The After

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.

A/N: I am truly sorry for the lack in updates. As I explained in my most recent update for Devoted, I have been undergoing some personal issues, and I'm still fighting to get back to where I need to be. I'm hoping that my interest in writing won't wane as quickly this time around. I beg of you all to be patient.

Kagome

Kagome was laying in bed. If anyone could actually call the nearly paper-thin cot she slept on a bed.

She was on her side, her skin still wet from the bath she had just taken. She had a towel wrapped around her body as she blankly stared at the black and red pinstriped wall. Her hair was soaked, making her pillow damp, but she could hardly bring herself to care. She shivered, wincing a bit when her sore body ached at the movement.

Yesterday had been a busy night. Plenty of new customers coming in to see her. Kagome's stomach tightened in disgust and she closed her eyes tight, bringing one fist to press against her chest. Don't. Don't think about it now. She had nearly scrubbed her skin raw trying to make the dirty feeling go away. It hadn't helped, but the sting of the wash rag had been enough to distract her long enough to force herself to get out of the tub. She took in a deep breath and rolled onto her back to stare up at the ceiling of her room. There was a simple, round chandelier, red lights glowing dimly through the stained glass. Black fabric traveled from the chandelier, out to the four corners of the room. In a different time, she might have actually liked the setup, the dim lighting, the contrasting colors- but at the moment, all she could see was death. So much... death.

Blood splatters on the walls.

She closed her eyes tightly and bit down hard on her bottom lip. It's not there. There's nothing there, Kagome. She kept repeating the words in her head, hoping that she could block out the screams that had started to echo in her ears. Screams she knew weren't real, but couldn't get to stop anyway. Her hands were pressed flat against her racing heart then, and her stomach rolled when the memory of the stench of blood and urine and sex filled her nose.

Gods, the screams were so loud. Echoing. Echoing in her head, getting louder and louder- screams like knives. Screams like shards of glass.

She sat up quickly, moving her hands over her ears. Her towel slipped off, pooling around her but she didn't even feel it. Her chest was heaving with every breath she took, her body was throbbing in pain from the past days' abuse, and her heart was aching from the horror of the scenes playing in a loop in her mind. She gripped her hair, tugging just enough to feel the discomfort in her scalp. She clenched her jaw and her lips pulled back in a grimace of pain. Gods, the screams! If the screams would just stop!

She could practically feel her heartbeat in her entire body. The pounding of the organ like a hammer to her skull. She felt the heat of the flames. She could remember the feeling of claws against her skin. She could remember breath; rancid, awful breath against her skin. Everywhere. Gods, she could practically feel hands now. So many different hands. More pairs of hands, everywhere, pressing her down; covering her mouth; gripping her throat. Kagome took in a shaky breath and let out a sob, but no tears fell. They had all fallen a long time ago. She had no more left to shed, but gods, she wished she did.

"Kagome?"

Kagome looked up with a gasp, her hands dropping to the bed. Her wet hair was clinging to her face and shoulders, partially covering her exposed breasts, but not enough. She didn't care about any of that though. She watched as the familiar male approached her from the doorway, concern glowing in his emerald eyes. Kagome looked away as the door closed behind him, her shoulders slumping and her heart slowing down.

"I... I know you told me not to come back but-"

"Asked," Kagome corrected, her flat eyes falling to the black, carpeted floor. "I can't tell you to do anything. You're a demon."

"That doesn't mean anything, Kagome."

Kagome slowly turned her head to look at him. She wished his eyes didn't look so sad. She wished his voice hadn't been so gentle. It was so much easier to hate them when they didn't treat her like they cared. It was why she had begged him not to come back. This one, a fox he had said, was too kind to her. Every time he came to see her, he was gentle, careful. He was never once rough with her, and he never brought friends to watch what they did. He didn't even bring her out onto the main floor, where there were nothing but sheer curtains to shield them from other customers. Kagome had asked him why he treated her this way; why he acted like she wasn't the slave they both knew she was. His answer had been more than enough reason for her to get the courage to ask him not to come see her again.

He was handsome, but most demons were. He appeared to be young, maybe in his early twenties- but she knew that demons aged differently than humans, and he could very easily be centuries old. His vibrant red hair was cropped short-like most of the soldiers that had come through the pleasure house- and matched the three, bushy tails that waved behind him as he walked. He was tall, maybe a little over six and a half feet, but his body was lean- very much like the animal he descended from. He had the pointed ears and sharp fangs that most demons posessed, and when he removed his tan, leather gloves, he revealed his sharp claws. Kagome winced and looked away from him.

"It means everything," Kagome whispered.

She felt the bed shift where he sat down beside her. A warm, gentle hand was suddenly taking hold of one of hers and she squeezed her eyes shut in attempt to block him out. The young fox let out a soft sigh and released her hand, but didn't move from his place on the bed.

"Is the idea of being with me truly so awful?"

Kagome's eyes opened and she stared at the male in disbelief. He was frowning, his shining green eyes fixed on his lap where his hands were balled into fists. He looked as though he was deeply troubled, and it made Kagome furious. As if he had any right to think he was doing her a favor by asking what he did. As if his words had brought any comfort to what could only be described as her rape, no matter how kind he had been. She was here against her will, and no matter what he told her, she knew that if she agreed what he was asking of her would be nothing short of a betrayal to her life before all of this madness The After had wrought.

"I am married, Shippou," she ground out, glaring into his eyes when they turned to look at her. "And no matter what happens to me in this god-forsaken place, I will always be married. I love my husband, and even if my body is nothing more than play thing for the monsters that walk in here, not a single one will ever have my heart."

She wanted to scream when the male before her had the audacity to look pained. She wanted to slap him across his handsome face, maybe even scratch- but he would heal, and not even a mark would be left behind. She gave a short, defeated chuckle at that. She couldn't even have the satisfaction of knowing she had phased one of his kind. If only she had inherited the spiritual powers of her grandfather, but for some reason the magic in the Higurashi blood died with him. Not even her father or brother had the gift. If I had been born a spiritualist, things would have been so different that day...

She fantasized about it often enough. If she had holy powers, would she have been able to stop the demon that had come into her home and violated her so completely? Would she have been able to kill him? Would she have enjoyed it? Kagome's thoughts were cut short when a gentle hand gripped her chin and tilted her head.

"I know my kind have hurt you," Shippou said softly, his emerald eyes searching hers. "And I know you did nothing to deserve it. We took everything from you, and I don't blame you for hating us, but..."

He lowered his gaze and swallowed, as though he was struggling with what he wanted to say. Kagome wanted to shake her head. He was a demon. He had the luxury of saying whatever he wanted and not having to face any kind of repurcussion. He could do whatever he wanted. Why did he always try to pretend that they were equals?

"...I'm not like them, Kagome," he finally said, closing his eyes and moving his hand to rest at the back of her neck. "I may have the same blood, and I may wear this cursed uniform, but I am not like them!"

His eyes flashed back to hers and Kagome blinked at the raw emotion she saw in their depths. A second hand came to cup her face and she nearly cried at the intimacy of the gesture. Why did he always do this to her?

"I didn't have a choice, Kagome," his voice cracked as he spoke. "He has my parents. I had to join his army. I didn't want to. I swear on everything that I am and everything I love that I never wanted any of this!"

Kagome's lips parted in surprise when the first tear trailed down his cheek to splash silently onto the bare skin of her leg. She watched as the demon before her cried silently, his eyes never leaving hers, his lips trembling as he fought to get a grip on himself.

"I never meant to fall in love with you," he whispered, the clawed hand at the back of her neck carressing the sensitive skin gently with his words. "When I saw Kouga dragging you in here all that time ago, when I saw the way you fought, even after what he had done to you-" Kagome flinched and dropped her gaze, only to feel his thumb brush across the apple of her cheek to regain her attention. "I knew that if you, someone who had been hurt in the worst way possible, could still find the strength to fight, that I could too. For you, at least. I wanted to help you in any way I could. That's why I came here so often. I knew that so long as you were with me, one of them couldn't hurt you."

Kagome's eyes widened a bit as realisation struck her. She had always wondered why Shippou had decided on taking up most of her appointments. He wasn't there every day, but when he came, he booked her for the entire day and she never had to see another client for at least a day after so that she was able to "regain her strength." And even the first time he had come to her, he had been gentle. Almost shy. It took nearly an hour before he brought himself to touch her, and she had been so surprised at his softness that she hadn't struck him as she had the others. She hadn't responded, but she hadn't fought him either.

After a few weeks, he had begun speaking to her about what was going on outside The Den. She had felt safe enough with him to ask questions about the outside world, about what had happened to her kind. She had been horrified at his answers, but she couldn't stop herself from asking. She knew he wouldn't strike her for her curiousity, and he was always happy when she would speak to him, even if she never once showed him the kindness he had shown her. He asked her questions of her life before The After, and she had answered as much as she could bear. She never spoke of her son; just the thought of him would drive her into a nearly comatose state that had the owner of The Den coming in to dunk her in ice water to bring her back to her senses. She only told him enough to keep him satisfied, for she feared for the day he would stop answering her questions. He was the only link to the outside she had, even if he was one of them. She never let herself forget that. To her, he was just another monster; just one that didn't like to see her bloody and spitting when he took her.

A gentle monster.

"It wasn't until it was too late that I realized I loved you, Kagome," Shippou whispered, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on hers. "And when I knew that, I went to my commander and asked him what could be done about it- he was the one that told me the only way to save you from this place was to mate you and I want to, Kagome. I want it more than anything."

Kagome tried to pull away from him when he spoke that word again but his gentle grip kept her in place. She raised a hand to push at his shoulders and let out a sob before he was using his strength to lean her back against the mattress and rest his body above hers just enough so that she couldn't move. She bit her bottom lip and clenched her eyes shut as tightly as she could.

"Please," he begged, moving his head to nuzzle against her throat. "Please, Kagome, I need you with me always. I can't stand the thought of you being here."

Kagome let out a whimper and she turned her head away from him, dropping her hands from him and letting her fists clench in the sheet beneath her. His knees slipped between her legs and he rested his hips softly against hers. His breath was warm on the skin of her neck, while his tears were cool in comparison, dripping into her hair and onto her flesh. She felt her own tears seeping between her eyelids despite her efforts at stopping them.

This wasn't fair. He was an offering her an escape, and she wanted so badly to accept it- but she couldn't. Sure, she would no longer have to suffer, but why should she get to be free of the torture when her husband and child couldn't? She felt a stab of pain in her chest at the memory of the little child that was thrown into the street in front of her house, knowing that her own son was lost to her, possibly in an even more gruesome way. These demons were twisted in ways no human could possibly be. There was no telling what had been done to her child, and she was thankful that she didn't know, but at the same time she drove herself mad with the imaginings of what could have. Just the reminder of the child she had lost sent her into a fit of sobs so hysterical that she had Shippou wrapping his arms around her shoulders and laying gentle kisses on the side of her neck and behind her ear.

Then suddenly he was pulling himself away and she felt him leaning over her. She kept her eyes closed until his fingertips brushed across the trail of her tears and she felt that the presence of his claws was absent. It was enough to quiet her sobs just enough that she was able to open her eyes and turn her head to look at him.

And then she gasped.

Big blue eyes stared down at her beneath a mop of shaggy golden hair. Her eyes scanned over tanned skin, and soft wrinkles at the corners of his eyes from constantly smiling. Her heart jerked in her chest and she couldn't breathe at the sight of him. She reached up with hands that were shaking so badly she wasn't sure she wouldn't hurt him. Her fingertips reached into the soft, silky strands and smoothed over rounded ears before cupping his strong jaw. Her tears poured freely, but her hiccupping sobs were stolen along with her breath. Her parted lips tried to speak his name but she couldn't even bring herself to form words at the sight of him.

Hojo...

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she should have realized that he was wearing that wretched red and gold uniform, and that she should know that this wasn't her Hojo, but the broken part of her mind was all too willing to accept the lie in front of her. His smiling lips lowered to hers and for the first time in so long she was surprised she still knew how, she kissed him back, rejoicing in how his lips molded so perfectly to hers. She whimpered and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her even as her tears increased, taking his mouth desperately.

Her hands pulled at the lapels of his clothing, ripped buttons from the fabric, sending them skittering across the floor in all directions. His hands lowered to unbuckle his belt and slide his pants down, kicking his boots and socks off as he did this. She clutched at his warm skin with bruising force, her lips never once leaving his, her tongue dancing with his almost violently. She was filled with a longing so savage she didn't even recognize herself for a moment. Her mind had to have been damaged beyond repair for her to accept that her husband was returned to her so suddenly. She wanted nothing more than to believe it. She had dreamt for so long to find him again, to feel him again...

She threw her head back when she felt him enter her suddenly and let out a strangled groan. How long had it been since she'd gotten wet on her own? She wasn't sure she would ever be able to again. Pleasure radiated to her fingertips and she almost smiled at the sensation. He shifted just slightly and her back arched. She grit her teeth and clutched his shoulders with her nails digging into his skin and he hissed as he slowly thrust himself in and out of her. She wrapped her legs around his narrow waist and sobbed when he moved even , he felt so good. Her body was so used to the voilence that came with sex and the hatred that burned within her, that she had nearly forgotten what it could feel like.

He lowered his head to the crook of her neck and she reveled in his pants and grunts as he moved. Her hands were running across his shoulders, her heels were digging into the small of his back. He shifted his arms beneath her so that he could tenderly hold her shoulders and pull himself closer to her. She lifted her hips to meet his thrusts and he groaned into her ear before she felt him take the sensitive lobe between his teeth and her eyes snapped open as the first orgasm that wasn't forced from her took hold of her body. She cried out, her back arching off the bed completely and her nails digging deeply into his skin. She convulsed around him but he didn't stop and she let out a soft whimper as her body shuddered at the feel of him prolonging her pleasure.

A chuckle filled with warmth and affection met her ears before he slowed his movements and it was that sound that stole the breath from her lungs again- this time in horror. For all that this man looked and even felt like her husband, that voice wasn't his. Kagome's body tensed and her breaths came in short and panicked, causing the male to still inside of her and pull back with a worried frown. He lifted a hand to brush the bangs back from her face and Kagome could only stare at him with wide, horrified eyes.

"Kagome, are you alright?" he asked her, but again it wasn't his voice.

"You're not him," she whispered and before her eyes gold hair bled crimson, and big blue eyes became slanted and green. She shook her head as his ears became pointed and his canines turned to deadly fangs and she shuddered in self revulsion as Shippou's frowning face stared down at her.

"Of course I'm not," he said, his brows drawn together in confusion. "I-I I'm a kitsune, Kagome. I can shapeshift into almost anything." He said this as though it was the most obvious thing in the world and Kagome could only stare at him as her heart shattered in her chest. "I wanted to do this for you, that's why I asked you so many questions about your husband."

His cheeks flushed and he looked just a bit guilty and it made Kagome want to rip his face from his skull.

"It took me a long time before I figured I could try it out with you," he admitted. "I didn't want to try until I was positive I could picture every single detail you told me, and even then I wasn't sure I'd get it right. It's so hard to shift into someone I've never seen but you were so happy that I knew I got it right-"

Kagome wanted to vomit. She pushed at him, kicked at him furiously, and all she could feel was betrayal. She had honestly believed... Was she that broken? That desperate? And she had enjoyed it. She had wanted it so desperately for it to be him that even though she knew on some level that it couldn't possibly be him- she had let herself believe it long enough that she actually-

She got herself far enough away that she was able to aim her vomit onto the carpet beside her bed. She faintly heard Shippou's voice calling out to her in concern but she blocked him out. How could he possibly think she would want this from him? This was torture worse than any physical cruelty she'd had to endure. She had betrayed her husband. She had actually participated- she had cheated on his memory. She had tarnished it. She would never be able to think of him now without remembering her sins this day. She let out a wail of anguish and she threw herself from the bed to crash against the far wall and sob into the stone. She beat her fists against it, screaming when Shippou tried to touch her. She was in such a fit of insanity that she missed the door opening.

"-I have her booked for the rest of the night!"

"You're outranked here, kid," she heard. "Kouga payed double to have her out on the floor."

No.

Kagome whipped her head around to stare at the two demons that were pushing past Shippou's naked body, carrying shackles and that horrid beaded outfit she was forced to wear when she was working the floor. Her eyes widened in panic and she shook her head violently, trying to melt into the wall before her.

"Please," she begged in a hushed voice. "Please no- I just had a client, I can't-"

"Kouga's orders, Blue Eyes."

Gods, she hated that name! She fought against the large hands that gripped her arms and spread them out so that the clothing could be tied over her struggling form. She tried to kick out at her captors but she knew she was no match, even if she landed a hit. The cold sting of metal against her wrists made her cry out in defeat and then she was released to crumple onto the floor, just to have her ankles shackled as well. She glared through watering eyes as one of the bastards closed his hand around a chunk of her hair and yanked violently to get her to stand up.

"Come on, whore. Customers are waiting."

She was jerked forward before her hair was finally released, and she shuffled behind them with her head bowed low in shame and anger. She knew Kouga was terrible on his own, but they had said "customers" which meant that he had brought someone with him. Her stomach cramped at the thought of what awaited her, along with the horror of what had just happened. She wouldn't survive today. It wasn't possible. Even if she did, she would do all she could to just end her life. There was no way she could live with herself after this.

"Don't worry, Kagome," Shippou called after her as she was marched down the stairs toward the lower level of the pleasure house. "I'll wait for you. I promise, I'll still be here-"

She shook her head and blocked out his voice. She couldn't handle hearing that voice for another second. Gritting her teeth in determination, she locked her gaze on her bare feet and focused on the sound of her chains rattling as she moved. She wouldn't give Kouga the pleasure of getting to her today. She wouldn't fight him, just because she knew how much he enjoyed it. This would be her last act of defiance before she ended her life and she was going to revel in his anger.

Bring it on.

oOoOoOo

She had just finished snarling at Kouga, even though she had promised herself that she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of reacting to his advances. She was angry at him, at herself, at the smirking bastard beside him- a thunder demon that enjoyed torturing her with jolts of electricity when he took her- that she didn't notice the other male in the space before her until he spoke.

"Kagome?" he breathed.

Kagome's head whipped around at the sound of her actual name from a customer. Shippou was the only one who knew her as Kagome so who-? She took in the silver hair and the expressive canine ears that were turned in her direction and her heart stuttered. Blue eyes met gold and she saw shock and disbelief and she almost smiled at the sight of him, foolishly thinking for just a fraction of a second that he was there to save her...

...And then she saw his uniform.

It was all too much. She couldn't handle another shock today. Not after Shippou. Not after what she had done. The sight of Inuyasha, her best friend that she had thought dead along with her husband and child for so long, was enough to make her vision blurry and her head spin. She just managed to breathe out his name before her world went black and silent.

oOoOo

She woke to the sounds of sobbing.

"...so sorry...should have looked harder...Hojo will never forgive me..."

Kagome frowned and struggled to open her eyes. When she finally managed to, she stared up in confusion at the unfamiliar ceiling above her. This room was decorated the same as hers, but it was colored blue and green instead of black and red- who would bring her here? She had never serviced customers in here before.

"...I just gave up...you were dead, you had to be...Please forgive me...so sorry, Gome..."

Kagome sat up with a gasp at the sound of her childhood nickname and she looked at the foot of the bed she was lying on to see a familiar mess of silver hair and pointed ears. She wished she could wrap her arms around her old friend, but the memory from earlier had her cringing away from his presence. She knew what she had seen. He was wearing their colors. The monsters that had killed his father and sent him running into the human territory; the monsters that had destroyed their home; the monsters that had destroyed her- he was one of them now. As far as she was concerned, her friend was dead.

"How much did you have to pay to get me to yourself?" she said dully, watching as his head snapped up, revealing bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks. "That much? I hate to disappoint you, soldier, but I doubt you'll get the satisfaction that Kouga usually does. I don't care what you do to me, I won't feel a damn thing-"

"Kagome!" he snapped, his eyes wide in horror. "I'm not a goddamn customer! I'm your friend! I would never betray Hojo like-"

"Like you haven't already?" Kagome growled, gripping the sheets beneath her angrily as her back pressed against the headboard of the bed. "I'm not blind, Inuyasha! I know what that uniform means! It's the same uniform that the men that killed your father were wearing! Or have you forgotten that?!"

He looked like he had been slapped. She was satisfied with the stricken look on his face, having no idea that those were the same words he had used on his brother when the attack had first started on their world. She watched him through narrowed eyes as he stood and balled his fists in anger. She scoffed and looked away from him in disgust.

"All of you monsters are the same," she said. "You don't feel anything. You only want bloodshed, and violence- you rape and kill and destroy everything that's good in this world-"

"You don't know what you're talking about-"

"Don't you dare tell me I don't know!" she screamed, standing on the bed to glare down at him. "I have lived the hell your kind brought here! I have suffered at the hands of your friends for years!"

"You don't think I know that?!" he yelled back at her, stepping up so that he was standing on the bed, too. "The instant I saw you alive, I knew that you had been through so much more than I had originally thought. I thought you were dead, Kagome! After seeing you in here, with the way Kouga talked about you, I..."

He lowered his eyes and Kagome took a step back from him.

"You what?" she asked, despite herself. His eyes lifted to hers and they were so sad and guilty that she didn't want to hear his answer.

"I...I wish you were, Kagome," he choked out, tears pouring down his face at his confession. "I wish you had died that day rather than live through all of this."

Kagome watched him as he crumpled to his knees on the bed and held his face in his hands. His shoulders shook with his sobs and his ears were drawn back, flat on his head. Kagome fell to her knees before him and she was surprised that her anger and feelings of betrayal disappated at the sight of the male she had known her whole life crying like a lost child. She lowered her head and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"So do I," she whispered, not realizing she was crying until she felt her tears dripping onto her thighs. She heard a sniffle and felt the bed shift as he leaned closer toward her. She covered her mouth as a loud sob was ripped from her throat at her own confession. "So do I!"

Strong arms were around her then, and she let herself be held as she and Inuyasha wept in the comfort of a friend's arms for the first time in years.

A/N: I just want to apologize again for how long I've gone without updating. I had planned on doing so a lot sooner, but I could never bring myself to write. Sure I wanted to, but this illness is very good at keeping me from doing things I normally love to do. I have made some progress, though. I'm on new medication, and I'm seeing a specialist every few weeks- I even got a job so I'm not cooped in the house all of the time. I feel better than I have in a long time, and I hope that I'll be able to get back into the rythm of writing. I hope I haven't lost any readers in my long absence, and I want to thank all of you that have stuck around for your patience.

All of my love,

sesshylovr