A/N: Thanks for the feedback and follows, everyone! :) It feels nice to write for these two again. Shout-out to shallow-seas-we-sail for the "I ain't no greaseball" line.
When Jane arrived at the address Korsak had given her, she was stunned by the audacity of this party. Sure it was a Friday night, but it was almost 2am on a quiet street. The moment she stepped out of her squad car, an elderly couple descended upon her like leathery vultures.
"—been at it for hours—"
"—we've been perfectly reasonable—"
"—landlord is out of town—"
"—laughed in our faces—"
Jane held up a hand but couldn't get a word in edgewise, which the old woman somehow took for negligence. "She'll never be able to hush up those bimbos," she muttered to her husband, apparently under the delusion that Jane couldn't hear her. "She'll probably want to join in that orgy. Why would the police send a skinny, greaseball dyke to do a—"
"Hey!" Jane yelled over the blaring music, startling the couple. Rather than assure them, Jane tugged her hat down, squared her shoulders and said, "I ain't no greaseball, lady."
She stormed past them to the duplex in question and banged hard on the door, announcing herself as the police. But nobody answered until she'd rung the bell twice.
A tall redhead swung the door open and immediately turned to gasp at her friends inside. "You guys are so bad! I told you I promised Mark there wouldn't be any strippers tonight!"
Completely thrown by this, Jane's mouth dropped open but no words came out as the redhead dragged her inside.
"Who else is here who likes women? Maura! You're gay, right? Take one for me, let me live vicariously through you!"
"I'm here about a noise complaint!" Jane at last managed, though for some reason she seemed to have a harder time rising her voice over the music than the redhead did.
"Ooh, we need to be punished!" giggled one of the other women, walking up to Jane and pulling her hat off and swerving away with it.
"Whoa, miss, give—"
"Hey, here she is! Sit down, Maura!"
The redhead spun Jane around, and her heartbeat sped into turbo when she saw the med student from CVS seated before her. Maura looked just as shocked, but an impressed smile soon broke out on her face. Again thrown for a loop, Jane was frozen. Maura pulled a five from her wallet and bit her lip, waving the bill between two fingers.
For the briefest of moments, Jane was overcome with a strong desire to start removing her top and humping the air over this woman, over Maura—but the utter lunacy of this fantasy washed over her as quickly as the idea itself had arrived. She tried again to explain her purpose in coming, but the gaggle of drunken women refused to listen. More of them pulled out singles; the one who'd grabbed Jane's hat was now wearing it at an angle and leering.
"Where's the music coming from?" Jane all but shouted in an attempt to be heard.
The hostess directed her to the portable speakers near a laptop as the women cheered her on to pick something sexy. A shocked hush fell over them when Jane shut the laptop instead, killing the music at once. Now she could finally hear herself think.
"It is almost two in the morning," she said, "and if that wasn't bad enough, you share this duplex with two old if obnoxious people who need a break from all the damn noise. I'm not here to strip; I'm here to notify you of a noise complaint. One I'll have to formally write up if you don't chill right now." She held out her badge, and the woman who'd nicked her hat slowly started to take it off.
"This isn't a very sexy start to your act," said the bride-to-be. "Ooh, unless you're just trying to throw us off as a fun surprise!"
Maura stood up, a little clumsily due to her inebriated state, and walked towards Jane. She was still holding the five dollar bill and used her free hand to feel Jane's sleeve. Her touch lingered on Jane's bicep, appreciating the hardness she found there, but it did not distract her from making her point. "Wool blend, military creases. She's the real deal, ladies. She didn't com here to be sexy. She just came and happened to be sexy."
It was like the booze on Maura's breath was intoxicating Jane, too. Keeping her eyes on Maura, Jane snapped her fingers and opened her palm in the direction of the girl who'd taken her hat. She threw it, and an emboldened Jane—now totally tipsy off the look Maura was giving her—jammed the hat on her head and murmured, "Damn right. And I came because someone's been—bad." (She just couldn't bring herself to go through with it and say "naughty." Ugh, that word.)
Her heart did another flip when she noticed a blush color Maura's cheek. But then another woman called out in jubilation, "Ooh, she is a stripper!"
In a snap, Jane's professionalism returned. "No, miss, no. I'm a real cop. And you're all in—who's the hostess here?" When the woman guiltily raised her hand, Jane pointed sternly at her and said, "You're in trouble if this bachelorette party doesn't break up right now. C'mon ladies, party's over. Is anyone here sober enough to drive?"
By way of response, two of the women pulled out their phones to order Uber rides.
"If we pool, we can all…that'd work."
The party gathered around the phones, and someone did some quick figuring. "Some loser's gonna have to get their own ride."
Maura lifted her gaze from her friend's phone to meet Jane's eyes, and in an instant Jane could picture Maura waltzing over, maybe grazing Jane's baton, and asking, "Can I get a ride, officer?" and then SMASH CUT TO: heavy panting and thrusting against an apartment door! Jane shoots, she scores!
No! Abort! Abort, abort, abort!
"All right, you all figure that out," Jane said gruffly. She tugged at her belt and made an about face for the front door.
She stopped halfway down the porch steps. It would be the gallant thing to do to offer a drunk woman a ride home. Hell, she'd been giftwrapped a chance to at least get contact info from her. She checked her watch: 2:06am. Her shift was over. She wasn't sure if she handle the jeering of all those drunken women if she were to go back in there to hit on Maura, though. And the longer she waited, the worse it would be.
"Officer?"
Jane whirled around and lost her footing on the stairs, causing her to trip. Her leg and stomach rammed onto the wooden planks of the porch steps. She bounced back up to her feet despite the pain, thrilled that Maura had come out alone to see her but also embarrassed to have had her witness that oafish fall.
But Maura acted as though nothing awkward had happened, simply walking down to meet Jane. "Aren't you sworn to serve and protect?"
"Y…yes."
"So don't you think it's your duty as an officer of the law to make sure I get home safely? I only…" She hiccupped. "I'm less than ten minutes away."
Jane's jaw tightened and she tried to think of something smooth to say. Smooth words failed her. "Well, when you put it that way…" She tucked her hat under one arm and extended the other to Maura, leading her back to the squad car.
After Maura mumbled out her address, there was silence in the car for a couple of minutes until she spoke again: "I was buying lube." Before Jane could respond, she went on, "I was buying it in preparation for this party. To give my friend, my friend the bachelorette. Well, a bachelorette. Not like capital The capital Bachelorette, like from TV. It was for her, not for me." She chuckled, leaning her head against the window. "I don't know why it was important to me that you know that, but it was. Is."
Jane was silent for a few moments, partly waiting to make sure the rambling was over, but also giving herself time to wrestle with her own secrets. She came to the conclusion that it was safe to confide in Maura, who was likely too intoxicated to remember anything embarrassing Jane admitted.
"Um…I broke up with my boyfriend."
"You did what?"
"I know you were buying lube, because that's what I was there for, not shampoo. I just got self-conscious when you walked up. And you left with the only bottle of KY, which I'd had my eye on. My boyfriend showed up, and I was like… really upset that he'd chased you away. And that didn't seem right. I mean, I should be happy when my boyfriend shows up, not pissed because he interrupted me making an ass of myself in front of a beautiful woman."
"Mmm, ass," Maura hummed, and Jane felt her body temperature rise about ten degrees. "Yours is really nice, your ass. Does it dimple, like your face?"
Jane laughed uncomfortably. "Um, I don't know. I don't see that part of my body a whole lot."
"Oh, right. What about your boyfriend, could we call and ask him? He must know."
"My ex-boyfriend," Jane reminded her, "and he's never seen that part of my body before. He might've been about to that night you and I met, but…"
"There were plenty of other lubricants left for you to choose from," Maura said defensively.
"No I know, that's not—"
"But you know what the best lubricant is that I've ever encountered?" Maura asked with a dreamy sigh. "Your voice."
Jane's grip tightened on the wheel and she almost missed the turn onto Maura's street. "My—?"
"God, it's such a turn-on," Maura groaned. "Did your boyfriend ever just have sex with your voice?"
Jane had used humor many a time to diffuse tension, but she'd never been in a situation where tension had been sexual and she reverted back to her old mechanism in her anxiety. "Wow, how drunk are you?" she chuckled.
She stopped outside Maura's address, which she'd assumed would be an apartment complex, but was actually house. More surprises.
Maura pondered what had been intended as a rhetorical question. "Drunk enough that I'm … inhibitions are lowered. Not so drunk that you should feel like you were taking advantage of me if I invited you inside. To bed."
SMASH CUT TO: INTERIOR, Maura's House, Night. In Maura's bed, two bodies are writhing under the sheets—
The fantasy was cut short abruptly when Maura opened her door and proceeded to vomit onto the driveway. Jane hurried around to her side of the car, careful to avoid stepping in anything unsavory, and helped Maura out of her seat. They made a stop on the lawn for Maura to throw up once more; this time, Jane was able to hold her hair back. It was the least sexy scenario Jane could have imagined, but as disgusting as it was, there was a small part of her that was glad she was here to help. She rubbed Maura's back and murmured soft, needless reassurances like "there you go" and "you okay?" and "no offense but those flowers were hideous anyway, so maybe this is just as well."
When Maura straightened back up, she thanked Jane and fixed her with as steady a look as she could manage. "I'm very sexy," she said, with so much confidence that Jane had to work hard not to laugh. "But the alcohol is sab-o-taging me. So." She leaned forward and poked Jane harder in the chest than she'd meant to, while Jane tried not to breathe through her nose. "Will you come in for a sec in c… in case I need someone to hold my hair again? Over the toilet," she clarified with a slow wink.
"Yeah, of course," said Jane, oblivious to what else Maura could've been implying. After a couple of long nights at the Dirty Robber, she had wished more than once for a roommate who might've been able to hold back her hair for her, so she was eager to perform the service for someone else. Especially this someone else.
But when they got inside, Maura turned around and said, "Strip."
Jane kept her hand on the doorknob in case she needed to make a fast getaway. "Excuse me?"
Maura sighed and stumbled backwards into a chair. "Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like a creep. I saw you fall on the porch at Quinn's house. I thought I'd… I could check you. See if your rubs are ribbed." She laughed. "Ribs are bruised, wow. But you don't have to remove your shirt for that. But do you know something? I think one of the sexiest things a woman can do is take off her shirt. A button-up, I mean. Something about the way her arms and her shoulders move, and her back. It's sexy. So sexy. And I sound so creepy, don't I? Please stay fully dressed. I'll be right back; I need to change. Into real clothes, I promise."
Maura went into her bedroom and shut the door. Jane sighed, letting out what felt like her first exhale since coming inside. Drunk Maura was much more brazen than semi-awkward CVS Maura, and as much as Jane would've loved to be excited by that, she was more anxious and feeling out of her depth. (Not to mention, too sober for a level playing field.)
Jane spent a few moments looking around the living room. The space was much less cluttered and cleaner overall than she would've expected a student's to be, and given the neighborhood, Jane assumed the house was shared with roommates or maybe a well-off family member. It was the fear of such an unknown person showing up, or of Maura reappearing in a nightie, that kept Jane from being able to relax enough to really take a good investigative look at her surroundings. After pacing for a while she sat down on the sofa, tense and trying not to show it, even to an empty room.
She considered texting Frost and even pulled out her phone to do so, but she had no idea what to say or ask. She took her hair out of its restrictive bun, remembering how Maura had admired it. There came a brief satisfaction in accomplishing this minor task, but her anxiety returned almost at once.
What was Maura going to expect her to do? She didn't feel at all comfortable with the idea of fooling around with someone who was inebriated, even if she'd been given the green light. Even if she did feel that would be somehow morally acceptable, she wouldn't want her first experience of anything with a woman—especially this woman—to be tainted by drunkenness.
But what if it's the only shot I get? Should I ask if I could raid the liquor cabinet for the chance to get on her level and get down? No, no, come on…
Ten minutes of tortuous waiting passed before Jane figured she ought to check in. She knocked lightly on the bedroom door.
"Miss—um, Maura? Everything okay in there?"
Complete silence. Jane strained her ears, wondering if maybe Maura was taking a shower, but she heard no running water. She let a couple more minutes pass, knocked again, and still got no response. Bracing herself for anything inappropriate she might see, Jane cracked the door open and peeked inside through squinted eyes. Maura was lying face-down on the bed, next to a charging phone and still mostly dressed.
Jane stepped inside, knocking again, but Maura still didn't stir. She tiptoed to the bed. Maura was in a tank top and the tight jeans she'd been wearing at the bachelorette party. Those couldn't be too comfortable to sleep in, but Jane wasn't about to unbutton the pants of someone who was still essentially a stranger when said pants didn't seem in danger of suffocating her. Jane gently prodded Maura's arm. Maura was breathing fine, but was unresponsive. In case she were to vomit again, though, Jane shifted Maura so that she was lying more on her side. Was there anything else she could do?
It occurred to her that Maura might wake up cold later in the night. Maura was lying on top of the covers on her perfectly-made bed, a sharp contrast from the way all of Jane's bedding wound up in a crumpled mess at the foot of the bed and/or on the floor. There was a very good chance that she could've moved Maura's body enough to at least pull the covers out from under her without disturbing her, but it seemed risky. Jane didn't like the thought of Maura waking up to see a tall figure looming over her, touching her in bed.
She remembered seeing a blanket draped over the sofa, and hurried out to get it. It wasn't as scratchy as it looked; in fact, it was quite soft. Almost by instinct, Jane brought it closer to smell it, and she could detect a hint of Maura's perfume or lotion—something fruity but not overbearing. She whisked it back to the bedroom and draped the blanket over Maura, tucking it in as delicately as possible. For the first time Maura stirred, and Jane paused with bated breath, but Maura just sighed and nuzzled in. Jane hovered, knowing it would be inappropriate to stay, but wanting desperately to help more.
Maybe she'd already done too much, but it would be an unquestionable breach to go searching for any kind of pain meds to leave out in case Maura woke up with a headache. Instead, Jane went back to the kitchen, found a glass in the drying rack, and filled it with the water. It looked a little lonely on Maura's nightstand, which was when it occurred to Jane—with a tangible jolt of excitement—to leave a note. She pulled a pad of paper from her pocket and wound up with a few drafts before settling on:
Hi, Maura—
Hope you slept well! Those mornings after can be a doozy. I really enjoyed getting to see you again, and wouldn't mind if it were to happen on purpose without the noise complaint aspect. If you're interested in meeting up again on purpose sometime, hit me up.
She scribbled her cell phone number, then signed it Officer/Non-Stripper Jane Rizzoli