Second Cousin to the Devil
"First things first. We need to cut off your hair," he said as he put the sleeping boy in the middle of the bed and surrounded him with pillows to prevent a roll off. Allison got out of the jacket and hat, then glanced over in the dresser mirror at her hair. She'd learned to love the blonde locks. In college, her teachers had always treated her like she wasn't serious because of her pretty blonde hair. Her second year she'd come back brunette, and everyone seemed to take her more seriously. It was stupid, but it worked and she didn't have the self-confidence then that she'd had after surviving on House's team.
She'd never gone short before. She considered it once or twice, but every boyfriend she'd had begged her to keep her long pretty hair. So she always did. Now she was going to let House cut it all off. Well, almost all of it. Then she would dye what was left dark brown, to match his hair. He'd covered his grey again as well, just to help with the ruse. It was odd. He looked rather like she remembered him when he'd hired her. Just a few days of stubble, dark hair, sea blue eyes. His face had aged for sure, but his eyes drew her in so completely it was hard to focus on the additional lines.
She wanted him, but there wasn't room with Greg here and there wasn't time. They had a schedule. Fucking House senseless would have to wait. "Let's do this in the bathroom. It'll be easier to clean up without leaving a ton of evidence. We can pack up the hair in a trash bag and toss it in a bin with my clothes later. Please tell me you know how to cut hair. I half thought you'd have a prostitute standing by to give me a real haircut."
"I considered it, but I figured Greg being here knocked out any chance of it turning into a threesome, so it didn't seem worth the risk. And I used to cut some of the other Marine-brats' hair on base as a kid. Most our dad's liked to save money any way they could, so all of us could give a good clipper cut. Not much too it really. Just set the level short on the sides and use a comb or a bowl to get it longer on top then whack away. It won't be as pretty like a real salon pixie cut, but less refined will be better for phase one, anyway."
He worked quickly and efficiently. Ten minutes after she sat down on the toilet lid, he was done and inspecting his work. She was afraid to get up and look and it wasn't helping that he was giving her a worried look. But he was House so chances were he was yanking her chain. He pulled the towel from her shoulders and swept the hair away. She stood and turned to look in the mirror by the sink. The cut made her think of Chase. Her hair was a similar color, and the cut was similar, though shorter, to how he once wore his hair.
"God that's so strange." Her head felt lighter, almost like being a little high. She hadn't realized just how much her hair had weighed until it was gone.
"Now I'll leave it to you to crawl around and clean this up. Then you can dye it. I need you to wake the kid up when you're done. We need to get his story straight, just in case he does manage to be awake later."
Half an hour later and she was toweling her short hair dry. It was so different. No need to blow dry, it was nearly all dry with just the towel. "No wonder guys don't want to deal with long hair. This is nothing to dry," she says to herself as she styles it with just her fingers, pushing over to one side, and thinking it looked like what the kids seemed to be wearing, so far as she paid attention. Hell, she was at the age she was starting to lose touch with all that nonsense. With her glasses, she looked like a somewhat stylish 15-year-old computer geek. She was starting to buy into the idea more and more despite her mind whirling with the million and one ways this could all turn on a dime at the security checkpoint and land the both of them in jail for a very long time.
She entered the room still wearing only her bra and panties, having discarded her other clothes to prevent the dye from getting on it. Just because it was going in a trash bin down the road somewhere, she thought, didn't mean she should leave any extra evidence on it.
House stared at her as she walked out of the bathroom. "Damn. My penis is really confused right now," he told her with a strange look of appreciation, lust, and mirth. "From the neck down you are all woman, but the neck up… you could join and nerd-themed boy band with that look."
"I know. Right?" She chuckled and walked to stand between his legs. He nipped at her breasts through the bra and sighed.
"I wish we had more time, Danny Boy, but we need to flatten out these fine mammary glands enough to hide them under one of these baggy shirts. You'll have to take your jacket off for the x-ray. I brought rib tape and a chest compression garment. I officially reported to the airport that you have broken ribs and will be wearing bandaging around your ribcage. If security wants to pat you down, they'll know to go easy on the ribs. A.K.A not grab your boobs that aren't supposed to be there. I'm not using metal fasteners, so it shouldn't trigger the alarm when you walk through. So the odds you'll be asked for a pat down anyway are low if you don't pack around any other metal."
"You are second-cousin to the devil."
"You're an atheist. You don't believe in my cousin. I think we should talk to Greg before we make you look any less like his mommy."
"Yeah, let me toss on my clothes again for a bit, and we'll wake him. The meds should be wearing off soon too. So he'll have to get up one way or the other."
She was dressed quickly. Sitting on the bed, she nudged the boy. He stirred and looked up at her with sleepy eyes. He grunted and sniffed; his little nose red and congested. His hand reached up and began to rub his eyes and his body started to stretch out. She rubbed his back gently, letting him wake at his own pace. "Hey, buddy. Time to wake up. You feeling any better bub?"
"Your hair's funny mommy. You look like a boy, not a girl. Where'd your hair go?" He asked with a soft scratchy voice as he sat up slowly, yawning and sniffling.
"I cut it and colored it because we're going to be playing parts in a kind of play. You know, like the one you were in during your summer day camp? Remember that?"
"Yeah. It was funny."
"Yeah, it was. You remember how you had to pretend that Mr. Frank was your dad?"
"Yeah. He said I did a good job."
"You did. Would you like to be in our play too?"
He climbed into her lap and hugged against her and shook his head yes. "Good. Don?" She called to House, who had been watching from the chair, to join her on the bed. He sat on the edge in front of them and ran his fingers lightly over the boy's hair. House's look was soft and compassionate in a way that Cameron couldn't ever remember seeing from him. "Hey there kid. Glad you're playing with us. So this will be really easy. You don't even have to know lines. It's what we like to call 'improv' in the business. All you have to do for improv is pretend like you do with your friends when you play. You do that don't you?"
The boy squirmed around to sit facing House then. Trying to be more alert. Wanting badly to play with his mommy and her friend, despite his feeling poorly. He nodded yes to House and said softly "Jimmy and me like to play Iron Man and 'Credible Hulk."
House looked sad, as if for the first time he realized that he wasn't just taking the boy from his father, but from his friends as well. She didn't know much about his childhood, but she knew he'd been uprooted over and over and because of it, he'd not had any close childhood friends.
His eyes found hers. "He's got a friend named Jimmy. That is seriously a little too much."
"You both had common names. It's not like the odds are stacked against it or anything. I just figure that fate has decided to mock me at every turn. Could be worse if he went by James, I guess. There are actually two Jameses in his pre-school class. So the teacher made them pick which would be James and which would be Jimmy. Greg's not a fan of James, but he and Jimmy get along really well."
"I didn't think about that part." House stared at the wall for a moment. It was the first time in this whole scenario that he seemed to find any part of uprooting Greg regrettable. She put her hand on his shoulder.
"So I guess that proves your human, at least. He'll be fine Don. We'll talk about it later." She perked her voice up and smiled down at Greg again. "Right now you need to tell him about his cool role in the play." House, took a deep breath and composed himself again.
"Okay kid, this is good. If you pretend to be Iron Man and or the Incredible Hulk you can pretend to be my kid right? You just have to call me 'Daddy' and tell anyone who asks you that you're my kid. You have to stay in character for the next two days. Okay? Everywhere we go unless we tell you it's okay not to. This is a movie and we are shooting it on location so there are cameras watching just about everywhere. So remember, everyone is going to be pretending, and you are my son and I'm your daddy. Can you do that?"
"Yeah. That's easy," he declares with confidence. "Okay. So we have to start getting into character now. So until we tell you to stop just be yourself, but pretend I'm your dad."
"Got it." He said confidently, then sniffled. Cameron grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and helped him blow his nose. After which, House continued to let Greg in on more of the 'movie' plans.
"Okay, now, here's the really funny part, but also the really hard part, 'cause I know you aren't feeling well. Your mommy has to pretend to be my son too. So that means she'll be acting like she's your brother. That's why she has the funny hair and glasses. So she looks like a boy. The boy she is playing is named Daniel. Can you remember that?"
"Daniel. Okay." He parroted back confidently, then furrows his brows. "Why isn't a boy playing Daniel?"
"Well, kid. Your mom really wanted to be in the movie but this was the only part left. So she'll really have to pretend hard. You'll have to help her a lot and make sure to remember not to call her 'Mommy' for the next two days. No matter how sick you feel, just call her Daniel. And remember she's a he now. It's hard, but I think you'll be awesome. Think you can do that? Pretend Mommy is your brother Daniel?"
"I'd like to 'ave a big brother." He sat up more straight in Cameron's lap and patted her arm seriously. "Don't worry Mommy, I'll help you. Mr. Frank says I a natural."
She couldn't help but smile broadly at him. "That's great bub. I'm glad. We're really excited you want to play with us." She kissed his head and House nodded to her. It was a lot of trust to put in a 3-and-a-half-year-old boy, but he only had to get past the first plane ride with the Daddy/Daniel bit. After that, he could screw up calling House 'Daddy', and it didn't matter. She'd be back to being Mommy, just with funny hair, but Mommy nonetheless.
An hour later her chest was wrapped with tape and a compression garment, she was dressed like she'd just gotten in from a Bear's game, God knows why House picked the sports ensemble because she knew dick about sports, and the outfit was sure to invite comments and discussion. She decided to at least read a few things about the main players and the current season on the way to the airport. They had one shared rolling bag and a shoulder bag with mostly Greg's things. They'd pick up a few more clothes for her in New York, but traveling lightly was the name of the game. Everything else they needed for their new lives could be purchased when they made it to Germany.
Everything was ready to go and they were settled into their roles. House handed her another phone. "Give me the old one. We need to crush the sim card and toss it out the window somewhere along the way. Then we'll toss the phones in a bin somewhere else and lastly toss your clothes. After that the airport. Follow my lead. Stay close to me, don't talk any more than you have to, mostly so our story stays straight. Don't worry about your voice sounding like a woman, most guys sound like their moms right before their voices fully drop."
She nodded and took a deep breath and wiped her palms on her pants as House continued his last-minute overview. "I'll keep Greg in my lap. We'll do a curb check and get the wheelchair service. We'll be cutting the timing close and I'll blame it on me having to get you both ready without help with Greg being sick. I'll tell them we just lost your mom in a car accident. I'll whisper that you were with her in the car and injured as well, and you are not over witnessing her death. That'll get us the sympathetic vote and royal treatment. They'll ask if the leg was due to the accident. But it isn't. It's a war-wound from Afghanistan, round one. That'll get the wounded vet treatment too."
He nods back toward the still sleeping boy, "If Greg forgets he's in character, we just sadly tell him, 'remember mommy's not here, baby. Just your big brother and Daddy.' Then he'll remember we're pretending and go back into character. It'll seem totally natural that we want to avoid the 'dead' word with the little guy. Again, bleeding hearts from all."
She nodded and they loaded the car. Greg barely stirred when it came time to strap him in. House dropped off the key at the front desk and then they were on the road.
It was a two hour trip to the airport, with the two stops they needed to make. They tossed the sim cards along a deserted stretch of old state route highway and not together. Hit a rest area and tossed the phones in a bin next to the parking lot. Then, in a stroke of luck, drove by a Goodwill bin and toss her and Greg's old clothes into it. It didn't even look suspicious.
Once they were a few miles from the airport, they dropped off the rental and took a shuttle to the check-in. All right according to the plan. No one looked at them sideways. House was batting a thousand as usual.
She hated that he made her think in sports metaphors and contained a smile as she thought back to those early years with him. In a million years she would have never guessed this in their future. House sitting beside her, holding her child as if he were his own. Stroking his back gently and rocking him as he grumbled in his med-induced sleep. Kissing his head and humming soft lullabies in the little boy's ears. All the time she wondered, how much was an act? How much, if any, was real?
She did as she'd been directed. Her eyes were glued to the phone as much as possible, playing the various games he'd put on there for her. She'd quickly become addicted to Minecraft and he rolled his eyes when she pumped her arm after narrowly avoiding getting blown up by a creeper. "That's going to rot your brain. Why don't you read a book or something?"
She shrugged, "actually you have to use your brain to play this one. You'd prob like it if you weren't so old," and went on with playing. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him look down at his watch. "We're barely going to make it, guys. Daniel, I'm going to need your help with your brother. Put your phone away and hold him while I take care of getting us checked in." He ordered as the shuttle came to a stop and the people started to disembark. "Now."
"But I'm almost finished building my redstone powered track!" she whined. He grabbed the phone and hit the home key. "You can play later. We can't miss this flight," he admonished as the driver looked on with a sympathetic eye.
The driver was a stocky man with dark brown skin, a pot belly, and a shaved head. Probably in his 40s. "I've got one his age. It's all he ever wants to do. The real world could blow up around them and they'd stay glued to the damned screen."
"God, tell me about it. And it's just me now. So I let him get away with it so much more than I should just because I can't do it all," House says sadly. "Wife was killed in a car wreck last month. I don't know if I'm coming or going most the time."
House handed her Greg and she tried to act brotherly as the boy stirred on the transfer. "Come on Bubby. Time to go for a ride on a jet plane." Then she remembered, as she stepped off the shuttle to the curb, her ribs were supposed to be on the mend. "Dad, he's kind of heavy on my ribs. I'm not sure I can hold him long," she called out.
House was tipping the driver, who had helped him carry their bags to the curb check. "Oh, damn, sorry I… Hey sir, could you help us out? He asked the attendant. My older son was injured in a car wreck and I can't carry the little one very far with the bum leg. I order a wheelchair when I got the tickets, so once it gets here I can put him in my lap, but he's been sick as a dog today — that's why we're so late and he's too doped up to stand on his own right now."
House could play people. She'd always known that. His current performance was Oscar-worthy. The attendant made a call then offered to hold Greg, a minute later a young woman, most likely in her mid-twenties was walking out the door with a wheelchair. House gave her a kind look and she melted as soon as she saw his baby-blues. The man handed Greg to House and the woman cooed over Cameron's son. "Oh, poor little guy. It's so awful when the little ones are sick."
"Yeah. It is," he agreed as she rolled them forward and Cameron fell in just behind. House glanced to the side and looked at a unisex bathroom then called back to her "Daniel you said you have to go, you need to make it quick we are really late, but I know you've been holding it a while."
Cameron was puzzled for a second, but then remembered that House mentioned he would find a way to tell the sad story, but it would seem too much if 'Daniel' was in earshot. He wanted some time to really play up the story of the dead wife to the girl so she would help get them through security faster. So she nodded to him and made her way into the family bathroom locked the door and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
Damn, it was crazy. Exciting, but so dangerous. But so far House was showing his superior intellect yet again. She figured she might as well really pee while she had a chance, being dressed as a boy did have the one big problem: how to fake peeing like a guy. A few minutes later she rejoined them and the sympathetic look she was now getting from the girl confirmed her assumption. The story had been bought hook, line, and sinker.
They moved quickly then, practically jogging, toward security. The woman went right up to the TSA pre-check and left them a few feet back to talk to the guard there. She showed him their tickets and House's fake ID. Told him a few things and he nodded. She came back and said, we're going to get you fast tracked Mr. Gilliam. Then she got behind him again and pushed him forward to the first check in the nearly empty TSA pre-check line.
A moment later the security officer was looking over their tickets and House's fake ID. Cameron felt like she was sweating bullets but she just kept playing with her phone, pretending to shoot off some texts. Glancing up here and there, but acting disinteresting in the whole process. A moment later, he was telling House "You're all set, Mr. Gilliam. Hope your little guy feels better soon."
House thanked him sincerely and on they moved to the lane furthest to the left and, just as House had promised, the one with only a metal detector. She wheeled him forward and tossed the shoulder bag on the conveyer belt. "You don't have to do shoes in this lane, but you'll need to take off the heavy coat empty your pockets, take off your belt. Can you walk through the detector?" She asked House.
He replied, "Yeah. It's fine. I just can't do the long distances and long lines." Which was probably truer than he cared to admit. She nodded in understanding as Cameron and he put their coats, belts, phones on the x-ray belt, and proceeded through the metal detector. House walked through with no problem. The girl handed Greg to a security guard over a rope and they used the wand over him since he couldn't be carried by Greg or walk through himself. They had another person and chair waiting on the other side. The girl whispered a few things to the guard who passed on the information as they passed along Greg, then it was Cameron's turn.
She walked through and her heart leaped into her mouth as the damned machine went off. It was so tempting to run. Her palms were sweating, her mouth went dry. She tried to seem calm, but she was anything but. A guard approached and asked her to check her pockets and walk back through. She did as she was told, but there was nothing and the damned thing went off one more.
She began to wonder if the studding on her jeans might be setting it off. But whatever it was, she was terrified of being forced into a pat down. House spoke up then. "Can you wand him down? The alarms like that make him nervous since he was in the hospital. There were a lot of bad things happening every time some sort of beeper went off. Since then, I can't even set an alarm for him in the mornings."
The guard nodded and came over with the wand. "Arms out, legs apart. It's probably just some kind of metal on your pants. Sometimes certain types of riveting set it off." He continued to wave it starting from the shoulders and working down. As luck would have it the buttons on the crotch lit the thing up. She was glad House made her go pee, otherwise, she might be pissing her pants now. The whole inspection was requiring this guy to be way too close to her. And now he was getting ready to inspect her fly. If there was much patting there and the jig was up.
She glanced at House and he was still the picture of calm. Holding Greg in his lap. At least the meds were doing the trick and the boy was snoozing through the alarms and all. The guard asked her to pull up her shirt tail and took a look at the jeans and then called over another officer. "Hey John, are these those jeans that are always setting off the crotch alarm? I don't wanna have to pat this poor kid down for nothing."
John, squatted down and took a closer look. "Hold up your shirt young man." He ordered, and Cameron pulled her top back up. "Yeah, those are the ones. If you're concerned we can do the body scanner."
"Na just wanted to make sure. These poor guys've had a long enough day as it is. No need to make them miss their flight."
"Alright kid. You're free to go. Just ditch those jeans next time you fly. We have problems with those at least ten times a day. Pain in everyone's asses."
"Okay," she replied still shaky then gathered her belt, coat and phone and joined her 'father' a moment later.
"I think we're going to get there just in time. You guys are really lucky tonight."
You have no idea, she thought as she trotted along beside the much taller man now driving House. His stride was two of hers and she was glad she was in shape. It was another ten minutes to their gate, but just as he promised they made it there just in time and walked straight onto the plane with no wait.
House had booked them two first class seats, with Greg having a lap ticket. Once seated she took to the boy and he woke up just long enough to smile and say "Hi Daniel." Before resting his head back on his mother's shoulder. House heard it too and Cameron and he smiled at one another.
"You know he really loves his big brother, right?" House asked.
"Yeah," she replied with a wink. "He's okay for a little kid."