– 465th night, non-administrated world #745 –

The night had finally fallen. Another day had passed and I was almost dead from exhaustion. The air was heavy to breath and it was uneasy to just live there. And even if the sky had three moons and no clouds in view, it was raining so much that the ground was over flooded. Not a single animal was outside with this ill weather. And neither was I.

I was sitting on a rock inside a little hut I had built for myself in for the past few months. The ceiling had many cracks and rain was falling on my head. There were some big nasty rats in the corner, eating some cereals I was saving for worst times. Some birds were singing to kill my ears. A little puppy, that I took care since I arrived, was making holes in the ground, whining all the time at me, telling me that he was hungry.

But I didn't care. I couldn't care less.

It was night time, I was more than tired, I had the day on my back, and I just wanted to sleep now and forever.

The day had been awful, just like every ones before. I was only on the fourth planet of that galaxy and I needed to go through another forty-five planets. It was my last assignment after all. I needed to analyse all life-style and to reports everything I see and could sense to my superiors. It wasn't an easy job, but that was what I wanted. After all, challenges never stopped me before.

I felt something wet touch my hand and I lifted my head to see the little dog whining slightly to me. I sighed and finally decided to give it some food.

I wonder... I wonder how many years was I here... Three? Four? I shoved away the rats and the birds with the broom. Since when did I last have a proper meal? I filed a bowl of cereals and meats for the puppy. I don't remember anything...

After feeding the dog, I went to sleep, not even eating before. My head was aching and everything was dizzy. A good night of sleep will bring me up. Just when I thought I would sleep, the puppy started to cry beside the little bed of straws.

"What is it now?" I laboriously asked as I opened an eye.

"Whoooooooo... "

"I'm not hungry. Go play with some rats or something, let me sleep." I grumbled under the tiny sheet, grabbing my head with my hand.

It didn't continue and brought itself away. Finally, some peace.

But my mind wasn't in peace.

Many thoughts of Nanoha came back around the time when Yuuno wasn't interfering between us, the time when we were happy. Nanoha used to do everything with me and nothing would stop us... But one thing did. I wanted more, she wanted less. Then Yuuno appeared like the final boss in the video games of Alisa. I became transparent, she became colorful. Then they married. I was destroyed, she was more than alive.

I went to another dimension just to forget about her. Just to forget everything that reminded me of her. But it was even more tiring than the real thing. I was devastated by the sorrows and regrets that were building up inside my head. I felt sick; felt like I was the last good thing in the universe.

I smiled at myself. Nanoha was happier with Yuuno; furthermore, I was no longer needed beside her, beside anyone. Not even myself...

It was when I felt a pressure on my arm that I became aware of my surrounding. My dog was a few foot away from me and Signum was kneeling beside the bed, her hand on my arm. She didn't look anything older than the last time I'd seen her. She had her barrier jacket on, but her Laevateinn wasn't in her hands. She had that same look than always; her typical non-expression aura.

"You're crying, Testarossa." Her dull voice echoed in the rain.

I didn't move for a while. Why is she here?! What the hell is happening?! Did something happen to Nanoha?! Questions got caught in my throat before I could even spell the first word. I tried to sit, but was unable because of Signum.

"Stay." She said, putting me down again. "You have a fever, Testarossa."

I blinked. I have what now?

"You're human too." She told me, reading my mind. "You're really useless when you're not together. We need you back home."

I closed my eyes. Yes, I'm pretty useless and I knew it, didn't need to remind me, Signum. And there's nothing for me back there.

Signum sighed and said nothing. She looked back and I followed her gaze to see Hayate, Vita, Shamal and Zafira. Why are they here...? How could they be here? I looked around and saw only darkness with Chrono and Lindy that were looking down at me. Is this a dream? They were murmuring things to each other and gave me a disgusting look as they turned their back to me.

I tried to reach for them, but I was ignored. I tried to talk to them, but couldn't make a sound. I turned to Hayate and saw her crying in Shamal's arms. Signum was looking at me with a dull expression, as if I was nothing. Zafira was petting Hayate's head, not even looking at me. Vita was glaring at me and even growled when a voice cracked into the dark. Then Erio and Caro appeared with flowers in their hands. Crying. My heart clenched and I felt sick.

"How could you..."

I heard her voice- her beautiful voice that was broken then and I feared the worse. I turned around to see Nanoha crying. My eyes couldn't print the picture; my mind just couldn't believe what I saw.

"You disappeared... You let us alone..." Nanoha just kept telling me for a while.

Hayate walked away with her family. They disappeared soon after just like my protected ones. Nanoha was again blaming me as she began to fade. My eyes gotten big and I tried to run after her.

I ran and ran and ran... She wasn't moving and she appeared so, so far away. She was still crying and I couldn't do anything for her. Damn! Fate! Do something! I ran faster and faster to finally reach her to hug her, crying to my heart's content.

"Nanoha! Nanoha! Damn! NANOHAAAA!" I yelled pathetically as I hugged her closer to me.

I felt nothing more than cold. She was and wasn't in my arms at the same time. I felt weird. The darkness around us was swallowing us. Nanoha wasn't making a sound and didn't move either. I loosened my grip to look at Nanoha to let out a scream.

I dropped her. It wasn't really Nanoha in my arms; it was just her body without life in it, as if it was removed of her. Her skin was as white as snow and her eyes were as black as a night without moon. It just wasn't her and scared the hell out of me.

Everything around me was dark; I saw no lights, nothing. It was a lonely feeling. I took another look at Nanoha- or what remaindered of her and she wasn't laying down there anymore. A shiver ran from my back to my head. I was scared.

It's j-just a dream, Fate... J-just a dream... I reminded me. As I took a step in some direction, I heard a little sound from far away at the opposite of me.

"N-now, it's not f-fun anymore..." I told to anyone and the silence answered me.

"Why... Why is it happening to me...? What have I done to have this?! I didn't do anything wrong! I stayed away from her, never let her knew about my cursed feelings! Why are you still hurting me?! I've done the impossible! Why makes my life miserable even more?!" I asked the silence. "What is happening to me...?"

"You left her alone." A familiar voice said to no one in particular but I knew better that it was for me. "All alone she is now."

"It's... It's not true... She has Yuuno, Hayate, Vita, and Subaru... Everyone..." I paused in my explanation, not sure if I was protecting myself or it was the true. Who are you kidding Fate...? "It's me that is alone... Not her..."

There was no answer for a time and I wasn't sure if I only imagine the voice or not. Sweats fell down my cheek to my collarbone to fall on the ground. I fell down on my knees, tears mixing with the sweats. Sounds reached my ears and I took my head in my heads, crying and yelling out loud.

"You're pathetic Fate. I thought you could stand more than that." My eyes widened as I recognised the not so unfamiliar voice. "You left her when you had enough, but what about her? Did you ever ask for her opinion? No, never. You say that she had abandoned you, but it was you." I turned around with my body shaking and my fears turned true. "She never got out of your life."

I swallowed hard. "M-Mother..."

"She never was part of it Fate." She neither smiled nor winced. "You wanted her; she was just there for a while. If you say you lost her, then she would have been yours from the beginning."Mother was telling the truth and I just cried silently. "You should go back Fate, they missed you." She offered a little smile to my pitiful self.

I looked up to her; she wasn't wearing those long robes but simply her lab's clothes. She didn't have that hard expression like always, but a warm and charming smile just like in Alicia's memories...

"Wake-up Fate, it's another day."Mother told me with a sweet tone. "I'll be there for you..."

It was then that I snapped to reality.

I looked around and saw the little hut I was in. The dog was watching me with his round eyes. The rain was falling inside. Birds were chopping in the little window. Rats were eating some cereals. The bed of straws was as comfortable as always. Everything was at its place, nothing had moved.

I closed my eyes and laid back. My mind was a real mess. I didn't know what to think first. My thoughts brought me to Nanoha and a blurred image of her. No matter how much time passed, no matter how far I was away from her. I could still remember how she hugged me, how she felt, how she smelled, how she laughed... Her smiles... That was what I missed the more. That smiled that comfort my poor self when I was at the bottom between death and life. What happen with my mother had destroyed every purpose of life and she gave me another one with her smile.

Now that I think about it... I have no purpose of living anymore. I looked at the ceiling to let two drops of water fall just beneath my eyes. Mother would never be kind to me like this... Not me... A whining came to my ears bringing me out of my thoughts.

I let my gaze follow the sound that reached my ears. The dog was coming to me, his tail hidden inside his legs. It put his nose in my hand to comfort me, I just knew it. But, I didn't feel joyful at all or feel any warmth despite the hot weather. I petted its head and I returned to my thoughts, pondering about myself and my actions. In other times, other circumstances, I would have laughed it out. But that day, that time, that feeling that trapped me in this wheel of misfortunes just let me broken and pitiful.

The more I thought about the dream, the more it seemed true. I'm weak... Fate T. Harlaown, you're pathetically weak to the core... And you thought that you could be at his place? You dream in colors Fate. I sighed in defeat.

"You're just confused. Don't think less about yourself." I jumped in the bed when her voice came into my mind without a warning. "You're just lost and confused." Her sweet voice rang into my head as I started to tremble.

My eyes were so big that they were about to fall off. It... It wasn't a dream...?! I looked around and saw no one. It's in my head. I'm becoming paranoid. I trembled without me realizing it at first. It's part of my fault. I was... I left them... Only thinking about me... I sat down, not looking up once. Life has been awfully cruel to me... I left her... I failed her...

Sorrows soon filled my mind, my heart.

Time passed, I didn't care. Days could have passed, or months for all that I cared. I was null, empty inside yet having so many confrontations between my emotions. A durable war between my reason and my unsettled emotions was eating all sanity I had left.

It could be raining frogs, or be a drought, or even the apocalypse. I wouldn't be moving. I could die, it would make no difference. For all I knew, I could be dead by now and not knowing it. But it still didn't take much importance. I could already be living in hell; I was at a state that nothing else mattered. Not my life, not even Nanoha mattered at that time.

– A few days later –

I was still broken and down. My eyes were blank, as my heart. Not sure what to feel anymore. I should have continued my investigations, and I didn't report in what felt like forever. I just wanted to disappear. Disappear with my fears and my scars. Just me and me alone.

Right there, right then, I wanted to be dead for everyone I left behind so my sorrows could fade away.

Maybe it was a childish thought, maybe it was immature and all, but it was all I got left inside that still made sense to me.

With all that happened from the beginning, to the first time I met her to the time I left her, I started to think it was unavoidable, that it was my destiny, my fate.

I laughed quietly, ironically at myself.

I stood from the bed, with many difficulties. The floor was moving; everything was blurry and fuzzy. My head spun and spun, earning a growl from my mouth. I tried to make a step to only fall on my knees. I swallowed a yell. I looked up. The door seems like miles away. But something was telling me to go outside. I didn't know why or what the feeling was coming from.

I didn't really care.

I slowly crawled. Trembling in my doing. A few steps I made until I fell again. Why so weak...? I hadn't eaten in days; my body was surely taking the hit. I can't... let myself fall... My determination to get outside took over my sorrows and feelings of doing nothing. My hands turned to fists and I got on my knees, my body unwilling to do more.

I proceeded to the door, panting heavily. I succeeded to get up and I opened the door to be blinded by the sun. I forgot my strain and was in awe as my eyes finally got used to the new brightness.

In front of me stood the most beautiful scenery I had ever seen. The planet that used to always have rainy days was now submerged by the warm sun. The trees circled the hut with flowers of shapes and colors I had never seen before. The sunlight made them sparkled as well as the river flowing past the trees. The green ground was filled with little animals of all kind.

I was still holding my breath as this heartwarming scene got tears to my eyes and ran down my red cheeks. Even with all those days that all I did was crying there was still some inside waiting patiently to fall down for a good and warm reason and not for the sadness I felt all the time.

I walked over to the little rabbits that were watching me carefully. I kneeled before them, letting them recognized me as a harmless being. And it didn't take long for them to approach me and to caress my pitiful self. I was surprised and also curious by the strange warmth that I felt from them that was smoothing my troubled heart and mind.

I petted them unconsciously, not so sure how, but they seemed to appreciate so I didn't stop. Wind caressed my soul, appeased my feelings. The air gave me peace and serenity. Everything felt so calm and nothing was troubling me.

Time passed and I was overflowed with this strangely odd familiar feeling. Tears fell down easily without me caring about them. I didn't know why I cried then, but it was of no matter. I was in a peaceful state and didn't want it to ever stop.

More time passed as more little animals came to seek some refuge beside me. I took care to please every little friend equally. They were so quiet yet told me everything I wanted to hear...

Until Bardiche came outside my pocket. "Incoming call from Hayate, sir." The device spoken with a low voice. "Shall I let her, sir?"

I opened my eyes. I didn't recall when I closed them but Bardiche had caught all my attention. I had received many calls from Nanoha, Hayate, Signum, Caro/Erio and Lindy since I came on this life time mission. Others tried to call me also, but left often. They would try every day, then every week. But I never answered to any of them. Maybe it was because I didn't want them to be worried or maybe it was because I was scared. I didn't remember. I sometimes wondered why Bardiche still told me about them...

But this time, it was different.

I had a feeling that this time she was desperate and without thinking this out straight, I answered it. I didn't have to say that even Bardiche was surprised but he seemed to like my decision.

A screen appeared in front of me to show a tired and surprised Hayate. So surprised that she just stood there mouth opened, hypnotised by what the screen showed her.

I smiled. "Hayate." She struggled. "You seem... Tired... no, exhausted..." I said, again without thinking, as if nothing ever happened.

Hayate let out a soundless cry and tears fell on her cheeks with a speed that even I had difficulties to reach.

I smiled softly and Hayate cried harder. "Why are you crying? You used to always smile laugh about everything before." Just like her... I didn't want to say it.

I waited patiently for Hayate to regain a better state. My mind was running at 300 m/h while my emotions was conflicting each others. Why did I answer...? I was confused, stuck between my agony and my care for one of my best friend.

"You never answered before; it's more than time for you to face reality Fate." The voice of my late mother rang in my head.

"Fate-chan..." Hayate had brought me back with a soft and kind tone.

I moved and winced unconsciously, still petting the rabbits around me. "It's been long. How many years had passed since... then?" Hayate's eyes went as big as tennis' balls and I needed to explain myself. "I can't know from where I am now."

My friend – if I could still call her that – sniffed at me. "It's... It's been... two years..."

I arched an eyebrow. "Only that...? Two years is short... I would have thought it was more..." I whispered at myself.

I pondered over it. Two years only? I would have thought decades had passed... Things are getting off track, I shouldn't have answered... Between thoughts, I heard Hayate called Signum over. Signum? My... If it's for me to feel guilty, it might work – no it really works. Good job Hayate.

I frowned at her. "Why did you call her?" It wasn't at all a kindly question from me.

She smiled softly, worried nevertheless. "We were worried sick about you; me, Signum, the gang, Lindy, Arf, Chrono, Caro, Erio, Tiana..." She paused, not sure if she should tell more.

I looked down, sorrows took over me. "I... I'm..." I stopped, hearing sounds from Hayate's side.

A breathless Signum appeared from the side. She shot me one of those iced stare but I didn't even cared. A part in me always knew it could never go back the way things were. Never...

I got quiet and Signum brought me back. "Testarossa."

I blinked, regaining my mind. "Signum. It's been a while. Are you doing well?" I asked out of the habit while frowning. Out of the habit? Ironic. It has been two years...

Signum frowned at her turn. "A while? Two years had passed Testarossa. How can you just disappear like this and after that much time ask us how we're as if nothing happened?"

The blow hit me hard and I had decided to stay quiet, at least, for now. Signum sighed. Shouldn't it be me that should sigh...? I looked at her and her expressions soften; a certainly rare sight from her.

"It's been boring since you left. We found time less fun then when you were around."

I blinked at them. Since when has Signum started to call stuff fun and boring? I couldn't help but smiled sadly at the thought.

"Fun? It was more awkward than fun for me and I know for you too." I let my guard down for a second and a tear fell down.

"Fate-chan..." Hayate's voice cracked.

"Hayate, you didn't call for greetings only." I wiped the tear and regained my cool.

"Fate, what are you doing? You're hurting them..." I laughed at my mother's voice – no, more laughed at myself. Just like them. It's them who hurt me the most and before I could ever hurt them...

Hayate sobbed again. "I... I wanted... sniff... to hear you... to see you..."

I didn't answer and thought calmly about how to answer to them until I smiled. "If they had called you that much, it's because they do really care Fate." I frowned. No! They were having fun of me, left me alone! They only hurt me and still doing so, making me to blame for everything!

I sighed while Signum and Hayate looked confused. "Testarossa?"

"They didn't do it on purpose and you know it! Hayate didn't know about you and the marriage-"

"Shut up!" I finally exclaimed, shaking my head, after having enough of this perky 'conscience'.

Hayate looked at Signum, worried as hell. I sighed. I always make them worry... Signum, calm as always, turned her gaze on me.

"Testarossa, are you alright?"

I smiled. I chuckled a little. I ran my left hand in my hair. By then, every little animal had run away from me. I started to laugh uncontrollably as the sky let itself sunk into darkness, just like me.

"If I'm alright? Have I ever been?!" I shot at them, not caring about anything. "It was the best idea of all my life to go away. So I would not give anyone this insanity of mine!" I didn't let them talk, not even looked at them for a second.

I paused and smiled. I laughed even louder than before. Just like mother...

"Mother had broken and went insane. I might just take after her." I stood and turned on my feet around. "No, I might not." I stopped moving and face them with a broken smile. "I already am like her."

I continued to laugh and rain started to fall loudly, but not enough loud to cover me.

"Fate..." She spoke in my ears.

I shook my head. "Nobody ever cared, it's not like it would matter to anybody if I'm alive or not." I whispered head down.

I heard Hayate's cries and yells and could even see from behind my hair that Signum was about to hit something or say something unforgivable. But she was stopped when I let a last smile appeared as I stared right through them, as if I could read their soul.

As Signum took a step back, I closed my eyes to them. "It was a bad idea of me to have answered your call Hayate." I took a long breath. "You should forget me." Hayate's eyes widened. "Just like I forgot about you." I sighed. "Ah, it's raining..."

I looked up to the sky.

"Good bye, Yagami-san."

Hayate and Signum were about to shout me something but I cut the conversation before.

I stood there for a while, a tear pierced through my defence walls and I smiled again. "What have I done...?"

Mother hadn't said anything and I grinned. Now you stay quiet? Nice timing. That's good.

The rain that continued to fall on me couldn't wash away all the pain that I felt. Two years and I was still as broken as then, if not more...

A/N

I guess that I really did make a sequel... ;_;

Still sad but I'm thinking about doing it better with another chapter; the conclusion. If it's what you reader wants. If not, it would stay like this. Let me know about it.

Hope you've liked this...

(Btw, may have errors, please don't sue me! It's not my first language...)

PS again, for those who read my others stories or not, I will never abandon them, it's just that I had no inspiration for a long time... sorry!