The Fourth Time

Neal:

The fourth time Neal initiates it. The man formally known to them as Sam leaves and Peter asks if he's okay and he says he isn't. One deep breath and the mask slips into place. He wants to focus on Ellen. Avenging Ellen, making sure the right person pays for her death and as much as he could blame James Bennett he knows the only one to blame is the person who pulled the trigger. Decision made Neal's vision clears, the tears held back once again, but in doing so he sees clearly the sorrowful look on Peter's face. If Neal had been paying attention he'd have known he's had that look for a while now, one that said he's known the truth all along, just been waiting for Neal to stop being slow and catch up.

Neal's quiet and Peter's watching. Agreeing in that soft way without saying anything. He can see the dam's ready to break, is respecting his need to distract, move on, refocus. If there's one thing Neal Caffrey is good at its refocusing. Not dealing with the problem means he won't feel the problem. It'll sit, dormant, until a random event or word brings the emotion locked within to the surface, then the flood gates will open and Neal will cry himself to sleep, alone, just as he's always done.

Something snaps inside of him, a sharp glancing pain through his chest and out his back. A feeling deep inside, heavy and insistent, a feeling that shouts No! with every fibre of his being. He suddenly doesn't want to do as he's always done. Things have changed these past couple of years. Neal's changed. Now he's breaking from the inside out, being torn apart, shredded into tiny pieces. What he wants and what he has is no longer black and white, no longer a simple matter of finding and taking. It hits him now that what he wants has been their all along, Neal's just been looking in the wrong direction.

Charging forward this isn't the first time Neal's run to Peter instead of away. It is the first time he's ran with no plan, no greater purpose in mind than to just be near the man who somewhere along Neal's solitary existence had come to provide that which Neal has desperately been seeking all his life. Flinging arms around the broad shoulders Neal ignores the lack of surprise on Peter's face. He feels weak and young and like a complete idiot for not seeing what everyone else saw sooner. He's been horrible to those closest to him and by all rights they shouldn't have the time of day for him anymore, let alone comfort him as he cries in his arm. A thought that only makes him cry harder.

Neal thinks about all the times Peter's stood by him, all the times he hasn't. He thinks about how needy he's become since leaving prison. Neal never really thought about how hard it would be living on the outside after four years of being dependant on someone else for all his needs. He was arrogant and foolish, all his thoughts focused on reclaiming his life with Kate. No thought to how that life would actually work. Peter knew though, didn't he? That's why he's always been there, a consistent presence. Feeling the warm hand running up and down his back it suddenly all falls into place. Peter's not perfect, no one is, but he's been trying to be what Neal needs, trying to be there to catch him when he falls. Not to coddle but to teach, to show him there's a better way.

Neal decides it no longer bothers him that Peter doesn't trust him to make good life choices, it no longer feels like a betrayal that Peter takes decisions about how he leads his life out of his hands. It's okay that Neal can't keep a secret from Peter. Any secret. Peter is all knowing as far as Neal's concerned and in the end, that's okay too.

Peter:

It's comfort Neal wants and it's comfort he gets. The second he steps forward Peter knows what's going to happen. He's pleased, proud even, but keeps the emotions off his face until the brunette head is safely hidden against his shoulder. No need to confuse the kid by looking happy at his tears. Just two days ago Neal had been giving him the cold shoulder, throwing him out of his life and no longer wanting the home and family on offer. One shooting and a DNA test later, and they're back to the standard status-que. Or at least a version of it.

He's silent at first, trembling, but when Peter returns the hold, the trembling turns into full blown shakes. The apologies tumble out, he can't stop. A torrential downpour of I'm sorry's to rival the actual downpour outside. The tears come thick and fast, and with them some other words that Peter can't quite make out. Sorry is repeated over and over again, bringing tears to Peter's already bright eyes. Hearing Neal so broken, begging to be forgiven for simply wanting to believe what was right in front of him. Out of all the mistakes the kid has made in his so far short life, Peter can't help but think there's so much more Neal needed to apologize for in the grand scheme of things.

Pushing thoughts of past alleged transgressions aside Peter calmly runs one hand through the kid's hair, the other up and down his spine, trying to ease the hiccupping sobs and steady his breathing.

"Grab your stuff," Peter breaths into his ear. "I'm taking you home tonight."