THANK YOU, FawkesyLady, for being the best beta ever. I promise to build you an altar in my backyard, and to sacrifice a Barry every Sunday.

And you, dear readers - I hope you're not sick of the angst and drama and door-slamming just yet. We've still got a few oh-so-miserable chapters to go through before things start looking up. But trust me, it won't be too long now. I had to split this chapter into two parts, because it was ridiculously long. I might post the next part within the next few days as an early bonus, but, that will depend on reviews. ;)

The Order should have known better - it was quite funny how they carelessly left the window open, knowing full well that Fred and George would stop at nothing to gather a little intelligence of their own.

'Budge up a bit!'

'Ow! Stop it! I'm squeezed enough as it is!'

'Stop eating pies then!'

'Shh, I can't hear a thing!'

The nosey twins were crammed like sardines in a narrow, dusty broom cupboard on the first floor of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Perching precariously on the windowsill, they were attempting to eavesdrop on the Order meeting going on in the kitchen downstairs - a difficult task, considering that every bit of information they managed to catch was punctuated by George's sneezes, caused by the thick balls of dust floating in the musty air. Fred narrowed his eyes in concentration as he held the tip of an Extendable Ear, hovering it just above the kitchen window underneath.

Truth be told, the young men were irritated with their mother, Headmaster Dumbledore, and all the other Order members who insisted on excluding them from the meetings as soon as the conversation steered towards anything more interesting than casual comments about the weather. They hated being treated as children, especially now that they were financially independent entrepreneurs. They were legally adults and had taken the Oath, making them full members of the Order of the Phoenix. What gave their mother the right to shut them out?! They could be dead useful, and everyone knew it. Didn't the fools realise just how convenient it was to spend one's days in a shop in the middle of Diagon Alley, able to listen in on all sorts gossip on a daily basis?

If only they knew what to look out for and who to keep an eye on, they could become an invaluable source of information. But no. 'OUT! You will NOT be staying today!' Their mother would shout at each and every opportunity, and shut the door in their freckled faces. The twins suspected that the reasons for the unfair treatment were currently playing Exploding Snap in a nearby bedroom - Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were still being kept in the dark as much as possible by the overprotective Molly, whose face turned bright-red with motherly wrath every time any one of them hinted at their willingness to contribute to the war effort. Still, it wasn't like Fred and George could not be trusted to keep their gobs shut and not relay all of the news to the precious children, right? Well, perhaps SOME of the news. And besides, if they could guard the secret formula of Wrinkle Smoothing Elixir with their lives, they could certainly extend the same level of secrecy to You-Know-Who's movements.

'What are they saying?' Asked George, and craned his neck to better hear the muffled voices coming from the Extendable Ear.

'Something about Slytherins… nasty buggers if you ask me, and… Barrett… Joshua Barrett? You know, the Gryffindor who went out with Angelina?' Fred furrowed his brow as he tried to make out the meaning of the words spoken downstairs. 'Stop sneezing, George, they'll hear us!'

'I can't help it… Give me this!' George grabbed the end of the Extendable Ear and leaned his head towards it, eager to prove he was a much better spy than his twin brother. His enthusiastic grin swiftly melted off his face, replaced by an expression of sheer horror. 'Joshua Barrett joined the Death Eaters!' He gasped, and Fred nearly fell out of the window in shock.

'You're having a laugh. There's no way he'd...!' Fred's eyes were wide as he processed the terrible news. 'That's just…'

'- Fucked up,' His brother supplied before bringing his finger to his lips in a silencing gesture. 'But shut up, I want to hear the details!'

With a little effort, and several painful jabs to the ribs, the twins managed to manoeuvre themselves to a more comfortable position which allowed them both to snoop happily. Unfortunately, it appeared that the witches and wizards below were incapable of holding a civilised conversation, and were shouting over one another like a bunch of boisterous second years in the Great Hall. Something significant must have happened, but the few details they were able to intercept lacked any real context, and by the time the meeting had ended, Fred and George were almost none the wiser.

'If I see Barrett, I swear I'll transfigure him into a toilet.' Fred spat at his twin brother, who nodded vehemently with a vicious twinkle in his eyes.

'We'll plumb him in here in Grimmauld. All the other loos are infested with doxies and ghouls, so it'll be nice to do our business in peace!'

'Wicked!' The twins snickered, their ginger heads buzzing with vengeful ideas. Suddenly, Fred paused and inhaled deeply. 'Can you smell…'

'- Rhubarb pie?' George whispered with delighted excitement. They closed their eyes as they hummed an appreciative 'Mmmmm!' in unison. Their mother may have been terribly unfair at times, but she sure knew how to bake a cracking pie. The twins decided to follow the delicious trail of scent promptly, lest Ron got there first and ate all the custard.

After two failed attempts at exiting the cupboard without getting stuck in the doorway, the merry duo scrambled out of their hideaway and made their way downstairs. As they tiptoed down the stairs noiselessly, taking care not to alert the dreaded Ron to the presence of pie, they heard a door open behind them. 'Psst! Fred! George! Come here!'

Ginny stood in the doorway, furtively beckoning to her brothers. The twins grimaced, knowing they could wave goodbye to their hope of getting a double helping of custard. The sweet scent of baked goods permeated the air alluringly, and sure enough, Ron's face appeared right behind Ginny's shoulder, sniffing the air like a rat searching for cheese. Shrugging, Fred and George quickly jogged towards Ginny and ushered their siblings into the bedroom.

'What's up, Sister dearest? You know we can't tell you little ones anything,' Fred grinned as he shut the door behind him.

Ginny stood with her arms akimbo, tapping her foot impatiently. 'Ha-ha.' She tilted her head to the side with a sour, lopsided smile.

Harry and Ron pounced on the twins like a pair of harpies, gesturing animatedly and shouting over one another. Hermione grimaced, covering her ears whilst shooting them a glare of annoyance. She had tucked herself into a corner to revise for her Advanced Arithmancy exam at the end of next year, and judging by the cards scattered across the bed, the boys had been in the midst of a rousing game of Exploding Snap that had surely distracted the bushy-haired witch. 'Will you be quiet!' She hissed like a vexed cat as Harry and Ron assaulted the twins with a hailstorm of questions and exclamations.

The Boy Who Rolls his Eyes threw his hands up in a conceding gesture before turning his attention to Fred and George.

'Did you find out anything?' Ginny asked hopefully, more hungry for details than Ron was for pie.

'Nothing much, in all honesty,' George lied with a shake of his head. 'They're worse than a bunch of first-year girls, screaming and yelling over one another. Couldn't hear a word.' He had made an effort at being obtuse, being the more responsible twin.

All was for naught as Fred hadn't got a handle on his reaction to the news. 'That BELLEND Josh Barrett joined You-Know-Who, took the Dark Mark and all,' Fred spat, clenching his fist, looking ready to punch something, anything.

George groaned, shaking his head in disbelief. The twins used to like Joshua a lot, and had spent many evenings laughing together in the common room. He had been a good bloke, and knowing that he dove head-first into the pureblood supremacy propaganda hurt worse than the thought of attending his funeral. He was dead to them. He did add, 'Barrett wasn't the only member of the class of 1996 to join this past week.' After a huff he added, 'If we had a decent Defense teacher maybe some of those wizards wouldn't have been so weak minded. Got out in the nick of time, we did.'

Fred crossed the room to glare out the window, his pent up genius for humor struggling with his need to find balance. Unbidden, his thoughts went out to their third twin, wondering what she'd have to say. Aloud, although probably not meant to be, he opined, 'Alice would probably wonder if it was the shiny membership card, the free pen or the keyring that clinched the deal,' His mouth stretched into a sour smile, and his voice held no humour. 'Too bad the good side doesn't have similar marketing.'

Ron piped up, 'We've got pie.'

Little did the teenagers know that they were being spied on. Severus had left the meeting five minutes early with the intention of perusing the Grimmauld Place library in search of a particular tome that used to belong to Regulus Black. It contained the recipe for the obscure Zaragozian Elixir, one that was very useful for treating nerve damage. Severus hoped that it would ease the persistent pain he suffered as a result of being repeatedly cursed with the Cruciatus - it was already affecting on his day-to-day life, and was sure to only get worse if left untreated. Climbing the steep staircase required unusual amounts of effort. He had to make frequent breaks to shake off the sensation of pins and needles in his leg, and he had just reached the first floor landing when the sound of raised voices coming from behind one of the doors caught his attention. He paused, listening intently, for Gryffindors were always guaranteed to be Up To Something, and his ears pricked up when he heard Miss Crowley's name being spoken aloud. His heart stumbled, as though it too had stopped on the stair and strained to listen, anxious to hear more.

'Will you stop talking about that Alice girl?' Ginny Weasley's voice sounded distant and distorted through the wall, but Severus could tell the girl was annoyed. He could picture her, rolling her eyes as she snorted, 'She wouldn't say that. She doesn't talk to anyone!'

'What's your problem with Alice?' Another, deeper voice scoffed in a tone suggesting he was ready for a fight. One of the twins, Severus assumed. 'She's a little shy, but she's a good friend. Clever too.'

'She stayed up all night on many occasions last year, making Skiving Snackboxes so you could get out of detention with Umbridge, you know!' The other twin cut in irritably. Severus could fill in the scene in his mind's eye, an image of the twins both standing with arms crossed, fighting off the verbal attacks and finger pointing that Miss Weasley had learned too well from her mother. All in defense of one Alice Crowley.

'Interesting,' The wizard thought as he filed the revelation away for future reference. He had always assumed that Fred and George were working alone, and would have never expected such trickery from Miss Crowley. He wondered how else she could surprise him. Thinking about it a little harder, he realised that he did see the girl knocking about with the twins on numerous occasions, but had never deemed it necessary to give her much notice. She was a non-issue, after all. Quiet. Calm. Polite. He shook his head in disbelief at his own naivety.

'She's still bloody weird,' another voice supplied, and Severus instantly recognised Ron Weasley, the bumbling fool. He could not explain why the boy's comment grated his nerves, and had he uttered it in his direct presence, Severus would have whacked him soundly about the head. Scowling, the wizard forced his breathing to slow, straining to make out the redhead's next words. 'I tried to talk to her once, and she just hissed 'shove off' and skittered away. Absolutely barking.'

'That's more than I got,' Miss Weasley piped up again. 'When I was in first year, I asked her if she knew the way to the Charms Classroom. She just stared at me like I was her Boggart, and ran away!'

'She's just shy!' One of the twins shouted with exasperation. 'Yes, she grunts her way through life, and isn't really a people person, but she's alright once you get to know her!'

'Thanks mate, I think I'll pass,' Severus heard Ron mutter unenthusiastically. 'I think she was raised by alley cats and never learned to speak properly. Do you think Luna likes cats? Those two would get on, they would. With Trelawney to boot.'

'She's an excellent potioneer,' another voice piped up all of a sudden, and Severus recognised the bright soprano of Miss Granger, the Insufferable Know-It-All. 'I overheard a conversation between Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. They said they haven't seen such natural talent since Professor Snape himself was a student.'

Miss Granger's statement was met with a choir of derisive snorts. Severus' lip quirked up in amusement at this piece of news - he knew that his little Gryffindor neighbour was good, but he sincerely doubted that her skills were anywhere near as good as his own, even at a like age. His smirk turned into an angry scowl as The Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-A-Thorn-In-His-Side joined the conversation. 'Well then, I'd watch your pumpkin juice if I were you. If she's anything like the Greasy Bat of the Dungeons, then she probably knows how to brew a hundred different types of poison already.'

'It's Professor Snape, Harry,' Miss Granger scolded the Boy-Who-Needed-A-Beating. Before she had a chance to elaborate, one of the twins exclaimed, 'And they were bloody right, I tell you!' Severus could hear pride in the young man's voice as he gushed, 'Our Alice is the witch behind nearly all of our best sellers! Gnomebegone, Acneraser, Nose Hair Lengthening Potion and Bigus Dickus to name a few!'

'Without her help, we wouldn't be able to extend our range of beautifying products - Paradeyes and HungerBlaster will be hitting the shelves next week, and the first two batches are already preordered in full!'

'Not to mention the mischief we got up to… Remember when we sneaked into the kitchens and put Devil's Tongue in Snape's personal teapot? Oh, that was a good one… the git was telling porkies all morning! ''Fred and George Weasley, you are my favourite students. I am sorry to say that Dumbledore will absolutely expel you for arranging this delightful jape.'' ' George enunciated nasally in a parody of Severus' silky drawl. His mockery was met by a choir of snickering, and the redhead's next admission caused Severus' hair to stand on end. 'Snape ended up giving us a month's detention, he did. And our Alice coaxed Peeves to ransack his storeroom in revenge!'

Severus' eyes were as wide as black, shiny saucers, and a tiny vein appeared, throbbing on his temple. Now THAT was something he was glad to have learned. He clenched his jaw with righteous anger as he remembered opening his storeroom one morning, only to find a heap of chaos and destruction, and a triumphant Peeves, swinging his legs and blowing raspberries as he sat on the top of the ladder. Severus' furious roar had woken up the entire castle, and his attempts to chase the Poltergeist away were met with taunts and rude singing. It took an intervention from the Bloody Baron himself to get rid of the unwanted visitor, and many hours of hard work to return the storeroom to its proper condition. Not to even mention the expense of having to replace many of the shattered ingredients.

He was about to apparate straight to the little idiot's house to strangle her mercilessly, but Miss Weasley's next statement caught his attention once more. 'Yeah, but her skills didn't help you enter the Triwizard Tournament, did they? If I remember right, you were stuck as old men for three days!'

Severus' eyebrows shot up to his hairline. So, it was her who brewed the Aging Potion? Severus couldn't help but feel impressed - despite its shortcomings, the potion was extraordinarily powerful and well-brewed if it allowed the twins to cross the Headmaster's enchanted Age Line at all.

'It took her three days to work out the remedy! She had warned us that we didn't have time to carry out proper tests…'

Clear as a bell, Miss Weasley interrupted her brother, 'I don't care how brilliant you think she is, Fred. There is no way the Hat could have been right in sorting her to Gryffindor, and I hate having her lurk around.' There was a stunned silence, 'No, George. I mean it - don't bring her around. Mum might have pity on her, but that doesn't mean I should have to put up with her outside of school.'

In an obvious gambit to change the subject, Miss Granger interjected, 'Um. I was wondering if someone could explain to me what the Woollongong Shimmy was again? Like they used at the match last week?'

Having heard enough, The Greasy Bat of the Dungeons changed his mind and doubled back down the stairs, slamming the front door with too much force behind him.