Howling Love
Chapter Eighteen xx Smile

It had never quite stopped raining, since that day. Whether it was a hard and pounding thunder of droplets or light sheets of drizzle, the world was forever bathed in a damp mask, most of its usual beauties and wonders hidden away beneath murky puddles. Yet new marvels were starting to poke their way to the surface, enjoying the new-found moisture as they did with every coming of winter. Though it was the darkest and coldest part of the year, it also one of quiet beauty and of sparkling renewal.

Haruno Sakura, however, was sorely missing winters redeeming qualities. She was one who preferred heat; a child of the sun. She longed to feel the natural warmth of summer beating down on her pale skin, yet she knew no amount of wishing and waiting would ever speed its arrival. Seasons, unlike the rest of her life, were constant and and predictable; she knew when they would shift, whereas her life was constantly being tossed around by the reckless hands of fate, never once following the same pattern.

One of the pointless guides she taught herself as a child was to always keep in mind that, in the pitch of darkness, it can only get lighter; things can only get better.

How wrong it was.

There was always a way to go from bad to worse, and to question that knowledge was to deny life itself of its capriciousness. It could always get worse, it could always get darker. You can believe all the childish things you want, but life will always cut your legs out from under you whenever you're least expecting it, dragging you deeper and deeper until you reach a point of no return.

Sakura was inching her way along thin ice, needless to say.

Moving at a snails pace through the endless building of whites and grays, searching fruitlessly for that which she sought. Her footsteps echoed harshly through the flurescent-lit halls, signalling her arrival to all who cared to lend an ear.

No one, it appeared, seemed to care.

She rounded a corner and brushed off the thought and continued her slow descent down the long, sterile hallway. Though it had been almost a week since she'd first received them, the kunoichi had yet to become used to her humiliating and aggravating crutches, and she was waiting desperately for the day where she could discard them. Her arms were constantly tired after long days of hauling herself around, and she found that heaving herself up the endless hospital staircases on a daily basis was an incredibly draining task.

Yet she never once pitied or sympathized for herself, for her problems were minuscule and would vanish with time; she alone was lucky for that.

She continued to make her way over the slick, tiled floor, her green orbs focused wholly on the closed double doors just ahead of her. Things, as bad as they'd been, had at least been quieting down since her arrival, but now this? It was to be expected, she supposed, yet all the same it rocked her very core to even consider the darkened possibilities that drove her to search past those sealed doors.

She clunked noisily down the corridor at her fastest-possible pace, which in reality really wasn't fast at all, and stopped just before she reached the exit. She awkwardly leaned against the wall beside her to free up one of her hands, which she then used to manuever the door handle and push the heavy panel free from its panel.

She flung the doors open as far as she could with a single push before fumbling to get past the doors before they closed back on her. She slipped past just as they swung back into place, though her momentous feeling of accomplishment quickly vanished when she realized just how hard it was raining before her.

She muttered an unintelligible curse before hefting her crutches and walking out into it, giant droplets pelting her body like small stones. She shivered as the frigid cold crept up her now-damened clothing and moved up a hand to shield eyes as she cast out her gaze in a quick search.

It appeared she'd wandered her way to Konoha Hospital's garden. It was almost unrecognizeable in the pelting rain, but her jades picked up on some familiar features, she knew whole-heartedly where she was.

The hospital garden, known for its exotic assortments of pleasant-smelling flowers and its cute cobblestone walkways, was pretty well sized, and unfortunately did not have any sort of roofed-area or overhangs. It was surrounded by a high, recycled-redwood fence that was lined with thick, darkened hedges. It's many pathways wove through the endless flora in a complicated maze of stones, its simple and old-fashioned style giving it a homey sort of aura.

Roses, tulips, jasmine, daisies and daffodils, forget-me-nots, sunflowers, periwinkles and poppies, poinsettas, orchids, irises, and lilac. The colorful myriad swelled before she scanned the setting quickly, for she was eager to get out from under the pouring rain. Her peridot orbs alighted upon a twin pair of oak trees nestled in the far corner, several hydrangea bushes blocking their bases from view. Their branches looked as if they would provide at least a little protection from the elements, and seeing how the door behind her was now locked, she really didn't have any other solution. So without any furthur hesitation she set her course in that direction and rapidly hopped down the stone path nearest to her.

My the time she got to the small and somewhat dry trees her hair and clothing was soaked through-and-through. She leaned up against the tree trunk warily, sharp trembles racking her wintry limbs as she let her crutches fall uselessly to the earth and began hugging herself for warmth. Her jades darted around the quiet garden that she'd rushed through, checking to see if she'd missed something.

She groaned after finding no signs of human—or canine—life and pivoted slowly, glancing over her shoulder to see what else was sheltered with her beneath the arching trees.

She nearly collapsed. The turbulent storm of shock, confusion and overwhelming relief breezed through her, and she had to catch herself on the tree to keep from slumping to her knees.

After spending all day trumping through the hospital, searching every nook and cranny along with almost all of the hospital's extra staff members, she'd finally found him. After all the trouble and wasted hours, his completely serene expression just said it all.

He was sleeping soundly before her, calm and peaceful as if completely shut off from the world around him. His pale face was so captivating, even in slumber; his angular features, sharp jawline, and hallowed cheeks casting a powerful and godlike aura about him. His alabaster skin was like fragile and dangerously-thin porcelain, though his cheeks were dyed a very slight pink from a passing fever. The dark, exaggerated shadows beneath his eyes had lightened several shades from its usual, unhealthy black to a softer violet glow, which led down to his straight and long nose and from there to his paper-thin lips. These lips were held slightly apart in a loose line, as he had been about to murmur something faintly before falling into a swathe of dreams. His thick mane of raven-black hair stuck up its usual, disheveled fashion behind his head, and the locks that usually framed his perfect face hung tousled and untidy in front of his closed eyes.

He was laying on his back on what appeared to be a small hammock pulled out between the twin trees, one of his hands crossed over his covered abdomen while the other was draped uselessly off the side of the hammock, nearly touching the ground. He wore simple, civilian clothes, as his shinobi-style get-up had been discarded after his admittance into the hospital nearly a month before.

It made him look so normal yet so completely out of his element with the average baggy jeans and that plain, dark-colored t-shirt. The sole thing distinguishing him from a common villager was the small fan emblazoned across his sleeve; a constant reminder of who and what he really was. He looked as if he might wake up and be completely fine; able to walk and run as he should have been. And had her eyes not automatically searched for it, she would almost not have noticed the thick back-brace strapped across him beneath his shirt, its outline barely visible through the fabric.

It saddened her to see him in alone in the back of the garden like that, because she knew it was her fault and she had no way of truly apologizing to him. Though he always acted so stoic and emotionless, his actions spoke loudly to her, and she could always detect the reasons behind why he did what he did. This action, it leaked off an unsatiable loneliness and of a despairing loss, and she very suddenly felt a maternal sort of feeling creep over her, and she abruptly wished she had a blanket or something similar to throw over him, like a mother would her sleeping child.

His return to Konoha.... she must have seriously underestimated its effects on him. He hadn't really been acting like himself, at late. His usual arrogant and cocky demeanor had vanished and was replaced with a passive and silent aura, and the only person he would ever open his mouth for was Sakura.

That knowledge gave her a smidgen of pride, but that feeling never lasted long. When he did talk, he never really complained in earnest about his stay in Konoha, but he'd never displayed any signs to show that he didn't want to leave either. He'd give off-handed comments about how he was getting sick of the hospital smell, or of how he wanted to just go for a simple walk outside to get away from it. They were those sort of remarks that she didn't really think twice about until she had to leave, and then it would hit her and she'd feel completely overwhelmed with her guilt and sorrow, almost to the point of breaking.

She couldn't even begin to relate to how he must have felt.

It wasn't her life any of it was really affecting, anyway. It was his life, his character, his body; being put under all the of the teeming stress. Yet he had no control and no say over what would happen to him, because the decisions that would determine how his life would play out were now resting squarely in the palms of the Konoha council.

Sakura remembered with dread that first day back. It was a rough stretch of hours, filled with her sitting in another hospital bed, waiting restlessly for news of Kakashi's arrival. It came eventually, but not in the way she would have liked it. Apparently, while Kakashi had carried him back with the rest of his team, the Uchiha's body had gone into shock, and he'd almost died in the jounin's arms.

Again.

So Kakashi had ripped the necklace off and Shizune was forced to stabilize him as best she could before the squad rushed back to Konoha.

No one really started asking questions until the Uchiha was being looked after in the Konoha hospital, and at that point it got totally out of hand.

The Godaime was informed of the odd circumstances of the prodigy's retrieval, and a fierce debate ensued between herself, her council members, and Kakashi.

After many discussions and a set of trials that lasted several days, the council came to a final verdict and decided to overlook the young Uchiha's betrayal due to his recent accomplishments in the battlefield, both when he destroyed two Akatsuki members and killed the snake-master Orochimaru, and his practically-heroic rescue of the pinkette kunoichi. He was put on strict probation, and now all he had in front of him were a few boring, mission-free years to do as he pleased. If he stepped out of line even once, however, he would be detained and a new course of trials would take place to decide his fate. Another part of his current punishment was that he was supposed to be under constant surveillance by an ANBU member until a full year had passed, though that part of the agreement had disintegrated when he was found shortly after to be of absolutely no threat to the village and had no intention or way of leaving.

After that Tsunade went off to first visit her student, then to see to the Uchiha prodigy. She came to a quick diagnosis for the dark-haired youth, and though she couldn't get his consent to the treatment due to his unconscious state, she went and did it anyway.

He'd had another longer and much more invasive surgery shortly after that to fuse his spine back together. It was a long one, and even Tsunade came out sweating and panting after the first four hours. He came out okay however, though he was hardly himself and couldn't really comment on it for the first week due to excessive amounts of morphine. After that he'd just been cooped up in the hospital for a while, where he'd spent his long days staring listlessly out the window or sleeping. It was usually the latter.

The Haruno had thought it was odd, at first, how much he actually did sleep. Almost every time she went in to see him, he would be on his side facing the window, eyes closed in rest. He seemed to never fit for talking, and if she ever had the urge to wake up, it was extremely difficult to get him up due to all of the different pain killers being pumped into him through the IV.

So the kunoichi would join him as often as she could, mostly to keep him company and to partake in rare and quiet conversations whenever he was awake. His room was right down the hall from her own, so it really wasn't too much of a hassle to hop on her crutches and swing herself over between healing sessions. He always had a gloomy expression on his face, dark and always brooding, yet by the time she managed to get herself through the door, it always seemed to lighten just enough so that it was noticeable.

Never a smile; just a hairsbreadth beneath.

It was that little sense of warmth that pushed her to visit him as much as possible. She would sit down on the empty bed next to his, sometimes with a book or medical scroll, and just sit back and enjoy the silence, without every actually reading. Other times they would just talk, about random things. They would work their way through topics like foods and drinks, meander lamely through conversations of training methods and weaponry, fumble around awkwardly with the happier memories of their genin days.

Never did they talk about the more recent travels they'd shared together.

Sasuke never brought it up, and the only time Sakura ever tried he didn't respond and simply turned away from her, his expression blank. She never touched the subject after that, though she had so many countless questions with answers that she yearned to coax out of him.

So the days had gone on like that, for a time. He remained in his flat position for the duration, choosing only to move onto his side when absolutely necessary. During a physical therapy session once he almost stood up, though Sakura heard from the physician's report later that it had cost him a great deal of pain.

The next step came three weeks later. It was brought it by three nurses who immediately regretted the decision to volunteer for the job after entering the room, for almost instantly upon bringing the dreaded thing in, it was sent hurling right back at them.

The Uchiha, as battered and torn as his ego was, would not let his pride fall so low as to let himself be rolled around on a wheelchair.

Had he not actually been so serious in his refusal, the scene might have been funny.

Two days later and he was gone; simply vanished from his bed without so much as a trace during the early hours of the morning.

His eyes flashed open, revealing two iridescent orbs of pure obsidian that, as they always did, made her feel so vulnerable and small; like they were boring into her very being and detecting and exposing the hidden feelings and locked emotions that were once stowed so safely in her core. She felt her arms instinctively wrap around herself, as if her body was suddenly struggling to protect itself from an unseen foe, and she furiously looked away, her jade orbs desperately searching for something to distract her from those smoldering hues.

The tree she leaned upon creaked abruptly and the kunoichi automatically whirled, only to remember late that she her body couldn't spin that way, and she struck out her hand to catch herself against the trunk; thankfully in time.

She shot a glance at the Uchiha, who had a dark smirk plastered across his face in response to her embarrassing performance. She felt her face heating up automatically and she forced her best impression of a scowl, only to turn a deep shade of scarlet when his smirk deepened, onyx hues gleaming at her.

"What?!" She snapped, her expression flustered. He shrugged from his position before his observant eyes slid away to stare distantly of into another part of the garden.

"Hn." She rolled her eyes at his reply before she sank to a sitting position, surprised to find the earth beneath her relatively dry. She ran an idle hand through her soaked locks, sighing as her fingers came out soaked.

"Sasuke?" He didn't respond.

"Why are you out here? It's a lot warmer inside—"

"I'm sick of it." She heard the edge to his voice, felt her heart flutter with a fearful anticipation. She peered up at him cautiously, unable to see his face as it was turned away from her. She bit her lip instinctively.

"Wha—?"

"Everything, okay?!" he shouted. The kunoichi felt herself beginning to tremble at the sudden fierceness and venom lacing his voice and she shrunk back fearfully against her tree, staring at the dark-haired youth with shock and hurt as he turned his head towards her, exposing her to the full-force of his dark orbs that were now seething with a broken rage and fury. His teeth suddenly grit together before he snapped again.

"The walls, the ceiling, the window, the smell, the sitting, the everything. This whole fucking town; I can't stand it! Everything I remember about hating this place, every reason that I ever left, it's all coming back. I hate it!"

"Wh-what are you talking about?! I-It's been fine, wha—"

"Stop lying to yourself, it's never been fine. Do you honestly think that I want to be here? That I want to be cooped up in this prison?!"

"Then WHY did you save me?! Why?!! You would be free and healthy and away from here; you have no right to put that on me. I-I'm sorry that—" She felt an fury building up in her gut like ice as she said,

"Stop fucking apologizing, this has nothing to do with you—"

"It has everything to do with me, Sasuke! I'm sorry that this happened, b-but I didn't ask for you to make that sacrifice, I wouldn't have wanted—"

"Shut up—!"

"You didn't have to sacrifice everything; you had a choice! So why did you do it?! Why the hell did you give it all up?!!"

"Sakura—!!"

"And-and if you hate it so much, why are you still here?!"

She felt the sting of her words hang in the space between them, the bitter malice and resentment of her question almost taking on a physical form in the air. She sat, her emeralds locked with the obsidians; unable to take her gaze away. She finally ripped away, staring off into the rain as her infuriated and hurt question still hung in the air like poised daggers. Hot tears were starting to seep down her cheeks and she quickly brushed them away, clamping down her over her lower lip to avoid letting out the sobs that were ramming against her floodgates.

She heard the hammock creak suddenly behind her, but she didn't turn. She couldn't believe him, couldn't believe that she had so easily let him slip into her life. Seeing him, talking with him, trusting him... Loving him. The feelings that she had buried long ago were finally worming their way to the surface, except in such a more fierce and tangible and real form, because she knew this time the feelings weren't just empty. Before it was a crush, now it was something stronger, more powerful and refined. She couldn't bring herself to call it by name.

She heard another sound behind her and this time she sneaked a sideways glance in its direction, only to see two shoes planted just next to her. She gasped audibly as the Uchiha took a staggering step forward, out of the small bit of shelter and into the pounding rain. She watched his expression as it convulsed with agony with every movement, watched as he forced himself to endure it before stepping out again, repeating the process. His teeth were gritted together firmly, his rough fingers clenched into tight and unbreakable fists. She watched as he took more and more painful and struggling steps forward, watched as his clothes were almost instantly soaked, and how his hair dripped and drooped sadly as rain ran through its locks, and how he just stopped and swayed uneasily out in the middle of the courtyard, battered by rain.

"Ah, Sasuke-kun, what are you doing?!"

She knew he couldn't walk yet, knew that the amount of pain he was going through was unfathomably large. So why the hell was he doing it to himself?! She scrambled to her feet, gasping aloud when she hit her leg against the tree trunk before balling her hands into fists in a manic attempt to ignore it. She then shot a last, fleeting glimpse up at the Uchiha, panic rising through her; he was going to get hurt, worse than last time and it would be all her fault, all her damn fault—

"Sasuke-kun!! Why are you doing this to yourself—?! Stop it!"

A low, hollow laugh was his sole reply. It was a cruel, dark, and humorless sound, void of all the joy that is commonly assosiated with laughter. It was wrought with this bitter loathing and malice, yet with a real sort of raw pain tha made the hairs on the back of the kunoichi's neck stand on end. She flinched away from him, staring at what had become of this once great prodigy. Abruptly it stopped, and everything was silent, apart from the pitter-patter of rain swirling about their feet.

"To make sure I'm still alive."

She stared up in disbelief.

"This pain... It's real. I feel it; I feel it trying to break me, trying to change me... I can't feel anything, anymore, except for this."

"Sasuke-kun—"

"Hn."

"Why.... why are you hurting yourself? Why, why would you ever do that to yourself.... Sacrifice everything... I just don't understand." Tears were coming forth now, and she couldn't control them. She took a painful step forward, ignoring her crutches, her emeralds focused on his soaked back.

"Please... Stop it." Her words shook as she did, echoing the fear and hurt that was writhing its way through her veins.

And then she was running towards him, ignoring the erupting pain just as he had before flinging her arms around his middle, pressing herself against his dripping back as the chilling rain fell against her skin. She felt his whole body jerk away from her, felt his heart rate hammering against his chest as his mind fought to react, and then felt it slow into an even pace as his breathing slowly relaxed into its easy rhythm. He simply stood there as she embraced him, and then slowly his head drooped so that his chin was resting against his chest, face still hidden from view.

"For.... you."

Her heart was pounding.

"I didn't want.... to see you.... get hurt."

She felt her heart thundering in her ears as her eyes widened in raw disbelief. She felt him gently pull her arms away from his chest, felt him turn slowly towards her, felt him replace her arms around his shoulders. She felt his thick gaze upon her face, felt the sudden gentleness and care that he directed at her. She smelled the musty, masculine scent that she loved, felt his hand cup softly around her cheek; holding it still as it slid slowly up and down along her jaw. She felt his hot breath against her face, felt his other hand move up and mold around her other cheek.

Then she started seeing. She saw those deep, obsidian eyes staring into hers, saw how much simple adoration lay in their midst. She saw rain sliding down his god-like face, saw how his thick, raven-black hair clung to the sides of his face. She saw how elegant his features were, and how close they were to her own. She saw his head tilt, his lips brushing against her jaw before lifting softly away.

And then his lips were crashing onto hers.

Her mind went completely blank. She didn't think, didn't consider, didn't disbelieve; she just felt. She felt such overwhelming bliss and passion and this undying want building up like dynamite in her chest and she pulled herself up closer to him. She felt his paper-thin lips tugging gently against her fuller lips, felt his rough hands move down from her face to her neck, to her shoulders, then to her thin waist. She moved her tiny hands up to his dark hair, threading her small digits through his unruly mane.

Her lungs were screaming for breath at that point, and very slowly the Uchiha pulled back. His eyes were gleaming, light illuminating their darkest reaches. And he was smiling broadly, just for her.

EIGHTEEN CHAPTERS IN AND WE'RE FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE. :D Wow I'm slow. Or maybe just inefficient. Probably both. Hope you liked the fluff? Haha, there is definitely more to come, regardless. :]

Soo, I realize this chapter is kinda (really) confusing, so I'll sum it up in hopes that it'll click for some people: M'kay. So, last chapter the med team arrived and transported Sakura to the Konoha hospital. While she was getting getting rest/treatment there, Team Shikaku, (who is Shikamaru's father in case some of you guys didn't catch that,) traveled back on foot, with Kakashi carrying Sasuke-kun. That didn't work too well, obviously, so they had to rush home to get him looked at, and it all fell apart from there. He got surgery, and he was fine and recovering when he decided to go take his little field trip. (How he managed to do that is next chapter guys, sorry. :] )

Clarify anything? I know some of you are probably like "BY GOD where is Naruto-kun during all this epic-ness? D:". Questions like that are going to be explained in detail next chapter, so look forward to it. :D

Okay, so on to another topic. My dad just had surgery a few days ago because he had something wrong with his back, so in order to keep in occupied I've been playing more Monopoly games than is physically healthy. Anyway, I learned all this spine lingo when I was sitting in the hospital with him the day after, and was like "WOW, I totally should have postponed last chapter so I can use some of this. I am so super-lame." And ya. :D What a strange coincidence. Anyway, my dad's fine (besides the grouchiness due to exercise-deprivation, D:) so no worries there.

I am addicted to Shugo Chara as of now. Or more specifically, Ikuto-kun's amazingness. He is so cute I could die. UHH. ;w;

Oh ya, I was also working on a Christmas One-shot over break........ It's kinda too late now, though. That was, like, a month ago. TT__TT I'll keep you guys posted.

Thanks for reading and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Thank youuu! :D

-- xxIndigo