Howling Love ::.

Chapter Thirteen xx Lost

Retelling his story was like picking up hundreds of different-colored threads and trying to combine them into a single being. His life was so complicated, and every small segment was unique and different, spare the single topic that remained constant throughout. Pain.

He'd always ignored the question of whether or not leaving the Leaf had been a good choice, shoving it out of his mind when it dared to enter. He gained so much power every day with the Sound, how could that ever be considered a bad thing?

But all of the side effects, all of the misery that accompanied the rapid increase in strength; was it worth it?

There had been nights at the Sound compounds where'd been so beaten and broken after a round of training that he'd gone for entire weeks without waking up. The first thing he'd see when he finally did wake up would be strange seals and machines surrounding him, and an oxygen wrapped around his face.

Though it happened pretty often, it always came as a surprise to wake up to that and have Kabuto lecture him on the importance of not overworking. Fuck you, Kabuto. Fuck you.

He won so many battles after that, despite the hardships. He defeated Akatsuki members without too much problem, outran countless platoons of enemy shinobi, battled and beat the eight-tailed jinchuriki, killed his brother....

That's where it started. He had relative control over his life before that. Events bled into eachother, secrets were revealed, countless new ambitions made themselves known to him, and everything became a mass free-for-all spinning wildly beyond his own jurisdiction. Things came flying at him at inconceivable speeds, and he was constantly ducking and diving to avoid them.

Then life seemed to take a sudden breath and go in slow motion from there; like the hands of his life's clock had been overworking themselves so had decided to take a momentary break. Yeah, his life had gone on just with a different sort of tick. He'd fought more fights. He'd travelled more travels. He'd battled more battles. But the spark that he had always had to follow his fleeting ambitions had vanished along with Itachi's demise, leaving him empty and motive-less.

He relied more on instincts rather than intellectual thought during that time-frame. He'd rarely spoken before then, but afterwards it went to an extreme and conversing with his team were scant if not non-existent. Without any sort of leadership to keep them together Hebi had eventually disbanded, spare for Suigetsu. The Mist nin needed help collecting his petty swords, so Sasuke lamely obliged.

He'd followed Suigetsu around for a time, helping out whenever his teammate needed it. Suigetsu managed to get his hands on six of the seven swords he wanted, and they spent a good couple months searching for the seventh. After deeming it permanently missing, the two eventually split. Suigetsu went to a town in the Land of Rain, seeking medical help for the strange condition Orochimaru had put him in. Sasuke took to the north, seeking something to distract his wandering mind....

He moved around in the Ice Country aimlessly for weeks, avoiding towns and any sign of civilization like the plague. For as hard as he fought to hold them up, the walls of his life continued to crash in on him. The bitter cold bite of the Ice country did little to push away his roiling however, so after a time he forced himself to return to the Land of Fire. He convinced himself it was because his body craved a warmer climate, but deep down he knew it was because of the bonds that still tethered him to his former village.

He'd gone right up to the border of Konoha; stood just outside its open gate in the pitch of night. He'd stared into into the streets with a distant look for a good hour beofre quickly turning and leaving, for some reason angered at the sight of his old home.

He stayed near the border from there on, moving from town to town like some sort of fugitive with no clear destination in mind. He had a chance encounter with Hebi shortly after that, and for the heck of it they joined up once again and carried on as a slightly-dysfunctional teams, just like old times.

It, unfortunately, was a short-lived reunion. They were attacked by what they'd thought to be bandits the next day, but who Sasuke learned later was really just a troupe of Katsuo's. The enemies had been weak and hardly trained as shinobi, and Hebi would have aroused victorious if not for the sudden surprise that was in stock for them in the end. Some sort of elite, genjutsu master revealed himself to them and took down Karin and Juugo without batting an eye. He reduced Suigetsu to a puddle shortly after that, and had rounded on the Uchiha in a flash.

That was the first time he'd lost a fight in ages. Somehow the opponent had managed to get in the Uchiha's head, and all hope of escaping had disintegrated from there.

Apparent Juugo was able to get up, however, when the idiot enemy was celebrating, and the Hebi member managed to bash him over the head, knocking him out instantly. Suigetsu and Karin sat right up, free of damage with their minds free of the jutsu. Sasuke's was free as well, but he didn't rise.

The damage had already been done.

His whole life had been picked and manipulated through like some sort of open book by the enemy, and it'd left him feeling cold, empty, and overbearingly vulnerable. That some stranger had so easily defeated him and then proceeded to go through all of the personal secrets and moments that he had locked up in the deep crevices of his mind... It made him feel weak and insignificant; a fact that he couldn't even fathom, let alone understand.

He remembered his team hovering around him, asking him if he was alright, a disgusting coat of pity lining their every word. He remembered sitting up violently, lashing his hand out at them and catching a cheek before abruptly standing and leaving. He never knew who he'd hit, only that their insistent need to feed him their sympathies him edge had shattered the thin layer of ice that he had once been so delicately balanced on top of.

And now he was struggling and thrashing to keep himself afloat, but the ice that once served as his lifeline was slowly and painfully drowning him.

He'd taken off in a dead sprint, refusing to look back and admit to his mistake. He couldn't afford to swallow his last bit of pride.

The Uchiha kept up in his relentless pace for miles. He finally cooled down after having reached another region entirely, where he'd stumbled into an old seaside town and warily made his way into the nearest bar.

One drink later he woke up in a cell after being comatose for a week. Funny, really, how life does that.

A long silence followed his slow recountment, and he found himself scrambling for something to keep his eyes on. Watching her slowly wilt away in his arms was maddening, and he was already flying as fast as he could as it was.

Sasuke took a quick glance down at the kunoichi in his arms, his deep onyx eyes searching hers for any sort of reaction. Her hues, surprisingly enough, were open, but they weren't looking at him. They were staring distantly off into the clouds surrounding them, void of all its usual vibrancy. They slowly fluttered up to meet his gaze and a quiet smile crept across her lips.

"Arigatou.....Sasuke-kun..." she mumbled before falling back against him weakly. He stared at for a moment, a question bubbling to his lips, but he bit it off abruptly.

For now he would let her sleep; they were almost there.

Sasuke's small story. Sorry for its shortness, next chapter will be much longer. Thanks for reading. :]

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--xxIndigo