A/N: Hey guys! I've got another little piece of this story for you today. I actually split up the chapter I was writing, because it was getting too long and didn't flow well together. That means you won't get the gender reveal until next chapter, sorry. Thanks to everyone who voted, though! I appreciate the enthusiasm.
The next piece should be up soon, as I've already written a lot of it. Until then, I hope you enjoy this! As always, thanks for all the feedback.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Donna walks into the lobby of a nameless chain hotel in Rocky Mount, Virginia, feeling unusually nervous. Today's the first time she'll be seeing Josh since her talk with CJ, and since his voicemail. The two in combination had forced some things into perspective for her, and she dreads having to face them head on. But then, today's the day of their eighteen week ultrasound, and there's really no way to avoid seeing him. In fact, their plan for the day has made it pretty much inevitable that she tackle whatever's going on between them. They had figured out that they'd both be in Virginia today, and as such Josh had suggested driving up to DC together. She has to admit it makes sense; neither of them can exactly bill a flight to their respective campaigns. And there's nothing like a four hour road trip to help ease tension, right?
She feels her anxiety rising as she walks through the hotel to the fourth floor conference center Josh had directed her to, as she feels like every person she sees is staring at her. She knows that not everyone in the hotel is Santos staff, and she knows that barely anyone on the staff knows about her and Josh, but she can't help but feel watched. Even if they don't know the history, the visual of a prominent Russell spokesperson walking into the midst of the campaign might raise a few alarms.
She'd tried to dress down for the occasion, partly because she thought it would make her less recognizable, but also because she's got a four hour car ride ahead of her and doesn't need to add excess discomfort to the already potent mix of pregnancy and long trips. She's wearing leggings and a tshirt that's big enough to cover her bump, with her coat over top. Now that she's here, the ensemble seems ridiculous. As if suddenly no one will recognize Russell's "chicken fighter" because she threw on a pair of sneakers.
As she nears the conference center, she knows she's not imagining it. People are staring. Young professionals scurrying down the hallway with paperwork are stopping to do double takes. Heat rising in her face, she bows her head and trudges on.
Josh had told her that the Congressman would be spending most of the day stumping in various locales in the South, while Josh and much of the staff stayed in Rocky Mount, the previous night's final stop, to manage and maneuver. He had assured her this meant the temporary campaign office would be much less chaotic than usual, but as she walks in, she retroactively scoffs in disbelief.
It's actually comical how many staffers turn to stare at her when she walks in. All conversation ceases as every person in the room is gradually alerted to the presence of an intruder. She stutters, a nervous smile creeping over her face.
"Um, hi. I was just, um. I was looking for-"
"Josh." The mousy woman that she remembers to be named Ronna interrupts her with a slight smile. "Right, of course. He told me to look out for you. He went out to catch some local candidate at breakfast, he should be back in a few minutes."
"Oh. Okay." Donna stops in the doorway, unsure of what to do next.
"Do you want me to take you somewhere to wait?"
Donna sags in relief. "That would be great."
Ronna smiles and leads her past the still staring staffers. She opens the door to a small room off the hall, which has a desk, computer, and chair. "Is this okay?"
"Perfect." Donna tells her. "Anything secluded would be perfect at this point, honestly."
Ronna gives her a sympathetic look. "Don't worry about them, okay? They don't know anything."
Donna sinks into the chair, and gives a feeble nod. "Thanks, Ronna."
"You bet." She closes the door behind her, leaving Donna alone.
Donna whiles away the time looking through her emails on her blackberry. She responds to a few, and shoots one to Will reminding him about the changes in the stump for that afternoon's stop in Georgia. Suddenly, she's interrupted by the door flinging open, and someone hurrying inside.
"I swear I handed it to someone named Tom, I just-" Helen Santos stops abruptly at the sight of her. "Oh. I'm sorry."
Donna looks up at her like a deer in the headlights. "Um, that's okay."
"I didn't know you were in here." Helen says unnecessarily. "I was just, um, looking for my cell phone. I handed it to some intern before getting on stage this morning, and I just..."
"Right." Donna tilts her head. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Santos, I thought you and your husband were out on the campaign trail today."
"That was the plan." Helen says, exasperation evident. "He is, obviously, but the kids have caught some sort of stomach bug, so I thought I'd take a pass and shore things up on the parenting front."
"Oh. Right, I understand." Donna has quite liked Helen Santos when she's seen her at events or on TV. She's a very private person, but still manages to project an air of strength and compassion. Right now, she looks beautiful as always, her hair and makeup still done from her event earlier in the day. Donna feels slightly lackluster by comparison, but Helen doesn't seem to have a judgmental presence, so she doesn't mind it.
Helen is watching her in much the same appraising way that Donna is watching her. Eventually, she says, "You're Donna Moss, right?"
"Yeah. That's me."
"You give us some serious hell, you know that?"
"I, well-"
"I mean that as a compliment."
"Oh. Thank you."
Helen smiles mischievously. "And you're Josh's baby mama."
Donna eyebrows jump into her hairline. She feels her cheeks start to blaze. "You... Um-"
"Sorry. Just a little nickname my husband and I toss around. Mostly to make fun of Josh, not you. I'm now realizing it was insanely insensitive me to say that right now and-"
"It's okay." Donna cuts her off. She smiles slightly. "Actually, they call him the baby daddy on my campaign, so I guess it's fair." The only difference is they don't know his identity.
"Oh. Well, there you go then."
"Right." Donna shifts uncomfortably. "Well, if I'm keeping you-"
"You're really pretty."
"Excuse me?"
"I don't mean that you're not pretty on TV, because you are. I just mean that you're pretty in person, too, without the makeup and the clothes, and... That's something else."
"Um, thank you?" Donna is becoming more and more perplexed by this intereaction by the second.
"You bet." Helen bites her lip, obviously wanting to say something else. She still wears the same contemplative look. "Well, I should go."
"Yeah. Sick kids, a cell phone to find... I don't envy you."
Helen smiles slightly. "Thanks. I'll, um, see you."
"Yeah, probably."
Helen turns to leave, but at the last second hesitates with her hand on the doorframe. She whips around to stare at Donna intently one more time. "You should give him a chance."
"What?"
"I'm sorry, I know this is none of my business." Helen takes one step back into the room. "But, you and Josh... I don't know the entire story, obviously, and forgive me for overstepping, but I think you should give him another chance. He cares about you so much, and I just... I hate to see him hurt."
Donna gapes at her, struggling to find a response. "Josh... Josh told me you hated him."
That elicits a slight laugh from Helen. "He did, did he? Yeah, I can see how he'd think that. I certainly used to."
"Then..."
"He didn't make sense to me until you." Helen tells her flatly. "Before, he was just an obnoxious career politician who yanked my husband off on some crazed quixotic campaign just when we were getting our life back. It was easy to hate him, because I just... There wasn't anything to humanize him."
Donna stares at her blankly. She's encountered people in the past that have described Josh as a political machine, but she's simply never understood where they're coming from. To her, Josh has always been the most complicated, real, and human soul she's ever known. Sure, it takes a while to get past his many defense mechanisms, but even under layers of sarcasm and workaholism, she thought the open, beating heart was visible to anyone.
She is only just starting to realize how different this campaign has been for Josh, and how closed off he must be for someone he works with so frequently to think him so cold and uncaring.
"Wow."
"But then there was you, and suddenly he was this heartbroken guy who was pouring his all into this campaign because he couldn't have the family he really wanted, and..." Helen shakes her head. "That? That's something I can get behind."
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. Just think about it, okay?"
"Think about it?" Donna says incredulously before she can stop herself. "All I've done for the past eighteen weeks is think about it. I've done all the thinking I possibly can, and I'm not lacking in brain power."
Helen offers a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry. It's not my place."
Donna shakes her head, folding her arms. "No, that's okay. I appreciate your opinion. I just... There's a lot going on."
"I understand. Been there, done that. Two times, actually." Helen holds up two fingers. "Of course, it was never this complicated, but..."
"Hey, bringing life into the world is never without complications."
"That's true."
Donna offers her a more genuine smile. "Thanks for talking to me, Mrs. Santos. I'm sorry for imposing. Today, and..."
Helen cuts her off with a raised hand. "Call me Helen."
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
"Alright. Here we are."
The walk from the conference center to the parking lot has been tense to say the least, but Donna simply can't help herself when she sees what's waiting for them outside the hotel. "Oh my god!"
"What?"
"It's your car!" She squeals excitedly.
He gives her an amused look. "Yeah, it's my car. Did you think someone else had it?"
She beams at the familiar vehicle. "I thought it would be back in DC, that we'd be taking a rental car. Hey, what the hell is Leopold doing here?"
He rolls his eyes. "I told you not to name my car. And, I had some intern drive him - I mean it, goddammit - down from DC yesterday."
She gives him a look. "You made your intern drive four hours on a personal errand for you?"
"Eight hours."
"Excuse me?"
"He had to drive up to DC in a rental car and then drive back. Look, the kid said he wanted to be indispensable, so that's what I made him, okay? Bryan, or whatever his name is. Anyway, you don't seem too mad."
She grins, shaking her head. She can't help herself. The sight of something so familiar, in the midst of these utterly foreign surroundings, has touched her in a completely unexpected way. "I just love your car."
"I know you do. That's why you stole it so often. You know I've incurred like five parking tickets because of you?"
"Well, someone had to drive it. You walked everywhere." She approaches Leopold and gives him a happy reunion pat. "Does it still have-" she opens the trunk, "-Yes! All my blankets!"
"Yeah. Meant to clean it out, but-"
"And my sweatshirt!"
"That's my sweatshirt."
"No it's not."
"It's a Harvard sweatshirt."
"So? I could've gone to Harvard, you filthy elitist." She mutters distractedly, rushing to the passenger side to open the glovebox. He laughs. "And, yes, my CDs!"
"Oh god. Should've at least gotten rid of those."
"Dolly Parton, Madonna, Starship, the Zombies."
"The Zombies is mine."
It makes her smile to think that long before they'd ever gotten together, their lives had been so blurred that they mixed up whose possessions were whose. "Whatever."
"Did you ever think it was strange how my car had more of your possessions in it than it did mine?"
She shrugs. "This is the car we drove everywhere in." We. There she goes again with her couple-speak. "Bartlet sponsored road trips were always taken in Leopold."
"I guess that's true."
She returns to the trunk to retrieve a blanket (it's been lying in the trunk for god knows how long, but she doesn't care) and Josh closes it after lifting her suitcase inside. She settles happily into the passenger's seat and continues to do inventory as he starts the car. "Ooh, Journey."
"Please spare me. I'm begging you."
She beams. "It'll be just like old times!"
Josh makes a noise of irritation, but his smile gives him away.
A few minutes later, the reality of the situation begins drifting back to her. She'd been so surprised by Leopold's presence that she'd momentarily forgotten all of the things that had transpired, and everything she needs to say on this trip. Now that she considers it, it was actually quite thoughtful of Josh to bring his car down for the occasion, even if he'd sent his intern. He knows how much she loves this car, and it had been the perfect thing to make her feel comfortable and safe when it felt like her whole world had been turned on its head.
The warm nostalgia of this car is almost overpowering. While many trips during the Bartlet administration had been taken on Air Force one, trips that were shorter and meant specifically for the DCOS usually meant that it would be Josh, Donna, and Leopold on the open road. They would argue about who would drive (in reality, they're both pretty terrible drivers) and usually get lost once or twice. She has so many wonderful memories of the two of them in this car. Of singing along to songs, of arguing over directions, of talking endlessly about nothing in that way that only they can. She's never felt happier than when falling asleep in the passenger seat of Josh's car, the headlights on the highway blurring in her eyes.
Maybe he remembers these things too. Maybe he'd wanted to remind her of them today.
A painful lump rises in her throat as she thinks about the voicemail he'd left her, and how defeated he had sounded. It had sent her into a panic, because she had realized that their time was perhaps more limited than she thought. When she'd told him they could try being together somewhere down the road, she hadn't considered the possibility that he might not be game to try by then.
By the time she's fully ready to be with him, he may have moved on. He may have thrown himself into work again, or worse, found someone else who wasn't as difficult or stubborn.
Maybe she'll never be fully ready to be with him, because the prospect of their failure will always terrify her. But the alternative, that they're never together again, scares her much more.
She knows she can't go this entire trip without telling him that. In fact, she can't go another five minutes without telling him.
"Hey, Josh?" She hates how timidly her voice comes out. She clears her throat.
"Hm?" He briefly glances away from the road. They have yet to make it to the highway.
"I wanted to talk to you about something." Her voice is stronger this time.
"Okay." She senses him tensing up a little.
"You said, um... You said you weren't going to ask anymore."
He frowns. "What?"
"On that voicemail, you said you weren't going to ask me anymore. You know, about us. About trying again."
"Oh." He doesn't look at her. "Well, yeah. That's what you wanted, right? There's no point, so-"
"I was wondering if maybe you'd reconsider."
"What?"
"I was wrong. I was wrong about us, about needing to wait until things calm down. You were right- things will never calm down. I was just using it as an excuse, because I was scared, and hurt, and-"
Abruptly, he turns to look directly at her. "Donna, what are you saying?"
She takes a deep breath. "It's okay if you don't want to ask again, because that just means I'll have to ask. I want to know if you'd consider-" she gasps suddenly as he yanks the car off the road and stops on the gravel shoulder. "What the hell are you doing?"
He puts the car in park and turns fully to look at her. "Donna, are you being serious right now?"
"You almost gave me a heart attack, Jesus!"
"Donna."
She breathes heavily, one hand over her heart, trying to calm down. He watches her intensely, and eventually, she meets his gaze. "I'm serious. I want to give this a try. I want... To be with you."
He leans forward, and at first her heart jumps again, because who knows what the hell he's going to do after that little stunt, but he just puts one hand on the side of her face and hesitates with a few inches between them. "This is okay, right? I can do this now?"
She grins fully, relieved. "Yes. Yes, you can do this now."
He closes the gap between them and presses his lips firmly to hers. Her first thought is to wonder how something she'd only felt for a few hours, months ago, can possibly feel so familiar. Her second thought is nothing, because after that all possibility of coherent thought goes out the window.
He pulls back first, giving her a look of profound tenderness and humor. "You're the worst, you know that, right?"
She smiles. "That's a yes, right?"
"I mean, I ask for months, and suddenly when I stop, you're all-"
"Josh."
"Yes. It's a yes." He pulls one hand away from her to hold his thumb and forefinger up a fraction of an inch apart. "But by this much, Donnatella, I want you to remember that."
"Don't take your hands off me."
Ten minutes of slightly fogged windows, shifted positions, undone seat belts and buttons later, he says, "Okay. We cannot have sex in this car."
She tries to catch her breath. "You're right. Leopold is too innocent for this."
"I meant, because you're pregnant and it could hurt you, but," he laughs, "that works too."
She glances at the clock. "And, we should really get back on the road."
"You're right." He says reluctantly. He kisses her a couple more times, once on the mouth and then on the forehead, before starting the car. "Okay. Going to be very hard to drive now."
She smiles. "Hey, before we get on the highway, could we stop and get milkshakes?"
"Milkshakes?" He repeats incredulously, pulling out onto the road.
"Please. I'm starving. There's a cook out right nearby."
"Cook out?"
"It's a southern chain. Great milkshakes. I'm sure we've been before."
He shakes his head. "Tell me which way to go."
Fifteen minutes later, they're on the highway, Donna happily eating her milkshake as she tries to decide how best to soundtrack their trip.
"I can't believe you peer pressured me into a milkshake."
"I can't believe you got chocolate. There are like forty flavors, and you get plain chocolate."
"You were stressing me out! I just said something to make you stop."
"Because you were planning on letting me eat a milkshakes alone. How sad is that?"
"How's your peach cobbler thing, by the way?"
"So good. You want some?"
"I'll pass."
"You haven't eaten any of yours."
"Well, one, I didn't want one in the first place, and two, this thing is like ice cream. Kinda hard to eat while driving."
"You want me to feed you?"
"Definitely not."
"C'mon. You don't want it to melt." She leans forward to take the lid off his milkshake and unwraps his spoon.
"There you go again with the peer pressure."
"C'mon. Open up."
"You're definitely going to get Leopold covered in chocolate."
"What, don't you trust me?"
He briefly looks away from the road to give her a wry look.
"C'mon." She wheedles. Eventually he acquiesces and opens his mouth, and the first spoonful goes over well. "See, I told you?" They go over a bump and the second spoonful lands primarily on his white shirt. "Oh. Well... Okay. You may have had a point."
He shakes his head, unable to help a smile. "The worst, I tell you."
A few miles later, she's settled on a CD. "We're listening to Dolly Parton."
"Kill me now."
"She's so talented, I love her! You don't love her?"
"We've been over this."
"She's got a great song called Joshua, you know."
"I do know. You tell me every time you attempt to play Dolly Parton."
"Attempt? I always succeed."
"You always sing it at me. Just like how you used to play 9 to 5 in the office when you felt taken advantage of."
She chuckles. "I remember that. Except I used to change the lyrics to five to nine, but even that was an understatement."
As much as she would always tease him with those songs, the one that's always been about him is Here You Come Again.
She tries to get him to do the duet of Islands in the Stream, which fails spectacularly because he knows absolutely none of the lyrics. She makes a complete fool of herself with some enthusiastic Madonna renditions, and when she looks over at him, he's grinning widely, and she wonders when the last time she saw him this happy was.
She starts to drift off after starting the Zombies' Begin Here.
"Do you mind if I go to sleep?"
He takes one hand off the wheel and runs it gently over the back of her head. "No. Not at all."
She curls up in her blanket and closes her eyes. For a brief moment, her fears of what comes next leave her, and she is at peace knowing that she made the right choice.
The Way I Feel Inside starts playing.
Should I try to hide
The way I feel inside
My heart for you?
Would you say that you
Would try to love me too?
In your mind
Could you ever be
Really close to me?
I can tell the way you smile
If I feel that I
Could be certain then
I would say the things I want to say tonight
But 'til I can see
That you'd really care for me
I will dream
That someday you'll be
Really close to me
Not really knowing whether she's asleep or awake, he says softly, "This song has always been about you."
Shifting without opening her eyes, she presses a kiss to his shoulder. She thinks about how much braver than her he is.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
The next chapter should be up soon! Sorry that I had to split this up, I know many of you were looking forward to the gender reveal. But, hopefully this has made some of you happy ;)
I know that J/D has worked out approximately 15% of their issues, and I fully intend on exploring them in the coming chapters. But hey, at least they're working them out together for now, right?
Thanks for reading, let me know what you think! Love you guys.