Long chapter ahead!

A Season in Purgatory
Chapter 48

Haley stood back and let the trio move past her into the house. There was an air of desperation surrounding them, something she'd never attributed to either Nathan or Lucas. Brooke, however…..she let that thought trail off. She glanced over at the very quiet cheerleader and did a double take. One of her eyes was swollen and her lower lip looked like it had been fed through a meat grinder.

She looked questioningly at that very somber group of kids. "Okay, what's going on?" Haley watched as Nate looked over at Lucas who glanced at Brooke, unsure of how much they should share with their benefactor.

Haley's brow creased in confusion, seeing the black eye that Nate was currently wearing. She looked over at Lucas and noted that his hand was bruised and swollen. Based on the nasty exchange earlier that night in the Cafe, she had to wonder if the boys had been beating on each other and if Brooke had somehow gotten in between them.

Knowing that Haley could smell a lie, Lucas opted for a partial truth. "We just thought it would be nice to get away from home for a night." Brooke's eyes shifted to the floor, knowing that Haley wasn't buying Luke's explanation. She reluctantly unzipped her hoodie, revealing her torn dress which barely clung to her body.

Stepping back, the shock on Haley's face was obvious. Her eyes slowly moved from Brooke's shaking form to the boys standing slightly behind her. "What the hell happened to her?" The ferocity in her voice added to the richness of the tone, Nathan absently noted. A part of him was thrilled that Haley was visibly upset on behalf of his friend. He'd spent weeks worrying about how he could get Brooke and Haley on better terms. If the circumstances had been different, he might have even smiled at the concern he heard in his girlfriend's voice.

Nathan stepped in, knowing that Brooke was still upset from the attack and wasn't too talkative. "Hales, something bad happened tonight. We need a place where all three of us can crash," he added, hoping that she'd not be too upset about them barging in so late at night.

Slowly comprehending the situation, Haley wrapped an arm around a still trembling Brooke and began walking her up the stairs. "Of course you can all stay here tonight," she soothingly said, making sure that Brooke didn't lose her balance on the stairs. Her parents were off visiting their new grand baby, so they weren't a concern. "Brooke and I are going to change into some different clothes," she added. Haley wasn't sure what had happened but she knew that the things lurking under the surface were probably as ugly as the ripped dress that adorned her friend's façade.

The door to the guest room that Haley had given Brooke slowly opened, leaving Nathan uneasily standing in the threshold. Haley was downstairs making coco and tea, anything warm and soothing for the girl who'd taken refuge in her home. Haley managed to coerce Lucas into helping her, giving Brooke some desperately needed alone time. His helplessness at the situation seemed to stress Brooke out more than the situation itself. Luke had to get rid of his own anger before he attempted to help Brooke.

Upstairs, Nathan awkwardly walked around the small guest room, not sure what to say to Brooke. Having taken Haley up on her offer of clothes, she was uncharacteristically clad in pink snow flake covered flannel pajamas. Brooke waved off her atrocious clothes and motioned for Nate to sit on the bed.

The tension in the room seemed to grow by leaps and bounds. Nathan was staring at her like an animal in a zoo. She hated the look in his eyes, the look that said he was uncertain what to say or do around her. It was the look that said she wasn't "right" in some form or another.

"You are making me feel like a freak, Nate," Brooke snapped before looking down at the worn quilt on the bed. She hated being bitchy with someone who'd just beaten the crap out of her rapist. She hated hiding every emotion that passed through her. It was like living a lie on a daily basis. She'd faked her way through six months of this hell and the burden was starting to wear on her.

He leaned back against the foot board and sadly smiled at her. "I don't mean to make you feel like a freak but we have to talk about what happened tonight," he insisted.

She recoiled at his words, curling into the pillows and the headboard of the bed, making herself smaller than he thought possible. It was as if she was trying to disappear into herself, Nate realized.

"We don't need to talk," she vacantly replied. Her hands instinctively wrapped around her tiny frame, attempting to ward off his conversation. Brooke felt panic creeping around the walls she'd built around her, dread that her friends would find out what happened six months ago, and that the illusion of Brooke the careless cheerleader would be destroyed. She'd worked too hard for too long to hide the shame from that night. That's one reason she'd let some distance creep in between Nate and her. It wasn't so much her dislike of Tutor Girl as it was an attempt to shut him out.

Nathan reached out toward her, but quickly retracted his hand when she jumped back in fear. Fear of him, he unhappily thought. "Brooke, you can't ignore that you were attacked. We need to talk about it so you can feel better," he said, instantly regretting his words as he watched the color drain from her face.

"Nothing is going to make me feel better, Nate. So no, we don't need to talk about it. You may want to, but I don't. I don't want to go back there or relive that," she explained, not caring if he thought she was talking about tonight when she was really thinking about the night of the wedding.

Nathan's face fell at her refusal to talk. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He'd just seen his best friend attacked and dismissed by her parents and all he could do was try to get her to talk. "Why didn't you tell me this was going on?" he asked. He'd known that some was wrong with her. Surely this was the source of her pain from the past few months. He'd suspected her stepfather, but it made sense that a visiting stepbrother could be the problem.

"I tried to tell Peyton," she said, her voice sounding small and unsure. "But she told me that new families require time to settle down." Brooke explained how her stepfather took every opportunity to touch her and that her stepbrother was making advances toward her. Peyton took the opportunity to tell Brooke that not everyone wanted to sleep with her. No, Brooke thought. Some just wanted to rape her.

He sat back, stunned at that advice. "Why would she tell you that being attacked by your stepbrother is normal?" he asked, completely certain that Peyton was losing what was left of that peroxide soaked brain. Brooke didn't correct him about stepbrother. After all, she was being sexually stalked by both her stepbrother and stepfather. She just couldn't deal with explaining the entire situation to her friends. It was bad to have your step brother attack you, but it was more embarrassing to admit that your attacker's father was just as big a threat. Brooke dropped her head into her hands and surreptitiously wiped the tears that fell.

Moving off the foot of the bed, Nate settled down next to his friend, pulling her into his arms. He could tell she was still jumpy about being touched, but he wanted her to realize that she had some support in this horrible situation. "I wish you'd come to me, Brooke. I would have told you that it's not normal and you shouldn't have to be afraid to go home." And that was really the point, he realized. Not only had Brooke become the town party girl, using boys as distractions, but she'd used them to avoid going home. How many nights had Brooke stayed at his place, rather than face that kind of violence? Nathan's stomach twisted at how little he'd done for his best friend. "I should have known things weren't right, Brooke. I should have done more to help you."

His words made her tears fall faster. She was lucky to have a good friend like Nathan. Peyton's friendship had turned out to be conditional, but she realized that Nathan was consistent in his support. She looked up at him, her smeared mascara and bruised face making her seem so much older than she was. "I wanted to tell you, Nate. I just didn't know how to discuss something so...intimate with you. I thought if Peyton thought I was overreacting, you'd think I was being stupid." She felt guilty not telling the entire truth, that she was raped 6 months ago, that her stepfather was just as menacing as her stepbrother, and that these attacks were an expected part of her daily life. But she couldn't get the words out. She couldn't let go of the fear that they think there was something wrong with her.

"I'm upset that you couldn't ask me for help," he finally offered, not wanting to trouble her more than she already was. He looked down at her in confusion. "Is this why you started sleeping with everyone?"

She frowned at his question, not realizing that "everyone" was on her list of conquests. Nathan tended to be blunt, but his words still hurt her. "Not everyone. I've not slept with Lucas," she revealed. There was something about sex that confused her. With her first time being so cold and meaningless, she'd taken a view of sex in general as unemotional. Something to be done and filed away. A part of her just refused to get emotionally attached to any guy she was with. But Lucas was different... he made her want to get attached. He veered too closely to places in her heart she'd thought long dead.

Nate looked at her in surprise. "I thought you two were already together," he said, emphasizing the word. It was part of the reason that he hated seeing his brother go after his best friend. He didn't want to stand around and watch her get used by his brother of all people.

Sniffling, Brooke shifted so that she could see Nate's face. "I guess part of me really wants to let him in, to share something more than just sex with a guy. But the other part of me is worried that he'll be disgusted by me; that I'm somehow too gross to touch." Lucas was one of the only people in Brooke's life who seemed to like her for herself. She wasn't used to the gentleness he offered her when ever they were alone together.

In the hallway, Lucas leaned against the door frame, out of sight from the room's occupants. His heart constricted at her words, knowing that he'd failed to convey how much he liked her, or how much he valued her. He felt so impotent in this situation, so incapable of protecting her or taking care of her, just like he was unable to stop Dan from moving in on his mother. He turned back toward the door when he heard Brooke's voice.

"Maybe I just don't have anything good left to give to him," she speculated, immediately drawing both Nathan's sympathy and his concern.

"Brooke, I don't want be mushy, but I think you've got a lot of good things to give a guy. You can be very kind and caring when you aren't wrapped up in your image," he offered. "I think Lucas would be lucky to share that with you." He still wasn't sure about his brother being a decent guy, but watching him beat the crap out of Brooke's stepbrother was a good enough start for Nate.

"You didn't ask for this to happen to you and you did your best to fight him off," Nathan observed, remembering how she hard she was struggling when they knocked her door down.

Shaking her head, Brooke teared up at how passive she was the night of her mom's wedding. How she was too drunk to think clearly enough to fight. She might as well just thrown herself at J.J. for all the good her fighting did her. "I didn't fight hard enough."

He sat there for a moment, not sure what to say. Her step brother, while not as athletic as Nathan or Lucas, was solidly built in that tennis player mold. He was at least 5 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than Brooke. There was no way she could have physically fought him off. "I should have done more," he quietly said. "I even told my dad that something was going on with you. But I just didn't push the issue hard enough."

Her ears perked up at that bit of information. Her heart started hammering in her chest. "You told Dan?" She asked. Lucas leaned in closer, attempting to hear his half brother's reply.

Nathan shrugged his shoulders. "I had to tell him something, Brooke. You're spending more time at our house than your own."

Walking up behind Lucas, Haley goosed him in the side. "Eavesdropping is tacky, Luke. Besides, take it from me, those doors are solid wood and you'll never hear enough." She'd learned the hard way, growing up with so many brothers and sisters. It was hard to eavesdrop in a solidly constructed house.

Passing her friend, she coughed before entering the room. "We just wanted to check up on you," Haley said, pulling Lucas around the door frame to join her. Brooke gave them a timid smile, taking in the surreal events of the night. "I guess this is one way to have a slumber party."

Nathan stood up and moved to Haley's side. "I think it's late enough for everyone to get some sleep," he suggested, uneasy about leaving his friend, but knowing that she needed to talk to Lucas.

Haley leaned over and gave Brooke a quick hug. "We'll be down the hall if you need anything. Lucas, you can take Vivian's room, if you need some place to crash." Haley nodded at Brooke in understanding. She realized that the girl might not want to be in the same room with any guy right now. They quietly left the room, leaving Lucas awkwardly standing at the door, staring at his girlfriend. He slowly made his way over to the bed where she sat, still and small.

Sighing, Lucas sat beside her, pulling her against his side. "I want to kill him." The words were simple and sent a chill up her spine. She had no doubt who "he" was. The coldness of Luke's voice took her by surprise.

"You can't do anything to him, Lucas. There are some people in life that can do whatever they want and get away with it, like there are no consequences for their actions. And J.J. is one of those people," she admitted, having seen his type most of her life. The most terrifying aspect of the situation was that there was nothing she could do to stop him from hurting her.

Lucas shrugged at her words. "He'll probably end up in congress. Or dating my mother," he said, as a snide reference to Dan. Everything in his life always came back to Dan. He looked at her, still visibly upset at her condition. Tears formed in his eyes as he traced her bruised and swollen check. "How could anyone hurt you like this?" he asked, knowing that he needed to be strong for her.

Her breathing caught a bit, as she struggled with that very thought herself. "It doesn't matter right now. I don't want to talk about it," she firmly stated. Nathan had worn down what was left of her strength and she didn't have any energy left to ward off Lucas' probing.

He hesitated a moment before speaking again. "I think we need to call the police. You were attacked and you have a right to report him and press charges."

Brooke's heart was pounding like she'd just run a marathon. "I can't do that. My mother would kill me," she insisted. "Besides, no one would believe me."

He stared at her in disbelief. "Brooke, both Nathan and I saw him attacking you. You have two witnesses." His words were tinged with insistence, as he didn't want her attacker to go unpunished.

"You don't understand. My stepfather would destroy all three of us before he let his son's reputation get tarnished." She wrapped her arms around her, as if warding off his argument. "I can't do this right now. I can't keep talking about this situation."

"Brooke, I just…you need to get those feelings out," he stuttered, feeling completely inadequate for this situation. He knew that he needed to be there for her, but he wasn't sure how to do that. It was so confusing…

She sat up in bed and turned to face him squarely. "You may want to go there, but I don't. I can't," she whispered, knowing that her control over the situation was slipping away. "I can't go back there…" she quietly repeated. She'd managed the past few months, relying on booze and boys to blot out the terrifying flashbacks. She'd found a way to survive by sheer will and denial. She'd locked the pain and anger she felt behind a wall of alcohol and meaningless sex. Lucas and Nathan threatened to knock that wall down. She just couldn't let go and experience that pain again. Not even if her best friend and her boyfriend wanted her to.

She felt his eyes on her and it was getting annoying. "Don't look at me that way," Brooke softly but firmly reprimanded.

Lucas looked over at her in confusion. "What way?" he asked, uncertain about how he'd upset her. He reached out to touch her arm, but Brooke abruptly yanked her arm out of his reach and moved off the bed to find a bit of peace in the room.

She turned back to him. "That way…the "poor little Brooke is permanently ruined" look. The one that labels me as damaged goods," she explained, seeing the sadness in his eyes. "Luke, I don't want to play the victim here. I don't want you thinking it's sexy to run in and save me. Whatever happened can't be fixed with a few hugs and some kind thoughts."

Sitting back, he considered how ineffective he was being. "I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I just want to make it better and I know that I can't really do that." But he could try to take the sleaze out that did this to her. Lucas was still stunned that her parents could be so indifferent to the attack. Their daughter was obviously attacked and they defended the creep who was responsible. "Or maybe it's because I think I'm in love with you and I hate to see you in pain."

His words shocked her into silence. It was a word she'd not hard very much in her life, and certainly none of her boyfriends had ever used it. She wiped her eyes a moment, overwhelmed by the peaks of emotions this night delivered. "Think you're in love?" she asked, wanting to clarify that his feelings were as strong as hers.

"I've never really felt this attached to another person before," he clarified. "I think its love." He hated how uncertain he sounded, how totally inexperienced he was in the realm of girls and dating. It was rare for him to get emotionally involved with another person and the feelings it produced confused him.

Smiling, she considered his words a decent start. "I'm glad that you like me so much. I really don't know what I'd do without you." Lucas had given her an emotional outlet that she'd been lacking most of her life. She didn't know what would happen in the future, but she was definitely happy that he wanted more than just sex from her.

She immediately felt guilty for yelling at him earlier for showing concern. Lucas was doing the best he could do under the circumstances. He was just as lost as she was. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know it's hard to understand how screwed up my family is."

He wrapped his arms around her, leading her back to the bed. "You don't have to tell me about messed up families. I think we both lost out on normal parents."

She slowly exhaled, suddenly feeling the pain from both her physical and emotional wounds. Her body was bruised beyond belief but her soul was in worse shape. "I just think that maybe I did something to deserve this. Maybe if I was a better person this wouldn't have happened to me."

Luke started to mutter words of bland reassurance, before stopping. She didn't want that kind of support. "Dante wrote The Divine Comedy about a man's journey through the various levels of hell."

She looked up at him in interest. "The story focuses on Purgatory, where damned souls go until they are purged of sin. In Purgatory, you work off your earthly sinful behavior through repentation and good works, until you reach the Garden of Eden. It's like literally walking through hell and coming out as a redeemed, better person on the other side."

His voice lulled her for a moment, distracting her with all the untold details. "So, it all eventually works out in the end?" she asked.

He thought about her question for a moment. "I'm not sure. I always saw it as an allegory of survival. You suffer in the afterlife because you were a bad person on earth and even though you make it through hell, you are forever changed. Not necessarily healed just …different." He'd lain awake for nights, pondering Dante's message of damnation and redemption. When he was younger it helped him get through the public scorn he faced for his birth. Now he wasn't sure what the point of the story was.

She looked up at him. "Do you think our Purgatory is having messed up families? And that eventually, we'll be okay?" Part of her desperately needed reassurance that things would get better, that tomorrow might be safer than today.

Lucas considered her question for a while before answering. "I don't know, Brooke. Maybe this is our season in Purgatory."

Haley walked out of the bathroom and down the hall toward her bedroom. Preparing for bed always gave her time to think and contemplate the day's events.. And never was there a time that needed contemplation as right now, she thought. The Brooke situation sent her mind racing, trying to figure out how she could help the girl out. It was disquieting to see a girl as spirited as Brooke so battered and bruised.

Walking into her bedroom, she stumbled over a blanket and looked down to see Nathan in a make shift bed on the floor. He grinned at her, checking out the small tank top and pajama bottoms she wore.

"I thought I'd go ahead and get this ready while you were in the bathroom," he admitted, knowing that part of her had to be worried about Nathan staying the night. While Haley's house had many bedrooms, she'd informed Nate that it would be easier to crash with her than to set up another guest room so late at night. Part of him was flattered, as if it was her subtle way of wanting to spend time with him.

Another part of him felt like he was asking to get slapped. Haley wasn't like other girls. There was an honesty to her that confused and enticed him. She didn't play games like Peyton. Most of the girls he'd known had engaged in some form of flirting, games designed to get his attention. Haley didn't seem to care whether he followed her down the hall after class or if he returned her phone calls.

She sat on the edge of her bed and looked down at where he lay. "You could sleep up here, if you wanted." Her face flushed at the sexy grin that crossed his face. "I mean, just so you could sleep better."

"I didn't want to presume anything, but this floor is pretty uncomfortable." He slowly got up, feeling her eyes on naked chest. She avoided his eyes as he stretched out next to her, unused to a boy in her bed.

"It's not like anything's going to happen," she replied, making sure that he understood it wasn't an invitation for sex. Nathan had way too much experience with girls, in Haley's opinion.

Sighing, Nate looked up at the ceiling, trying to ignore how cute she looked propped up in front of a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals. "I'm not really good at this relationship stuff," he candidly admitted. Peyton had been his most serious girlfriend and she was totally fickle, willing to break up at the slightest disagreement. Most of the girls just wanted to be seen with him or to make out with him. Sex with the older girls after games wasn't entirely unheard of. But having a partner to share things with was unusual for him. He tended to discuss school or basketball problems with his teammates. None of the girls he'd ever dated really cared about what he felt or thought about things.

Haley reached out and ran her hand down his washboard abs, wanting to reassure both of them. "I've never really dated before, so I'm not sure about the relationship thing either." She saw the effect her hand was having and jerked it back in surprise.

Reaching over, Nate gently pulled her hand back toward his body, resting her hand under his on his broad chest. He liked being this close to Haley James. "Maybe we can learn about relationships together," he suggested, liking the idea of the two of them building something solid from the ground up.

Smiling, Haley leaned in and kissed him.

*

Ah, no adults and a bit of Naley. What more could people ask for? As always, I love reading your opinions and thoughts. Replies are always appreciated.