Chapter 3. I Feel Unready For My Love

Emma woke up feeling worse for wear. She groaned as she rubbed the lump on her head from her fall the previous day. She sat up in bed, instantly regretting the decision, her stomach was turning and it was all she could do to grab the chamber pot before releasing all its contents. She felt like her whole body was fighting against her. Setting the pot down she rolled onto her side pulling her blankets tight over her as she curled into the foetal position closing her eyes tightly to try and fight away all the pain and discomfort.

There was a knock on the door and Ruby entered.

"Good Morning Miss Nolan"

Emma let out a small moan as Ruby started opening the curtains and laying out a dress for Emma to wear.

"I'll take that to mean you're not a morning person…" she stopped when she came to the bed and spotted the chamber pot.

"Are you ok, Milady?"

"I feel awful" Emma groaned.

Ruby looked at her with concern, "Perhaps I should let Dr Whale know…"

Emma made some sort of moan that Ruby couldn't quite make out. She curtsied and rushed to go alert the doctor.

Killian walked into the council room again, he'd called everyone together for an important announcement. The atmosphere was anxious, confusion rife among them; they couldn't imagine what could have happened in 24 hours that would require them all to be here again. Once everyone was seated Killian stood, opening his mouth to begin;

"I realise you're all wondering why you are back here so soon, well I have an announcement. After our meeting yesterday I have decided to follow your advice and choose a Queen."

"Great!" Granny exclaimed, "Would you like us to start finding possible matches?"

"No need!" Killian held his hand up, "I have already picked her!"

The room fell into stunned silence. Eventually King Arthur spoke up.

"Where in god's name did you find a Queen in 24 hours?"

Killian scratched behind his ear.

"She is an orphan, travelling through the realms with a companion trying to find a new life, the companion was unfortunately killed and she was left alone. She has no prospects, no future, and no interest in falling in love; the arrangement benefits us both, which was what I wanted."

"Can you trust her?" One of Arthur's Knight's Sir Lancelot asked suspiciously.

"I believe I can" Killian replied, "She has agreed to an arrangement where she waved her right to any sort of power over matters of the kingdom."

Granny looked at him sympathetically, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Killian smiled fondly at the old woman, "yes, I'm quite sure."

"In that case, when would you like to go over your wedding plans?" She asked excitedly. Granny had been his mother's best friend and always looked out for him and Liam after her passing, overseeing the day to day of castle life.

"Emma and I can meet with you tomorrow." He offered.

"Where is Robin?" Graham, one of the castle huntsmen asked. Everyone knew that Robin was a voice of reason for Killian and frankly wondered what he had to say about his friend's rash decision.

"He is tracking the thief who stole the middlemist crown; it would be a shame for my bride not to wear it on our wedding day!"

He looked around the room, "Well if that's all, we will have a ball to celebrate our engagement next weekend, I will present Miss Nolan officially to the kingdom."

With that he excused himself, as he started to walk towards the library he bumped into Dr Whale.

"Ah, Dr Whale, how is Miss Nolan?"

The doctor's eyebrows furrowed, "actually not as well as I would hope…she awoke this morning with sickness and has barely touched any food since, it can sometimes be a side effect of a concussion but it didn't seem serious enough to warrant this kind of reaction. I'm keeping an eye on it, and I've given her medicine to combat the nausea, hopefully in a couple days she will return to normal."

Concern spread over Killian's face, "should I be worried?"

"No, I don't believe so; it's probably just her body's way of reacting to the shock of the fall and being falsely imprisoned. "

Killian frowned, she hadn't seemed traumatised, he got the impression Emma could handle herself in almost any situation; she certainly wasn't some delicate fragile being.

"Dr Whale, I should let you know that Miss Nolan is my fiancé and the future Queen consort; her welfare is of the utmost importance to me; please ensure she gets the best care possible."

"Of course, your highness!"

Emma lifted her head up slightly when she heard her bedroom door open, she was fast realising that being royalty meant that you didn't get much privacy; thankfully it was just Ruby again, bringing her lunch this time. She set down a tray with broth and a bread roll.

"Prince Killian has had this sent to your room, he instructed me to tell you he will join you shortly." She curtsied and left the room.

"Great" Emma thought, "He may change his mind about marrying me when he sees the state I'm in!"

She tried to smooth down her hair and brush it through with her fingers; she hadn't left the bed that morning and was still in her nightdress. She wasn't really sure what etiquette was for entertaining princes while you're bedridden. She supposed her current state would have to do. She didn't have long to think about it before she heard a light knocking at her door.

"Come in!" She called out

Killian smiled at her as he entered the room, she could tell the smile was forced though; worry lines decorated his forehead. Was he concerned for her?

"How are you feeling?" He pulled up a chair next to her bed, reached over for the mug of broth and sat beside her, handing it to her.

She gave the soup a dirty look but took it nonetheless.

"I feel like my whole body is screaming at me. I don't get it, I've had bumps and bruises before, even stabs wounds and the odd broken bone, I've never been this sick because of it."

One side of his mouth lifted up in a smirk, "you're some lass; I'll give you that!"

She took a sip scrunching up her nose.

"You don't like it?"

"I just really don't have an appetite!"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of cards.

"Well why don't we do something to take your mind off you're ailments."

"What are we playing for?"

"Information"

She raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"When I win a hand you tell me something about yourself, when you win a hand I tell you something about myself." He explained.

She smiled, "Game on!"

"Ok, ok, Swan, it's been 2 hours now and all I know about you is that your favourite food is strawberries and that you're bloody brilliant at cards!"

Emma chuckled, "Whereas I know that you got that scar on your cheek falling off a horse, you detest mushrooms, your least favourite lesson was history, you've won medals for your sword fighting, you can play the lyre, and you're quite the accomplished artist" she shrugged her shoulders, "oh and I let you win that one hand because I was really craving strawberries and I knew you'd have some sent up".

Killian looked at the empty bowl beside her. "Well I'll be damned…" he shook his head in disbelief. "Congratulations Swan, you bested me!"

She giggled, "Don't feel bad, you aren't the first and I'm sure you won't be the last."

Something in her words made his expression change momentarily, just a fleeting look of uncertainty, gone in an instant and replaced with a mock pout as he folded his arms over his chest. "It's hardly fair that you know so much about me when I know so little about you, bad form Emma!" He shook his finger at her.

She eyed him carefully, trying her best to read him, she knew he was trying to get her to spill something but she still didn't trust him. Yet she wondered if befriending him could really be that bad? God knows she could use a friend right now!

"Ok your highness! Order up another bowl of strawberries and I'll tell you two things about me…I'm feeling in a benevolent mood."

He raised his eyebrow flirtatiously, "How very generous of you, milady!"

Once the strawberries arrived she devoured them within seconds, Killian smiled, relieved to see her finally eating and amused by her lack of manners. "You weren't kidding about them being your favourite, huh?"

She narrowed her eyes at him making him raise his hands in defence, "I'm not judging, just observing! Now come on Emma, I kept up my end of the deal!"

"Ok, ok!" she laughed, then looked up trying to think of two things to tell him, "Hmmm, alright, I have always wanted to ride a horse…"

"You've never ridden a horse?!"

She shook her head, feeling a little embarrassed about how surprised he was at this revelation.

"Interesting…" he mused, "ok, what's the other thing?"

"I've never been to a ball before…I have no idea how to dance."

He smiled sympathetically, "well don't worry about that, love, there is a ball next weekend celebrating our engagement and introducing you to the court."

Emma's eyes widened in panic.

"Emma…" he laid his hand on her arm sending shock waves through her body that both thrilled and terrified her, she saw the way his eyes flickered, and he felt it too! He shook his head as if dismissing the notion and said "it's ok, I'll teach you before then; all you need to know is…pick a partner who knows what he's doing!"

She smiled back, his hand remained resting on her arm and she silently prayed to every deity she could think of that he wouldn't move it, because the warmth of his touch was the most comforting thing she had felt for as long as she could remember. Her prayers were ignored as someone knocked at the door, stirring them from their moment, Killian instinctively drew his hand back, and the feeling of loss was profound for both of them.

"Enter!" Killian instructed.

Dr Whale entered the room.

"Excuse me your highness; I'm just here to check in on Miss Nolan."

"Of course, I actually have some business I should attend to." He reached over and kissed Emma on the forehead, her heart quickened, her senses were in overload breathing in his scent, feeling the softness of his lips on her skin immediately contrasting the roughness of his stubble, looking into his eyes as he smiled at her and then hearing his soft words, "I'll be back to see you for dinner. Get some rest my love."

"Breathe Emma, just breathe, it's only an act for Dr Whale's benefit. Stop thinking about his lips, about his touch, about how 'my love' slipped off his tongue so effortlessly; about those eyes…Stop it!"

After the Prince left the Dr started doing his checks on Emma.

"Have you eaten at all today?" he asked.

"All I can eat are strawberries, ridiculous amounts of strawberries!"

The rest of the week went on much the same; Killian would visit Emma each day, they would play cards, dice, and his personal favourite, chess (mostly because it was the only game he seemed to be able to beat her at!) They were fast becoming friends and gradually castle life didn't seem so bad to Emma. Her ankle healed well, Dr Whale was happy with its progress, though the sickness hadn't subsided. Killian and Emma had met with Granny to arrange details for their wedding, Emma allowed Killian to do most of the talking, after all he knew more about royal weddings, and she was just there to fill a role. She did have complete say in her dress; Granny insisted it be a secret to Killian until the day of the wedding. She had had countless fittings and was finally happy with it. The old woman watched the couple from a far with a knowing smile on her face. For two people marrying solely as a business transaction they seemed to get along better than most couples! They would laugh together, share inside jokes, exchange knowing glances across the room, for the first time in a long time Killian seemed happy.

The night of the ball arrived and Ruby was pinning up Emma's hair. Granny had a beautiful red gown sent to Emma's room; knowing red was Killian's favourite colour. It also went rather well with the suit she had picked for him to wear that evening. Emma stared at her reflection. She couldn't believe who she saw staring back, it wasn't her, it was a princess and what surprised her most was that she didn't hate it. "If only my crew could see me now" The thought made her smile.

Ruby led her to the ballroom, two large mahogany doors with carved swans and gold leaf details stood before her, Emma brushed her fingers against the details tracing the outline of the swans before it began to creek open as two squires opened the doors from the other side revealing a warmly lit hall running to the top of some stairs. She took a deep breath and slowly, as gracefully as she could she walked down the hall, glancing at the swan tapestries on either side of her, illuminated by candlelight. She could hear the upbeat music dancing through the air and excited voices chattering like crickets chirping into the night. When she entered the ballroom a little man beside her announced, "Introducing Lady Emma Nolan of the Enchanted Forest" The room fell silent; everyone staring at her; Emma could feel the colour rush to her cheeks, their gazes burning into her. Killian was at the bottom of the stairs and when he turned to look at her his jaw hit the floor. The look in his eyes made butterflies take flight in her stomach, it was a look of complete awe and she would be lying to herself if she said she didn't like it! She slowly began to walk down the stairs not breaking eye contact with him.

The moment Killian turned around and saw her he was stunned by her beauty. Was that really the pirate he propositioned in the castle cells just a week ago? He'd noticed she was attractive from the moment he laid eyes on her, you'd have to be blind not to notice she was beautiful, but he wasn't prepared for this, she was glowing, resplendent, a pure vision! His eyes greedily drank in every inch of her, every curve, every shadow; the way the light flickered on her pale skin was intoxicating! Feeling slightly weak at the knees he swallowed a lump down his throat; this woman was going to be his wife! He wondered how this moment would feel if he had his heart, he doubted he'd be able to remain composed! She walked towards him, smiling. When she reached him he said, "Swan, you look…"

"I know" she cut him off mischievously then leaned into his ear and whispered, "And you really shouldn't call me Swan, I'm Emma Nolan, remember!"

Realising his mistake jolted him from his dream state, he immediately recovered by chuckling and saying softly, "Just an endearing term my darling, your grace and beauty couldn't help but remind me of a majestic swan." He winked at her, and she smiled back.

"I like the moniker"

"Then you shall forever be my Swan!"

He led her onto the dance floor, the music started up again and taking one of her hands in his and laying his other hang firmly on her waist, his thumb gently caressing her side, they danced together, just like he had taught her that week. The other guests looked on in amazement at how in tune the couple were, it was easy to believe that they were a young couple in love the way their eyes never left each other, lips continually turned up into a smile and both their cheeks the slightest tinge of pink. Once the music stopped he offered her his arm and led her off the dance floor but kept her by his side. He knew she wasn't completely back to perfect health and he didn't want her to over exert herself dancing. He introduced her to countless people, she couldn't possibly remember all their names, and she hoped she didn't have to. It dawned on her that she was still clueless when it came to what her role would be in the castle. He had mentioned something about day to day running of it and organizing events…whatever that meant.

By the time 10pm arrived he could tell she was exhausted. He politely excused himself so he could walk her to her room. She held tightly onto his arm until they reached her door, she let go and looked up at him with a tired smile.

"Well I hope I didn't embarrass you. What do you think; could I pass for a Princess?"

"You almost had me fooled! Are you sure you weren't a Princess in a past life?" He was staring intently at her, eyes twinkling.

She bit her lip and smiled "Is he flirting? Am I flirting?"

"Not that I know of…" her eyes focused on his lips, she wanted him to kiss her, wanted to feel his lips against hers, taste the wine he'd been drinking all evening on his tongue. The notion caught her off guard, she wasn't supposed to want this, she wasn't supposed to feel anything towards him, and she certainly wasn't supposed to crave him.

"Ah, well Emma, thank you…for being everything a princess should be."

He took her hands in his, fighting the urge to kiss her, and lifted them to his lips and kissing them gently instead.

"Ruby should be here any moment to help you get ready for bed, rest well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Killian"

"Goodnight Swan"

Emma woke again with sickness; it was only 5 days before their wedding "What the hell is wrong with me?" she asked herself. She had never been sick like this before and there seemed to be no explanation for it since her head and ankle were completely healed weeks ago.

Moments later Dr Whale came in for his routine check-up.

"How are we feeling this morning, Miss Nolan?"

"Sick again!" she said exasperatingly.

Dr Whale eyed her carefully.

"Miss Nolan, the Prince has been visiting you pretty frequently…"

"Yes…I'm not sure I'm following…"

"Please forgive me, but you have no appetite, you are sick daily for no apparent reason, you have food cravings, you feel more tired than usual?"

"Yes, all those things."

"Miss Nolan, I think you're pregnant!"

"Pregnant? No…no it's not possible, Killian and I haven't even kissed let alone…oh god…Baelfire…I'm pregnant with Baelfire's child!"

"I…but…pregnant? Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure, it is the only reason I can think of for you experiencing those symptoms"

"This can't be happening" she said, more to herself than to him.

"Don't worry, milady, you're marrying the Prince in a matter of days, people will just assume that the baby was conceived on the wedding night, and there won't be any scandal. I certainly won't tell anyone."

Emma looked up at him pleadingly, "and the Prince?"

"Miss Nolan, I can't keep this from him…I'm under strict orders to report any change in your health to him and you have to agree this is a substantial change! I don't think he'll be angry, he had to have known there was a chance of this happening when you two…"

"Please!" Emma stopped him. "You're right, it's happy news, so please let me be the one to tell him?"

"If you wish, and congratulations!"

With that the Dr left Emma alone with her thoughts, fast becoming a silent panic attack. How the hell was she going to tell her fiancé 5 days before their wedding that she was pregnant with her ex's child?