"Cas, I'm sorry" Said Dean knocking on the bedroom's door

"Dean, leave me please!" Shouted Castiel without opening the door

"Cas, please talk to me" Castiel stood in silence, but Dean wouldn't give up on him and knew it "I'm sorry I kissed you, it won't happen again"

"Why do you keep testing me, Dean?"

"Because I love you"

"You don't love me, Dean… Please stop saying that you do, I'm clean"

"I can't stop saying I love you… Not after all we've been though"

"That was a mistake, Dean" Said Castiel opening the door "The Castiel you knew is gone!"

"It wasn't a mistake" Said Dean holding the door open "It was the best thing that ever happened to me"

Castiel smiled again, but emptiness were on his eyes, not warmth "I'm glad I meant something to you, Dean"

"You mean, Cas, you mean to me much more that you know!" Shouted Dean holding Castiel's arms, Castiel smiled for one second, like before, it was a miracle, but something happened to him that forced him to pull Dean away and close the door.

"Dean, Leave me… Please"

"Cas, don't you realize that they brainwashed you, let me help" Said Dean knocking on the door again

"No, Dean… I'm clean, I'm normal… I am clean" Repeated Castiel in pauses, ignoring Dean

"Cas?" Asked Dean knocking on the door, But Castiel now was in silence, Dean turned his back and rested it on the door, sitting, he decided to wait 'Cas, We can turn this around'

"Dean?" Asked Castiel opening the door, Dean smiled. He was sleeping like a baby. Castiel stood there and watched him sleep, he thought about what happened to him, the millions of times he repeated to himself he was clean, that he was normal, how painful was to be clean now that he didn't need to be.

Castiel never talked with Dean about that day when Lisa and Dean kissed, he used to walk away every time Dean started to talk about it.

"Cas… I love you" Mumbled Dean on the floor; he looked like a child 'Was he waiting for me?' Thought Castiel smiling 'We cannot be, Dean… It's wrong'

Castiel brought a blanket and a pillow, he rested Dean's head on the pillow and covered him, Dean smiled again, the floor wasn't that cold, but that night was cold-ish.

"Cas…" Dean mumbled again in his sleep, Castiel smiled, his heart was burning like fire.

"I'm clean" Whispered Castiel to himself, it helped him to focus, it gave him relieve somehow "I'm doing this for you, Dean…" Whispered Castiel caressing Dean's hair, he wanted to kiss Dean, but he felt repulsed only by thinking about it.

Castiel walked toward the kitchen to get a cup of water 'God… Am I clean, now?' Thought him while drinking a glass of water.

"Cas" Asked Dean drowse with the blanket on his shoulders, walking into the kitchen "Thank you"

"Dean, hun…" Stammered Castiel embarrassed "You are welcome"

"Cas, we need to talk about that day…" Said Dean, his face in an ashamed expression "When Lisa and I kissed"

"Dean, you don't have to say anything"

"I do, Cas" Said Dean sitting on a chair "You deserve to know, at least that" Continued Dean looking at the floor, he was partially ashamed, because he liked and partially guilty, because he would keep it as a secret. He was there now confessing and hoping that it would bring Castiel back to him. "She kissed me… I won't lie to you, Cas… I like it, pretty much. I felt like I was young again, but something was missing, you… You were missing"

Castiel smiled with a tear coming down on his cheek "It's doesn't matter anymore, Dean, I want you to be with Lisa… It will be good to you."

"No, it won't be, Cas!" Shouted Dean punching the counter "Anyone, but you won't be good to me, Cas!"

"Dean, I…" Said Castiel, but he stopped, his words got stuck in his mouth… "I'm clean" Castiel heard himself say it, his expression was calm, but he was not there.

"Cas?" Asked Dean worried, he noticed Castiel's suddenly change "Are you all right?"

"Dean… I… Need… Help" Said Castiel struggling, something was definitely wrong with him, Castiel just closed his eyes and fell on the ground; Dean took him in his arms and placed him on the bed

"Cas, please… speak to me!" Whispered Dean with his face on Castiel's chin "Please, don't leave me"

"How is he?" Asked Sam walking into the waiting room, it was late of night at the hospital

"Still unconscious" Said Dean walking in circles on the room

"Did the doctors say what is going on?"

"They said he had a nervous breakdown… It happens when someone is under a lot of stress"

Sam padded Dean's shoulder in sympathy; Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply "It's my fault"

"Don't blame yourself, Dean" Said Sam embracing Dean "Cas is strong, he will be fine"

"No, Sammy… I tried to break his trance all by myself, and I broke him"

"Where is my brother?" Asked Michael walking into the room worried "What have you done to him?!"

"You!" Shouted Dean grabbing Michael by his collar "That's your fault, you've done this to Castiel"

"Dean!" Shouted Sam trying to break them apart, but Dean gripped tight on Michael's collar

"You crazy, you aren't even his family" Said Michael trying to escape Dean's grip

"I'm more his family than you!" Shouted Dean letting him go "I would never let some crazy Doctor mess with my brother's head"

Michael stood in silence, he was ashamed. Dean turned his back and sat on a chair while Michael talked with the doctors. It was the beginning of a big, long and painful day.

Rachel was crying on Sam's shoulder, she just arrived at hospital, Michael was sitting by her side and Dean was on Sam's side of the bench.

"I'm sorry" Said Michael to Dean without looking at his eyes "I thought I was doing what was right for Cas"

"And look what you've done!" Mumbled Dean angrily, Sam looked at Dean with a disapproving face

"Dean" He said holding Rachel that was now sleeping soundly on his arms "Be nice"

"How can I?" Said Dean standing up and turning his back on Michael "All that matters is Cas now"

"You are right" Said Michael standing up and resting his hand on Dean's shoulder "I'm sorry, Dean… I mean it"

"You should 'say sorry' to your brother, not to me" Said Dean without looking at Michael, because he knew he would be angry, now he realized what Cas meant by "It's hard to forgive and look at these eyes" it was hard to forgive Michael, he took Cas away from him.

"I will, Dean… But I caused you pain, too" Continued Michael smiling sadly, Dean looked at his face with his lips trembling with angry and sadness, he was angry at Michael, but sad because Cas wasn't in his right mind "I love my brother, I never meant him any warm"

"Well" Said Dean sitting again after taking Michael's hand off his shoulder "Good job"

"Dean!" Exclaimed Sam with the same 'be nice' expression

"No, it's ok… Sam" Said Michael sitting again "I screw up, but now I understand"

"Do you?" Asked Dean suspicious

"Yeah, Cas was fine…" Continued Michael with his hands on his face "Until I tried to change him… For 'Better'"

Dean nodded in silence, he wasn't angry anymore, it took a while, but it seemed that Michael finally got real 'Thank you, old man' thought Dean.