Note: I know it must feel like I'm repeating myself, but thank you so much for all the reviews! They're what's keeping me writing this story! So thank you so much, and sorry for the delay in writing this chapter, though I promise that the next one will be coming really soon, as I'm done traveling and am settling down for a few days. That's it, really hope you like it and please review the chapter, it would mean more than you know!
Chapter 15: Mad Tales and Obsessions
"War is coming. And we're here to ready ourselves for when it does."
Elsa's words seemed to echo slightly, as they all sat a little straighter around the table. A waitress came, putting down pints of ale for all of them, and went away again. It wasn't before the waitress was well out of ear-shot that Elsa dared speak again.
"I'm sure you have all noticed by now that the supposed alliance the Southern Isles want to forge with Arendelle is nothing more than a scam, designed to distract us from the fact that they are raising armies, that plan on marching on this kingdom."
Jack noticed that Eleanor's bright green eyes flickered to her clasped palms on her knees for a second. He wasn't the only one who noticed.
"But I'm sure you already know all about that, Eleanor," Elsa said, not unkindly. Rapunzel and Eugene exchanged a confused look.
"Eleanor is the Southern Isles' King's wife, the Queen of the Southern Isles," Elsa explained. "Her loyalty is not with her husband, however, and I dare hope that maybe it could be with us."
Eleanor's gaze lifted suddenly from her clasped hands to stare into Elsa's eyes. She didn't answer, but Jack would have been a fool to think that it was from weakness or fear that her mouth stayed shut. Her eyes sparkled with hidden intelligence, and something in the way she held herself informed everyone that this was a strong woman, who had lived through the toughest hardships of life and survived… someone that only a fool would underestimate.
Elsa knew that as much as he did.
At that precise moment, the door of the pub opened again, and this time it was a wind-blown red-head that entered the small room. Eleanor's attention, who had been entirely focused on Elsa, was broken; her eyes swivelled to prince Gregory, who seemed to be searching the room with his eyes. She raised her hands to her hood, and lowered it, revealing her curled red-hair, that drew attention like a wasp is drawn to light.
Jack watched as Gregory's eyes snapped to Eleanor, and he half-stumbled, half-ran to her, his arms outstretched. She stood up as well, and he reached her, not seeming to care that everyone was watching them, ignoring Elsa's pleas to be discreet; he reached for her and pulled her to him, his arms surrounding her lower-back, and Eleanor seized him around the neck as she buried her face in his neck, her feet lifting an inch from the ground.
"Are you alright?" he asked, putting her down after what seemed like at least a few minutes, but he didn't let go of her as if he was afraid that she would vanish again.
"I'm fine," she smiled up at him, "I'm perfect, now that you're here."
Gregory's shoulders seemed to slump a little as he beheld her, and he beamed at her; the grin lit up his face, and he somehow turned more handsome than he already was. He swept Eleanor up in his arms, and kissed her.
Jack, Elsa, and all the others looked away. He rather felt- and he was sure the others were too- as if they were intruding on a sacred moment that nobody was supposed to witness.
"And that," said Elsa quietly, "is Prince Gregory. He's in love with Eleanor."
"We'd noticed," laughed quietly Eugene, his arm around Rapunzel. Jack chuckled, and tried to catch Elsa's eye again, but to no success. He couldn't ignore the twinge of frustration as she was still determinedly avoiding looking at him.
He thought he knew what was behind this sudden change, and he planned to give North a piece of his mind.
Gregory and Eleanor broke apart, and after Gregory whispered something to Eleanor that sounded suspiciously like an 'I love you', they sat down between Eugene and Jack, Gregory still firmly holding Eleanor.
"Hello," said Elsa in a would-be casual voice, though Jack knew that she was studying Gregory's reaction to all of them. Gregory turned his marron eyes to Elsa's blue ones, and was about to say something, when Eleanor interrupted him.
"Don't be angry, Captain. Your father was planning to- to make you watch him rape me," she said quickly, as if she was scared of changing her mind about saying this in front of everyone, "So I ran, and I bumped into Princess Anna, who helped me run from them. They've been hiding me."
Gregory looked down at Eleanor's pleading face, and seemed to decide that maybe Anna and Elsa deserved that he, at least, hear them out.
"Thank you, Queen Elsa," he said.
"Elsa, please," she smiled, and he tentatively smiled back.
"Why do you call him 'Captain'?" asked Anna curiously.
"Anna!" gasped Elsa, "That is none of your business!"
"Sorry," she mumbled, as Kristoff, Jack, Rapunzel, and Eugene burst out laughing. Eleanor smiled, her eyes kind as they took in Anna. She reached across the table and grabbed Anna's hand.
"Thank you, for what you did," she said, and Jack saw Anna squeeze her hand. Eleanor withdrew, and watched Elsa expectantly.
"I believe some introductions are needed."
"Right," said Elsa, as if Eleanor and Gregory's reunion had temporarily wiped her mind clean of any thought of war, "This is my cousin, Princess Rapunzel of Corona, and her husband, Prince Eugene. Everyone already knows Anna and Kristoff, and these two are friends of someone very important to all of this."
Isabel and Mary, who had been so silent that they'd become invisible, seemed surprised as Elsa referred to Katie in such a praiseworthy way. Jack ignored the sting he'd felt when she hadn't introduced him, but he remembered that the ones who could see him already knew him, and maybe Elsa didn't think that Gregory, Eleanor and the two servants would believe them or trust them if they started telling wild tales about a certain Spirit of Winter drinking ale with them.
"This is Isabel," continued Elsa, "And this is Mary."
Isabel smiled timidly at all of them, looking a little impressed; not that Jack could blame her. She was surrounded by royals that she'd only seen from afar, and was quite suddenly sitting around a table, drinking ales with them, as their equal. Mary, on the contrary, looked quite mean as she gave no sign of what she was feeling.
"I asked you to come here tonight," said Elsa, addressing them directly, "to tell you what really happened to Katie. You have been led to believe that she died in my place, as someone who was trying to murder me killed her instead."
Mary bristled at her words, but Isabel leaned forwards, listening intently to her queen.
"That is not the case. Katie was murdered because she heard a conversation between the King of the Southern Isles and one of his sons. She didn't have time to tell me about what that conversation was, before someone who didn't want her to talk shot an arrow through her throat."
At those words, Isabel reached for Mary's hand and grasped it tightly in her own.
"I have managed to discover what Katie tried to tell me," said Elsa, lowering her voice so that they all had to come closer together. "But before I tell you, I have to be sure that every single person around this table can be trusted to conceal this secret, for it might be the end to us all."
She looked at Gregory and Eleanor, and they both nodded.
"If you promise to help us make our country good again, then we will stand by you," said Gregory, and Elsa nodded respectfully.
"We will help you no matter what, El'," said Rapunzel, smiling at her cousin as Eugene nodded.
"You know you can trust me, Snowflake. Anyway, the King can't even see me, so even if I wanted to betray you, I couldn't," Jack said, and finally she looked at him. His heart fluttered as she smiled at him before she could catch herself, as though by instinct. But she quickly looked away from him again, and though he was disappointed a spark of hope flared in him. North hadn't destroyed everything, and he wouldn't, if Jack didn't let him.
Elsa turned her gaze to Anna.
"Oh right, because I would absolutely adore going to the Southern Isles and tell them how to destroy my country," she said, and Elsa chuckled.
"Just checking," she smiled, before turning to the two servants. Mary looked stonily ahead, not meeting any of their gazes. Isabel, though, nodded at Elsa.
"Of course. For Katie," she simply said, and nudged Mary in the ribs, who mumbled something that kind of sounded like 'Fine.'
Elsa studied Mary, but seemed to decide that that would do. Jack, though, continued to look at the girl. He could feel waves of anger rolling off her body… anger directed at all the royals present.
"As I said, Katie overheard a conversation between the King and one of his sons. This conversation, alongside other information I have received has led me to believe that the marital alliance that the Southern Isles have pursued with Arendelle is a distraction from the armies they are raising in their own country, and that they plan on marching here. They have allied themselves with a man called Pitch Black, and I was hoping that you, Gregory, could tell me more about what your country has done to prepare itself for war. First, though, I want to warn you; Katie also overheard that the King knows of your affair. He has known for a while, and married Eleanor to stop it. But know he plans to kill you both."
Gregory looked taken-aback at this revelation. Certainly he'd thought that they'd been discreet, thought Jack to himself, but anyone in a room with both of them together could see what was between them.
"Everyone knew I was courting her before my father took Eleanor for his bride, we weren't very discreet," Gregory said, as Eleanor smiled softly, surely remembering happier times, "but I didn't know he knew it had escalated into an affair after he took her to be his queen."
"Well, he did," said Elsa.
"But why didn't you tell me so before? Don't you think that I would have rallied to your side faster if I'd known about a plot to kill me, organized by my own father?"
"I would have told you anyway," declared Elsa, "but I wanted you to join me without thinking that you didn't have a choice."
Gregory stared at her, then nodded respectfully. Jack could see that he was beginning to realize what Elsa's counsellors had taken so long to understand; before him was a wise, rightful queen, and that only a fool would think that she would lead a country to its ruin.
"My brother, Prince Hans," started Gregory, and the response was immediate. Anna stiffened, her gaze hardening; Kristoff tightened his arm around her; Elsa sat up straighter. "When he returned from Arendelle… well, at first everyone thought he'd lost his mind. The news of Queen Elsa's powers had not yet reached our ears, you see, and there he was, spinning mad tales about a Queen who had powers of ice and snow, capable of covering the ground with ice and building ice palaces more impressive than any castle made by men."
He paused, and Jack turned his gaze to Elsa. Her attention was fixed on Gregory, but he thought he detected a flicker of pride in her eyes, and he smiled to himself. If she felt like she could be proud of her powers, and not frightened of them, then that meant she was healing from all those years she'd passed, isolated in darkness.
"We soon discovered that what he was saying wasn't a mad tale after all. After that, my father gathered his council, and managed to convince himself that somehow, though you hadn't so much as made a threat, you were a danger to us all. He gathered his armies, egged on by my brother, who since he'd returned had become obsessed with only one thing; Princess Anna."
"Me?!" gasped Anna. "What do you mean?"
"He's not in love with you- I think he's become too senseless to be capable of love. But he wants you for himself, and- pardon me for the expression, but I'm using his exact words- in his sheets, warming his bed."
"He said what?!" asked Elsa in a furious voice, as Kristoff's eyes flashed with anger.
"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm taken," Anna snapped, and Kristoff grinned down at her. "And if I ever see Hans again, I can give him another taste of my fist; it seems like the first punch didn't do the trick."
Gregory grinned sheepishly at them, as though apologizing for his brother.
"My father seemed to realize that an army with an Ice Queen at its head would probably mean that you would defeat him, so he began searching for allies. Pitch Black sought us out, and told us that if we followed his instructions, victory would be a certainty. He demonstrated his power to convince my father, and succeeded. Soon, we had all departed for Arendelle to distract you from any rumours that could reveal what we were preparing; leaving my brother behind to organize our armies, and plan our invasion with Pitch. In exchange for his help, Pitch demanded only one thing: that though we take Arendelle for our own, we only fake Queen Elsa's death; we could kill your sister and her husband, and any other living relative you had, but that we should spare you, so that he could take you, though I don't know for what reason."
"You planned to take part in this?" asked Eugene, outraged. Gregory shrugged.
"You have to understand. I didn't care about any Ice Queens, or claiming any countries. I only cared about being close to Eleanor, and I planned on fleeing with her before the fighting would start."
"You did?" asked Eleanor, turning to face him. He smiled at her.
"Of course I did, love. I wanted you to be away from the fighting, and use all the confusion to our advantage; run somewhere my father and my brothers could never find us, and spend the rest of my days with you."
Eleanor leaned in and kissed him, and Gregory lifted both his hands to either side of her face as he kissed her back. Elsa coughed impatiently.
"Guys? We haven't got much time left," she said.
"Leave them be!" protested Anna, "They're adorable!"
Eleanor broke away from Gregory, turning back to them. She mumbled an apology as she blushed. Jack, highly entertained, shared an amused look with Kristoff and Eugene.
He became serious again. Though having Gregory as an ally was more than helpful, he hadn't told them anything they didn't know; though he'd confirmed their fear.
Pitch was after Elsa.
Elsa was thinking the same, as she looked at him for the second time since she'd entered the pub. He gave her a small smile, that she interpreted correctly as a 'Don't worry, Snowflake'.
Why, because you'll protect me? she mouthed teasingly, her eyebrows raised and he grinned. But then she frowned, as if she was reminding herself of something, and turned away from him again. He cursed under his breath.
"Thank you, Gregory," said Elsa. He simply waved a hand in her direction as if it was nothing, too busy looking at Eleanor. Elsa smiled, and turned to Rapunzel. Before she could say anything, however, Rapunzel had started talking.
"My parents can send a few companies of men over, but not much. Corona doesn't have many men, barely enough to maintain order inside our borders."
Jack was maybe the only one that noticed how Elsa concealed her disappointment by smiling a little, and shrugging as if it was no big deal.
But… it was. Elsa had been more than clear that Arendelle's army was not big enough for war.
We'll find a way, he thought to himself.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, your Majesty," said Isabel, "but I don't see what you want Mary and me to do for you."
Elsa turned back to the pretty servant, smiling kindly.
"I need you to be on the look-out for anything suspicious. If you hear any conversations, about armies marching on Arendelle or anything to do with the Southern Isles attacking us; so that we have a decent shot at preparing ourselves if they do come. I expect an attack any time, now; they won't wait forever."
"Of course. Anything," said Isabelle, though Mary still didn't look at Elsa. Jack saw that Elsa looked uncertainly at the raven-haired servant.
"You are at liberty to refuse, Mary," she said quietly, but Mary still didn't deign to look at her. Jack was disliking the girl more and more.
"No, your Majesty, Mary will help me. Don't worry about it," said Isabel apologetically, and Elsa's gaze lingered on Mary a second more, before turning to Gregory and Eleanor. She seemed to hesitate, as if she was going to ask something of them that she didn't want to ask, but before she could do so much as open her mouth, Eleanor nodded.
"I will return to the King's side," she said quietly. "Try to learn as much as I can about the enemy."
Jack noticed that she'd called them the 'enemy' as if proving once and for all that there was no doubt in her mind that she would help Elsa until the end.
"Eleanor-" started Gregory, and Eleanor turned back to him.
"I have to. Don't you see? I'm invisible. He doesn't care which conversations I witness, as I am as insignificant to his eyes as an animal."
"He'll hurt you," insisted Gregory, "punish you for running away-"
"So be it. If that is the price I have to pay for our freedom, then I will gladly pay it."
"I won't," said Gregory, shaking his head. "I won't allow it."
"Too bad I'm not asking for your permission, Captain," she said, and though her words were sharp, she was smiling, as if long ago she'd said those same words to him. He looked at her, still looking defensive and angry, though her words had brought a flickering smile.
"Is there anything I can say to stop you?" he asked quietly.
"I'm afraid not," she said, smiling tenderly. Jack couldn't help but admire her bravery, returning to those who had made her suffer most.
"Thank you, Eleanor," said Elsa quietly, as if she wanted nothing more than to tell Eleanor not to do it. Her eyes were filled with unspoken guilt, as if she couldn't bear to be the reason Eleanor had to return to her husband. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."
"No," said Eleanor, "I don't know how I can ever repay you."
The two queens looked at each other, and Jack saw the unmistakeable beginning of a friendship, the kind that was unbreakable.
"Eugene and I are staying in Arendelle," said Rapunzel, and Elsa tore her gaze away from Eleanor's. "We told North to leave without us. I'm sorry we can't help you more, but I plan on staying with you through this."
Elsa softened.
"It's okay about the men, Punzie. Are you sure you want to stay here? It will become dangerous," Elsa warned, and Rapunzel shrugged.
"We survived Gothel, I think we can survive this," she said.
"Well I didn't exactly survive Gothel-" muttered Eugene.
"Figure of speech," said Rapunzel, batting her hand. Elsa snorted. Jack wondered what the story was between Eugene and Rapunzel. Seemed like an interesting one, and he promised himself to ask Elsa about it later.
If she would talk to him.
"We should go," said Elsa, standing up, "go back to the castle, all of us, separately."
"Kristoff and I will pretend we went to pick up Rapunzel and Eugene at the harbor, as a surprise for Elsa," said Anna, "we'll enter the castle by the front gate. Isabel and Mary can smuggle in Gregory and Eleanor from the servants' passages. Jack will fly Elsa back to her room, and no one need ever know that she wasn't in the castle tonight."
"Who's Jack?" asked curiously Eleanor, and Anna muttered something that sounded like 'Never mind'. Maybe she too thought that the revelation of his existence would make all the progress they'd made tonight crumble, if the others didn't believe them.
He understood the logic; still, he couldn't pretend that he wasn't a little hurt by this.
Everyone nodded at Anna except Elsa, who was very careful not to meet Jack's gaze. They stood up as one, leaving their empty pints of ale behind them as they exited the Queens Arms. Jack was glad to leave the stifling inn, and relieved as the night winter wind caressed his face. Without another word, they split into three groups; Rapunzel, Eugene, Anna and Kristoff going one way, whilst Gregory, Eleanor, Isabel and Mary went the other. Pretty soon, Jack was alone with Elsa, who seemed to be keeping a safe distance from him.
"What did he tell you?" he asked suddenly, abandoning all pretense of not knowing what had caused this sudden change in her attitude.
"Who?" she said, though there was no curiosity in her tone; she knew exactly who he was talking about.
"Don't be like this, Elsa," he murmured, daring to step closer to her. She didn't move away, so he kept walking slowly closer to her. "North is wrong. You know he is. So what if we don't know what the future brings? I still want to try… I want to try being with you."
He was so close to her now that he simply had to move his hand slightly to touch hers. Elsa was looking determinedly at her feet, avoiding his gaze.
"Look at me," he requested, but when she still didn't, he lifted a finger to her chin, and raised it so that her face lifted, her icy blue gaze finally meeting his. A thousand emotions seemed to reflect in them; the anguish he found there broke his heart.
"I know you think you're protecting me," he said, his breath caressing her face, "but you're not. It's too late for that."
He gently lowered his mouth to hers, and stopped, his mouth not an inch from hers, to see if she would back away. She didn't. He encircled her face with his palms, and kissed her gently. A moment passed, and then she opened herself to the kiss, her arms knotted together behind his back, so that his chest pressed against hers. For a moment, a glorious, victorious moment, he thought he'd done it; he'd convinced her, they would be fine…
But then she broke away. She took a step back, as if she needed room to think, as if she couldn't think properly when he was that close to her.
"But he is right, isn't he?" she said in a strangled voice, and Jack realized with a start that she was doing everything in her power not to let a single tear drop. His heart broke; she was struggling to be strong for the both of them, as if she had to put a stop to what had just begun to bloom between them-
"Snowflake-" he said hoarsely.
"Bring me home," she said sharply, and the words he'd wanted to tell her died on his tongue. She had gone back to a cold, indifferent attitude, not bringing her gaze to his. He was at a loss of what to say, and he doubted that he could find the right words anyway. He walked to her again, though this time he didn't try to do anything else than take her, with heart-breaking gentleness, by the waist. He jumped in the air, still holding her tight, and he brought her home, the two not exchanging another word.
…
Gregory was pulling her up the corridor by his hand, and they were hurrying along the dark passage-ways. He made a turn left, and another turn right, and she followed him, trying to keep as quiet as she possibly could. They'd left Isabel and Mary- Eleanor had felt quite uncomfortable in their presence, for though Isabel had been very kind, she'd felt that Mary loathed them, though she had no idea of why- as they'd entered the kitchens.
Finally, Eleanor recognized where they were. She felt like Arendelle's castle was huge, though Gregory had assured her that it was a little smaller than the Summer Palace where they'd first met. Another turn would bring her to the corridor she'd fled from only- was it yesterday? She tightened her hold on Gregory's hand as if she could somehow postpone the moment when she'd have to let go of him again by gripping him tighter. He came to a stop just before swerving into the corridor that would lead her back to her husband's room.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked, and she nodded. She wished that he would stop asking her; she feared that if he did so one more time, her courage would fail her, and she would change her mind.
"I love you," she said, looking up to meet his gaze. He stared at her for a moment, as if two emotions were battling inside him: his desire to protect her, no matter what, that pushed him to carry her away from this place, not caring if she be consenting or not, and his love for her, that forced him to recognize that that wasn't an option, as he must respect her wishes.
He kissed her fiercely, as if he could stop time by just touching her, kissing her- and she kissed him back, right there in the middle of that dark corridor, not caring, nor even remembering that she was a few feet away from her husband.
Finally, she broke away, though it was the last thing she wanted to do.
"I have to go," she said, lacing her fingers with his.
"Take this," he whispered, and pushed something into her hand. She looked down and saw an intricate, beautiful silver dagger, with a gorgeous hilt decorated by a red dragon. She looked up at Gregory again, speechless.
"I thought it suited you," he whispered. "You're as wild, as brave and as untameable as that dragon. Always keep it with you. For safety."
He kissed her on the cheek. Having temporarily lost the ability to speak, she squeezed his hand, and let it go. She walked away from him without another word, and opened the door to the room she shared with the King. She entered, closing the door behind her with a sound that had an odd finality to it, leaving Gregory looking at that shut door.
…
Pitch looked down at the child in front of him. They were surrounded by darkness, his darkness, the darkness emanating from his soul. The child- ten years old at most- screamed in terror as the obscurity weighed down on them, and Pitch flashed him an evil grin.
"That's right," he laughed evilly, "don't fight the fear little one!"
"Please," the child whispered, "Please, I want my mommy, sir, please bring me back to my mommy-"
"Tell me what you see," ordered Pitch, ignoring the child's pleas as he let the darkness wash over him in great waves, concealing him. He reappeared on the child's left side, and the child screamed in terror and scrambled to get away from him.
"TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE," he roared, and the child dissolved into tears, hiccoughing.
He looked at him, disgusted. Children were pathetic.
But then, the child stopped crying suddenly, and his eyes widened in surprise.
"Mommy?" he said, whispering. Pitch looked down at his hands, and saw that they'd become the slender hands of a woman. He raised his hands to his scalp, and found that his fingers twisted into dark, voluminous hair. He laughed in triumph.
He'd done it. He'd mastered the ability to rule the darkness so completely that he could manipulate it to change his own appearance, and become his victim's greatest love, or greatest fear.
He looked down at the child, as he willed himself to return to his normal, terrifying appearance. He smiled down at the child.
Then he waved his hand, willing the air to vanish from the child's lungs, and watched- still smiling- as the child suffocated.
When the small one was dead, he turned and walked away, going deeper into the cave. He passed his nightmare, a huge, monstrous horse with golden eyes that glinted evilly as they awaited orders.
"Dispose of the body," he said, and smiled to himself as he strode deeper into complete darkness.
Victory was already his.
…
Elsa woke and stretched, opening her eyes slowly. She expected to find Jack lying next to her, or at the very least curled on the couch; but her room was empty. It took another moment for her to remember what had happened yesterday; she groaned, slumping back on the cushions as the souvenir of what North had told her flooded back.
Yesterday, when she'd told Jack so coldly to bring her home… it had nearly been like physical pain. She'd wanted to kiss him as he had kissed her, she'd wanted to just be close to him, the Winter Spirit that had just made her start to believe that maybe, just maybe, she was worth loving after all. As he'd flown her back in stony silence, she'd wanted to scream.
Scream at North for putting this on her shoulders, scream at Jack for making all of this so hard, scream at the world for the injustice of it all.
It was so unfair. For the first time in her life, she felt accepted- completely accepted- by someone who wasn't her sister; she'd felt like she belonged in something, something wonderful and magical, a kind of secret that only she and Jack shared.
And then, just as quickly as she'd let herself believe that happiness was possible, even for her, someone had reminded her of what she was.
Someone that only had the power to cause pain.
She'd been a fool to think that she could be happy with Jack; she would have made him unhappy, and if they'd fallen in love before he'd realized exactly what kind of… of monster he was getting involved in, she would have been the cause of a pain so intense, she didn't dare to even think about it.
She wouldn't be the cause of Jack's demise. She refused to be.
But she knew that if she didn't say something to make him think that the distance she was putting between them had nothing to do with what North had told her, he would keep coming at her, like he'd had yesterday evening. And she knew that if that happened, she would give up on pulling away from him. She'd gladly curl herself up in his arms and stay there for the rest of her days.
But she couldn't do that.
She would never be able to do that.
She stood from her bed, and the minute her feet sank into the fluffy carpet, the window behind her burst open, a freezing wind making her white nightgown flap around her ankles. She turned, and saw Jack drop into the room. A mixture of relief and fear swept through her. Jack was watching her reaction to him, scrutinizing her.
"Hi," he said hesitantly. She felt a powerful urge to go to him, to say that she was sorry for how she had behaved, tell him to continue what they'd started yesterday-
I can't, she thought.
So, she didn't answer, instead sitting in front of her mirror, and started braiding her hair.
"Elsa," he tried again, and Elsa thought she detected a hint of exasperation in his voice. "Elsa, stop trying to make the decision for the both of us."
Still, she didn't answer him, trying to block out his words, fearing that he would make her change her mind on what she had to do- it would only take one touch from him.
"Don't let what North said get to you-"
"It's not just that," she said, focusing on finishing her braid, purposely taking slower than she would usually have done.
"What is it then?" he asked, frowning. She closed her eyes, trying to summon courage- but she felt oddly empty. She turned, looking at him directly now.
"I haven't been thinking clearly," she said, in a voice that she didn't recognize. It was cold, on the edge of mean. "I'm the Queen, and I can't just go gallivanting around with Snow Spirits that have no lands and nothing to offer my kingdom or me."
He looked temporarily speechless as he gazed at her wide-eyed. He looked so astonished, as if he wouldn't have imagined her for a second capable of saying that- but then his gaze hardened. Her last shrivel of hope dissolved. The hope that he would see her words as the lies they were.
"Elsa-"
"What, Jack? Are you going to tell me again how I deserved to be loved? To not shut you out?"
"Stop it-"
"Maybe I don't want to be loved by you! Have you thought of that? Maybe, I regret every moment we spent together! I regret you ever came here in the first place, I regret telling you my secrets, I regret letting you see my nightmares!" Jack looked so stunned by her words that he literally took a step back from her.
"Well if I have nothing to offer Arendelle except from my miserable self, what am I doing here?" he snapped.
"I don't know, you tell me," she snarled, "You're the one who just appeared in my life, thinking I could fall in love with you! Well, Jack, I could never, ever fall in love with you!"
She hated herself as she saw the flash of pain on his face, his eyes shining unnaturally.
"If you don't want me here, just say so," he said softly.
"You read my mind," she snarled nastily, wanting nothing more than to rip out her tongue as she said the words.
"Well, maybe I don't want to be here!" he said, raising his voice for the first time.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Next second, he'd vanished, her window slamming shut. For a second, she looked in shocked silence at the closed window.
Then, she sank to her knees, burying her face in her hands as tears streaked down her cheeks, unnatural cold seeping in the room, snowflakes falling around her.
...
Elsa didn't remember much of the next few days, feeling that they passed in a blur. Every morning, she met with the Council, and had begun to plan New Year's ball, when Anna would announce her pregnancy to the court.
On the third day, Isabel had come to tell her that she'd overheard something about foreign armies entering Arendelle. A little later that same day, Eleanor had come to find her with worrisome rumours about villages being burned to the ground, no witnesses left alive to go warn the rest of Arendelle.
Elsa had begun assembling her armies, having reclaimed her power of them. There were only a few thousand men in her army, but she had put to use the few men she could spare to sweep across the country, ordering them to report back here immediately if they saw anything suspicious. None had come back yet, but she was confident that they would return soon.
The King had requested that she let enter his own guard to the palace, as he no longer felt safe since his wife had been 'kidnapped', as that was the official story about Eleanor's disappearance. Elsa had accepted unwillingly, and watched apprehensively as at least twenty men had entered her castle. She'd ordered that Anna always be escorted by at least five of their best men, but refused to have a personal guard around her, insisting that she could defend herself.
Anna had, of course, noticed Jack's absence, going from always being by Elsa's side to vanishing into thin air. She'd also noticed Elsa's tired eyes, her unnaturally pale face, how she hadn't smiled once since he'd gone, even when Olaf had sprinted around the corner of a corridor pursued by Kristoff because he'd taken a whole sack of carrots meant for Sven. She'd mentioned it only once, however, to Elsa, who had quickly walked away from the conversation. Ever since, Anna had avoided the subject.
Elsa hid in her room every night, not caring any more about diplomacy, and didn't join the rest for dinner. She spent sleepless nights in her room, moving idly her hand, playing with tiny snowflakes floating around her fingertips. Sometimes, she dissolved into sobs that only stopped when she fell asleep crying, crying for the love she could have had, if only she wasn't her. She didn't ever notice the golden, small man looking at her kindly from outside her window, as the only Guardian who had tried to help the girl born of ice and snow continued to do so, warding her from the dark nightmares that crept on her in the night.
He came every night, just for the time being, until Jack, her true Guardian, returned to her side, as the Sandman knew he would.