Hi all! So very quickly, let me explain the possible schedule to you for the next few weeks. I may or may not have a chapter posted next week, but that will remain to be seen. Since I've been posting on Saturdays, I would post next Saturday before I leave to pick up my friend from the airport. She'll be here all that week, and the next Saturday I will be leaving for camp. So my current plan is to skip that week and possibly the next one as well. I wish I could give a concrete answer as to when I will post, but I may not even get the one for next week done either. Please bear with me as I try to get past my busy schedule and keep up with this story!

All that being said, please let me know what you think of this chapter and the story in general! Thank you for all your support and love! I hope you're enjoying this story!

Alec wasn't really sure why he'd been trying to sleep in the first place. He had known for hours that trying to sleep would be a lost cause. It had only been a few hours since his father had left for Idris, but it had felt like a lifetime to Alec. After leaving the library, Alec had surprised himself by going back to the infirmary, pulling himself together enough to check on Isabelle once more. But when Magnus had shown up there several minutes later, Alec's composure had threatened to come crashing down. After Magnus finished explaining that Isabelle likely wouldn't wake up until the next morning, her body healing itself best while she slept, Alec excused himself, unable to keep himself together any longer. Since then, he'd been in his room, continually going over the past few hours in his mind, trying to figure out what he should have done differently. Which he knew was a dangerous route to take, but that didn't seem to keep him from taking it. He'd always known that he had a very active mind, and he tended to over think absolutely everything in his life, but the problem was that he was utterly powerless to stop any of it.

When he hadn't been trying to figure out what he'd done wrong that night, Alec was thinking about what the next few days would bring him. His father would be in Idris no more than two days, which meant he had very little time to come to terms with what had happened. Especially considering the fact that he had, in no way, been ready for what had happened. So Alec had already spent way too much time trying to prepare himself for every possible situation that he might find himself in all too soon. Before they'd gone on their mission that night, Robert had mentioned that Maryse would be on her way back in the morning with Max in tow, and that left Alec to wonder whether or not his father had told his mother what had happened. Either his father would be accepting and understanding or he wouldn't. But the problem was that Alec's fear of the second option was the only thing clouding his mind at the moment.

All at once, Alec felt his chest tighten, which was something that had been happening on and off for hours. Just as he would relax and feel as though he'd made progress, the fear would bubble to the surface once more and his body would react regardless of his thoughts. And then he would be back to square one, feeling as though his breath was being sucked out of him by a vacuum. The fear and anxiety seemed to crash over him in waves, and Alec knew that building a wall tall enough to stop it would require much more strength and energy than he had at the moment. So he simply endured it as best he could, which was to say not very well. Or at least, he felt that there were many people in the world who could have dealt with it much better. Though at first Alec had almost felt numb from the shock of what had happened, he slowly began to realize that part of the dull ache he was feeling was a longing for Magnus that only the warlock himself could satiate. But he knew that it was far too early in the morning to bother Magnus again, especially after he knew that Magnus was already at home and likely deep in sleep.

So instead, Alec finally pushed himself out of bed, intending to make his way to the greenhouse so that he could walk around in the air that smelled so comfortingly of Idris and be with his thoughts. But halfway there, Alec redirected himself almost against his own will. It took several seconds for Alec to realize that he'd reacted to the sound of music softly escaping from under the library door, and he halfheartedly smiled at the thought. He'd reacted so unconsciously to the sound of Jace playing the piano that he could really only attribute it to their parabatai bond. So he found himself entering the library, not at all surprised by the fact that Jace was at the piano, his eyes closed as his hands floated over the keys, though Alec knew this wasn't due to concentration but rather his love for the music. "Alec?" Jace asked without opening his eyes, but Alec could see from where he was that Jace was already smiling. "Please tell me those are your footsteps because otherwise I'm losing my touch and that would be a tragedy for us all."

Despite himself, Alec chuckled, realizing just how much he'd missed his time with Jace lately. He'd been spending so much time with Magnus as well as working on the case that they'd begun to feel distant. But here they were, snapping back together as Alec knew they always would. "Who else would willingly subject themselves to your music?" Alec asked, but he knew as soon as he had that his heart really hadn't been in the joke as it normally would have. And he mostly knew this because Jace's eyes opened in thinly veiled surprise, though he didn't skip a beat when it come to the music he was playing. Alec wished for several moments that he could take back what he'd just said, redo it and keep Jace from hearing the fear that was currently overwhelming him. But he also knew that in a million variations of this situation, Jace would always be able to pick up on the slightest hint to Alec's emotions no matter what Alec did. He'd been able to do so even before they'd become parabatai. Now, it was even more natural than breathing to both of them.

"What's wrong?" Jace asked, and Alec wanted to deny that absolutely anything was wrong, but he knew that he would never be able to convince Jace of that now. "I've been in here playing for the last hour, and in that time, I've felt more emotions coming through our bond than I've likely felt in all the years we've been parabatai." At that, Alec moved to sit on the couch, facing Jace but unable to meet his eyes, knowing that Jace would easily be able to read everything written in his expression. When Alec didn't respond after several long seconds, Jace spoke up once more, his hands still floating over the keys, which Alec knew was mostly for his benefit. Jace's piano playing had always calmed him and helped him no matter the situation, and they both knew that all too well. "You know you can talk to me about anything you need to, right?"

Alec nodded, but he still couldn't meet Jace's eyes, and that's when he began to understand just how real his fear was. When he'd been alone in his room, he'd almost been able to disconnect himself from what he was feeling, allowing it to cycle through his mind and body without truly being present. But now that he was here with Jace, he was being forced to face it, and that was something he wasn't sure he knew how to do. He tried closing his eyes, tried reminding himself that he was safe. But then his fears reminded him that he might not be safe in a couple of days, and that's when everything came crashing down. That was when the music stopped, and Alec began to feel Jace's own fear and worry mirroring his own. "Alexander?" Jace asked, and before Alec could answer, Jace was by his side, placing a hand on his arm in the gentlest of ways. "What's going on?" Alec hated the worry that ran through Jace's voice, and the only thing he wanted to do was calm it, but he knew that he was helpless to do so at the moment.

It took Alec another few seconds to gather himself enough to begin speaking, but he finally did so, recounting the night's events for Jace as best he could. More often than Alec would have liked, he had to pause and take a couple of deep breaths, finally understanding just how close he was to completely breaking down in a way he hadn't in years. But even explaining to Jace that Robert had walked in on him with Magnus was enough to push him that much further over the edge, and there was nothing Alec could do to stop it. At times, his words ran together, and he could only hope that Jace understood what he was trying to get across. "I told him to leave," Alec said at the end of his somewhat lengthy speech about the night. "I could have asked him to stay, to go ahead and work this out with me. But I asked him to leave because I was scared of what he would say if he stayed. Because I was a coward." Alec stopped fairly abruptly, only slightly surprised when he realized that silent tears were slowly running down his face. He wished he could say he was surprised by them, wished that he had the capacity to be ashamed of them at the moment, but he had known they were coming, and he was simply glad that Jace was the person to witness them.

They sat in silence for a bit, and Alec didn't really mind. He was happy to give Jace a moment along with his thoughts because that's exactly what he needed himself. Though having that moment did nothing to stop the tears or alleviate his fears. "Remember what I told you when you came out to me?" Jace asked, his voice much softer than Alec ever remembered hearing it. Alec couldn't help but smile at that, not to mention the fact that Jace had reached up to quickly wipe away some of his tears, something Alec had never seen him do for anyone, including Max. But before Alec could respond, Jace was answering his own question, his voice distantly heavy with memories. "I told you that it didn't matter what anyone in this world would ever think of you because, as your parabatai, I know the best and the worst of you, and only a fool would be unable to see how greatly the good outweighs the bad." Alec wanted to say something in response, but he could sense that Jace was far from finished, so he remained silent, happily reliving the memory along with his brother.

"You told me back then that you felt like a coward because you couldn't come out to everyone you loved," Jace continued, absentmindedly smiling at the memory. "And I'll tell you know what I told you then. This fear that you're feeling doesn't make you a coward. You're worried you'll lose people you love, and there's nothing cowardly about that." At that, Alec reached over to take Jace's hand, another wave of fear and anxiety crashing over him, and Jace seemed to notice this because he simply gave Alec's hand a gentle squeeze, effectively grounding Alec once more. "I won't pretend to know what Robert's currently thinking, but one thing I do know is that, no matter what he tells you when he gets back, no matter how he reacts, you will still be loved." Jace sighed then, and Alec began to wonder if he was done speaking, but naturally, he wasn't. "Frankly Alec, if this changes his love for you, then he's simply not worth the love that you give him." Alec knew this should be comforting, but it was almost just as terrifying as every other thought he'd had that day.

For another few moments, Alec remained silent, contentment almost flooding his mind when he realized that his thoughts were beginning to quiet. "You know who's worth more than the love I give him?" Alec eventually asked, a new concern buzzing through him. "Magnus," he halfway sighed, the truth hitting him harder than he would have liked to imagine. "He was trying to help me earlier and I shrugged him off without so much as a single thought," Alec admitted, the words all but catching in his throat. Alec checked the clock on the library wall, wishing it wasn't still too early to call Magnus. All he wanted at the moment was to apologize for the fact that his emotions had clouded his thoughts to the point of hurting someone he cared so deeply for. "I have to fix that," Alec said, mostly to himself, but Jace sighed again at that, shifting his weight in a way that told Alec he was about to stand up once more.

"Yeah, you do," Jace admitted, and Alec first thought that Jace was angry with him. "But I do know that Magnus will understand. If only one person in the world understood you in this moment, it would be Magnus." Despite Alec's current anxieties and fears, he knew this to be true, and that was one thing that unexpectedly comfort him. "For now, you need sleep. We both do," Jace continued, standing up and motioning for Alec to follow him out of the library. Their rooms were directly across the hall from one another, so Alec simply followed his parabatai through the Institute, enjoying the silence of the halls now that Isabelle was healed and the chaos of the day was behind them. Before Jace went into his room, he stopped and turned back toward Alec, tapping his door without saying a word, but Alec knew exactly what he meant. If you need me, you know where I am. Alec smiled and nodded, finally going back to his room, comforted by the fact that he was beginning to feel just how tired he truly was.

"And you're not planning on telling Alec about this why?" Ragnor was asking yet again, his voice becoming increasingly exasperated each time. Magnus tried to reply, but Raphael gave him a warning look as if to remind him that Ragnor was likely far from being done. Alec had called him earlier to quickly run through an apology that was so obviously rehearsed in the most nervous of ways that Magnus had been forced to smile at it. But then Alec had gone on to explain that they were having to deal with the aftermath of the night before and the mundanes they now had in the Institute, so he wouldn't be able to see Magnus until later that night. So Magnus had decided to talk the situation over with his two best friends, portaling them into his apartment so that Raphael didn't have to think about the sun. "After four hundred years, you've found your soulmate, and you're not going to tell him because?" Ragnor's voice trailed off into a question, and Magnus couldn't help but sigh.

"We've been over this already," he said, running his hands through his hair yet again, altogether tired of trying to justify his actions. Especially when his actions made so little sense to even him. "I'm not telling Alec because he doesn't need to deal with that right now on top of everything else. Dating a Downworlder is bad enough, but the three of us know all too well what the Clave thinks of Shadowhunters who have Downworlders for soulmates." Ragnor flinched at that, and Magnus knew he was thinking of the many stories they'd heard over the years. It seemed as though almost every time the Clave discovered a pair of soulmates that included a Downworlder and a Shadowhunter, the Downworlder's best hope was that they would be tortured. The reasons why had long been lost to history, and Magnus had even begun to doubt the truth of the stories themselves, but he wasn't willing to be the one to test the theory. "He's got enough going on. He doesn't need to deal with this too."

Magnus tried not to smile as Raphael rolled his eyes, making him fit perfectly inside the sixteen year old body he was trapped in. "Have you not learned anything from my mistakes, Bane?" Raphael asked, his voice betraying the fact that he was unfathomably older than sixteen. At that, however, Ragnor smiled for the first time that night, and Magnus tried his hardest to ignore the suddenly look of love on his friend's face. As usual, it was the disgustingly annoying sort of love that Magnus didn't want to be annoyed by because it made his friend so happy. "I have never been so certain that Ragnor was sharpening a wooden stake and planning my imminent demise as I was when he found out I'd known we were soulmates for years." Magnus did not fondly remember the time that Ragnor had spent hating Raphael for this; life seemed to work much better when they were disgustingly in love. But Magnus knew that Raphael had a very valid point, and that was the last thing he wanted to admit at the moment.

"If one of you has a bright idea on how to erase hundreds of years of hate from the heart of the Clave, then please, don't hold back," Magnus said, but the bitterness simply wasn't in his voice like he had expected. He knew he wasn't really angry with Ragnor or Raphael. He was angry with himself and with the situation, and he was simply trying to take it out on his friends in a way that they didn't deserve. "And if either of you has a bright idea on how to keep my father out of this apartment, for the love of all that we hold dear, please don't hold it in," he said, yet another wave of fear and anxiety washing over him as he met Ragnor's eyes. He had yet to tell anyone about the dream Asmodeus had sent him; there was no need to unnecessarily worry Ragnor and Raphael with what Asmodeus had predicted. Yet Magnus's mind kept telling him that Ragnor would be much better prepared if he knew the truth.

And that was when Magnus finally admitted to himself that he was lying to the people he loved the most, and he was having trouble figuring out exactly how that had happened. "Has he threatened you?" Ragnor asked, anxiety suddenly flooding his own voice. "Has he sent you any dreams lately?" At that, Magnus all but prayed for a way out, but what he hadn't expected was a sudden fit of coughing, especially when warlocks tended to remain healthy under even the worst of circumstances. Yet this was most certainly not the kind of cough healthy people had, and Magnus was hopeless to cover it up in any way. "What are you hiding?" Ragnor asked, his voice filled with suspicion that had obviously been brewing for a while. "Spill the beans." At first, Magnus was slightly confused, but he certainly wasn't confused about what he was hiding. He was simply confused as to how exactly a slight cough had given anything away to Ragnor.

Instead of replying, Magnus attempted to figure out what Ragnor was referring to. He could be referring to exactly what Magnus was indeed hiding, but he could also be referring to something that he was suspecting that was entirely incorrect. "Don't think for a second that we haven't noticed," Raphael said, and Magnus's heart sank as he realized that they were likely far closer to the truth than he had hoped. If they'd been discussing this together, then Magnus knew that they meant business, and Magnus knew all too well how dangerous they were together. "Alec isn't the only person you're hiding things from, Magnus, and that's a fact." If there was one thing Magnus hated at the moment, it was the hurt in Raphael's voice and the fact that Magnus knew he was causing it. "There's a reason you've stopped booking clients and you told Catarina you were too tired to help her with a healing."

Magnus took several deep breaths and forced himself to dive into the process of admitting many of the things he'd been hiding. And in that process, though he could visibly see Ragnor growing angrier with every word Magnus said, he could still feel part of the weight he'd been carrying lift off of him. He refrained from telling them about the dream Asmodeus had sent him, knowing that it wouldn't only make matters worse if he told them. But he did tell them about the fact that his magic was growing much weaker with each passing day. And Magnus did admit to them, as well as himself, that things were beginning to change with his physical health as well. Which was almost more concerning than the trouble with his magic because when warlocks got sick, it meant something far more serious than the common cold was occurring.

He was fairly surprised when he finished speaking and both Ragnor and Raphael remained silent. Magnus had been almost absolutely certain that their anger would have overwhelmed them before anything else, but he could easily tell now just how wrong he had been. It was very clear that, while Ragnor was obviously trying to work things out in his mind, he was also trying to fight the anxiety he was feeling over this new turn of events. "I'm calling James," he said, standing up and walking out onto the balcony without waiting for any sort of response. Though Magnus knew that Ragnor wasn't actually on his cell phone because Silent Brothers didn't actually have phones, the thought amused him for the few minutes that Ragnor was contacting James. "He's on his way here," Ragnor said as soon as he walked back inside. And yet somehow, this made Magnus all the more anxious. He wasn't anxious about James, he'd gotten over his fear of the Silent Brothers a long time ago.

But Magnus hated to admit that he was actually afraid of getting the answers he'd been searching for. He knew that James would pick Tessa up on his way in, and if there was a pair who could figure out what was going on with him, it was most certainly going to be James and Tessa. But if he got answers, that would mean he had to admit that something was wrong, not just to himself, but also to Alec, and that was what he had been dreading most. He knew just how much Alec would worry, and that was the last thing he wanted. But more than that, finding an answer also meant he would be obligated to find a solution. And now that he was aware of his own personal soulmate situation, his only fear was that there wouldn't actually be a solution. So Magnus's only hope for the day was that the situation with the mundanes would keep Alec away long enough for him to figure out exactly where to go from here.

"I just don't understand what makes these Silent Brothers so special," Clary said for what was likely the millionth time, and Alec had to turn away from them so that Jace wouldn't see him roll his eyes yet again. They'd spent the last half hour trying to explain to Clary exactly why they were taking her to the Silent Brothers, and they'd spent the half hour before that trying to keep Simon from coming with them. Though that obviously hadn't worked as Simon was trailing along beside of Isabelle, very clearly trying to pretend as though he wasn't glancing at her every few seconds. But that didn't bother Alec nearly as much as the fact that Isabelle had also insisted on coming despite the fact that Magnus had strongly recommended that she spend a few days resting. Alec had only eventually agreed to let both of them come based on the fact that only Jace would enter the Silent City with Clary, so he doubted that anything serious could happen in the middle of the day while waiting on their visit with the Silent Brothers.

Alec was slightly surprised when Jace shared the most exasperated of looks with him, and he had to press his lips together to keep the others from seeing his smile. At least Jace now had someone who could actually test his patience for once. "The Silent Brothers are the scholars of our world. If anyone can tell you why there seem to be gaps in your memories when it comes to the Shadow World, it will be the Brothers," Jace said, and Alec could hear the tension in his voice as he tried to remain calm and collected. They'd tried their best to explain as many things as possible to Clary and Simon, knowing that knowledge of the world they'd been introduced to would be helpful to their survival, but nothing seemed to be sticking with Clary at the moment. "And to answer your next question, there aren't many warlocks powerful enough to do the job it would require to look into your mind that way," Jace finished, waving his hand as if to tell Clary that he didn't care for any more questions.

When Clary turned to look at him, Alec had to do much of the same exercise in maintaining his composure. "If you're thinking about Magnus," he said before Clary could ask her next, next question. "We aren't going to bother him with this after everything he did for us last night." Alec didn't mention the fact that he had called Magnus that morning, knowing that Clary would insist he did so again. Not to mention the fact that Clary didn't need to know the personal nature of his conversation with Magnus. Though Magnus had offered his help once again, Alec had insisted that Magnus stay at home and rest. But he didn't want to admit that he was truly avoiding Magnus more than anything else at the moment. There were a lot of questions going around, but the one thing that Alec did know was that he should have given Magnus much more of a chance than he had. Magnus had simply wanted to help him, and he hadn't even looked at the warlock as he'd left the infirmary for the last time that night.

As they stopped at the New York entrance to the Silent City, Alec tried his best to push those thoughts out of his mind, mostly because he knew that those thoughts would only lead back to thoughts of his father, and that was something he didn't have time for at the moment. He was beginning to feel numb about the events of the night before, almost as though his mind was protecting him from the fear and anxiety that they would cause, and Alec couldn't find it in himself to care about that. It was much better than spending every waking second worrying about what the next couple of days would bring. "We'll be back within an hour," Jace said as one of the Brothers came to retrieve them, and Alec knew that Jace was mostly saying this for Simon's benefit. As long as they got some answers, Alec didn't really care how long it took.

So he settled in by going to sit under the nearest tree, halfheartedly hoping that Simon and Isabelle would leave him alone to his thoughts. But before he knew it, Jace and Clary were gone and Isabelle was sitting down beside of him, leaving Simon alone to wander around. And Alec didn't have the time to wonder why Izzy would have asked Simon to give them some time alone before Isabelle was already speaking. "What happened last night?" she asked, and for a moment, Alec thought she was angry about getting hurt in the demon fight, accusing them of letting something slip through the cracks. "Something happened between you and Dad, and I don't know what it is, but you're not yourself today, and I'd like to know what's going on," she clarified, and Alec knew he shouldn't have been surprised at the fact that she'd picked up on so much.

Alec couldn't help but sigh, knowing that he should tell Isabelle but not wanting to relive the night yet again. "Long story short," Alec finally began after deciding that Isabelle deserved to know more than anyone else ever would. She was the one who'd been there for him the longest, and he simply couldn't hide something like this from her. "Dad knows about the nature of my relationship with Magnus now, and I have no idea what he thinks of me or that relationship because he got called off to Idris and I told him to leave without talking about any of it." Alec took a deep breath before he realized that he'd explained the entire thing in one very long breath, and he only hoped that he hadn't conveyed too much of his nerves to Isabelle. He didn't want her to worry about the situation, especially when she needed to focus on herself and her healing.

It took Isabelle several seconds to respond, but when she did, Alec's breath caught in his throat in a way that he wouldn't have thought possible at the moment. "Then I guess we're in the same boat, aren't we?" she asked, her voice much more distant than Alec had heard it in a very long time. "I mean, Dad knows that Simon's my soulmate, but I have no idea what he thinks of me having a mundane for a soulmate because he had to leave. And Mom and Max will be home when we get back, and we both know that will only complicate things even more." At that, Alec reached over to take his little sister's hand, suddenly understanding that they were very much in the same situation, silently hating himself for not realizing that sooner. After they'd remained in silence so long that Alec thought their conversation was over, Isabelle finally spoke up, her voice all but jerking him out of his thoughts. "Waiting sucks," she said, her voice terribly final, terribly tired.

Alec gave her hand a squeeze, and he was going to answer, but that was when Simon walked back over to them, and Alec could simply tell that he had something to say. "Okay, so I have a serious question here," he said, and that's when Isabelle returned the squeeze Alec had given her because they both knew it would likely be anything but serious. "How can these Silent Brothers 'look' into Clary's mind? Do they have some kind of mystical mind powers like Edward Cullen or something?" Alec couldn't help but snort at that, trying his hardest to keep from laughing at both Simon's question and Isabelle's confusion. All he could do for a few moments was shake his head, trying to regain his composure, but the more he thought about the question, the worse things got for him.

"Not at all," he finally breathed out, forcibly ignoring Isabelle's expression and trying to focus on his words so that he could get through them all. "Edward was given the ability when he was turned, but the Silent Brothers spend centuries studying and acquiring the knowledge it requires to wield the magic that allows them to do things like look into Clary's memories and search the web of her mind," he explained through his smile. He started laughing in earnest when he realized that Simon had now adopted Isabelle's expression of confusion when Alec had revealed his knowledge about mundane literature. "What?" he asked, shrugging in what he thought was the most casual of ways. "It would be impossible to date someone like Magnus Bane and not learn at least a little bit about mundane fascinations, especially of the attractive sort."

Despite his better judgement, Alec spent far too much time attempting to help Simon explain the premise of Twilight to one very confused Isabelle. The most surprising part of this was the fact that he was smiling despite knowing that this was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, and he began to wonder if it had to do with the fact that he could most definitely see the change that Simon was making in Isabelle. Whether she knew it or not, it was almost as though she was becoming more of herself now that Simon was around, and Alec thanked his lucky stars for that. He felt a slight twinge of jealousy at that thought, wondering just when he would find his own soulmate, silently hoping that it was Magnus but knowing that was likely a lost cause, but before he could really work through those feelings, Jace and Clary appeared before them once more. "Why the hell is your boyfriend's name in my mind?" Clary demanded before he really had time to register that they were back.

At first, Alec was certain that Clary wasn't talking to him, but then he glanced at Jace, and he only became even more confused. "I thought we agreed that you would let me tell him," Jace was saying to Clary, and that only confirmed the one thing that was confusing Alec the most. The problem was that Alec had no answer for Clary whatsoever. "There's a block in Clary's mind that the Brothers can't remove," Jace explained, and Alec knew that he was simply trying to keep Clary calm. "But they found that Magnus signed his name to it, so it was very clearly put there by him." At that, Alec began to reach for his phone, a flash of anger shooting through him as he thought of the things that Magnus might be hiding. But then he realized that was probably the worst way to figure things out, so he left his phone in his pocket and told everyone to follow him to Magnus's apartment. If there was one thing Alec knew at the moment, it was that he was terribly tired of all the lies and the hiding, and he was going to get to the bottom of this before the day was over.

Alec felt slightly uncomfortable when he knocked on Magnus's door, but he figured that was the best way to go since he had four other people with him. A couple of weeks ago, Magnus had given him his own key, but he didn't want to simply barge in with the others in tow. As soon as Magnus opened the door, Alec felt another wave of anger wash over him, and it didn't take Magnus very long to assess the situation and come to a very accurate conclusion. "Well, shit," he said as soon as he saw Clary and registered the anger in Alec's eyes. "Come in," he said before turning in the most resigned of ways to lead them into the apartment. Despite himself, Alec went to the couch and sat down with Chairman Meow, unable to stay mad enough at Magnus to stay away from his cat. "I guess the cat's out of the bag, so let's just get this over with," Magnus said as he came to sit beside of Alec, though Alec noticed that he kept more distance between the two of them than he normally would have.

"Why did you put a block in my mind?" Clary demanded, and Magnus immediately launched himself into his story, knowing that there was no way he was getting out of the situation at hand. Apparently, Clary's mother, Jocelyn, had been a Shadowhunter who had, more importantly, been married to Valentine Morgenstern during the time of the Circle. When Valentine had gone even more insane than he had originally been, Jocelyn had run away with Clary, but she had sworn that Clary would live a normal life, protecting her from the Shadow World via blocks in her mind that kept her from remembering anything she saw that was not strictly mundane. "What I don't get," Clary said when Magnus was done with his story. "Is why my mom would ever stoop to hiring a warlock to help her." Alec barely registered the bitterness in Clary's voice, all he was able to focus on was the fact that Magnus had flinched ever so slightly at Clary's words.

Standing up without thinking, Alec cleared his throat, trying to calm himself down a bit before speaking, knowing that speaking out of anger was the worst way to go. "Your mother clearly requested Magnus's help because she recognized his skill and her own inability to keep you safe the way she wanted to," he said, trying to control his voice as much as possible, but knowing he was failing when Magnus stood up beside of him, placing a hand on his arm. Yet Alec couldn't stop himself from pulling away from Magnus, still feeling the effects of all the anger he'd earlier felt. "News flash, Clary, but being a Shadowhunter does not in any way make you the most superior being on earth. Your mother clearly recognized the worth in other people, and I'd suggest that you take the time to do so as well." With that, Alec found himself walking out to Magnus's balcony, unable to take more of the conversation, knowing that Clary was far from done.

To his surprise, Alec found the silence of the balcony oddly peaceful, though he would have thought that being alone with his thoughts would have been the last thing he needed at the moment. "You're angry," Magnus said as soon as he'd stepped out onto the balcony as well, and Alec simply inclined his head, unable to turn to look at Magnus for several long moments. "Surely you understand that I can't disclose my clients' information with you just on a whim, Alexander." Alec did his best to pretend that he felt nothing when Magnus said his name in the way he just had, but they both knew that this simply wasn't true. "I was growing worried that Jocelyn hadn't kept up her latest appointment, but honestly, Alexander, I didn't think that it would ever concern you or put you in danger or I would have told you much sooner." Alec knew that this made sense, but that didn't do anything to lessen his anger.

"But you knew of Jocelyn's history with Valentine," Alec replied, hating the bitterness in his voice more than he would have thought possible. "Did you ever stop to think that her absence might have something to do with the Downworlder situation?" he asked, abruptly stopping when he realized that this was just now sinking into Magnus's mind. "Jocelyn and Clary could be our lead, Magnus, and you know that as well as I do." Alec knew that he wasn't being entirely fair, that the jump from Jocelyn to the current situation was a stretch at the very best. Valentine had been declared dead so long ago, that Magnus likely hadn't considered anything related to him as a possible lead. But even so, Alec couldn't keep the anger out of his mind, but he knew that he wasn't being completely honest with Magnus or with himself. "If you're hiding things as big as this, then what else might you be hiding from me, Magnus?" he asked, and he saw something flash through Magnus's eyes, though he couldn't even begin to place it.

For several very long moments, Magnus simply stared back at him, a multitude of emotions running across his face, and Alec almost thought that he wasn't actually going to respond. When Magnus finally did speak again, his voice was heavy with so many different things that Alec couldn't isolate any one of them. "All I can ask is that you trust me, Alexander," he said, almost as though he was trying to convince himself that he was worthy of being trusted. "Can you do that for me right now? Everything is just so complicated at the moment, and I promise to help you figure things out. But I need you to trust me; I promise you I'll tell you exactly what you need to know." Magnus's eyes darted toward the floor, and Alec began to wonder exactly why that was and why Magnus, someone who had never been the nervous type, was suddenly nervous.

Alec couldn't respond right away because he couldn't seem to reconcile Magnus's words with his tone and how he was holding himself. Magnus was saying that he could be trusted, and Alec didn't have any solid proof that told him he had reason to suspect anything from the warlock that would contradict this. He knew that Magnus was in the right when he said that he didn't tell him about Jocelyn because there hadn't seemed to be any reason to do so. But now Magnus was holding himself as though there was actually something to worry about, as though there was truthfully something that did warrant the suspicion Alec was feeling. "Are you not able to do that?" Magnus finally asked, his icy tone cutting through Alec's heart. "Is it really that hard for you to take my word for all of this?" Alec began to shake his head, but then he realized that he wasn't quite sure anymore.

"You don't get it, do you?" he asked, though he wasn't entirely sure that he actually got it himself. His emotions seemed to be taking control at the moment, and he was beginning to say things that he hadn't fully thought over. "I trust you with everything that I have, Magnus. But if you're hiding things like this, then it's going to make protecting you a million times harder." At that, Magnus's expression switched from hurt to confusion, and Alec was glad of that. But it was also then that Alec finally realized exactly where his anger was coming from. He was afraid that if he missed something, even the smallest thing related to the Downworlder situation, that he would lose Magnus and it would be his fault for not seeing the truth sooner. "I don't expect you to tell me every detail about your life. But there are certain things I need to know when it comes to keeping you safe in the current Downworld situation, and the fact that you've been helping Valentine's runaway wife is probably one of them."

For a moment, Magnus seemed to be speechless, something that Alec was fairly certain he'd never seen from the other man before, but it pulled at his heart nonetheless. "Why does that matter so much to you?" he finally asked, his voice somehow heavier than it had been even moments before. All Alec wanted to do at the moment was fall into Magnus's arms, but he kept himself from it, knowing that they needed to finish this conversation. "It's not your job to protect me, Alexander." A slow, soft smile began to creep onto Magnus's face, and somehow it made Alec relax ever so slightly. "I'm a centuries old warlock of the most powerful sort; I'm not exactly used to being protected." At that, Alec found himself smiling as well, wishing that he had the proper words to describe exactly what he was currently feeling.

"Well, High Warlock Bane," he said, hearing the smile in his voice as he took several steps toward Magnus, stopping just out of the warlock's reach. "You had better start getting used to it." Magnus raised an eyebrow at that, the amusement lingering in his eyes along with the question he was silently asking. "Because frankly, I live to protect the people I love, and that's not going to change any time soon." Suddenly, Magnus's expression softened, and Alec it took Alec a few seconds to work through exactly what was going on between the two of them. He took another couple of steps toward Magnus then, knowing that he was softening as well in every way possible as he realized exactly what the problem was, though it wasn't a problem of the classical sort. Magnus had surely already realized that this was the first time either of them had ever verbally expressed their love in such a concise way, and Alec began to realize this just a few seconds later.

"I love you, Magnus," Alec finally continued, feeling as though Magnus deserved a much more direct expression of love, one that singled him out instead of grouping him with the rest of the people he loved. "I love you, and I don't care what anyone else says about that. Not my dad, not my siblings, not even the Clave -" it was then that Alec was forced to stop talking, mostly due to the fact that Magnus's lips were suddenly against his and there was nothing left to do but kiss him back. There was something startlingly different about this kiss when compared to all the kisses that Alec remembered, but he didn't mind it in any way. It was almost as though Magnus was trying to reply to him, to tell Alec that he loved him too, but without actually saying anything in response. As Magnus's arms wrapped around him, Alec felt himself all but melt into the other man, his body reacting before he had time to truly think about anything at all.

They fit perfectly together, Alec knew that very well, but it never ceased to amaze him. It was as though they were made for one another, and once again, Alec found himself longing for Magnus to be his soulmate. He didn't think anything could ever feel so perfect or so right again, and the last thing he wanted was for his soulmate to eventually swoop in and ruin the one thing that made him as happy as Magnus made him. But he pushed that thought aside yet again and focused on Magnus. There was no sense in worrying about the future when he had such an amazingly beautiful present. But when they eventually pulled apart, it was almost as though their bodies themselves were complaining of that, and Magnus leaned forward to press their foreheads together, his eyes searching Alec's face, though Alec couldn't tell what Magnus was looking for.

"Aku cinta kamu, Alexander," Magnus eventually said, his voice heavy with what Alec could only describe as desire. Alec had know idea what language the words were, much less what they meant, but that didn't really matter to him. He didn't need to know what the words meant to understand what Magnus was telling him. And then he was kissing Magnus again because Magnus loved him back and that as the only thing that mattered in the entire world. In that moment, that was the only thing he needed to know, the only thing that was of any importance to him. No matter what was going to happen over the next few days, none of that would ever cancel out the fact that Magnus, his spectacular, charming, hopelessly attractive, kindhearted warlock loved him back. No amount of darkness would ever drown out that sort of light.