll guard her." He chuckled jealously. Kakuzu nodded and didn't object.
"Talli." Melanie said.
"Yeah?"
"Don't dirty dance, got it?" Talli huffed but adjusted her skirt lower, frowning at her sister.
"Dammit, can't you have some fun?" She pouted.
"Language." Lily said, smacking her shoulder.
"What's so bad about this Jimmy asshole?" Hidan asked, cracking his next which had been sewed back onto his body.
"Jimmy was Ren's Science partner who also harassed her to the point where she stopped going to school. Then he came to our house at that point, my dad kicked him out.
Itachi nodded at me.
"Why are we going in then?" He asked, I patted his shoulder.
"Ah, naïve little 'Tachi." He glared at me.
"It's because there's free food, candy, and some of our friends are in there. Plus, who doesn't like a party?"
"Got that right, Jeen." Lily chimed, sprinting forward to hug a friend. Hadder hissed.
"I really hate her." He said. Talli frowned.
"But why? She's really nice." He didn't answer, but threw an arm around Ren and guided her inside. I chuckled at him before turning to Madara.
"How's life?" I asked.
"Dull." He replied. I frowned at him before smacking his arm.
"C'mon, be a little bit happier. It's Halloween!" He shook his head and followed Pein and Konan inside. I pouted and looked at the rest of the Akatsuki who stood beside me.
"C'mon guys, let's go inside and trash the place." A grin spread across Hidan's face as well as Deidara's. Itachi and Sasori looked slightly amused along with Konan who just laughed. Pein glared at the rest of them.
"You will not kill or harm anyone here unless commanded to. If anyone asks who you are, ignore them and walk away." He said, his leader aura surrounding us.
"Yes Leader-san." they replied.
"How did you train them to do that!" I gawked. I got many reproachful glares.
"It takes practice. And a lot of pain." I laughed. Deidara sighed.
"Not another pain pun, yeah." Pein glared at Deidara as Sasori slapped him across the face.
"Not another word Brat." He glared, pulling at his ear.
"Danna, let go of me un!" I rolled my eyes and turned, my black hair swishing around in the air.
"Let's go then…." I sighed.