A Season in Purgatory
Chapter 22
Nathan stood in the back of the kitchen, helping Haley put away food and organizing things for the morning rush. He leaned back against one of the counters and took a moment to appreciate the girl in front of him. She had pulled her hair back into a simple ponytail when she'd started wiping down the counters, and occasionally she'd stop to push back a loose strand of hair that had escaped the little bundle at the nape of her long neck. His gaze followed the graceful curve of her neck down her back to where her tight jeans rode low on her hips.
Finishing her task, she dropped the sponge and turned to find him staring at her. Nathan's face flushed, having been caught in the act of ogling her ass. Grinning, he shrugged his shoulders at her raised eyebrows. "Sorry," he sheepishly said, liking the way a slight blush worked its way across her face and shaded her delicate features.
Haley wrapped her arms protectively around her stomach, wondering what Nathan Scott was up to. He was her best friend's sworn enemy and yet he'd spent the entire night at her heels, following her like a lost, hungry puppy. While Lucas was insistent that Nathan had romantic interest in her, it was hard for Haley to comprehend that idea. She'd spent most of high school with her close group of friends, focusing on academic achievement and ignoring the silent fears that she'd not have a prom date for her senior year. It was never too early to plan, she thought.
And here was the hottest guy in school, looking at her like she was the main entrée at an all you could eat buffet. "God, this was the night from hell," she commented, basically at a loss for what to say to a guy who was just checking out the fit of her jeans.
Nathan stayed where he was, not wanting to invade her space any more than he already had. "I'd say that should kill any future Monday night dinners," he speculated, knowing that his dad had lost his fire for futile confrontation after his mother had died. In fact, Nathan had difficulty reconciling the father he knew before his mother's death with the one he presently had. For years Dan had been going through the motions but not really relishing life, but for a few moments during dinner, he had seen the old Dan Scott emerge, usually in response to Luke's baiting.
Haley peered out the order window and noticed that Dan and Karen were speaking to each other softly in the front of the Café. A strange feeling crossed her at that moment, as she took in the soft expression on Karen's face and the way she leaned into Dan when he said something to her. "I'm not so sure about that, Nate. I think Karen and Dan are going to push these dinners, regardless of how badly Lucas reacts to them," she noted, having seen that determined look on Karen's face before and knowing that it didn't bode well for her former/current best friend.
"Man, Luke was pissed, wasn't he?" Nate asked, not sure if he was missing something in his half-brother's attitude. He didn't know the guy that well, but Nathan had been on the receiving end of Lucas' anger enough to know that his brother was totally irrational.
Haley shrugged her shoulders, totally out of sync with Lucas for the first time since they were in elementary school and she'd discovered training bras. "I don't know if I blame him, Nate. Dan has treated him like dirt for his entire life and now of all a sudden he's interested in Luke's grades?" She frowned, realizing that it wasn't just Dan. It was also her hanging out with Nathan that had pushed Luke's anger over the edge.
Sighing, Nate leaned back against the counter in frustration. "Dan's trying, Haley. He did everything he could out there to avoid a fight with Luke. Dad isn't perfect, but at least he wasn't down right mean to anyone," he argued, knowing that his father wasn't the easiest human to live with, but that Luke was apparently even more difficult. It wasn't like Nate wanted to spend time with Lucas or to incorporate him into the Scott family tree. He shook his head, wondering how he got put in the middle of this situation. After all, this was between Dan and Lucas and he didn't really have much to do with it.
Haley watched as the frustration eased into Nate, causing his shoulders to draw up and his muscles tensed with each word. Gently, she reached out and touched his forearm. "It's hard for you too, isn't it? I mean, you and Lucas aren't friends, and now you are being forced into being brothers."
"It's just confusing to be told he's my brother after so many years of ignoring him," Nathan admitted, refusing to getting attached. "I guess it's just hard for me to see my dad with Lucas and Karen," he admitted, realizing that if it weren't for his mom they probably would have been a family. He glanced away from Haley's inquisitive eyes, realizing that she could read more of his thoughts than he was comfortable with. Part of Nathan wanted to throw a fit like Lucas and rebel, but the other side of him just wanted to appease his dad. "He doesn't ask for much, outside of me working my ass off on the court. I'm trying to make him happy, but I feel like…" Nathan's voice weakened and trailed off, prompting Haley to walk over next to him and gently touch his cheek. "You feel like what, Nate?" She asked delicately, realizing that he was in pain.
"I just feel like I'm going to lose my dad to Lucas," he softly said, knowing the words sounded childish and petty. "He's all I've got, Haley. I've already lost my mom and I don't have anyone else." It was Nathan's worst fear, that his dad would die or find another family to move on to. In grade school he'd worried that his dad would start dating and would get married again. As he got older, he realized that Dan needed some female companionship and he needed to start dating again. In his wildest dreams he'd never imagined that Dan would attempt to put Lucas into their family.
Haley's hand left his cheek and reached down to grasp his large hand in hers. "Nathan, what you have with your dad could never be threatened by Lucas. I know that you and Dan have your issues, but Lucas can't stand to be in the same room with him. They might eventually learn to be civil to each other, but I can't imagine Lucas ever willingly calling you and Dan family." She had witnessed enough of Karen's rants about Dan to realize that father and son never stood a chance, and now the hate that had been so meticulously cultivated was simply too strong to be quashed by 'family' dinners. It saddened her that Dan and Karen didn't attempt to reconcile years ago, when time might have lessened the emotional damage wrought on both their sons.
Nathan smiled down at her, happy that someone cared enough to listen to his feelings. He wanted to ask her out in the worst way, but the words refused to come out. Nathan knew he could trust Haley, but he feared that Lucas had poisoned her against him, and he didn't want to risk losing her friendship for a date she might not even want. He cleared his throat and forced his thoughts away from how cute she was and how nice she smelled.
"Hell, it's not like it matters. I mean, next week, Dan might change his mind and stop speaking to both Karen and Luke." Haley looked past Nathan's tall form and into the dining area of the Café where the adults stood close to one another, speaking in urgent, yet hushed tones.
"By the looks of things out there, I highly doubt Dan and Karen are going to stop talking," she assessed, wondering what the hell was going on with her adopted family.
Dan stood in the large bay window at the front of the Café and watched as traffic moved slowly along the North side of the building. Fall was ebbing into reality; bring with it a night chill that hinted at a cold winter to come. Maybe it was the impending winter that chilled his heart or perhaps the results of the disastrous dinner.
Dan had expected Lucas to be resistant to his presence in his life, but he was a little stunned that the boy was so vehement in his hatred, so openly dismissive of Dan's potential value to his life. For all his lack of involvement, Dan had never dismissed his son's presence that way. Sure he'd been MIA for his entire life, but he'd stayed in the background, watching the boy to make sure that he was safe and taken care of. If Karen had failed at being a single mother, or if she'd needed him, Dan would have intervened.
The custody issue still burned in his heart, and knowing that Karen had played a role in keeping them apart had barely assuaged his guilt. He could have gotten a lawyer and sued for visitation. He could have forced himself into their lives, and then he would have had cancelled child support checks to show Lucas that he did care and did try to be a decent parent. But he hadn't insisted on giving Karen money, just like he hadn't forced her to give him visitation. Karen said it best herself, Dan had gambled with his son's life and in the end, they'd both lost out on a relationship.
At this point, all he could do to gain some of Luke's trust was to tell him what happened with Karen and how her fear of Deb had kept father and son apart. And that news would more than likely cost Karen the trust of her son. He couldn't destroy the boy's faith in his mother even if it meant never being trusted by his own son. He wasn't sure that he could add anything to the boy's life that would make up for the collapse of his trust and confidence in his mother.
It was a quagmire he couldn't win, Dan now realized. He could force himself into Luke's life and make the boy miserable, or he could withdraw and confirm every evil feeling his oldest son had about his father.
Karen walked up behind Dan and stood there a moment, taking in his tense stature. He'd not changed much over the years, she mused, uncomfortable with how her eyes roved over the contours of his back and how she lingered on the way his dress shirt was cut to suit his broad shoulders. It was hard to look at Dan and realize that nearly 16 years had passed since they were a couple. Time had been very kind to Dan Scott, even if life had not been.
She laid a tentative hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of his reverie. "Dan, it's over, you might as well sit down and relax," she said, motioning toward the stuffed sofa. "I've got some coffee brewing." He nodded and silently followed her to the sofa, still preoccupied with the thoughts of his past sins regarding his oldest son. He watched as she gracefully set the coffee mugs on the table in front of them, laughing as she heard him sigh heavily.
"What?" he suspiciously asked, not used to the girlish laugh that floated out of her lithe body. It had been years since he'd heard her laugh, he realized, wondering how two people so close to each could have drifted so far. Karen slowly stirred her coffee, still giggling at his solemn mood. "I think I just realized where Lucas gets his broodiness from," she explained, pointing out his furled brow and his overly serious manner. Dan's frown deepened. "I do not brood." His tone was so serious that she had to smile and the smile led to small guffaws of laughter. Dan stared at her a moment, wondering if she had been nipping at vodka too, before he gave up and let a smile emerge.
"Do we really look the same when we brood?" he asked hesitantly, his voice nearly hopeful. He'd been looking for any similarity between him Luke for years…some telling sign that this child was his progeny, part of his father. The eyes were a given, as Lucas had the same deep, intense blue eyes that all Scott men possessed. But that was where outward similarities ended, Dan thought.
Karen leaned back into the back of the sofa, contemplating for a moment. "You've definitely got the same tendency to over think things. And the same intense focus, whether it's on the court or some stupid game," she revealed, noting that Dan seemed to drink up her words. "Of course he's also smarter and kinder, but he gets that from my side of the family," she noted.
The insult sunk through his thick skull and after a few seconds he elbowed her in the side in retaliation, just as he'd done years ago when they were kids fighting for the remote to the TV during their "movie nights" in his parent's house. Seconds later they were calm, back to drinking coffee as if the shoving had never occurred. They were always good at pretending things didn't exist, he realized.
Karen watched as he slipped back into serious mode. "Are you going to tell me what you are thinking?" she asked, gently touching his khaki covered knee for a moment. He stared down at her hand for a moment, amazed at the women's capacity for kindness. Taking a deep breath, he turned toward her, ready to take a chance and tell her what he was thinking.
Luke moved quickly through the marbled hallway of the old library, toward the wide staircase near the back of the main entryway. This was hallowed ground for him, a shrine to his favorite childhood writers and books. Luke had spent most of his youth in this building, avoiding kids his own age and the taunts they leveled against him on the playgrounds.
Exiting the stairwell, he made his way across the deserted fourth floor. It was too late for the casual patrons and too early in the school year to attract all but the hard core students. However, it was the perfect setting for him, as it promised solitude and privacy. He quickly made his way through the stacks of books, toward a small room tucked among the deserted offices that lined the back of the floor.
Slipping into the rare book viewing room, he stopped in his tracks seeing Brooke casually stretched out on top of the cherry conference table, idling flipping through the latest issue of Cosmo. She smiled over at him from where she reclined, resplendent in her purple tank top and white shorts, her tanned legs inviting him toward her. Dropping the magazine, she slowly sat up, dangling her long tanned legs over the edge of the table, silently welcoming him with a careless swing of bronzed skin.
Luke relaxed for the first time that night, smiling as her arms slid around his waist, pulling him into her jasmine scented body. He closed his eyes and focused on the warmth emanating from her body and the steady beat of her heart. Pulling back, Brooke smiled at him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Hi Broody."
His eyes brightened at her seductive tone. Only Brooke could make such simple words so laden with intent and desire. "I missed you," he simply replied, pulling her back down into another kiss. It had only been a few hours since they'd sat together in her car, drinking away their fears, but it felt like weeks to Lucas. His head hurt from all the scowling he'd done that night, and his chest was literally so tight it hurt to breathe. Being near Brooke seemed to make it all better.
Brooke, feeling his shoulder muscles grow taut, ran a hand over the muscles, pulling away to look at him as she did so. "How bad was it?" she inquired, smiling as his groaned and closed his eyes at her touch.
He relaxed into her massaging hands, wishing that she could rub away his psychological pain, as well. "Well, no punches were thrown and I avoided getting re-grounded," he said, opening his eyes as her hand slid down to rest on his waist. "But I wanted to hit Dan. I hate the guy," summing up a lifetime of hatred in a few bitter words.
Brooke played with his belt loop for a moment, studying him intently as she did so. "You seem sober enough." She didn't think he was more than buzzed when she dropped him off that afternoon, but she had only been around him a few times when he was drunk. She wasn't sure what little clues he might have given to those who knew him better. "Did they know you were drinking?"
Lucas' eyes narrowed. "Dan said he knew I killed a bottle of vodka. I have no idea how he knew, because my mom didn't even catch on," he explained, before his shoulders grew tense once more. "She was too busy fawning over Dan and Nathan to pay much attention to me."
Surprised at his uber bitter tone, Brooke reached up and gently touched his cheek. "They aren't worth all this energy," she noted, hating to see him so upset over his own family. God knows, she'd spent too much time hating her own family to wish that on another human being. "It's futile. The more hatred you dish out to Dan, the more like him you'll become."
He looked up sharply at her words. "What do you mean? You think I'm like Dan?" he asked, a bit shocked that she would say such a thing to him. He was nothing like that bastard.
Brooke ran a soothing hand over his face, noting the stubble that had appeared since their first morning kiss, as she tried to explain her words. "You both draw people in with your good looks, only to repel them with your distant nature. You both alienate people to avoid love: he disdains love and you fear it." She shifted uneasily on the edge of the cherry table, worrying that she'd gone too far in her assessment of the situation.
Her words burned in his mind, both hurting him and yet bearing an intrinsic truth. He did try to avoid forming relationships with people out of fear. He'd seen what love and trust had gotten his mother, and from a young age, he'd vowed never to suffer that kind of pain at the hands of another person. Over time, he'd grown more isolated from what few friends he'd let in. His world was now defined by the three people who'd had his implicit trust: Karen, Haley and Keith. And of those three, Lucas wasn't sure who he could trust anymore. His mother was now Dan's best friend, Haley had dicked him over for Nathan, and Keith was clearly hiding something relating to their car accident. But he was beginning to see Brooke as someone he could trust, someone he could put in his trusted ring.
He finally met her eyes, knowing that she feared her analysis had a crossed a line. "I hate to think I'm anything like that creep, but I do have a tendency to distance myself from people," he admitted. His life was just waiting to turn into some huge talk show of dysfunction, he realized. Brooke watched him with sad eyes, wanting to remove the pain that always seemed to lurk behind those intense blue eyes. She pulled him closer to her, nestling his lean body in between her knees. "I hope I'm the exception to the distance thing," she murmured, lowering her head to his neck and nibbling the skin she found there.
Groaning, Lucas shoved all thoughts of his miserable family out of his mind and focused on the girl in front of him. Brooke was perched precariously on the edge of a table, with only a tiny pair of shorts separating their bodies. He turned his head to offer her unfettered access to his neck and responded to her ministrations by running his hands under her silky top. She ran her hands through his short hair, tugging him closer, finally bringing their lips together. She gently explored his mouth, caressing him as if to coax the tension from his body.
Lucas responded gently to her at first, but then grew more impatient with each passing moment. His hands moved over her smooth back, growing frustrated by the layers of clothing that separated their bodies from one another. On some level, Lucas knew they were in a public building and that anyone walking buy could see them. But on the other hand, he was alone with a sexy girl and his hands wanted to feel her flesh without clothing getting in the way. Brooke sensed his indecision and leaned away from him, which automatically moved his hands from her back to the sides of her chest. Lucas twitched a moment, knowing that he was so close to running his hands over her breasts.
Reluctantly, he pulled back, reminding himself that he wasn't going to be another guy that used Brooke for her body, and that he wanted to respect her and their growing relationship. Brooke watched in disappointment as he moved to the corner of the room and tugged his clothing back in place, forcing himself to breath slower. She slipped up behind and rubbed her hands over his chest a moment, before whispering in his ear. "Soon," she promised, knowing that there was no need to clarify her intent.
He nodded, wanting nothing more than to lose the choir boy act and push her back down on that table, but he also wanted it to be right and not some tawdry event they'd both live to regret. "Come on, I'll drive you home," he murmured and reluctantly followed her out of the room, hoping he didn't regret not living for the moment. He glanced down at her as they moved through the rows of books. "I don't suppose you know anything about livers?" he asked, laughing as she looked at him in confusion.
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