Hi y'all! Sorry that I've been gone for so long, but I'm back now, so yay! Hopefully I'll be back on my regular schedule of posting either on Saturdays or Sundays, but we'll have to see. I'm still pretty busy, and I'll only be busier as we get closer to school starting back. So I'll let y'all know as I have more information about my personal life versus my writing life!

Please let me know your thoughts on this story. I can't explain how much I enjoy writing it, and I would love nothing more than to hear your how you're feeling about it! This chapter is what I hope to be the turning point of the story, even if it is a slow one! So don't hesitate to let me know what you think!

See y'all next week! Enjoy!

If anyone had ever tried to convince a younger Magnus that he would eventually find himself eating dinner at a mundane restaurant with his Shadowhunter boyfriend, he knew that his younger self would have likely admitted that person to an insane asylum. But here he was, laughing at yet another stupid joke that Alec had made, ignoring the fact that more than a fair share of mundanes were staring at Alec's runes, clearly trying to figure out what kind of tattoos they were. The only thing Magnus was staring at for himself was Alec's deep blue eyes, finding himself completely captivated by the way Alec's eyes sparkled in the dim lighting of the restaurant. "Are you even listening to me?" Alec asked him, though his voice was filled with so much amusement that there was no room left for anger or annoyance. "What are you staring at?" he asked, and Magnus found himself laughing once again. Of course, he hadn't heard a word of what Alec had been saying as he had been far too busy staring into the Shadowhunter's eyes and wondering what the mundanes would do if he were to get up and pull Alec into a kiss within the next few minutes.

"I'm only staring at the same thing the entire restaurant seems to be staring at, Alexander," Magnus replied, his voice soft and light in a way he hadn't heard it in the longest of times. For the first time that night, Alec looked down at his hands as he clasped them together on top of the table, clearly made self conscious by what Magnus had just pointed out. "Oh come now," Magnus said, trying to smooth the situation over. Though he found it incredibly endearing, he hated to see Alec embarrassed in this way, knowing that it only served to make Alec more nervous and shy than he would normally be. "Even the mundanes are capable of recognizing true beauty when they see it," he continued, happy to see that Alec's smile was returning to his face. "Never fear, my darling, one look from me and they'll understand that such a masterpiece as you, especially one already claimed, is to only be looked at and never touched," Magnus dramatically finished, earning a laugh from Alec that made his heart all but sing. He was entirely certain that he would never become used to the sound of Alec's laughter, a sound that warmed his very soul in place he hadn't even realized had become frozen over the centuries.

Alec began shaking his head, but before he could say anything in response, their waiter arrived with their food, and the next few minutes were spent in silence as they began to digest just how wonderful their food truly was. "I have a couple of questions," Alec finally said after they'd had the time to take more than several bites of food. Magnus began to wonder why Alec had suddenly turned so serious, but since he had food in his mouth at the moment, he simply nodded to Alec so that he would continue. "Why do you call me Alexander more often than not?" he asked, and all Magnus could hear in his voice was open curiosity. It was very clear that Alec had been wondering this for quite some time now, and he'd only just now gotten the courage to actually voice it. Magnus took several more moments to consider this question for himself, as it was something he hadn't consciously thought about before. Logically, he knew that Alec's name shouldn't really make a difference to him one way or another. It was just a name, after all. Yet the more Magnus thought about it, the more he began to understand just how much he cherished Alec's name in particular.

He couldn't help but chuckle at the expression on Alec's face. It was clear that the Shadowhunter was thinking through the situation, clearly analyzing the expressions and emotions Magnus had been running through as he'd begun thinking of his answer. The last thing Magnus wanted to do was allow others to overhear such a personal conversation and see that little piece of their lives, but Magnus also knew that no one was really listening to them, even if they were staring at Alec. He waited to answer until after their waitress had refilled their drinks and asked for the millionth time if they needed anything else. When they'd assured her that they were fine, Magnus finally turned back to Alec and gathered his thoughts enough to say anything at all. "I must admit that I hadn't really given it much thought before now," Magnus began, hoping that he could find the right words that wouldn't sound so unbelievably cheesy like the thoughts he was currently having. "I guess it's because I like having something with you that's all my own."

At that, Alec's confusion only deepened. He was obviously thinking of the fact that Magnus had many things of his that were solely in the warlock's possession. "Everyone you love seems to call you Alexander either when they're angry with you or they want to show you just how much they love you." Magnus clearly remembered the first time he'd heard Jace use Alec's full name when he was both angry and when he was being unbelievably gentle with his parabatai. "But the thing about my love for you is that it's so much more constant than anything I've ever felt in my life." At this, Magnus refrained from mentioning the fact that there was a very solid reason for this feeling, being that they were soulmates and all. That was a conversation best saved for later. "I wish to show you my love for you every single time I so much as look at you, and if that means calling you Alexander so that you have a constant reminder of it, then so be it." He spread his hands after that, hoping that would prompt Alec to respond, though he knew it would take the boy a few moments to do so because he was clearly thinking things over at the current moment.

At first, Magnus thought that Alec was still confused, but the confusion slowly turned into the softest expression Magnus thought he had ever seen. Magnus didn't know what he was expecting Alec to say after that, but whatever it had been, Alec had taken the conversation in a completely different direction than that. "I wish you had a nickname so that I could do the same for you," he replied, and though his voice was low and soft, Magnus could physically feel the volumes of love that Alec had packed into his words. For a moment, Magnus was rendered speechless. He knew that Alec loved him; they wouldn't be where they were at the moment if Alec didn't love him. But hearing it so concretely, as though it was the most natural thing in the world to Alec, that was something he hadn't been prepared for. Especially not when he was still hiding things from Alec. But before he could respond in any way, Alec was speaking once again. "My other question is more difficult," he admitted, clearly working up the courage to ask the question. "How did you know that the dirt your father left was from Edom?"

This was obviously something that Alec had been thinking about for a while, mulling it over and trying to come to his own conclusion about. But Alec was also clearly tired of mulling it over, tired of the uncertainty over the whole situation, so he'd finally forced himself to ask the one question that had been on his mind since the night before. The biggest problem at the moment was the fact that Magnus had also been thinking of the moment in which Alec would inevitably ask this question. He'd seen the question in Alec's eyes as he'd explained just where the dirt was from and that it was meant as a message from his father. He'd known it was coming, but that didn't mean that he was any more prepared for it. Especially not when the answer to that question was a long and horrifying story that, out of all the people in the world, only Ragnor and Raphael knew. "You don't have to answer that," Alec quickly added, sensing Magnus's hesitation and not wanting to overstep himself. "I'm sorry if that was a bad question." Magnus wanted nothing more than to reassure Alec, but he knew that doing so would mean first reassuring himself.

The night before, Magnus had fallen asleep to the thought that giving Alec the truth once he posed that question would take an act of faith and trust so large that Magnus knew it would be the biggest challenge of their relationship to date. When the waitress came to give them their bill, Magnus used this as an opportunity to continue to think about the situation. He so desperately wanted to tell Alec the full story, especially after he'd had the worst of nightmares about it the night before. But he was worried that telling Alec would either put Alec in danger or serve to scare Alec away from him. Up until this point, Alec had only really gotten glimpses of just how dangerous most of Magnus's life was. And Magnus couldn't help but wonder how Alec would react when he finally got much more than a glimpse of that. But as he looked at Alec across the table, Magnus saw nothing but a concern so deep that it hit him like a wave and he could no longer see anything else. So he found himself motioning for Alec to get up and follow him. They were close enough to Central Park that Magnus was hoping they could find a private spot. This was a story that needed to be kept from curious ears.

They walked along in silence, but much like their normal silence, Magnus felt as though it was far from awkward. They were comfortable together, and the silence didn't need to be filled with words for them to understand one another. Eventually, Magnus found a park bench that was dimly lit by a street lamp nearby. He led Alec over to it, attempting to build up the courage he knew he would need for the impending conversation. But nothing was helping at the moment, not as the memories began washing through his mind. And then suddenly Alec's hand was in his and all the doubts and fears began to melt away. There were times when he doubted that Alec was his soulmate, times when it seemed so unlikely that someone who loved him so genuinely could be the soulmate he'd been looking for for centuries, but then there were times like this when the world just seemed so perfectly right merely due to Alec's presence. It was as though his soul understood far more than his mind ever would. So he stopped questioning it and simply took a deep breath. "I told you about the fact that I'm the only one of my father's children to ever decline his offer to work with him, right?" Magnus found himself extremely relieved when Alec simply nodded instead of responding with words. He was worried that the slightest of interruptions might cause him to lose his courage.

"Let me start from the beginning," Magnus quickly added, wishing that his thoughts were more in order than they currently were. He only hoped that Alec could follow everything as it all unraveled within his mind. "A couple of centuries ago, before we ever even thought of meeting Raphael, Ragnor adopted a warlock child. His name was Reid, and he was with us for fifteen years." At that, Magnus stopped and took yet another deep breath. There was a reason that only Raphael knew this story, and even then, Ragnor had been the one to actually tell it. "That kid was my everything. He was certainly his uncle's boy through and through. I think his favorite thing in the world was helping me annoy his father. In the end, I'm fairly certain that I was closer to Reid than I have ever been to Ragnor." It was then that Magnus had to look away from Alec, the Shadowhunter's gaze so full of concern, love, and pain that it was far too much for him to take. "And it didn't take my father long to figure that out. So it wasn't long after Reid turned fifteen that I found myself waking up in Edom to the sound of Reid screaming my name and begging me to wake up." For a moment, Magnus had to force the world to right itself. He couldn't actually believe that he was telling Alec this, but then again, if he was ever going to tell anyone in the world, it made sense that he would be telling Alec of all people.

"My father wasted no time in making it known that what he wanted was for me to finally agree to work with him," Magnus continued, despite the fact that everything in his body was screaming at him to stop. This was something he knew in his heart that he needed to do. "Looking back on it now, it shouldn't have been a surprise that as soon as I said no he took to torturing Reid." Magnus involuntarily shuddered at the memory, willing it back into the recesses of his mind, though he knew that it would be long before it went back completely. "It didn't take long for me to give in, and my father was entirely too happy to make a deal with me. He wanted me to stay in Edom and work for him." In that moment, Magnus couldn't help but notice the fact that his entire body felt as though it was frozen over, the weight of the memories pressing into him in a chilling way. "I told him that I would stay in Edom with him if it meant that he would let Reid go, but I would never work for him." At that, Magnus began to wonder exactly what Alec was thinking at the moment. The Shadowhunter's expression was becoming unreadable, and Magnus was beginning to doubt that telling him the truth was the right course of action.

But he was already in the middle of the story, so there was no turning back. "I never imagined that that particular answer would make Asmodeus so angry. But as soon as I'd finished speaking, his rage took over, and the next thing I knew, Reid was dead." Magnus knew that he should have used different words to explain what had happened, he knew that he should have made things sound differently, but the emptiness of his explanation was a representation of the emptiness that he was feeling inside, so he didn't try to fix it. "Though he killed Reid, my father still kept me in Edom. At that time, Edom contained its own human population, the equivalent of Shadowhunters. But even then they were struggling as the demons took over a bit more each day. I can't imagine that any of them are left alive now." Now that he was past the hardest part of the story, Magnus felt his mind regain its footing once again. He could block out the previous parts and focus on what was left in front of him, and for now, that had to be enough.

Before he continued, Magnus slowly became aware of the fact that, while his entire body felt ice cold, one part of him was beginning to warm up ever so slightly, through no effort of his own. He vaguely remembered Alec pressing their hands together, but the fact that Alec's hand was warming his still came as a surprise. He wanted to focus on the fact that Alec could take the cold away for him, but he knew that was something they should address at a different time. "I lived with the Edomites for five years before my father got bored with me and sent me home. I think he'd hoped that living in Edom would change my mind, but all I did was help them fight back against the demons and decline his offer every time he came to visit me, which he did at least once a week." Magnus wanted to add that he'd spent most days in turmoil, the memory of Reid haunting him every time he so much as blinked, but he also knew from the expression on Alec's face that voicing that very thought was unnecessary. "I think that by that point Ragnor had written both of us off as dead. So when I got back, he had to start the grieving process all over again. But never once did he blame me for what happened. He simply welcomed me home again, and I've never been more thankful for anything in my entire life."

After Magnus finished speaking, silence overwhelmed them once more, but this silence was startlingly different than what they had experienced before. It still wasn't uncomfortable, but Magnus could feel the weight of everything that had just been shared. He hoped he hadn't rushed through it, hoped that Alec understood the things that he wasn't verbally expressing, but he made no effort to confirm either of those things. "The dirt from Edom is actually impossible to keep from recognizing once you've lived there long enough," Magnus added as soon as he realized that he'd left out the part of the conversation that Alec had actually been interested in originally. "Because the demons laid waste to all of Edom, the landscape turned into a sort of desert, and there were constant sandstorms. It was the one thing from Edom that my father knew I would recognize but no one else would. Not even Ragnor or Raphael would have because, though they know the story, they never spent any time there themselves. It was the perfect jab at me and only me, and he knew it."

They sat in silence once more for several long seconds, but Magnus didn't mind it. He knew that Alec needed time to digest exactly what was going on, and he couldn't help but wonder if Alec was beginning to realize just how much his father's little message was truly affecting him. The only thing he'd been able to think about all day was Reid. At least that was until they'd gone on their date. But even then, he felt guilty for not thinking of Reid more during his date with Alec. He wished he hadn't so easily shoved everything to the side simply because Alec was there. "If I ever get my hands on Asmodeus, I'll kill him myself," Alec suddenly said, and that was when Magnus finally recognized the rage that was welling up within Alec. It was something so unexpected that Magnus didn't really know how to respond at first. This wasn't a side of Alec that he'd ever really seen, and it was terrifying in its own way.

Before Magnus could really think about what to do, he felt himself moving to wrap his arms around Alec as gently as he possibly could. He knew that he was overwhelmed with emotion, but he didn't have enough energy to figure out exactly which emotions they were, so he simply held onto Alec for as long as he could, wishing that he could bottle up what he was feeling in that moment and keep it forever. He felt the Alec's warmth melting into him, and he did nothing to stop it. If Alec could melt away this sort of ice, then Magnus knew that there was nothing their love couldn't do for them. "You'll do no such thing, Alexander," he finally said, working up the courage to speak again after he got past the emotions that had bombarded him all at once. "My father is one of the most powerful beings in this universe, and he uses that power for pain. If you ever end up anywhere near him, please promise me that you'll do nothing but figure out how to get away from him as soon as possible." At first, Magnus thought that Alec was going to argue with him but then he finally nodded, though Magnus had to admit that the nod seemed somewhat reluctant.

Eventually, Magnus forced himself to get up and continue their walk home, finding himself hoping that Alec would stay once they got there. It had been weeks since he'd finally stopped arguing when Alec wanted to walk him home. It hadn't taken much for him to figure out that Alec's worry over the Downworlder situation meant that he would not leave Magnus alone at night. Magnus just wished that Alec could understand that the real danger was within himself. The real danger came from being soulmates, and there was nothing that Alec could do about that. Walking him home every night wasn't going to change the fact that he would be dead in three months if they didn't figure out exactly what to do about the soulmate predicament. But, not for the first time that night, Magnus shoved that thought aside as he moved to kiss Alec goodnight, trying to act as though he wasn't disappointed when Alec explained that he needed to get back to the Institute just in case Robert had a mission for them that night. Yet as soon as the door closed behind Alec, Magnus couldn't help but let everything inside of himself fall apart, just as it had been waiting to do all night.

Alec had to admit that relief absolutely flooded through him when he arrived at the Institute and his father explained that they wouldn't be going on a mission that night. That was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment, especially with so many things running through his mind all at once. He wanted nothing more than to gather his thoughts about the evening. On the one hand, he'd enjoyed his time with Magnus, just as he always did. But he could still feel the weight of what Magnus had told him, and he didn't truly know how to deal with that. So instead of dealing with it, he simply moved to peek into Max's room on the way to his own, wishing he'd come back earlier so that he could spend the time with Max that he'd promised the day before. He'd expected to find Max asleep already, but he hadn't been prepared to find Max sitting up in bed, clearly awake as he was reading a book.

Alec couldn't help but smile as he made his way into Max's room. Max was the only kid he knew who would stay up past his bedtime just to read a book. "Alec! Did you know that there's an angel whose job is to assign pairs of soulmates to their bodies and make sure they end up together?" Max asked as soon as he realized that Alec was there. Alec was plenty prepared to admit that he actually had not known that, but before he could respond in any way, Max was speaking again, his tone changing dramatically. "Oh no," he breathed, suddenly realizing something that Alec couldn't even begin to follow. "I'm sorry. This was supposed to be your gift, but I got bored and curious and well." Max's voice trailed off as he held up the book so that Alec could see it. Its front cover proclaimed that it was a book full of information about anything and everything to do with soulmates. Though Max had never shown signs of having a soulmate of his own, he'd always been immensely curious about those of his siblings. "I found it in a bookshop in Idris and I thought you might be interested in it."

Moving to sit on the foot of Max's bed, Alec reached out a hand and took the book from his little brother, carefully marking Max's page as he did so. If Max was that interested in soulmates, Alec certainly wasn't going to keep him from reading more about them. "That was very thoughtful of you, Max," he said in what he hoped was a genuine tone. He was so exhausted that he felt as though that was the only thing showing through at the moment despite the fact that he was extremely touched by Max's gift. "I wonder if that angel has always been the same one or if they trade out every so often," he said, knowing that he was luring Max into talking more about what he'd read, even if the younger boy didn't exactly realize it. Max moved to motion him over closer, and he reached to open the book in a way that Alec knew meant business. If there was one thing that got Max excited more than anything else in the world, it was talking about the things that he'd read.

"The book says that it's only supposed to be one specific angel. Apparently that angel is trained for that job, and that's all they ever do," Max said, his eyes lighting up in a way that Alec knew he would never really be able to explain. "But a couple thousand years ago, the original angel for that job fell from Heaven and became a Greater Demon, so someone else had to take over for them." Alec wanted to ask why that angel would have fallen, if it had something to do with the soulmate job or if it was something else entirely, but he let Max keep talking, knowing that he could do his own research at a later date. "So there was a really long period of time called the Dark Ages where there were no soulmates because there was no angel trained for the job, so they couldn't place the souls into bodies for a couple of centuries." Alec was going to respond with a question that would keep Max talking, but the suddenly the little boy changed subjects and Alec had to regain his footing within the conversation. "Do you think that Magnus is your soulmate?"

The question all but took the breath out of Alec. He didn't remember ever talking to Max about Magnus, and that meant that Max had to have found out on his own. It wasn't that Alec cared about that in and of itself. But if Max knew, then Alec knew he couldn't say for certain that his mother didn't know as well. "I'm sorry," Max continued, seeing the hesitation on Alec's face and knowing he'd said something wrong. "I overheard you talking to Izzy before Mom and I left for Idris. I haven't told anyone, Alec, I swear." Max's voice was becoming desperate as he tried to make amends, and Alec found himself releasing breath that he hadn't even known he'd been holding. If Max had overheard them on his own, then the likelihood that Maryse knew was very low. So Alec reached over to wrap an arm around Max, wishing that he could have been the one to tell Max about Magnus on his own, but since that would never change now, he simply took it for what it was.

"Honestly, I have no idea, Max," he answered, choosing to ignore the rest of what Max had said. It was clear from Max's expression that what he had said was plenty. As soon as Max had seen that Alec was far from angry, that was enough to relax him and make him understand that everything was fine between the two of them. "I wish that Magnus was my soulmate, but I can't help but thinking that if he was, we would have figured that out already," he continued, wondering when his mind had actually thought through this. He hadn't consciously thought of any of it until that very moment, and even now, it was a hard concept for him to hold onto. On the one hand, life felt so perfectly right when he was with Magnus. But on the other hand, he couldn't stop the doubts from coming along every time he thought about the fact that they should have been able to figure it out by now. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see," Alec said, but even as he said it, he knew that his heart wasn't in it.

Alec allowed himself to stay with Max for a little longer, listening to Max tell him more about soulmates, and wishing more than ever that he would simply hurry up and find out who his was. He tried his best to shove away all the doubts and just remind himself that once he eventually found out that none of that would matter anymore, but nothing seemed to help in that moment. Eventually, despite Max's protests, he took the book and forced Max to turn the lights out. Max wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around when he'd had little sleep. After promising profusely that they would spend some time learning about soulmates together, Alec returned to his own room. In his heart, he knew that the first thing he would be doing the next day would not be reading more about soulmates. Though his mind wouldn't seem to allow him to thinking concretely about the situation at the moment, Alec could feel the ice cold worry taking over, and he knew that he needed to talk to Magnus about it as soon as possible. Preferably before it took over so much that he wouldn't be able to get his mind back without a huge fight.

When Magnus woke up the next morning, he certainly hadn't been expecting to wake to the sound of Alec knocking on his bedroom door. He'd given Alec a key to his apartment for a very specific reason, but when Alec had left the night before, Magnus hadn't really expected to see him until at least the next afternoon. And certainly not first thing in the morning. So Magnus took a moment to throw his glamors up before calling out for Alec to come in. He felt the guilt rise up within him as he did so, hiding the runes just like he did every other day, wishing that he could find another way to work through the soulmate situation. Alec smiled as he came to sit beside of Magnus, though Magnus could see the worry that was slowly building up within him. "I brought you your favorite," he said as he threw a bag of Chinese takeout on the bed. "It's past noon already," Alec finished, knowing that those words explained everything. Magnus immediately knew that he had slept until past noon because of just how sick and exhausted he was, but that wasn't something that he could voice to Alec at the moment.

"Let me get dressed, and then we can have lunch together if you haven't eaten already," he replied, hoping that by not acknowledging the time that Alec would drop it. But it was very clear that Alec had other things on his mind at the moment as well. Things that he wanted to talk about as soon as possible. Magnus could sense that this was the real reason Alec was here, so he simply threw some clothes on and made his way into the kitchen, happy to see that Alec had gotten some food for himself as well. For the first time since they had met, the two of them ate in silence, and Magnus could legitimately feel the weight of that silence within his bones. Never before had their silence been so heavy. It was so unbelievably clear that Alec had so much on his mind, and all Magnus could do was wait for him to speak. It was almost maddening, to say the least, and Magnus kept his eyes on his food as much as possible, wishing for a way out.

As soon as they'd finished eating, Alec moved to place the dirty dishes in the sink, leaving them for a later date. "We need to talk," he finally said, and Magnus could feel the weight begin to shift. It didn't lift completely, but it shifted into a new form. At least they were finally going to address the weight. But that brought on more challenges of its own kind, and Magnus wasn't entirely sure he knew how to deal with them. "I can't get these thoughts out of my mind, and I don't want them to effect anything between us, so I thought it would be best to come talk to you right away. I learned my lesson with my father," Alec continued, and Magnus couldn't help but smile at that. At least Alec hadn't let the past weigh him down at all. It was refreshing to see Alec grow in this way, even if that growth was making him slightly uncomfortable at the moment.

Instead of responding, Magnus simply waited for Alec to continue. He knew there was no way of preparing for what was coming, so he didn't even begin to try to. "What happens when I find my soulmate?" Alec finally asked, the words coming out in one very quick chain that Alec couldn't seem to contain. "I don't know if you have a soulmate or not, and frankly, that's none of my business at the moment, but I do, and I'm afraid of what might happen when I find him. I love you more than I ever thought would be possible, and now I don't know what to do because I don't want to find him and then be left to pick between the two of you. Leaving you would break my heart, even if it was for my soulmate and-" at that, Magnus moved to take Alec into his arms. It was very clear that Alec had been obsessing over this for some time, and the only thing Magnus knew to do was to comfort him as best as possible.

As soon as Alec stopped speaking and buried his face in Magnus's chest, however, Magnus felt himself drowning in the guilt once more. All it would take would be two seconds of courage and then Alec would know the truth and neither of them would have to worry about anything anymore. All it would take would be two seconds to calm all of Alec's fears. But Magnus felt himself holding back in the same way he had been for days. It wouldn't take much, but it would take everything he had. And in that moment, that was simply too much. "Listen to me, Alexander," he heard himself saying, though he wasn't really registering it very well. "Stop worrying about what tomorrow might bring. Right now, all we have is today. And frankly, Alexander, today is all I want. As long as I'm with you, today is more than enough for me." He tried to smile as Alec met his eyes once more, but he knew that his heart wasn't completely in it. He wished that he could comfort Alec much more, but he also knew that it was impossible at the moment.

Even if he told the truth, even if he finally let Alec know that they were soulmates, Magnus knew that would only be the beginning of more pain for Alec. Telling the truth would mean admitting that he was dying. Telling the truth would mean admitting that there was little to nothing they could do about it, at least not with the information they currently had. So he simply held onto Alec and willed the Shadowhunter's fears away. The last thing Alec needed at the moment was to spend the next three months fretting over the fact that their soulmate bond was hurting Magnus. "That's well and good, Magnus," Alec responded, his voice much stronger than it had been before. "But there's something going on with you, and I'm afraid that we won't have many more todays if you don't let me help you. Oh, don't pretend like everyone hasn't noticed that you haven't been yourself lately," he added as Magnus began to protest. "Most people don't sleep past noon unless there's something wrong Magnus, and I know you weren't up drinking last night. So please talk to me."

At first, the desperation and worry in Alec's voice almost pulled the truth out of Magnus, but he got ahold of it in time, tamping it back down as best he could. "I'm just as fine as I've ever been, Alec," Magnus replied, but he could hear just how weak it sounded for himself. He didn't need to see Alec's expression to know that it hadn't been convincing. But as Alec pulled away from him, he found himself wishing that he could take it back and fix it. "Seriously, Alexander, if there was something going on that you needed to worry about, you would be the first person to know about it." The words caught in Magnus's throat as he said them. Up until this point, he had avoided actually directly lying to Alec about anything. He'd never directly told Alec that they weren't soulmates, that was just something that Alec assumed based on the lack of confirmation. He'd never directly told Alec that there was nothing wrong with him. But now he had. He'd told Alec the biggest lie he could have, especially when the truth was that he was dying.

And he knew that Alec could see it in his eyes. No amount of glamor could hide that sort of guilt. And Alec was clearly angry about it, but he was too gentle and kind to do anything over the top about it. "When you're ready to talk to me, Magnus, come find me," he said, his voice ice cold in a way that tore at Magnus's heart. "When you're ready to stop lying to me, let me know." At that, Alec turned to walk out of the apartment, and just like that, Magnus's world began to fall apart. The last thing he could do was tell Alec the truth. But Alec had been the one person who was keeping him anchored down in the middle of the storm. And now that Alec was angry with him, now that Alec was slowly beginning to fit the pieces of the puzzle together for himself, everything was crashing down around him, and Magnus knew that he was helpless against it all. Before he could decide whether to stay home or go after Alec, his body decided for him, and Magnus found himself in the bathroom, puking his guts out once again and wishing that Alec was by his side. As he reached for his phone, Magnus could only hope that Ragnor would tamp his own anger and fear down long enough to productively help him. As soon as he could get away from the toilet long enough to do so, he was going to dive into research on soulmates, no matter what it took out of him.