Author's Note: Still don't own Torchwood and Doctor Who. BBC does.
xxxx
Owen followed the aide to the director's office. After her hellos, she explained. "We don't have a boat and the phone lines are busy. We can only feed 73 new residents for so long. I would like you to get us a boat and supplies. Food and water."
"How would you like me to do that?" asked Owen.
"I have a credit card," said the director. "Use it."
"No boat," said Owen.
"A dead man can't drown," said the director. "Walk, if you can't swim."
"Do you have nose plugs? I can't cough up the water in my lungs, and if I look like something a copper dragged out of the lake, people will run away in horror and no one will give me any rations."
"There may be nose plugs or a scuba mask in the boathouse. You've been an asset to our community. I rather not have you swell like a sponge."
"Thanks." At the boathouse, Owen found a scuba mask to cover his nose and eyes to prevent water from entering his body. While doing making some repairs on a door a resident ripped off the hinges, Owen found a can of clear shellac. He coated his skin with a thin layer of the polymer to keep his skin from flaking off then he had one of the nurse's aides shellac the areas he couldn't reach, so he was waterproof. There was a pair of rubber gloves by the boat-cleaning chemicals. A rubber glove over his damaged hand would prevent water from entering his open sore if the polymer failed. A bit of rubber over his bullet hole would keep water from entering that hole. The only problem was the medical tape used to bandage his chest could rip the skin when removed. However, a little tearing was better than filling up with water like a sponge.
Since Owen found a wet suit, he could keep the wound on his chest relatively dry without tape since he didn't have the time to let a new layer of shellac dry. He packed the credit card and his shoes and socks in a water-tight bag. He would need the shoes and socks once he got to dry land since his wet feet could tear easy. He then put a towel in the water-tight bag to pat dry his feet totally dry before he put on socks. He wanted to keep the functionality of his body and his looks for long as possible. Diane had called him beautiful.
Since this time his mouth wasn't open and his nose was covered, Owen didn't feel water entering his lungs, so he didn't have the sensation of drowning. Without the air in his lungs and being a bit low on body fat, he didn't float to the top, but he didn't sink all the way to the bottom, allowing him to swim underwater to the shore.
After removing his rubber glove and scuba mask, Owen dried his feet. No water damage, the shellac hadn't totally peeled off, yet. After he dried his feet, he put on his socks and shoes. He walked to the marina to see a man sitting on a folding chair near his boat.
"I need to rent your boat to go to Flat Holm. Some weird astronomical phenomenon has caused a bunch of people to appear there. We need food and water." Owen explained since, with the Earth being surrounded by planets, no one would argue about weird astronomical phenomena occurring.
"And by the look of you, you swam all the way here," said the man.
"Yes, I did," said Owen. "You want to make something of it?"
"Can you pay?"
"Yes, but if you don't give me a fair price, I'll take my business elsewhere."
"Will you be getting your own supplies?" asked the man.
"I can manage." Owen walked away. He must have looked like a drowned puppy but without the mask and wet suit he would have faired a lot worse. A bit of sun and he would be right as rain. Then again, they were surrounded by a bunch of planets with no sun in sight. Nothing would be right again. Owen bought the food and bottled water and had it loaded onto the boat. The ride back was much more relaxing than the swim over.
After the food was securely put away, Owen put on some dry clothes, still warm from the dryer.
Diane hugged him. "I should never have left."
"We can't change what happened. Time travel doesn't work that way," said Owen. "You like sex and I can't."
"We can dance," said Diane.
"I get to watch you shag other people. Where does that fucking leave me? Don't answer that," said Owen. "I'm going to try to call Ianto, again. Maybe, the phone lines are no longer jammed."
"We're being attacked by giant pepper pots," said Diane. "You missed the news while you were out collecting supplies."
"Pepper pots, you must be joking."
"Watch the news yourself," Diane said, "They're landing in all the major cities. They don't consider Cardiff a major city. Lucky for us."
Sitting on a sofa beside Diane, Owen used his mobile phone to call Ianto. Finally, Ianto picked up. "Jones, Ianto Jones."
"Tea-boy, do you always answer your phone like that?"
"I knew it was you," said Ianto.
"Diane is here. I'm sitting next to her, waiting for the world to end."
"Gwen and I are trapped in the hub. Jack went to find the Doctor."
"Is Rhys OK?"
"Gwen told him to stay indoors. Diane is there?"
"A hour or so before the Earth moved, the rift dropped 73 people onto Holm Flat like the universe needed to self-correct and didn't have much time. I just got back from a delivery run. Diane should be joining the others in the mess, but she's sitting by me."
"I'm not hungry," said Diane. "Tell Ianto hello. And I wish Captain Harkness luck."
"Diane says hello and wishes Jack luck," repeated Owen. "She's planning to leave me to have an lesbian affair with Amelia Earheart."
"Did Miss Earheart come through the rift?" asked Ianto.
"They hadn't IDed everyone when I left for supplies," said Owen. "Is Miss Earheart here?"
Diane nodded.
"She is," Owen told Ianto then he covered the mobile phone with his hand. "Diane, I get to watch."
"She's a bit old for me," said Diane. "And she wasn't the most coherent. They later realised she was sane - only speaking an alien tongue that no one knew - that's why it took them so long to identify her. She's been surrounded by aliens for so long it may take her a while to adjust to being around human beings again."
Owen said into the phone, "Ianto, I'm sorry to inform you, but she's damaged like Jonah."
"Maybe, she'll come around. You liked watching Gwen get some girl-on-girl action in the holding cells."
"That was Jack."
"Jack wasn't the one doing Gwen in the ventilation shaft a week or so later," teased Ianto.
"You knew about that."
"I know everything," said Ianto. "And Jack still thinks you disintegrated the day Tosh died."
"I can't go back to Torchwood. We all lost those two days together. If I go back, I could be forced to keep secrets like Data, and you are much better at keeping secrets," Since Owen could no longer metabolize medicine, he couldn't be retconned. He recalled the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Clues where everyone but Data loses a day's worth of memories and didn't want to be placed in that position.
"I am."
Owen could almost hear Ianto's smugness over the phone. Diane kissed Owen's cheek while he continued to talk to Ianto. She then left to get some food. Seeing bullets and a Dalek frozen in time blocking the door must have made Ianto talkative because Owen was still on the phone when Diane came back with coffee.
"Thanks but I can't drink." Owen said before hanging up the phone, "Tea-boy, bore Gwen or go back to watching the news."
Diane put the coffee mug on the table. "You really can't eat or drink."
"I stayed under water the whole time I swam to shore," said Owen. "I can't drown nor do I get tired."
"I need to watch a zombie film," said Diane.
"You don't." Owen looked at the coffee mug on the table. "Film zombies kill people and I'm a nice zombie."
"I'll drink the coffee then," said Diane.
Owen put an arm around her. "Please, do."
"I'm going to visit with Miss Earheart." Diane kissed his cheek. "This is too surreal."
xxxx
Finally, Ianto phoned to say that the Dalek blocking the doorway had vanished and he and Gwen were no longer trapped. Soon after that phone call, the building started shaking, again. Since Diane was still with her hero, Owen curled into foetal position far away from falling debris to wait it out.
While the building was still shaking, Diane had started hugging him, protecting him with her body. Owen smiled. He was more than a roll in the hay to her. She left the safety of a resident's room to find him. Owen imagined her wandering the halls of the shaking underground bunker to find him. That wasn't something someone would do for just anyone.
xxxx
After the aftershocks were over, Owen let Diane introduce him to her hero - a grey-haired, not particularly attractive woman. She had spent many years as the single Earthling surrounded by aliens and being around humans again was a bit of a shock. Owen guessed her physical age to be in the late fifties or early sixties.
"Do you work here, young man?" she asked.
"I'm a resident same as you." Owen once heard you can tell the patients from the staff in an mental hospital because the staff had keys. He didn't have keys; thus, he was a resident.
"Did you get taken by the rift to an alien world?" asked Miss Earheart.
"No, if I tell you what happened to me, you would think me mad," said Owen.
"I would think me mad, if I didn't experience it myself," said Miss Earheart. "I am told it is July 2008. The last Earth date I recall is July 2, 1937."
"What happened to Noonan?" asked Owen.
"He didn't trust the alien family that took us in and went off to explore. I believe he died exploring because he promised to come back for me. I became a sister and daughter to my alien family. They are, probably, wondering where I am."
"The world outside is very different than it was in 1937."
"I am used to change. I saw cinema go from silent pictures to talkies. You did not invent change." Miss Earheart sat up in bed. "I'm going to take a walk outside now that the Earth has stopped shaking."
Diane took her arm. "I'll come with you."
"Enjoy your constitutional." Owen kissed Diane's cheek. "I'll see you around."
xxxx
The few days later, Jack sneaked Owen onto the same boat that had delivered food to Flat Holm. Then the engine was going and the boat was leaving dock.
"I have to get back before Amelia and Diane hijack a plane," said Owen.
Jack put a hand on Owen's shoulder. "I'll have you back before you need to spoon-fed our less coherent residents their dinner."
"I like feeding people," said Owen. "The cook won't let me in the kitchen, but I'm allowed to pass out trays and feed the residents. It's a job."
"It would be a job, if you got paid," said Jack. "You're a resident helping out. Keep Owen away from the knives. He could hurt himself, again."
Owen didn't need to look at his bandaged hand to know he deserved that remark. "You aren't going to beg me to come back." And the cook didn't want him in the kitchen because having someone around fire that couldn't heal or feel pain didn't strike the cook as a good idea. Or so he told Owen.
"And if I did?"
"I would tell you to fuck off." Owen beamed.
"Then I won't ask."
"Have you been watching me on CCTV the whole time?" asked Owen.
"No, I have better things to do with my time," said Jack. "I didn't know you were at Flat Holm until Ianto called me. By the way, all your clothes are waiting. You just need to ask."
Owen looked down at his green scrubs. "I'm fine."
Jack yelled, "You two can come out of hiding."
Martha and a stranger, a slender black man, left the cabin. Martha was his replacement and the man must have been the new computer expert, not that anyone could replace Tosh.
Martha hugged Owen. "How's it hanging?"
"Limp as always." Owen continued to hug Martha, patting her back lightly. "And with my arms wrapped around a lady as beautiful as you, that means I must be dead."
"No news there." Martha stopped hugging Owen then kissed his cheek.
"He's dead?" asked the stranger.
"Mickey Mouse; Dr. Owen Harper, deceased," said Jack. "Owen, Mickey Mouse. Mickey once fired a missile at 10 Downing Street, so no computer is safe from his hacking skills. He also lived on a parallel Earth, making him Torchwood material."
"Mr. Mouse, it's a pleasure to meet you." Owen shook his hand. "I'm still available if you need someone to get past heat sensors."
Mickey looked at his hand in Owen's. "That's cool." Then Mickey let Owen's hand go.
"I make the grim reaper jokes," said Owen.
"Owen battled the grim reaper and won," said Martha.
Mickey said, "Your skin is smooth."
"Shellac. I had Diane help me reapply it after my swim."
"You painted yourself?" asked Jack.
"Clear no gloss - I don't want to look shiny. Doctors operate wearing gloves, so I don't see the problem. I also moisten my mouth and eyes. I'm very diligent with my self-care." Owen looked out over the beautiful blue water. "The sun is in the sky, so the Doctor won."
"Donna won," said Martha. "But let the Doctor believe he saved the day."
"Otherwise, we will never hear the end of it," said Mickey.
"Did you hear something?" asked Jack.
"The mouse squealed," said Owen.
"Shut up, dead guy," said Mickey.
Jack said, "Martha, I need you and Mickey to help get our 72 new residents placed. Ianto will help you create new identities for those who need them."
"73 people landed on the island," said Owen.
"I'm sure you would like to give Miss Diane Holmes your personal touch," said Jack.
xxxx
Owen returned to the island with a trunk containing clothing and a few personal belongings. The trunk sat on the floor of the laundry room since Owen didn't have his own room. Owen took out the box with Diane's red dress and held it in his lap.
Diane entered the laundry.
Owen put the box back in the trunk then said, "Hello."
"I asked Captain Harkness to help me relocate," said Diane.
"I understand," said Owen.
"I like you but," Diane explained.
"I shouldn't have asked you to shellac me," said Owen.
"You didn't laugh or squirm when I painted even your delicate parts. It was like you were a ventriloquist's dummy."
"Just call me Mortimer Snerd." Owen stood up slowly.
"You know about Edgar Bergen?"
"He was in The Muppet Movie. Way after your time. There is a scientific term for why you've been avoiding me since you refreshed my shellac - uncanny valley. You like Charlie McCarthy and Mickey Mouse, but when a doll or an animation becomes too life-like, it is no longer cute - it unnerves us - makes us uneasy."
"What does that have to do with you?" Diane's eyes were on the door.
"You painted me like you would a doll, but I'm too alive to be a doll. Thus, you no longer want to be in the room with me and are staring at the door, looking for an opportunity to leave. I value our friendship and hope you can look pass your unease."
"You danced to a Tony Bennett song with me. You bought me that dress. I want us to be friends."
Owen put his hand on her shoulder. "I want that, too. You'll find another married man to have meaningless sex with. Plenty of meaningless sex in the 21th century. A good friendship is hard to find any century."
Diane kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Owen."