There are a few bad words in this chapter. Please don't read if common curse words offend. Naley and Brucas abound.

Thanks for reading!

A Season in Purgatory
Chapter 5

Karen rolled over in bed and glanced at the clock. It wasn't even midnight on a Friday night and she was already in bed. Frowning, she tried to remember when her life got so boring, so predictable. Sighing, she realized that had happened when she'd given birth instead of going to college. While Karen had never been a wild person in high school, she had gone to parties and other social events. Once Lucas entered her life everything changed. She had worked three jobs just to buy diapers and formula which left precious little time or energy for socializing. Keith had been a god send back then, helping her out with babysitting and picking bills when she had to decide between paying rent and having electricity.

But those days were behind them now, much like her relationship with Keith. While she ached for their former closeness and friendship, she realized that they were both better off. Keith seemed happy with that girl and she was...free. Free of any obligation to any man other than her son. It was as nearly liberating as it was terrifying.

As a child Karen had dreamed of having several children and the perfect American family. After Lucas had been born, she'd long for a few minutes of silence, of time for herself. Now that she'd finally gotten some maturity and a bit of financial stability, there'd be no more babies. She'd secretly hoped that some day she and Keith would have babies, but that hope had died with their relationship. And she'd been serious when she told Keith that she didn't want any more kids raised in broken homes. Karen had sadly watched those effects wreck havoc on her son's life.

She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, counting down how many hours of sleep she'd get before her alarm clock went off at 5 am. Giving up on sleep, she tossed the covers off and got up, turning on the small lamp on her bedside table. She sat on the edge of the bed fighting her instincts, before moving swiftly over to the small closet in her room. Digging into the far recesses of the narrow closet, her hands fumbled onto the box. Karen looked around surreptitiously; knowing that the only thing that could possible spy on her was on her was her own guilt and better judgment.

I gave you a boat so you could sail around the world,
Watched you disappear into the sun

Pulling the top off the old box, she pulled out various artifacts of her former life, one where she'd been young, popular and carefree. Life before Lucas. The life that she'd whittled down to the contents of the small, battered box lying at her feet. Removing the large photo album from the top of the box, she sought out the framed pictures of her senior prom. She and Dan had so much fun that night, she recalled fondly, battling with her mind to stop this tortured walk down memory lane. They'd had such big dreams back then. Dreams of attending the same college, getting married and having a great life. Dreams that were destroyed by a night of summer passion on the beach and a pregnancy test. She'd let Dan go so that he could find himself and return to her and their child of his own free will. Sighing, she absently traced the outlines of their happy, young faces, wondering where all the time had gone.

I thought about you out there
In those vast wide open spaces
I wondered if you missed me
And all our favorite places

Nathan watched from the kitchen as his half brother stormed out the doors, leaving a very confused Peyton behind. He watched as his ex-girlfriend stood there a moment, before hooking up with the football team's star receiver. Nathan almost felt sorry for Lucas. Trying to be nice to Peyton was almost always an exercise in futility. He turned back to Haley, pleased that she'd obviously missed her friend's sudden exit. Nathan had to give Brooke props. She'd managed to get Luke alone and outside in less than an hour of his arrival at the party. That would definitely perk Brooke up, if only for a few minutes. Nate sighed, wondering once again what was wrong with his best friend.

Without a destination
Drifting aimlessly to find
Keeping your eyes open for a home

They sat there in silence, both lost in the hypnotic motion and sound of the endless waves. It was a lull of nature that drowned out all the noise in their heads. Luke finally looked over at his companion, noticing the bottled that was cradled between her jeans clad thighs. "I thought you were missing the party, but you've apparently already started," he commented, pointing down toward the bottle.

Brooke reluctantly looked away from the endless, dark waves, already missing their solace. "Trust me, I'm not drunk. Unfortunately." She longed for the release that booze brought her, the sweet black hole that dimmed her pain and dulled her senses. It was the same sweet relief that drunken sex gave her, warming her body and her cold, numb heart. It was funny that booze got her to two such contradictory places: drunken unawareness, where her mind could stop replaying that night and sexual contact, which attempted to make her feel again.

Remembering that she wasn't alone, Brooke looked over at Lucas and held out the ½ empty tequila bottle. Silently Lucas reached out and accepted the bottle. He calmly swirled it around, watching as the liquid crash around, mimicking the waves they sat in front of. He hesitated a moment before bringing the bottle to his lips and knocking back a giant swig. His eyes widened as the liquor burned its way down his throat, receiving some sort of sick satisfaction to the distraction the burning feeling gave him from his tumultuous thoughts. "So why are you out here all alone?" he asked, taking another swallow, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand in a single graceful motion.

"As opposed to fucking someone upstairs?" she prompted, affirming the conventional wisdom that everyone thought she was a slut. After all, he'd told her she was that kind of girl. She closed her eyes, knowing that even her mother's husband thought she was a whore. Why not live down to everyone's expectations?

They sat back together in silence, Luke not having an immediate response to her self-depreciating words. He'd heard rumors around school about Brooke, of course. But then he'd heard enough rumors about himself to know better than believe anything he heard about her. She was beautiful and she dated a lot of guys, but there was something in her eyes that drew him to her. Something dark and irrational that cried wounded more than sensual vixen.

Brooke reached over and slowly slid her hand across his thigh, startling him out of his reverie. She leaned over closer to him and then smirked, as she gracefully jerked the bottle out between his legs. "Mine," she defended, but in a joking tone. No need to run a guy as hot as Broody off with her greediness.

Lucas watched as she tilted her head back, poured the tequila into her mouth, downing several shots worth in three continuous gulps. She brought her head back up and licked her lips, staring him in the eye the entire time. Why not act the part of the sleazy boozehound, she thought, feeling her shoulders begin to relax after nearly ½ a bottle.

He smiled at her boldness, taking the bottle back and matching her gulp for gulp. The burning feeling had now spread to his stomach, making him feel simultaneously brave and numb. He'd successfully stopped thinking about Peyton, Dan and Nathan for over 15 minutes, which might just be a record in the Lucas Scott Broodathon. "What's the point of going to a party, if not to hook up?" he asked, still smarting from Peyton's rejection, but gradually getting caught up in his current companion. Brooke didn't play games; she didn't hide her ambitions or intent behind huge beach houses or coy promises.

Luke wasn't a prude about sex. He wasn't saving himself for marriage or anything. But he'd seen what sex had gotten his mother and he'd been raised better than to mindlessly sleep around. Despite the tragic end of his parents' relationship, Luke wanted a good relationship. He wanted happily ever after and a strong stable family. It was hard for him to think about relationships in a positive light. His earliest memories were dominated by the lack of a relationship between his own parents. It had the most impact on his development and the guiding example of what not to strive for in a romantic relationship. Luke wanted something more than sex. At the very least, he wanted friendship.

Dan sat in the attic of his house, pushing boxes around the small room, boxes that contained memories and aspects of his life that he'd relegated to this tiny, dark corner of his home.

You stumbled on your port of call
And set your anchors deep
And learned another language
One that I could never speak

Picking up a picture frame, Dan absently wiped away some dust, reveling a much younger version of him and Karen, being crowned Winter Snowball King and Queen. Closing his eyes, he could remember that night in such glorious detail. He'd worn a black tux and Karen had worn some kind of floral perfume that had driven him crazy all night. He'd practically begged her to leave the dance early and go some place private, some place they could be alone together. No matter how stressful a basketball season had been, or how much pressure Whitey or his Dad put on him, Karen had always been an oasis of calm and tranquility in his life.

Oh and I, I can see you smiling
On every water-packed horizon
If you're lost
I'll be your island

Dan sighed, setting down the now faded picture and forcing the colorful memories from his mind. Love of any kind, other than for his son, was in his past. He'd failed every woman he'd ever loved miserably. And despite his sincere promises after the game to Karen, he doubted that he'd have much more success with his oldest son.

Before you left we talked about
If you'd be coming back
And I don't know was all that you could say.
I remember walking
To the docks to say good-bye
I promised that I wouldn't
But I could help but cry

Lucas was such a painful subject for Dan. He'd screwed up, that much he could admit. He'd walked out on Karen when he should have stayed and supported her. He'd promised to return after the semester was over and had every intension of doing so until Deb had told him she was pregnant. And the only defense he had for not being in the boy's life was something that he couldn't share with Lucas. The answers the boy needed to hear from Dan would serve to destroy the few relationships Lucas appeared to have left.

Set out to find you once
Naïve I never dreamed
Maybe you'd prefer to be alone

Sighing, Dan rubbed his temple out of frustration and regret. They had all created a tangled web of lies and deceit that was nearly impossible to unravel now. Dropping the picture frame, he fumbled around for the smaller envelop of pictures he knew lay near the bottom of the box. Sliding the flap on the torn and fade envelop, Dan's shoulders slumped as he thumbed through the worn contents. He stared at Luke's birth announcement, the newsprint yellowed with age. The announcement was shoved in among various other pictures that Dan's mother had sent him over the years. He shuffled the images of his oldest son, watching him grow through various stages of life. Spreading the photos out on the floor, Dan frowned as he noticed that the boy's gregarious toddler smiles had faded by the time his first school picture was taken. He could only imagine what role he'd played in the disappearance of Luke's smiles.

Leaning back against one of the rafters, Dan shoved the pictures out of his line of sight. He'd made an agreement with Karen to stop the fighting between their boys, and he'd honor it. He could try to reach out to the distant and hostile youth, but the rest was up to Lucas.

No sooner did I find you

Than I gave you to the sea

I wish I'd been the sailor

That you wanted me to be

Brooke glanced over at her drinking partner, exchanging the stars in the sky for the deep blue of his eyes. She smiled at the glassy look in his eyes, seeing that he was definitely not fighting the effects of the tequila. Brooke laughed at how serious Lucas engaged in everything he did, including getting drunk. He always seemed to be thinking deep thoughts as opposed to most of her crowd that just avoided thinking in general. Shaking her head, Brooke could understand that reasoning. Her thoughts never seemed to lead her any place that was good.

Her fingers curled around the bottle and she took another swig, pondering his random hook up question from earlier. "You're too pure for a casual hook up," she decided, watching as something akin to annoyance crossed his face.

Lucas sighed in exasperation. "God, not the St. Lucas crap," he moaned, sick of his choirboy image. "You know, I get hormonal just like everyone else." The indignation in his voice made her giggle, knowing that most of the girls at school would love to test that theory.

Brooke leaned over toward him, a sexy smirk on her pretty face. She grazed his thigh with her well manicured hand for a moment, before settling her hand on his jean clad leg. Her smile grew as she felt his muscles tighten under her hand.

Luke's heart jumped as Brooke's hand crept closer to his zipper, her hand inching along the seam of his jeans. Her touch was deft enough for him to feel, but soft enough to leave his mouth dry with desire.

A sensuous laugh emanated from her, breaking the moment, as Brooke leaned toward him, speaking with a glint of humor in her voice. "Well, that's definitely not a saintly reaction," she noted, smiling as his own face lightened considerably. "I'll do you a favor and tell the gossip circle that you're tasty. That'll kill any recommendations pending for sainthood."

They both laughed at her words, each forgetting some of their earlier concerns. She watched as the waves crashed into the beach, only the white foam of their crest discernable in the moonlight. Their companionable silence endured through an endless series of waves.

"I like this place," Brooke confided, her soft words nearly shattering the stillness. His quiet attentiveness prompted her unusual self-confession. "I love the smell of the salty air, and the feeling that we're in the ocean, when it's really just the dock at the end of the long pier."

Luke closed his eyes, trying to see the world through Brooke's words, just as he did with his favorite authors. He nodded at her assessment. "It's like being alone in that vast nothingness, yet still safe."

She smiled at his words, her heart warming for the first time in months. It was nice relating to someone, even if it was temporary. Even if he was only talking to her because Peyton had probably blown him off. She took another drink, noting that they were well on their way to killing the fifth of tequila.

Sighing, Luke leaned back against a support pole, letting the rush of booze course through his veins. "It amazes me that I can like this dock, yet hate its owner so much," he confessed, nearly sick at the thought that he'd found such a calming place in such a disconcerting location. He was completely disoriented by seeing Dan and Karen together earlier that night. It was some kind of omen, or sign that the apocalypse was upon them.

Brooke nodded, sharing his opinion of Dan. "You know, just when I think my life is fucked up and couldn't get any worse, I just have to look at you and Nathan."

She'd watched over the years as Dan hounded Nate about basketball. The pressure tended to build as the season went on, as did Dan's expectations. Lucas' presence on the team now seemed to jack Dan's pressure up on Nate even more.

Luke shrugged his shoulders and killed the bottle, dropping it carelessly on the dock. "It's a screwed up situation. I mean, I just live across town and have barely said five words to the man," Luke admitted, feeling relieved that he could say what he thought about his father, without the fear of upsetting his mom or Keith.

Brooke shivered slightly, the cool air chilling her bare arms. "Ever since Nate's mom died, Dan's been so focused on Nathan and the team. It's a lot of pressure," she explained, wanting Lucas to understand some of Nate's problems. They'd both been hurt by their father's actions, and she just wanted them both to try to see the other's pain.

"Well, it's been hard for my mom, too. And you can bet she's not kicking back on the weekends at a palatial beach house," he tersely stated, even as his eyes assessed the huge diamonds that adorned her neck and ears.

Her hands followed his eyes and she absently played with the floating solitaire her daddy had given her right after the divorce. "Just because we have money doesn't mean our lives are easy," she contended, seeing how judgmental his assessing eyes were.

Drawing her knees up to her chest, Brooke turned her head to face the water. She spoke, with a voice that was barely audible over the crashing waves. "You know, I've seen you and your mom around town. Don't think for a second that I wouldn't change your mom for mine in a second or that Nate wouldn't give up everything that they own in exchange for his mom being alive."

Lucas nodded, realizing that she was serious. Something in Brooke's life pushed her to drink and carry on. He'd been harsh to assume her life was better because of the diamonds she owned.

He reached out and put a tentative hand on her back, watching as she continued staring out at the sea, with her head on her knees. He ignored the urge he felt to run his hand down her back, toward the exposed flesh of her small waist, knowing he wasn't drunk enough to try that.

"I didn't mean to be a jerk, Brooke. It's just hard for me to watch my mom work so hard while he does nothing to help. It's not like he'd even miss the money," Luke bitterly suggested. His voice grew soft. "And it hurts to watch him with Nathan and know he doesn't give a damn about me."

She reached out to him, hearing the raw pain in his voice. "Maybe it's just hard for him, because of the way he ended things with your mom?" she suggested.

Luke tried to shake off his confusion about Dan. "Doesn't matter now," he muttered. "It's already done with. I mean, the past is the past and he obviously doesn't give a damn about me."

Brooke shivered again, her small shirt failing to keep her warm. Luke wrapped an arm around her and gently rubbed the goose pimples on her arms. "I could go in and find a blanket for you," he suggested, motioning to the brightly lit beach house. The warm scent of her perfume rose up and filled his senses, enticing him to get closer to her skin.

Brooke smiled at his concern for her, knowing that most other guys would have used the empty bottle and her shivers as an excuse to crawl on top of her. There was a basic human kindness in Lucas that was missing from most of the guys she'd known.

"Yeah, find us a blanket. If you go into Dan's study and look in the bottom of his main closet, you'll find a case of the good stuff. Grab us a bottle of it when you get the blanket," she instructed, suddenly not feeling as cold or lonely as she felt earlier that night. The night's events didn't seem so bad and her pain didn't feel so sharp. She looked up at Luke, who seemed to be hesitating at her instructions. She gave him a slow, sexy smile and he scampered off in the general direction of the house, where the party raged on.

She watched for a moment as Luke's lithe frame headed back toward the house, recalling her earlier words to Nathan. Booze and boys always helped her. Temporarily.

Haley looked up from her perch on the counter, hearing Nathan sigh. "What's up?" Surely she was not so boring that he was reduced to sighs after only an hour with her.

"Its just Brooke. I'm really worried about her. She was a total basket case when she got here," he admitted, smiling shyly at her. It was so easy to talk to Haley that he found himself confiding things that he'd never tell anyone but Brooke. She had a gentle kindness to her that most people were totally lacking these days. And a genuine interest about people that made them open up to her.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," she flippantly suggested. "It's probably some guy she's fighting with." She'd been around Brooke enough to realize that losing her lip-gloss was akin to a national emergency.

Nathan's eyes narrowed as she dismissed his concerns. "You know, Brooke is a person too. She's not just some plastic stereotype party girl. And she's not got an easy life," Nathan informed her.

Haley immediately felt bad for her evil thoughts about the pretty brunette. She didn't have much use for girls like Peyton and Brooke, but at the same time, she really hadn't given either of them a chance. "That was thoughtless of me, Nate. I'm sorry about being so dismissive of her problems," Haley apologized, reaching out to touch his hand. It was a simple gesture, but one that sent warmth surging through her veins.

"It's just that Brooke doesn't have a lot of people who care about her in her life, so I have to worry more about her to make up for it," he confessed, knowing that everyone at school thought their friendship involved sex. He didn't want Haley to think they had anything going on besides friendship.

She smiled at his nurturing attitude toward Brooke. "I am glad that you're there for her. You seem like a really loyal friend. I bet you get that from your mom," she added, knowing that Nate sure as hell didn't get it from Dan. The man had never had a considerate thought in his life.

Nathan's eyes grew sad at the mention of his mother. It almost annoyed him that Deb was constantly on his mind lately. He looked up at Haley, taking in her empathetic gaze. "Can I show you something?" he earnestly asked, quickly standing up and grabbing her hand.

Haley was a bit unnerved by his sudden mood swing, but she felt she knew him well enough to trust him. "I guess. What do you want to show me?" He walked her through a group of football players massed in the hallway, and began walking up the grand staircase. "It's upstairs in my room," he said, tugging her towards the second floor of the house. She hesitated, knowing that she'd been nursing a single wine cooler the past hour and that she wasn't drunk. And she knew that Nate wasn't drunk. She paused, not sure if going up to a guy's bedroom during a wild party was a good decision to make under any circumstances. He sensed her hesitation and turned to face with a happy, expectant look on his face. "Come on."

Haley hesitated, still pondering the wisdom in following him upstairs, when a figure caught her attention. A somewhat distracted Lucas walked past them carrying a fleece blanket and a bottle, heading towards the large glass deck doors. Haley called out, "Lucas, where are you going?" He clumsily turned back around, looking somewhat confused as his eyes came to rest on Nathan and Haley. He wasn't drunk but he was certainly inebriated, and Lucas liked the feeling of complete carelessness that had taken his mind hostage. He quietly looked at his best friend, who was apparently on her way upstairs with his worst enemy. "I'd ask what's up with you two, but I think that answer is pretty clear," Lucas slurred, his manner not quiet surly but definitely not friendly.

Nathan rolled his eyes at the sight of his venerable older brother, who was apparently getting lucky tonight. "You're one to talk. At least I don't have a blanket and a bottle of 21 year old scotch in my hand," Nathan retorted, angry that Lucas had turned his attempt to talk to Haley into something tawdry. "Do you have any idea how expensive that bottle is? There's a reason it was hidden in the bottom of the closet," Nathan admonished, upset that Lucas had rooted through their things for booze. Not to mention the fact that his father would kill him if he noticed it was missing.

Laughing, Lucas gazed at the bottle appreciatively. "Well, I guess that's one week of child support he doesn't owe me." The party raged on around them, as Haley and Lucas locked eyes, neither wanting to be the first one to look away. Lucas lost his balance for a moment, closing his eyes for a second to regain his focus. "Haley, I don't know what he's been giving you to drink but do you really think going upstairs is a good idea?"

Her eyes widened in surprise at both his lack of coordination and his gentle rebuke. "I think Nathan said it best, Luke. You apparently have been doing enough drinking for both of us. And I am sure you've got plans for that bottle and the blanket," she accused, wondering what had gotten into him lately. Luke wasn't into casual sex or drinking. He'd written off most of Nathan's crowd as drunken losers years ago, but here he was totally acting like part of the crowd. She stared at him in open disappointment, wondering what was going that was driving him to such anger and irrational behavior.

Nathan reached for her hand once more time. "I just want to share something with you, Haley. You can trust me," he sincerely stated. He smiled as he felt her small hand slide into his. She turned back around toward Lucas, but he'd already stormed off, apparently after more licentious pursuits.

She remained on the step, silently watching Lucas move through the crowd and out the doors. A touch on her shoulder gained her attention and she looked up to see Nathan towering above her, a look of concern on his face. "Do you want me to go after him?" he hesitantly offered. If the guy wanted to dis his best friend and make an idiot out of himself that was one thing, but Nate didn't want Haley tearing off into the night chasing him on her own. He also didn't want to think about the blanket, the bottle and most likely, Brooke. Nate shook those thoughts off and sighed. He couldn't baby sit his best friend anymore than he could force Haley to go upstairs with him.

She forced her concerns about Lucas out of her mind and smiled up at Nathan. "What did you want to show me?" she said, as she followed him up the staircase.

Oh and I, yeah I can see you smiling
On every water-packed horizon
If you're lost
I'll be your island
I gave you a boat so you could sail around the world

The song is "island" by someone named Kristen Hall.

Thanks for all the great replies. It made me want to post this chapter much faster. I'd like to post two chapters a week, if there is enough interest. The chapters tend to be long and that can be annoying to some people.