Sorry for not posting for so long! I had to babysit for most of the week, and then I got sick! Look out for a new one-shot tonight, though! (Maybe) (If I post it, I'm going to attach it to the end of my Malec Alphabet for reasons you will see later!)
Alec avoided talking with his mom for almost a month. He had been planning on avoiding her anyways, but the fact that she and his father left for Idris the day after she said asked to talk with him made things that much easier. With his parents gone for a couple of weeks, Alec had begun hanging back from missions, staying with Max because Max had fought terribly hard with their parents to be allowed to stay at home. Between watching the whole Clary and Valentine story unfold from the Institute and spending any and all free time with Magnus, the two weeks that his parents were away had completely relaxed Alec.
The relationship with Magnus had come as a complete surprise, but Alec hadn't tried to fight it once he'd realized that it was something that actually made him happy. But that didn't mean that he hadn't kept it a secret from his parents. The relationship had made things much more complicated, that was for sure. But the more time Alec spent with Magnus, the more he recognized exactly what it was doing for him. He'd found himself more relaxed, smiling more, just generally being happier, and that was something he couldn't ignore. But for now, he would be content with only Jace and Isabelle knowing.
Alec had the feeling that his mother would be more accepting of his sexuality, but she would likely balk at the idea that he was dating a Downworlder. His father, on the other hand, would not be okay with any part of the situation. So Alec had decided that it was best to keep things hidden for the moment, to give himself some time to adjust to the relationship before throwing something like that at it. The only problems they'd had so far were more of Alec's personal problems than relationship problems.
He began to feel guilty every time he went anywhere at all with Magnus. He wanted to stay with Max, he wanted to be there if Max seized, but Jace and Isabelle constantly reassured him that they had everything under control. He had the sinking feeling that they simply wanted him to go out and spend time with Magnus, that they simply didn't want him to stay at home and continue the way he had been before Magnus had come along.
After his parents had been home for about a week, his mother stopped him as he came back from his date with Magnus. "Can we have that talk now?" she asked, and Alec could hear the exhaustion in her voice. He simply nodded and followed her, trying to clear his mind so that he could focus on whatever his mother wanted to talk about. He had the feeling that this was about Max, and his only hope was that he wouldn't need to explain the specifics of where he had been.
She led him to the library, motioning for him to sit down. "I don't know exactly where you've been these past few weeks," she began, launching into the conversation without skirting around it in the fashion that she usually did. "And I'm not going to make it my place to know, if you want to tell me, you'll tell me. But we need to talk about your bother. You being gone so much is affecting him, and I want you to have your own life, Alexander. But what's going on right now can't continue like this."
Alec had to admit that he'd seen some kind of change in Max lately, but since he could never pin down exactly what it was, he had decided to wait until Max came to him about it. "When you were gone today, and this isn't the first time this has happened, Max came to me crying because he thinks he's not a real Shadowhunter." She held up her hand when Alec opened his mouth to protest. "He's upset because he says he can never be like you. He can never fight, and he thinks that makes him invalid."
At first, Alec had no idea what to say in response. He'd known deep down that Max hated his illness, but he'd never imagined that Max would ever extend that to hating himself as well. "I just want you to talk to him, Alexander," his mother continued, her voice softening. "Just see if you can help him. He really needs you right now." Alec shot her a quick smile and nodded, hoping that Max wasn't asleep yet, wanting to talk to him as soon as possible.
"I just want to be like you. I just want to be a real Shadowhunter," Max said in explanation when Alec asked him what was wrong. Alec was surprised to hear the pain in Max's voice. The emphasis he put on the word 'real' made Alec ache for his little brother. At first, he was speechless. The last thing Alec wanted was for Max to feel as though his disability made him any less valid than anyone else. But it was obvious from the look in Max's eyes and the tone to his voice that that was exactly how he was currently feeling.
"There's no such thing as a 'real' Shadowhunter, Max," Alec responded after several long moments. "Every Shadowhunter is different, and there's nothing wrong with that. We're supposed to be different, that's what allows us to get the job done." Alec wasn't at all sure of whether or not what he was saying was actually helping Max in any way. The last thing he wanted to do was to make things worse, but he had no idea of what would actually help.
Max looked back at him as though he was insane. "That's just it, Alec," he said, his voice tense, as though he desperately wanted Alec to understand what he was trying to say. "I can't do the job. I can't ever fight, which is what Shadowhunters are supposed to do." As a family, they'd decided that Max would never begin his training. If he had a seizure during a fight, death would almost be inevitable. Until now, Max had never seemed to mind that he couldn't fight. "I just want to be like you," he repeated, his voice much more desperate this time.
Alec swallowed the lump that was quickly forming in his throat. "There are so many more things a Shadowhunter can do, Max," Alec responded, trying to keep the emotion in his voice hidden from his little brother. When Max asked exactly what a Shadowhunter could do other than fighting demons, Alec was suddenly at a loss for words. It wasn't as though he thought a Shadowhunter who couldn't fight was invalid, it was just that he was suddenly on the spot, and the thought that his words could make his brother feel so much better about his situation kept him from being able to properly respond.
Before Alec could actually come up with anything to say, Max asked a different question, and it was one that surprised Alec more than anything else his little brother could have said. "Were you out with your boyfriend?" he said, looking up at Alec with open, innocent curiosity. When Alec clearly looked taken aback, Max clarified, obviously knowing that he'd caught his brother off guard. "A couple nights ago I came to ask you something before bed and I heard you and Izzy talking. I didn't mean to, I swear; it just kind of happened. I didn't want to interrupt so I thought I'd wait but then I realized you would be talking for a while."
Alec still had no idea what to say, his surprise rendering him speechless still yet. "I don't mind," Max said, his voice full of love and gentleness. "I'm just glad you're happy." Alec reached over to kiss Max's forehead. People often said that Alec himself was the gentle one, but it was times like these that he reminded himself that Max was the one who really deserved that title. "And I know to not tell Mommy and Daddy, so don't worry about that either. I just really want to meet him."
The only thing Alec could think to say was, "Of course you can meet him, Max," but when Max began seizing, that stopped their conversation for the moment. Instead of picking up where they had left off, Alec simply relaxed with Max for the rest of the night until Max finally went to sleep. He already had a plan forming, but he had to figure out exactly how to execute it.
Talking to Magnus the next day was fairly hard, mostly because Alec knew he couldn't hide anything from Magnus at all. "I really just don't know what to do," Alec said when Magnus asked him what was going on. "He honestly thinks that having epilepsy makes him invalid, he thinks he doesn't have any value because he can't fight. I need him to know that he is valid, I need him to know that he's valuable." Magnus seemed to think this over for quite some time, and Alec began to worry that it was something Magnus didn't want to deal with.
"I have an idea, but you're going to have to trust me," Magnus finally said, and Alec was amused by the smile that softly played across his lips. Alec simply looked at him for a few seconds, hoping for some clarification. "Just go get Max and bring him here, I would like to meet him, too. But I also want him to meet someone else who I think can really help him out a lot more than either of us ever could." Alec stared at him for a few moments more, wondering if he should actually listen to Magnus or not. Sure, they'd been together for a while now, but when it came to Max, he was so overly protective that he wasn't sure whether or not this was a good idea.
In the end, Alec went to get Max, who was immediately excited at the thought of meeting Magnus. "What's he like?" Max asked while they were on the way back to Magnus's. Alec simply shook his head, trying to deter any questions Max would have, saying that he would find out shortly. Alec couldn't quite explain the nervousness he felt, but he tamped it down and tried to remind himself that he was entirely certain Max and Magnus would be terribly fond of one another.
Alec wasn't sure what he expected to find when they got back to Magnus's, but whatever it had been, that wasn't at all what they found. Magnus was still by himself, and he was calmly reading when they entered. Max sat almost as far away from Magnus as possible, and Alec had to mouth to Magnus that this was the first time he'd ever met any Downworlder. "Can you really do magic?" Max asked, his voice soft in a way that Alec rarely ever heard it.
Magnus simply chuckled and nodded, then he proceeded to wiggle his fingers in the fashion Alec knew all too well, shooting blue sparks out of his hand for Max to watch. Alec tried to hide his smile when Max began grinning, scooting closer to Magnus so that he could see the sparks better. Alec simply watched for the next few minutes as Magnus began interacting with Max, wholly satisfied with how Magnus was handling the situation.
While watching the two of them together, Alec was suddenly hit with the realization that he might actually love Magnus. Watching the way Magnus was entirely gentle with Max, realizing the way his heart skipped a beat every time Magnus's mouth turned upward into a smile, Alec was suddenly taken aback by how much he did care for Magnus. He knew he was young, he knew they hadn't been together for too long, almost two months, but he also knew that what he was feeling was real, and that scared him more than anything else.
When Magnus announced that he had someone he though Max should meet, Alec simply smiled when Magnus got up and moved to kiss his forehead before going into another room. Alec knew without asking that the other man who followed Magnus back into the living room was Ragnor, though they hadn't met before. Magnus had told Alec about most of his old friends, and Ragnor's green skin was unmistakable. The only thing that Alec couldn't figure out was what Ragnor had to do with any of this.
"This is my best friend, Ragnor," Magnus said as he came to sit back down on the couch. "Ragnor, this is my boyfriend, Alec, and his little brother, Max." Alec had to admit that he really liked the way Magnus's voice sounded when he spoke Alec's name, that he really liked being able to openly admit that they were together. Alec could tell that Ragnor thought the next question coming from Max would be about his green skin.
But when Max simply smiled at him and asked him how he was, Ragnor's face softened into a smile as well. Alec knew that Max would never dare judge anyone for anything; he knew all too well what it was like to be different, so to Max, Ragnor's skin was just like anyone else's skin. "I thought you might want to meet Ragnor," Magnus finally continued after several minutes. "Because he also has epilepsy."
Ragnor looked over at Magnus in slight surprise, obviously previously unaware that Max was epileptic. Max had never met anyone else with epilepsy, and Alec could see the recognition slowly creep across his face. As Ragnor began talking to Max about living for over eight hundred years with epilepsy, Alec moved closer to Magnus so that he could slip their hands together. They simply sat in silence and listened to Max and Ragnor talk, and Alec was terribly content with the entire situation.
"For the longest time, I didn't know what was wrong with me," Ragnor said, his voice much gentler than Alec would have thought it would be. "Various people knew how to help me, but it wasn't really until I met Magnus that anyone took the time to actually learn and to be there for me. I guess you could say that Magnus was really the first person who ever made me feel normal." Magnus's hand tightened in Alec's, and Alec tried to give it a gentle, supportive squeeze. "What I'm trying to say is that, in the end, you have to learn that there's nothing wrong with you, Max. The right people will know that, and the people who don't understand that won't be worth your time."
Max was about to say something in response, but before he could do anything other than open his mouth, Ragnor began seizing and Magnus was by his side faster than Alec would have thought possible. Magnus did everything that Alec always did for Max, but it was slightly strange to see someone else having to do them. Max came to sit beside of Alec once more, and Alec could see that Ragnor's seizure was scaring him. He'd never seen anyone else seize before, and Alec could tell that finding out what happened when he seized was a little more than he could take.
They sat in silence for several minutes after Ragnor's seizure, until Magnus finally spoke up. "It's been years since I was with you when you seized," he said to Ragnor. Alec smiled at the way Magnus had immediately become gentle when he moved to help Ragnor. Alec often thought of Magnus as being slightly colder, distancing himself from people so that he didn't get hurt as easily, but as soon as Ragnor had needed his help, he'd become immensely gentle.
"Try decades," Ragnor replied, his speech slow from the effects of the seizure. Alec could easily identify the pain in Ragnor's voice, and he automatically knew that he and Magnus needed to talk things out. He motioned for Max to get up, excusing the two of them by saying that they needed to get Max home before dark. He gave Magnus a rather pointed look, as if to tell him that they would later pick up where they left off. His only hope was that either of them could come up with more ways to help Max before anything else happened to further diminish Max's self-worth.