Disclaimer: See prologue

Ok so this took me a lot longer than I thought but I did manage to work on the length of my chapters. I've been blessed with three pre-readers, namely Sideris, Specter von Barren, and Dark Plague of the Phoenix Souls. Much thanks to them, give them a hand people! Alright, enough of my ranting, on with the story!

SHATTERED: Chapter 2

He ran, he ran as fast as he possibly could. Now that he thought about it, he had been running the moment he jumped out of his entry plug, not even taking the time to shower. His clothes were still damp from the LCL and reeked of blood, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to see Rei and Asuka again. He had finally reached the Nerv infirmary and skidded to a halt at the registration desk.

Panting heavily, he spoke to the young woman behind the desk. "…Where… are-" He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "miss… Sohryu and Ayanami?"

"They've been taken to room 142 on the second floor, but you're no-… HEY!" She yelled after him as he ran off, not allowing her to finish.

He halted at the elevator, pushing the button to call the elevator down. After a few seconds he pushed the button repeatedly. Finally, not satisfied with how long the elevator was taking, he decided to run up the stairs.

'142… 142… 142…' He mentally repeated to himself as he ran past the rooms. Turning left into a corridor, he spotted Ritsuko and Misato down the hall.

Having finally reached them he bent down, hands on his knees, taking in deep breaths. Calmed down enough, he began to speak. "How are they?... Can I see them?..."

"They're both alive Shinji… but you can't see them right now, we have to examine them, you'll only get in the way… you can visit them tomorrow." Ritsuko said, halting at the room's entrance.

"But... but I just ran all the way to see them… please can't I come in for just a second? I won't get in the way, I promise."

"Shin-…"

"Ritsuko… just let him in for a second, to calm his nerves." Misato interrupted her.

Ritsuko turned towards Misato, her mouth opening to say something, but then closing it again. She stayed silent for a moment, then said: "Alright… but only a few minutes. Just in, and out, understand?"

When he entered the room, it didn't calm his nerves in the slightest. Asuka lay motionless as the doctors were trying to get a reaction from the girl, asking her for her name. All she did was stare forward blankly, a haunted look on her face.

Rei wasn't much better, although she was responding to the doctors. He could hear her speaking, saying that she was alright, but he didn't believe it. He'd heard her in Eva, she'd cried. The dried tear streaks on her cheeks, and red eyes silently proved that fact. If she had cried, there must've been something wrong.

Before he could think anymore about it he was shoved out of the room, not the least bit gently. Misato followed him out, kneeling in front of him. "I'll take you home alright? Asuka and Rei'll be fine, they're in good care."

Without further argument he let himself be led out of the hospital by his guardian, Rei and Asuka on his mind the whole time. Silently he got in the passenger's seat of Misato's car. As she got in behind the wheel, she stole a quick glance at him. Shinji didn't notice, too caught up in his thoughts, staring out the window.

'When I was in Eva… I… I swear I could smell her… like she was calling for me. And when I came back… I was grateful I could see her again. And now, everything… it's all gone sour.'

Stealing another glance at Shinji, he was still gazing out the window with a sullen look on his face. "Shinji…" Misato spoke up. "Everything will be fine… They weren't wounde-"

"Why, Misato?" He interrupted her. "Why's it all going down the drain. I can't believe anything will ever be alright anymore…" He finished as he kept his gaze at his feet.

"Don't say that Shinji-kun… They're alive. You saw that with your own eyes!"

"Misato! You saw them, didn't you? The look on Rei's face…? I've never seen her like that… and Asuka." He stopped, squinting his eyes closed to stop himself from crying, the lump in his throat also making it difficult to speak. He returned his stare out the window, not feeling like continuing the conversation.

'How can she say that to me… I know something's wrong with them. I could hear Ayanami… she'd been crying, I know it. And Asuka… she just stared at the ceiling. That look on her face, like the life was drained from her body.'

He looked at Misato's reflection in the window. 'How can she tell me everything's alright... when Kaji's gone. She keeps up this happy face when I'm around her… but I've heard her crying. I don't know if he's dead… but… from what I've learnt from him...' He interrupted his thoughts for a moment, letting out a shuddery breath.

"We're here…" Misato announced as she parked the car in front of the apartment entrance. She turned towards Shinji, laying a hand on his shoulder in the process. "Get some rest Shinji… tomorrow you can go see them. I'm going back to NERV, I have a lot of paperwork to finish… I'm sorry I have to leave you alone right now."

Only giving a small nod as an answer he got out of the car and headed for the apartment.

-----

It had been some time since the doctors had left the room. A soft murmuring floated through the air, catching her attention. As she opened her eyes she saw a room coloured in patches of blue. She kept her eyes trained on the ceiling, not allowing herself to think about the events of the day. The room lit up brightly for a moment, a streak of light moved across the room, all the while decreasing in brightness.

She found herself breathing heavily, her heart racing. 'It was not the Angel…' She told herself, her eyes pressed shut tightly. 'It was destroyed… it was merely a car passing by.'

"Mama…?" She opened her eyes and looked at the source of the soft whimper. 'Sohryu… is she dreaming?' She could see a tear slip down the side of the redheaded girl's face. She returned her eyes to the ceiling, unable to repress the images of her mind-rape any longer. "Shinji… where are you?" She whispered to herself as tears welled up again.

-----

He couldn't sleep, his mind kept wandering to the two girls in the NERV infirmary. He tossed and turned, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dread. He'd thrown his SDAT player to the side some time ago, it having failed in lightning the burden on his spirit.

He got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, only too aware of the emptiness of the apartment without Asuka or Misato. He took a look in the mirror, just standing there looking at his own face. 'How can I look at myself in the mirror… all I see is a boy that is absolutely useless…' Sick with the sight of himself he walked to the kitchen.

He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with tap water, then gulped it down in one go. As he turned around, ready to return to his room, he saw his cello standing in the corner of the living room. He slowly moved over and picked it up along with the bow. 'I haven't played in a long time… It might work…' He took a chair, put it down in the middle of the room and took a seat.

Without thinking he started playing Bach's Cello Suite nr. 1, just concentrating on the notes he played, not having to think about anything for the moment. Tears slipped freely from the corners of his eyes as he kept on playing.

As he finished he just sat still for a moment, and wiped the tears from his eyes violently. The music was a short refuge from his thoughts, but the notes he played could not rid him of his depressed mood. He got up and propped the cello and bow against the chair, then moved back to his room.

As he got back underneath the covers he stared at the ceiling for a few moments. The thoughts were still on his mind, but he was drained from tears. All that was left was a lump in his throat as he turned on his side. Sleep, mercifully, found him quick after he closed his eyes.

-----

Deep inside NERV headquarters Gendo sat behind his desk, illuminated only by the fluorescent light of the Tree of Sephirotica on the ceiling of his office. His hands were clasped together, fingers intertwined, his regular pose. Fuyutsuki stood behind him silently as he contemplated the information before him.

"Does this affect your scenario, Ikari?" The older man spoke up.

"For now, this is of no concern." Gendo said. "Besides this little… setback… things are moving along at an agreeable pace. Any problems the First might have from the Angel can be dealt with, either through psychological support or more… drastic measures."

"The elimination of the spy has come at an opportuned time." He continued. "We will not have to worry about his meddling any longer. However useful he may have been while in our service, SEELE could not have found a more appropriate time to remove his presence, now that the scenario is moving towards its' final stage." He finished, pushing his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose.

Fuyutsuki moved to the window of the office overlooking the geofront. Staring out at the pyramid, the epicentre of NERV, he said: "Are you willing to sacrifice Rei that easily? Would transferring her soul to another body not form any problems in the future? We were fortunate enough her current AT field can be maintained without medication."

Gendo turned towards his onetime mentor. "I'd rather not have too, but if the need arises we will be left no choice. As of her AT-field… at this stage, should another clone be used, the need for a long term body to house her soul is not necessary. After the final Angel is destroyed Instrumentality can finally be reached."

Gendo returned his stare to his desk, Rei's medical and psychological evaluation the focus. "There have already been many changes to the scenario, all problems up until now have been dealt with, so will future problems."

Fuyutsuki snorted. "You place too much confidence in your scenario, Ikari."

"Your lack of confidence moves me in the least, sensei. You of all people should know I let nothing get in my way." Gendo replied, smirking.

-----

Rei awoke to the sound of a familiar voice. "Asuka… wake up Asuka… I don't know what to do anymore…" It was Shinji who'd awoken her, but she kept her eyes closed, hoping she'd fall into a dreamless sleep where the images within her mind could no longer disturb her.

"Asuka… without you or Ayanami… I don't know who to turn to anymore."

Rei's interest piqued now. Forcing herself to keep her eyes closed as she listened to the one-sided conversation, the thought occurred that she'd never displayed such disrespect for anyone's privacy before. 'But…' She thought as a sinking feeling overcame her. '…this is about me. Why does he not talk to me… she's not capable of response, yet... he chooses to speak to her.'

"Misato's never around anymore, she's always at NERV. And Ayanami… I'm scared Asuka… I'm scared she's hurt, I'm scared of the way she looked the other day. The doctor says she'll be released today… but… but I don't think she's the same anymore."

A pang of hurt shot through her heart as she heard him speak. 'He is afraid… of me?'

She opened her eyes and looked to the side uttering his name softly, though hard enough for him to hear. Wide-eyed he looked at her, hoping she'd not heard the conversation. Seeing the sad look on the blue-haired girl's face made him lose his initial panic, however, as he moved towards her and sat down on a folding chair besides her bed.

"Hi… Ayanami, how are you feeling?" He said, holding his eyes on his hands in his lap.

"I'm uninjured." She spoke the half-truth. 'I lie… yet I say this so easily… for him. I do not wish for Shinji to worry over me.'

"Ikari-kun…" She continued, although not knowing what she wanted to say to the boy. His stare on her made her uneasy. Slowly she reached out towards him and took a gentle hold of his left hand. Neither said anything after that, not knowing what to say or do in this situation.

After a few minutes a doctor walked into the room. Rei quickly retracted her hand as the doctor moved besides Shinji. A warm smile formed on the doctor's face as he said: "I'm pleased to inform you, miss Ayanami, that you're being discharged."

Seeing no reaction from the girl, who gave him nothing more than a blank stare, and the boy on the chair with a bewildered look on his face, he continued. "Well then…" He coughed. "…you can retrieve your belongings at the registration desk when you check out." As he finished he gave them both a small smile, then left the room.

Both teens stayed silent for a while after the doctor had left, then Shinji decided to speak up. "Ah… do you… need any help getting to your apartment?" A few drops of sweat formed on his forehead in the ensuing silence. Without answering Rei got out of the bed, still in her hospital gown and moved to a nearby table, all her clothes neatly folded on top if it.

She turned to Shinji, her arms encircled her waist, as she said: "Will you leave the room… please?"

Initially not understanding why she asked, his thoughts started running. 'I… I haven't offended her have I?' He looked at her again, unconsciously admiring her slim features. His eyes fell on the pile of clothes on the table, and his mind finally settled enough to put two and two together. "Oh!... I'm sorry… I…" He stumbled for words, finally deciding it best to just leave instead of standing around wording apologies.

Outside of the room he rested against the wall and slid down. Putting his hands over his face he thought: 'God… why do I have to be such an idiot! First she holds my hand and I can't even talk to her… then I go and ask her if she wants me to accompany her. As if she's not capable of going home alone… I've probably insulted her now. And then I don't even understand why she wants me to leave the room… you're such a moron.'

Before his mind could wander off any further Rei emerged from the room, clothed in her school uniform. Without saying a word she waited for him to get up, then moved towards the stairs, Shinji trailing not far behind her.

After checking out they finally reached the exit out of headquarters. Rei started walking towards her apartment when she noticed Shinji wasn't following her. She turned around and saw the boy still standing at the entrance, looking at her. "You…" She hesitated. "You will not accompany me to my home?"

"Ah… I… I-I thought you might not want me to… Do… do you want me to come with you?"

She stayed silent for a moment, then finally said. "I… would prefer it."

Neither said anything on the way to the apartment, too lost in their own thoughts to think of conversation.

'He wishes to accompany me… and I wish for him to do so. My heart warms when he's concerned for me, he makes me feel… human. No one has done that for me, not even commander Ikari. When I'm with Shinji… I feel at ease, even now… the events of the other day do not seem nearly as… significant.'

Next to her, unbeknownst of her thoughts, Shinji was equally lost in his own mind. 'It seems unfair to… to run to her now that Asuka's… now that she's the way she is. But I wish to be her friend, and I wish to help her. She does not tell me how she feels but I know something is up. She never tells anyone anything, but I can see it in her eyes. I get so lost in them when she stares at me. All I can see is sadness… and it reminds me of myself before I met her.' He stole a quick glance at Rei. 'I wish I knew how to reach out to her…' He thought, sighing.

'He is my friend… his presence soothes me. Perhaps… perhaps he is more to me.' Her mood dropped immediately. 'No… it is not… allowed. And he would never approve.' Her heart sank as she reached that conclusion. She looked up and saw that they'd reached her apartment.

Summoning all of his courage Shinji decided to speak up. "W-We're here… ah… you want me to come up wi-…"

"No…" Rei interrupted him, her voice a bit more stern then she'd wanted. "…t-thank you for accompanying me." She said, her heart racing, hoping she had not offended the boy.

Without saying anything else she started up the steps and kept her face directed forwards, leaving her friend by himself, wondering if he'd said something wrong.

She finally reached her apartment door and opened it, unlocked as always. She exhaled loudly as she leaned back against the door, her hand over her heart. 'Do not think about it…' She thought desperately, leaving the door and walking further into her apartment.

Her vision blurred as images overcame her. "Hapiness, emotion, friendship. These are all not for you, first." "No… it's… it's not fair." She whispered to the empty room. An image of the commander sitting beside her in the entry plug popped into her mind. "Rei, are you alright?!" He'd said. The memory was of the failed reactivation test. 'He does not… truly care about me… just for the memory of her.'

"The only thing in this world I have faith in is the commander" The words were hers, she'd spoken them to Shinji, but now they felt hollow.

She just stood still silently, not allowing herself to think about it any further, not wanting to face the truth. A few tears dropped from her eyes as she just stood there, unmoving.

'My faith was misplaced…' Another tear welled up and slid down her cheek, her hand immediately touching the spot it trailed down moments ago. The strength slipped from her legs and she fell to her knees, her hands on the ground, arms outstretched in front of her to support her body. More tears welled up and forced their way out.

Only sobs could be heard in the apartment as she sat still on her knees on the cold, dirty floor. All she could find herself praying, like she had done when Shinji had been absorbed after the battle with the 9th Angel, was for him to return to her. She wanted him to ignore her comment and come running up to her apartment anyway. She wanted him to come back and pick her up off the cold hard floor. She wanted him to hold her like he'd done when they first met.

-----

Shinji was on his way home, his mood having dropped considerably. 'Just when I think I'm beginning to understand what's going on in her head…' He sighed. "I'll never be able to get any closer to her." He mumbled to himself.

Looking around for a moment he found that he was not too far from his school. 'Misato says she wants me to go back to school… but how am I going to face Kensuke and Hikari? How am I going to tell them that it was my fault Toji died? They'll never forgive me, and they'll never understand… It might not have been me that killed him, but if I had just fought the Angel… maybe I could've saved him. Either way… it's my fault he died.'

"Damn it…" He said, kicking a pebble against a dumpster. "Damn you father… why couldn't you just love me… like a father should…? Like mother loved me."

"Who are you talking to?" An all too familiar voice spoke from behind him, making him jump, not expecting someone to be listening to what he was saying, not expecting anyone to be around for that matter.

As he turned around he saw that boy again. 'Nagisa… what a creep.' He thought, then said. "Oh… it's you. It's not polite to follow people around you know."

"I'm not following you. I just happened to meet you by chance." The boy said, as always with that smile on his lips. Noticing the frown on the brown-haired boy's face, his smile dropped somewhat. "You don't seem to be particularly pleased to see me here…"

"That's because I don't like you." Shinji replied, honestly.

"You don't?" The silver-haired boy said, tilting his head slightly, his smile falling in the process. "Why's that?"

'What are you stupid?' "Because… I just don't alright…" Shinji said, his frown deepening.

"Well… maybe we should spend some time together. I'm sure you'll like me if you get to know me." The boy replied, his smile returning to his face.

"I'm sorry but I don't feel like it… I have enough on my mind as it is. I don't think I could ever like you… and I don't feel much like trying either." Shinji said sourly.

"You are worried are you not? For your friends." Kaworu said, seemingly unfazed by Shinji's comment or tone. "You know, it's not your fault they got hurt. You couldn't have-"

"Don't talk to me like you know me! You have absolutely no idea what I think or what I feel! Now if you would kindly leave me alone… I have better things to do than stand here and talk to a complete stranger. Goodbye." Without waiting for a reaction Shinji turned around and started walking, away from Kaworu.

"See you later Shinji… I hope to see you in better spirits next time. If you need a friend, I will be around!" The boy yelled after him, his smile not wavering for a moment.

'Damnit… that guy is so annoying. Who does he think he is… he's been here for two days and thinks he knows what it's like to pilot, and what it's like to be me…'

After a few minutes he reached the apartment. He took the elevator, not feeling like running up the flights of stairs. Swiping his card through the card-reader he let out a sigh of relief. 'I'm home…' As he stepped inside, he found the apartment empty.

As he walked further into the room, he saw his cello, still propped up against the chair, in the middle of the room. Taking a deep breath he decided to sit down and play.

-----

Misato leaned against the cafeteria table, every now and then taking a moment to sip some coffee from the mug in her hand. "So, Ritsu… any idea what the consequences may be of Rei's contact with the Angel? Asuka is in bad shape but… Rei claims she doesn't remember what the Angel did to her…"

Ritsuko lit a cigarette and then turned towards her friend.. "Do you want my honest opinion? I think she's lying." She interrupted herself to take a drag of her cigarette. "We all heard her through the comm. system. And the images the cockpit camera showed more than enough for me to believe she's not OK." She said, no compassion in her voice.

"Yeah I know, but… she still seems so… calm and focussed." Misato replied, setting her mug down.

"Like you've spent any considerable time with her since the incident…" Misato glared angrily at her for that comment. "But let's leave that out of the loop." She said, not wanting to insult her friend any more. "It's an act. I believe she's traumatized. She's just… very good at hiding it.

A moment of silence reigned between the two before the doctor decided to break it.

"Anyway, a new synchronisation test has been scheduled for tomorrow, so we'll get a first hand look. Oh, and we'll get to test the fifth child. Let's hope he's up to the job, Asuka was probably the best pilot we had." Ritsuko said, taking another drag of her cigarette as she finished.

Misato sighed, not knowing what to say. After a few moments she spoke up. "You should stop smoking, you know. It's a bad habit, and you'll never pick up any guys stinking of smoke." She finished, hoping to bring a lighter subject up.

"You're one to talk… you drink like you're still in college. Besides… I thought you smoked." Ritsuko retorted, taking a long, almost exaggerated drag of her cigarette afterwards.

"I haven't smoked in years Ritsu… but thanks for noticing."

"My pleasure." Ritsuko replied sarcastically. Misato stuck her tongue out at her friend, a dirty look on her face.

-----

She had calmed down significantly. The tears she'd spilt seemed to have brought release. She didn't feel comforted by that thought however. She'd never cried before the Angel had made contact with her. She'd always felt empty, but it had never bothered her like it did now. The purpose of her existence, her usefulness to the commander, had kept her alive. Now, however, that purpose did not seem desirable anymore, not since Shinji had entered her life.

Since his arrival, feelings unknown to her had plagued her, but the more time she'd spent with the boy, the less the feelings seemed to bother her like they had at first. This feeling she had now, this sadness, was not a welcome one though. Life had been easier when the young blue-eyed boy had been absent from her life. Still, she couldn't find herself wanting to be freed from his presence.

She got up from the floor, dusting herself of for a moment, then stepped towards the mirror hung upon the wall. She took a moment to look at the girl staring back at her. Red eyes, they bothered her. She hated them, they reminded her of her origin. Those eyes were exactly what made her an outcast, exactly what made her look different.

"Who am I?" She whispered to her reflection, as if expecting an answer. 'I am a Halfling, not entirely human, but not entirely Angel.' She sighed. Shinji wanted to be her friend, and she wanted that as well, she had become attached to the boy. The thought of him finding out about her origins sent chills down her spine. "If Shinji knew of my true origins he would not accept me, would he…?"

In the mirror she could see her dresser behind her, and on top of it an object which she used to treasure. She turned around and walked towards the dresser. She picked up the plastic container, in it the commander's broken glasses.

The glasses had been dear to her, but now she found her hands clenching the object hard, her intent to crush it. The glasses gave way under the stress, crackling and splintering. Shattered, Rei dropped it at her feet, not giving it a second glance or thought as she moved to her bed and laid down. From now on, she decided, she would no longer be his. She was Rei, Ayanami Rei.

-----

Author's rant: I hope you all enjoyed the story, I try to keep it all at least slightly realistic (well as realistic as 14 year olds fighting in biomechanical robots goes). Some of you might think Rei is a bit OOC but, seeing in the manga she has already opened up a lot towards Shinji and to herself, her actions in this fiction might not be entirely surreal. I'm not planning on making this very WAFF or anything, or having Rei turn into some emotional wreck, so let that either be a solace or a warning. The next chapter will come in the form of an interlude, which will probably not be as long as this one, however I aim to lengthen the following chapters more than this one. I was initially thinking of adding more content to this chapter, but keeping the continuity of the story in mind I thought it best to release this chapter. Again, much thanks to Sideris, Specter, and Dark Plague for pre-reading this for me!