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"Dean,

I know I love you, but I really don't know if you love me or if you love Lisa, I saw you two kissing, but it didn't broke my heart as much I thought it would, maybe because I knew that you were never truly mine to begin with. My brother will probably give you this letter, please try not to fight with him, but if you already did, please don't hate him.

I'm giving you a chance to have a son and grandsons, a chance to be a family man, because I know I love you, it's ok if you choose to love Lisa, I can understand why. But right now, I need some time away from you Dean, not because I'm unsure what I feel for you, but I need a time away from you so that you can choose without my interference.

I'm also ending our relationship, perhaps my brother is right, I should seek treatment for… all of it, I'm glad I met you; please take care of my apartment, one day I promise I'll come back.

We have been though much together, you and I... I'm so sorry it had to end up like this.

Castiel."

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Dean read Castiel's letter carefully as a holy page, moving his lips slowly as if he didn't hummed every word a part of Castiel would not come back to his arms.

"You promised me you wouldn't leave me, Cas"

Dean squeezed the letter against his chest and lied on the bed, tired and alone. He knew he loved Castiel, if he only could find him, if he could talk to him.

"God, am I in the right path?" Whispered Castiel with his knees on the floor, it was a rainy day outside of the chapel, the sunlight marked the floor and the empty wood benches "Please, give me a sign… Or else I'll just do what I think its right"

Castiel stood in silence, trying to hear God's voice, waiting for something to happen. But nothing happened; his prayers were answered with silence, day after day, only silence and prayers. 'Why?' thought Castiel, everyday he would read and talk with the others, to find where did he went wrong.

'When did I fall from grace?' thought Castiel again while looking at his reflection on the window 'Why?'

Another day came, Castiel opened his eyes and came out of his bed "It's been a week" Whispered him "But it feels like a year"

It was a generic place, some kind of pseudo therapy clinic, Castiel would talk with a therapist that suggested him how to deal with his homosexual feelings, but every time it felt like copping with it, or hiding it, not curing it in any way.

'God, are you there?' Thought Castiel while ignoring his therapist's voice saying something about a new way to become straight 'God?'

"Castiel?" Said his therapist "Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry" Said Castiel looking at the old man's face "I just spaced out"

"I was saying that your homosexual latent feelings comes from your daddy issues"

"What does that mean?"

"That you didn't build a male figure on your mental profile, thus leaving your brain to fill the gaps"

"I still don't get it"

"You need re-build your metal identity as a male"

"And how do I do that?"

"We have a new technique, if you really want to get rid of this feelings, I could prescribe it for you"

"Which kind of techniques are we talking about?"

"Well, to put it in a simple way, its hypnosis and brain reprogramming"

"Is that stuff, dangerous?"

"Only in the wrong hands" Said the therapist taking his glasses off, Castiel smiled nervous and nodded, not really agreeing, but he was curious about it.

'Can I become straight?' Thought him while the old man went on and on about how it would happen if Castiel wanted to go under this kind of treatment 'God, I need a sign'

"He asked what?!" Shouted Dean at Sam, who was sitting on a chair in the kitchen

"Cas asked me to stop you for a while"

"Why would he do that?" Said Dean sitting too, the apartment was a mess. It was almost two weeks Castiel was away.

"He told me he wanted to give you a chance to have a family"

"This nonsense again" Shouted Dean angry "I just want him, I don't want children, and I would probably spoil them"

"Are you sure about all that, Dean?"

"Of course I am, Sammy!"

"Look, I am just saying that, if Cas thinks you didn't think it though, you should listen to him"

"Did you lose your mind, Sammy?"

"No, Dean, listen to me!"

"No, Sammy, I'm out" Said Dean storming out Castiel's apartment

"Where are you going Dean?"

"Find Cas, and I won't coming back until I find him"

"Dean" Shouted Sam on the hallway, but Dean was gone by now 'Jerk' Thought Sam while closing the apartment's door.

"Castiel, can you tell me how do you feel this morning?" Said the therapist with a note pad in his hand, he was on a big fussy chair that made him look small

"I feel fine, thank you" Replied Castiel in a monotone voice

"What about your behavioral deviations?" Asked the therapist while taking some notes

"I no longer feel any of them" Said Castiel looking at the window and smiling "I'm Clean"

"I'm glad you went over our hypnosis therapy" Said the therapist smiling "You are ready to leave us"

"Then I should go to my room and pack my things" Said Castiel nodding and leaving the room, while Castiel crossed the garden a hand grabbed him by his shoulder

"Cas?!" Said Dean surprised "It's you!" Continued him embracing Castiel "I found you!"

"Dean?!" Said Castiel surprised "What are you doing here?"

"I came to rescue you" Said Dean holding Castiel's hands and kissing it lightly, Castiel pulled his hand away surprised, taking some distance

"What are you doing?!" Said Castiel with his eyes wide in surprise, twisting his mouth disgusted "What is wrong with you?"

"Cas?" Asked Dean shocked, he was heartbroken 'Cas? What happened with you?' "Cas, what they've done to you?"

"They made me clean" Said Castiel smiling, he sounded strange, brainwashed was the right word for it "I'm normal"

"You were normal!" Shouted Dean holding Castiel's shoulders "What is going on?"

"Dean" Said Castiel pulling Dean away "I'm clean"

"Cas?!"

"Please leave me, Dean"

"I can't, Cas" Said Dean getting closer "I need you, I won't leave here without you"

Castiel smiled softly and turned his back "I'm leaving here and returning to my apartment, you are welcome to be my roommate… But there won't be anything between us, beside friendship, Dean"

"Cas, but I love you!" Castiel just walked away without looking at Dean

"I'm sorry, Dean" He whispered "I'm clean"