A Season in Purgatory
Chapter 56
"Tired of wishes, empty of dreams" –Carl Sandburg
Evening fell silently over the Rivercourt as Brooke and Lucas cuddled on the bleachers next to the worn pavement.
Sighing, Brooke glanced away from the stars and up at the boy whose arms securely protected her from the world. "Our English papers aren't getting written out here," she noted, wondering where the last 4 hours had gone. She was having trouble keeping track of anything lately. Things like cheerleading practice and homework just didn't seem very important to her when she was preoccupied with the drama in her life.
Lucas nestled his face in her hair. He could stay like this forever. Why worry about homework when you could spend time with a girl like Brooke Davis? "I'm not really thinking about school right now," he whispered, tracing her dimples with his finger.
It had taken time for Brooke to welcome his touch. She wasn't used to his gentle caresses and her mind always panicked when she felt anyone touch her. But she trusted Lucas with every fiber of her being and she knew he'd never hurt her like that. Unlike the boys she'd partied with after she was raped, Lucas cared for her.
She shifted position so she was facing Luke. "Can you tell me why we aren't having sex?" she asked, her sultry voice filling the slight distance between them.
He ran his hand up her leg, wondering the exact thing. "I don't know," he slowly admitted. She was so beautiful in that moment that it left his chest tight and his heart constricted. "I just want everything to be perfect when it finally happens." Every relationship in his life sucked at the moment. He didn't want to do anything to drive Brooke away from him. She was all he had left.
"Does it bother you that I've slept with other guys?" she asked, wanting to make sure that he didn't have issues with her past. She avoided his eyes, not wanting to see rejection there.
Lucas raised her head so he could look in her eyes. "Brooke, what you've done in the past is none of my business. As long as I'm the only one in the future, then we're solid."
She leaned in and kissed him, lingering a bit as she reluctantly pulled back. "I'm totally into the exclusive thing, as long as we get to the sex part soon."
Lucas carefully lined up a jump shot, putting a focus into the shot that had been missing from his game for months. His point total in games was suffering, as he missed shots that he normally could have made blindfolded.
"Nice shot," Dan commented, as they watched the ball slid through the hoop and then bounce aimlessly against the worn pavement. "Too bad you aren't hitting that in games." It was the first time he'd attempted to talk to Lucas since he walked in on his parents at the beach house. Dan didn't expect it to be an easy conversation, but he felt the need to push the confrontation to the fore front, rather than sulk about town avoiding him.
Lucas had been so preoccupied that he'd missed the sound of the big black SUV pulling into the parking lot.
"If you are looking for a fight, you'll not get one here," Lucas calmly stated, silently wishing a giant ACME anvil would fall from the sky and crush the arrogant man in front of him.
Dan strove for patience, something he always seemed to lack when he was around his oldest offspring. "Yeah, I hear you save all the fighting for your mother these days." He felt a sudden protectiveness toward Karen that had been missing for years.
A muscle in Luke's face involuntarily twitched. "You'd probably know, seeing how you're all nekid with her lately." The idea of his mother confiding in Dan upset him nearly as much as the thought of her sleeping with the enemy.
Dan kicked at a loose stone, redirecting the anger he felt at the boy's disrespect. "Screaming at your mom isn't going to get rid of me," Dan explained, knowing his words were falling on deaf ears. Lucas didn't want to be rational. It was as if the boy reveled in being mad at the world.
Lucas sneered at his words. "Mom is momentarily deluded, but when push comes to shove, she'll do the right thing." He'd spent all day thinking about Dan and Karen, ignoring class lecturers and friends. Lucas knew that his mom would eventually see the light.
Dan stared at him, seeing a manipulative quality that he'd never associated with his older son. "The right thing?" he questioned, watching the boy in interest.
"Meaning once the novelty of the booty call has worn off, she'll remember what a pathetic loser you are and she'll kick you to the curb," Luke pointedly said.
Dan stalked closer to the boy, angry about the insinuations he was making. "This isn't just sex, Lucas," he snarled. "What Karen and I share goes a lot deeper."
Luke laughed in his dad's face, amused by Dan's self righteous attitude. "Yeah, I'd say it's about 16 years of unpaid child support deep."
Dan pulled back, momentarily confused at the tone in his son's soft reply. "There's a lot you don't know about the custody thing," he began, wanting to defend himself but knowing that it was a hard thing to do without dragging Karen down in Luke's eyes. He needed to avoid causing problems between Karen and Lucas even if it could help to make himself look better in his son's eyes.
Lucas scoffed at his father's words. "I know a lot, Dan. I know what it's like to see your mother working two jobs to pay the rent on a dive of an apartment. I know what it's like to worry about your mom worrying about how to the pay the bills." Dan averted his eyes, unable to deal with his son's pain. In rare moments of truth with Lucas, he could see the wounded child that hid behind the contempt and anger. Pain that his actions had created and nurtured over the years. In the end, it didn't matter that he'd tried to provide financial support years ago. His real crime was not providing emotional support throughout his son's life.
Lucas stopped the rant that was forming in his mind. If he'd not grown so cynical about Dan over the years, he'd have sworn he saw regret on the man's face.
"I can't tell if you are going after me to get to my mom or if you are going after my mom to get to me," Lucas finally concluded, giving voice to his deepest concerns. Either conclusion could potentially be a powder keg to his future.
Dan considered his son's words. "Probably both," he admitted, letting his emotions on the subject finally emerge after decades of being buried. He did want this to work out, but for all of the people involved. It wasn't all about him this time. "I think we could be a real family if you'd just let go of the past."
Lucas shrugged his shoulders, knowing that Dan always wanted what was best for Dan. "Unfortunately, all you've ever given me is the past. I'd hate to get rid of it." His mother might want to get dragged into the black pit that was Dan Scott, but Lucas had no intentions of going with her.
Dan moved closer, jerking Luke's arm as he attempted to walk off. "Don't turn this into a power play, Lucas. You know I hate to lose." He slowly released the boy not meaning to grab him as fiercely as he had.
Lucas took an unconscious step backward, always wanting more distance from the dark giant in front of him. "Funny how I don't tend to view my life as a game, Dan. But then that's all I've ever been to you." He stared at his silent father a moment before stalking off the court, toward home.
Luke quietly walked through his door, jumping slightly when he realized his mother was sitting at his desk.
"I guess you missed the part about curfew," she quietly said, still shaken by their fight earlier that morning. It was one thing to be late, but Karen was still fuming about her son going missing for an entire weekend.
Lucas moved toward his closet, dumping his basketball on the floor as he slid off his court shoes. "If you want to yell, start with your boyfriend. He's the reason I'm late," Lucas said, tossing his jacket on the bed.
She watched as he moved restlessly around the room, clearly upset with her. She wasn't sure what Dan was doing, but it apparently hadn't calmed their son down. She could feel his anger from across the room.
Karen decided to try another tactic. "Your principal called me at work today," she said, finally gaining his attention. "He told me that if your grades don't get better and if you don't stop skipping school that you'll be kicked off the team."
Lucas could tell his mother was upset. His grades had always been a source of great pride for her. Luke had never been in trouble at school, but she failed to connect his recent problems with the reemergence of Dan in his life. Part of him knew his lack of concentration at school was his preoccupation with his fucked up family. But he was also hurt that his mother couldn't see how the Dan thing was messing up his life.
"Maybe I should quit the team," he quietly said, finally getting a reaction out of his mother. He was tired of basketball being held over him like a treat for a dog in order to get a desired behavior.
Karen looked at him with her best disappointed mother expression. "Don't throw your life away in order to make a point with Dan."
Grabbing his towel, he headed for the bathroom, intent on getting away. "Maybe he's not the one needing a point, Mom."
Brooke slipped inside the door, hoping to quietly make her way to her room before anyone noticed she was home. She stopped, hearing the familiar staccato taps of her mother's couture shoes on the marble floor. She slowly turned around in defeat, knowing that a confrontation was brewing.
"Brookie," Trey called out, using the weasely sing song voice she'd grown to dread. "Say good-bye to your mother."
Brooke froze, seeing the stacks of Louis Vuitton luggage in the foyer. "Where are you going?" she quietly asked, dread filling her body at the lack of Trey's brown leather luggage next to her mom's.
Her mother smiled at her absently, gathering her purse and carry ons. "Brooke, darling, you know this is my annual trip to New York with the girls," she chided, disappointed in daughter's lack of memory.
Brooke's eyes narrowed at her mother's words. If it wasn't shopping with her sorority sisters it was some other lame excuse to leave Tree Hill.
Her mother stopped obsessing about her luggage for a moment and actually paused to look at her daughter's sallow complexion and dark ringed eyes. "Try to get some rest, dear. You look terribly common."
Trey walked over to where Brooke stood and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Don't worry about Brookie, Katherine," he smoothly said, tightening his grip around the frail girl. "You are leaving her in excellent hands."
Karen stood aimlessly in her kitchen, uneasy in the stillness that pervaded the house. Normally, the sounds of Lucas' music wafted throughout the house. Tonight, her son had taken a shower and entombed himself in his room. She'd checked a few minutes ago and found him sound asleep. It bothered her that he'd probably not done his homework as much as it concerned her that he was asleep so early.
Feeling lightheaded, she leaned back against the sink, fighting a wave of nausea. The stress of the situation with Lucas was taking a toll on her health. She jumped slightly as she heard a light tap on the back door.
Seeing Dan on the porch, she quickly moved outside, before they woke Lucas up for yet another round of fighting. "It's late," she said, looking back over her shoulder toward her son's room. Dan pulled the door closed and motioned her toward the steps.
"I'm sorry about the time, but I wanted you to know I tried to talk to Lucas tonight," he slowly began before Karen cut him off with an irritated wave of her hand. "I talked to him before he went to bed. I assume it didn't go well?" Karen wanted to hear what had taken place between the two.
Sighing, Dan leaned back against the worn railing of the steps. "I just tried to get a conversation going," he explained, knowing that the subtext was deeper than that. It was hard to explain the dynamic between father and sons. The need for independence wrapped inside the need for security. "He's upset that we're together."
Karen abruptly looked up at him. "Together? What did you tell him about us?" she asked, her curiosity growing by the minute. Karen had refused to create an "us" out of this situation. They were having sex regularly, but she wouldn't allow herself to think of them as "together".
Dan smiled at her reaction, knowing that her panic stemmed from the confusion surrounding what they were doing. Hell, he didn't even know what they were doing at this point. He just felt an overwhelming need to keep it going and not lose what they'd rediscovered in the past few months. "He thinks I'm using you to get to him," Dan said.
She stared at him in the dim light of the porch, trying to read his thoughts and gauge his true intent. "Are you doing that?"
He reached over and grabbed her hand, knowing that words always failed him in situations like this. "I feel like I've been given a second chance, Karen. With you and with Lucas. I'm afraid that if I lose one of you, I'll end up losing both of you." He looked over at her in uncertainty. "What do you want?" he asked.
"I feel like I'm getting attached to you again," she admitted. "But I don't like sneaking around behind Luke's back. However, I can't let things with Luke get any worse." Karen felt like they were hiding from everyone in town, as well as from their friends and family. Her head was pounding with all the thoughts racing through her mind.
"Karen, I promise you right now. I'm going to make it better with Lucas." His words trailed off as he noticed Karen's pale complexion. "Are you feeling okay?"
She shook off the wave of nausea and grasped his hand in return. "I think I'm getting that flu that's going around." Dan's eyes searched her body for other signs of illness. "Let's get you back inside. We can worry about the details later," he said, as he helped her up the stairs and into the house.
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