A/N: Hey everybody! I hope you're all having a great Labor Day weekend. I'm glad I finally have a little time to myself to update this story :)

Thanks so much for your continued feedback, you guys are what keep me going. I hope you like this next installment, and I'll have a little bit more info for you down at the bottom.

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"How about this one?"

"You want me to wear yellow?"

"Yeah, why not? You can pull off anything."

"I'll look like the sun."

"Donna."

"Lesser pregnant women will start orbiting me."

CJ laughs, putting the blouse back on the rack. "You're barely showing."

"Not for long."

"What about white?"

"So that I can look like the moon?"

"Donna."

"Okay." Donna allows, taking the shirt. "I'll try it on."

"Thank you."

Donna continues down the aisle in the boutique, still slightly put-off that they're the only people in the store. CJ's secret service detail had decided this was the safest way for CJ to shop. The shopping trip had only been a throw away suggestion, because Donna is in desperate need of some professional maternity clothes, but CJ had been gung-ho for it. Perhaps it evoked the nostalgia of the days they could jet off to go shopping during lunch for an event they had that night, not because they truly had nothing to wear but because they needed some girl time. They'd get frozen yogurt, they'd shop, and they'd talk. About clothes, about men, about work, about nothing.

Things have changed, but maybe they can still have that escape, even if only for an hour.

"Dresses?" CJ suggests.

"That would be good."

"Got it." CJ works her way over to a rack of maternity dresses. As she absently rifles through them, she surreptitiously watches Donna over the top of the rack. Her friend had greeted her with her normal cheerful enthusiasm, but something is clearly off about her. CJ surmises it has something to do with the pregnancy, today's supposed topic of conversation, but they have yet to hit the heavy talks yet. It's all been superficial so far, and while CJ usually loves making stupid jokes about fashion and pop culture with Donna (she loves making stupid jokes about anything with Donna), the suspense is killing her.

"What do you think?" Donna holds up a dress.

"I like it... Ooh, it comes in red. Try it in red, you're a bombshell in red."

Donna looks back at the rack and her smile fades, a nostalgic and weary look taking over her face. She thinks of one night in a red dress, of feeling small and demeaned.

"You look great in that dress. You should buy it for yourself."

She hates that he was once able to do that to her. How he could make her forgive him for any evil with that smile, and that way he looked at her. Not anymore, she reminds herself.

CJ notices the far away look in her eyes. "Donna?" She says softly.

Donna shakes her head, snapping back to the present. She plasters on a smile. "Sorry. Totally zoned out there. You wouldn't believe how much pregnancy brain I've had already."

"Donna, are you ready to talk about this?" CJ finally broaches the subject. Donna's smile falters.

She bites her lip, looking away evasively. She really does want to tell CJ everything. She's never needed her sound advice more than she does in this moment. She just doesn't know where to start.

She sighs. She might as well just get into it. She's floundering, and maybe CJ can help her make some sense of this mess. In truth, Donna has been yearning to tell anyone about her situation, but she's glad CJ is her first. It seems fitting.

"Yeah. Okay. What do you want to know?"

CJ seems surprised that the decision has been handed back to her. She tilts her head, considering. "You're going to hate me."

Donna smiles slightly. "No I'm not."

"I know this is everyone's first thought, and I really wish it wasn't mine. You must be sick of the questions, and-"

"CJ. Just ask me." If it's the question she suspects, then maybe it is the best way to get into things. There's certainly no way around it, if she's to tell the story with any sort of truth.

CJ looks down guiltily. "Okay. I'm dying to know who the father is. But, you really don't have to tell me, I understand-"

Donna interrupts her, "You mean to tell me you haven't noticed that my baby has been obsessing about polling data and creating press disasters for you to deal with since we walked in?"

CJ gapes at her. Donna can't help a slight smirk as her friend struggles to form a response. "Are you... Are you saying..."

"That I'm carrying Josh's child? Yes."

CJ covers her mouth with one hand and reaches out to grip Donna's arm with the other, her eyes going huge. When she finally lowers her hand, she says "Oh my god!" so loudly that even the stone-faced secret service agents look around curiously.

"CJ, shh!" Donna chokes back a laugh. Suddenly, absurdly, the whole thing is a little bit funny to her. "Don't tell me you're surprised."

"Surprised? I'm, I'm floored!" CJ spits. She smiles slightly too. "And at the same time it makes perfect sense. How is that possible?"

"That's me and Josh for you."

"But you're not...?" CJ's smile fades as she puts the pieces together.

"No." Donna looks away again. "Um, no. We're not together."

"Yeah." CJ says sadly. That, she's sure they couldn't have hid from her. They would've been too damn happy. As she processes the information, she's overcome with curiosity. "Were you together? Did this happen while you still worked for him? If it did, I'm pissed but I'm not really pissed, just 'former press secretary' pissed, but I am pissed that you didn't tell me. Is that why you left? Did it end because you were-"

"CJ." Donna cuts her off gently. "This kind of conversation requires some food, and a place to sit."

"Oh." CJ reins herself in. "Okay. You're right. Where should we go?"

"I'm dying for a cup of coffee, but..." She rests one hand on her stomach. "I'll settle for some frozen yogurt."

"I could go for that."

"And then I'll tell you everything, okay? I promise."

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"And then he proposed?" CJ clarifies intently, a spoonful of very berry bliss suspended halfway to her mouth.

"Yupp." Donna confirms around a mouthful of dark chocolate. The shock of this gesture has worn off for her. "Crazy, right?"

"Oh, Josh." CJ says softly, shaking her head. "Poor guy."

"Poor guy?" Donna repeats incredulously. "Whose side are you on?"

"God, both of yours. I didn't know it was a 'choosing sides' kind of thing, I'm sorry."

Donna offers a begrudging smile. "No, it's okay. It's not."

"I mean, I know it was stupid, and it must have looked crazy inconsiderate to you, but... I just know it came from a good place. I know that idiot boy is out on that quixotic campaign, not sleeping, burying himself in work because he's nursing serious heartbreak, and I feel bad for him."

"CJ." Donna says disbelievingly. "You can't be serious."

"I am! I love you, Donna, but I love him too."

"No, not about the feeling bad for him part, the other stuff. You can't seriously think he really wanted to marry me, can you?"

"Oh, Donnatella." CJ drops her spoon into her yogurt cup. The noise is decidedly loud in the empty shop, which had also been cleared by CJ's secret service. At least they don't have to worry about eavesdroppers. "I can't believe you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"He's wanted to marry you for... God, for years."

Donna scrutinizes her friend. "How do you know?"

"Because I just know. You're the most permanent thing in his life, Donna. The person he could never bear to part ways with. If you asked him at any time in the past nine years where he saw himself down the road, I'm sure you'd be the only thing he could actually visualize having a place in his future. You're it for him. He needs you."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because I hate that. I'm not some antidote for him, okay? I don't make everything better. I'm not his other half, I'm not what keeps him together. I don't care how many people think that, I'm not. I'm not some fixture in Josh's life, because that's not fair to me. I've got my own life, okay? I'm not his for the taking."

"Donna." CJ says sympathetically. "Don't you think I know that?"

"I thought you did!" Donna says frustratedly. "You're the one that told me I needed to get away from him, to be my own person, and suddenly..."

"I remember." CJ acknowledges. "But this is different. Things have changed."

"Why do people keep saying that to me? Yeah, some things have changed. Not the whole damn world. I'm having a baby, not dying." Donna grumbles.

CJ's eyes sparkle in amusement, and she picks her spoon back up to finish eating her nearly melted yogurt. "I know, hon."

Donna irritably picks at what's left in her cup, which amounts to a few sprinkles and a mangled gummy worm. Eventually, she says, "He... He says he loves me."

CJ snorts. "That generally comes with the marriage territory, yeah." Donna sobers her with a look. "You don't believe him?"

"No. I don't know. It's just... He only loves me now. Now that I'm pregnant. It's been years, and... Why should I believe him?"

"He does love you, Donna."

"CJ..."

"Of course he loves you. I mean, it's obvious. To me, to everyone else in the West Wing, hell, from what you said, Amy Gardner knows... Why can't you see it?"

"CJ, a few years ago you were telling me to leave him. To cleanse my life of all things Josh Lyman. You told me to have one night stands with reporters, to quit my job..." She trails off. "Wasn't that your way of telling me that it was hopeless? You knew I was in love with him. You practically said so. What was that if not your way of telling me that he didn't love me back?"

CJ watches her sadly, a trace of guilt in her eyes. "Donna... That's not what that was."

"Then what was it?" She challenges.

"It wasn't about him. It was about you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you gave your whole life to him. And sure, you guys loved each other, but when were you going to get your heads out of your asses and realize that? Definitely not while you were working under him, I'll tell you that." She pushes the rest of her yogurt toward Donna, because she can tell she's still hungry. "You needed to be your own person. You two needed to get away from each other. You were making yourselves sick with your own little world, your codependency... You had to get out of that for either of you to wake the fuck up and see what was going on. And if you found some independence along the way? Something outside of Josh, outside the White House? That would've been good, too."

Donna pulls CJ's yogurt toward her, feeling somewhat taken aback. For the past two years, that conversation had shaped not only the way she saw her relationship with Josh, but the life-changing decisions she'd made. Now, CJ's telling her she's been working off a misinterpretation this entire time. "So what changed?"

"Well, first, you did it, you know? Look at you. Completely independent of him. New job, new life... You're killing it, by the way. You're doing amazing."

Donna feels her eyes watering. To hear from CJ, her professional role model, that she's doing well, means more to her than she could ever say. "Thank you."

CJ tenderly touches her hand. "Of course. I always knew you had it in you."

Donna wipes at her eyes, embarrassed. She hopes CJ assumes it's the hormones. "Thanks."

"But listen. I was regretting that conversation even before you left. You want to know why?"

"Why?" Donna says distractedly, still trying to compose herself.

"Because... Well, you didn't see him, Donna."

"See him what?"

"After Gaza." She says gently. "After you got hurt... Donna, I watched his entire world collapse."

"CJ." Donna says disbelievingly.

"It's true! You think you've seen Josh fall apart, but you haven't. Until you've seen him screaming in the outer office about how we need to carpet bomb the Middle East, you just haven't."

Donna hesitates. "He... He did that?"

"God, Donna, he was in his office for six hours on the phone with anyone he could think of, just begging for information on you. When he found out where you were, it was maybe an hour before he was on a plane. He ran out of the building."

"You're exaggerating."

"I'm not! As soon as he had the go ahead from Leo, he ran. Hell, maybe you were too drugged up to remember this, but he didn't even pack a suitcase."

"I remember." Donna says softly. For the first time in months, she lets the soft hazy images of Germany float back to her. She can feel Josh's constant presence beside her, unkempt and worried and tender. She can feel his weight on the bed beside her, can hear his cracked, dry voice and his slow breath as he finally succumbed to sleep on the fourth night, after she cajoled him into lying down beside her. "I... I remember."

"I've always wondered what happened in Germany. You two came back different."

"He was there before my mom." Donna recalls. "He was there before Colin, and he was there before my mom."

"Gotta love a guy who beats your mom to your bedside." CJ agrees. "I remember him talking about Colin, when he got back. I think he said something along the lines of 'my assistant is the only person on earth who can spend a week in a foreign country, not knowing the language or customs, and still find an absurdly attractive hookup,'" she pauses to smile, "But you know what? He was too happy to care. He was jealous, but he was so happy you were alive, he didn't care."

Donna is still lost in her reverie. "My mom had to buy him clothes, because he wouldn't leave my room."

CJ listens to her voice, loaded with emotion, and nods simply. "Wow."

"He didn't eat. He didn't sleep, not until I had him lie down next to me. He stayed there for two days." Donna smiles softly. "He... He didn't leave my side."

CJ chances a smile. "Donna. You're saying it yourself. You know what all that means, right? You'd have to be blind not to see it."

Donna's expression clears. "But he didn't do anything. I thought for sure he would. I thought things had changed, forever, you know? But then we came back and it was the same. He was more distant, if anything."

"He was scared!" CJ says defensively. "Donna, you almost died and it scared him shitless. You think he was going to risk losing you by telling you how he feels? Hell, all of us were walking on eggshells with you when you came back. He wouldn't have wanted to put you through that."

Donna sighs. "I don't know, CJ." Just then, her phone starts to vibrate. Seeing that it's Josh, her heart jumps into her throat. She can't possibly talk to him right now, not when she's so raw and confused. She sends him to voicemail.

"Well, I do. The guy loves you."

"Please."

"Leo and I were talking about this just last week."

That gets her attention. She certainly never expected Leo to be making observations on her love life. "What?"

"Well, not exactly this. But we were talking about how Josh left the White House for you."

"He what?"

"I hadn't put all the pieces together, but Leo filled me in on the rest of the story. Josh got offers from both major campaigns, and he turned them down. Leo told him to pick a guy, and he said no, he was seeing this administration through. But then, you quit, and suddenly he's on a porch in Houston with a nine point plan."

Donna stares at her. "No way. I can't be the reason."

"You're the reason." CJ maintains firmly.

"No way. Josh is a force of nature. He doesn't make decisions that way, he's never made a decision based on his personal relationships in his life-"

"Until you." CJ says knowingly. "Donna, it's like I said. The man doesn't know what to do without you. He may have gone about it in the stupidest, most Josh way possible, but... He really does want to spend his life with you. I know it."

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Later that day, CJ asks Margaret to place a call for her. He picks up on the fourth ring, sounding harried and exhausted. "Josh Lyman," he greets roughly.

"Hey, mi amore."

"CJ?" His voice brightens considerably.

"The one and only."

"Hey, how are you? What's up?"

"I'm good, I'm good." She says dismissively. "Listen, I'm calling because... I talked to Donna today."

"You did? You... Oh." His voice changes in realization. "Oh. You know."

"Yeah. I know."

"Oh," is all he says.

"Listen, idiot boy... I'm here for you, okay? If you ever need someone to talk to, who isn't a twenty year old intern, I'm your gal."

He pauses. "Thanks, CJ."

"I'm rooting for you, you know."

"Really?"

"Of course I am. I told her as much, too, but she's... Well, give her some time. But, you know what else?"

"What?"

"I think you're going to make a great dad."

Six states and one time zone away, Josh stops what he's doing completely and rests his forehead on the cool surface of his desk. "Really?"

CJ nods vigorously, but after remembering he can't see her, says, "Really. There's no one in the world who'll give it their all the way I know you will. That's one lucky kid."

Josh closes his eyes, tears threatening. "Thanks, CJ."

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In the cab after her outing with CJ, Donna is in remarkably better spirits. It feels good to have finally gotten everything off her chest. CJ had given her some much needed perspective on the issue, and more than a few things to think about. Their conversation had taken a lighter turn after they left the discussion of Josh's love for her, ranging from whether Josh would be a good father ("I think that more than anything, he wishes he could ask his own dad about what to do," Donna confessed softly) to how the sex had been ("Well I'd expect no less! God, if eight years of tension leads somewhere that good, I'll mark my calendar for a date with Danny in a couple years."). The whole thing had left her drained, but warm and content nonetheless. She'd missed CJ so much.

With a few moments to herself, Donna finally checks her phone to see a voicemail from Josh. She clicks on it and presses her phone to her ear, expecting a perfunctory "Call me back, let me know how you're doing," message.

Instead, what she hears is "Hey, it's me. I'm calling because... I just wanted to let you know that... I heard you okay? I get it. It's stupid of me to keep trying. I'm going to respect what you want, and obviously that isn't me, so... I'm not going to ask, anymore. You don't have to worry about it. We can just deal with each other as parents, and that's it. Like you wanted. I'm not going to ask anymore."

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Alright! You'll be pleased to hear that we'll be having some major developments next chapter - and for those of you who have hated the rough going, things might start to look up ;) Not saying we're done with angst or drama, just that I think you'll find it a little easier of a pill to swallow after next chapter.

BUT anyway, one of the major developments next chapter is that we're getting a gender reveal! I've already got kind of an idea of what I want baby Moss/Lyman to be in this story, but I thought it would be fun to have you guys vote! Let me know in the reviews whether you're leaning boy or girl and why. If you don't care, I feel that, so let me know that too lol.

Thanks for reading! I always love me some good CJ/Donna moments, so thanks for indulging me.