Alec knew today was gonna suck, even before the alarm on his clock started to chime at him. For the past week, all he had heard from his siblings was curious wonderings about their soulmates. And Alec was sick of it. Izzy and Jace had it easy, the chance of either of them having an unsuitable soulmate was laughable. Izzy and Jace, who never had the inclination to be more than mildly scandalous, would never be a real disgrace to the Clave. Not like Alec would be.

The numbers on his chest counted down. He, the eldest, really did have to wait the longest for his soulmate. Jace would meet his tonight. Whomever she was, she most likely would be the calming influence that Jace desperately needed. He would be the first. Izzy would meet hers tomorrow. And then Alec the day after.

Alec knew today was going to suck, because this entire week would. Jace meeting his soulmate would just lead to a series of events that Alec really doesn't really want to deal with. Alec didn't want to deal with anything today for a number of reasons, some he won't admit, some he'll make up. But, really, Alec has waited over 18 years for this to happen. 18 years for the world to change, his world to change. After this week not only would there be three more people in his life, but he would finally have to admit that he was not what his family expects.

But, while his world changing was a very good reason for not wanting to leave his room, let alone his bed, it was not the main reason he wanted to put life on pause.

Alec's main reason for not wanting to leave his room was Jace. Not that he would meet his soulmate, not that he would forever be out of Alec's grasp, not that he would have to "share" his attention. At least, not just. Everything about Jace made Alec ache today. The only thing stronger than the Parabatai bond is the soulmate bond.

Alec would lose Jace in 9 hours, 32 minutes and change. 18 hours, 8 minutes later Izzy would be changed as well. And a little over 32 hours after that he would meet his. That means that in less than 3 days Alec wouldn't be able to hide that he was gay. That every time Jace had tried to push a woman at him, not only had he wanted to run away, but his heart broke because it would never be Jace.

His numbers had started showing seconds only two weeks ago. Izzy and Jace would always set the trends in their family. They were the first to go out on dates, have sex, get in trouble. Alec would always be the responsible one.

But Alec knew he had to leave his room. If he didn't Jace and Izzy would go on this hunt by themselves. Alec was the one who balanced their impulsiveness and competitiveness, he hung back and kept them safe while they dove in head first. Alec still took his time staring at the ceiling, Izzy or Jace would find him eventually, surprised that he isn't the one hurrying them along.

Jace had probably been up for hours, grooming. Unsurprisingly both of them had been taking extra care the past week so that they were physically flawless. Both of them also trying to get Alec to wear something other than black, grey and blood-stained. Alec didn't want to change, didn't want to dress up, didn't want to give any more effort to something that would destroy everything. His standing in the community, his relationship with his parents, his siblings. 3 days and Alec's life would never be the same.

Why should he embrace that? Whoever his soulmate was… Alec would rather spend his life helplessly in love with Jace and never be able to love in the sunlight, than have a soulmate who would constantly be disappointed in who Alec was. He would never be beautiful, smart, strong or outgoing like his siblings. There were reasons beyond the obvious why Alec never dated. No one ever looked at him longer than was necessary.

Jace and Izzy were always the ones gaining attention because of their looks and personalities. Even Max had one or two of the young girls in Idris crushing on him. Alec was the one sent in when they needed professional, reserved, detached, when they wanted a leader. When they want persuasive, charismatic, influential, when they want a seduction, they send Izzy or Jace.

Even if Alec could ever be open about who he was to those he cares about, what sort of person would think Alec was worth more than a sideways glance.

A knock on the door grabs his attention. He sighs to himself and wonders if the next 3 days were really worth moving. It's not like he hadn't thought of a thousand scenarios where all three of them are stuck in the Institute, he even entertained the idea of letting Izzy cook. But that seemed too cruel, everything he thought of seemed too cruel.

Stopping them from meeting their soulmates… Alec loves them too much to want them to be alone forever. But the best theory they all had was that Jace's soulmate would introduce Izzy, and then Alec, to their soulmates.

The knock sounds again. 8 hours. Jace must be getting nervous by now. He and Izzy had been spending so much time lately discussing what they would look like, act like. Whether or not they would be Shadowhunters, or Mundanes or Downworlders.

'Alec,' Jace's voice carries through the door. 'C'mon, Izzy and I have been ready for an hour. What are you doing in there?' Jace is whining. The last time he really whined was when Maryse told him that the numbers on his chest were how long he'd have to wait.

Alec contemplated pretending to be asleep, but realised that Jace would just keep knocking. He lifted himself up and crossed his legs. It was after 1 in the afternoon, Alec could only hide for so much longer.

'Jace, let me try,' Izzy said behind the door. The handle turned and she entered his room. Jace's head could be seen briefly before the door was shut in his face. 'What's up, Sleepy?' Izzy knelt on the bed and pouted.

Alec pulled the doona over his head and grumbled. He didn't want to deal with Izzy, didn't want to think about how if he didn't get his ass out of bed, then it wasn't just soulmates that were at risk, but the fact that Izzy and Jace would go on patrol without him. He stuck his head out and looked back at Izzy. She was still pouting.

Alec finally gave up after ten minutes of Izzy's pout. His baby sister has had years to perfect her tactics on how to manipulate her brother. It shouldn't surprise him that it had him grabbing clothes and walking into his bathroom, but he still wasn't ready for the series of events that would follow.

He took his time in the shower. He waited five minutes for it to warm up, claiming he needed that time to take off his clothes. He stood under the water for twice as long before he believed his hair was wet enough to start shampooing. Then even longer to rub it in and let it set while he grabbed the soap and lathered it in his hands.

He knew if his mother knew how he deliberately procrastinated getting out of the shower she would scold him for being irresponsible. Yet, she didn't know that the longer he stood in the shower, the longer it would take for three of her children to meet their soulmates. She believed that they only held Shadowhunters from being the best they could, "emotions are a weakness," she always said.

After spending thirty minutes in the shower he turned off the water. He waited for his skin to get goosebumps before he grabbed his towel and started patting himself dry. He could hear Izzy and Jace muffled voices through the walls of his bathroom and room. He looked at the clock on is phone and found that there was less than seven hours left. He really, really wanted to ignore his numbers, erase them even.

He stared at them, slowly counting down. For what seemed like a moment he dreamed what he would be like, would his eyes be bright, his voice deep. He hoped that he was compassionate, understanding. He hoped he would be patient with Alec, that he could allow him to move slowly. He'd be Alec's first relationship, if fate had anything to say about it, his last.

"Alec."

Alec shook his head to clear those thoughts and started getting dressed. His gaze occasionally landed back at the reflection of his numbers. He rubbed a towel through his hair and looked down at his bare feet. They weren't extraordinary, ten toes and rough skin, it just kept his gaze and thoughts occupied. When his hair had stopped dripping, he grabbed his socks and boots and dropped onto his bed.

"Alec."

"Five minutes," he shouted back. He had one sock on his foot and the other in his hand. He stuck his feet into his boot and lazily tied them. Then he untied them. He tightened the laces and retied them.

He went to his bedside table for his stele, wallet, phone. He looked around the room twice before he decided that he had everything he needed. And looked around again hoping that he'd forgotten something.

"Alec."

He let out a sigh before he placed his hand on the door knob. This time next week his entire world would be different. Could anyone blame him for being afraid?

Author's note!

Sorry for the lateness of this! I've chosen to take on two law subject this semester and it kicked my ass, plus life in general gets really hectic.

I've already said this is AU and isn't going to follow the book or the show religiously but steal my favourite parts.

Thanks for continuing to read, it's still fun to write!