Disclaimer: See prologue

Well here's the next instalment of 'Shattered' I hope you'll all like it as I hope you'll do… sigh That's hoping against hope isn't it? Well anyway, read it, tell me what you think, or don't. I'll huddle in the corner here… hoping for reviews.

-----

SHATTERED: Chapter 3

"The Spear of Longinus… gone? Why did you use it now?" One of the large pillars spoke, 'Seele 01' marked on it's surface.

"We have yet to complete the EVA series!" Pillar 05 spoke up.

"Our priority was to destroy the Angel. Two pilots we're incapacitated already, I saw no other choice under the circumstances."

This time, the 6th pillar spoke up. "You should be more convincing in your excuses, Ikari! You have gone too far in your actions." The voice roared through the room. Any man, other than Gendou Ikari, would have trembled under it's intensity. He stayed calm however, and sighed.

He got up from his seat, saying: "We cannot recover it, and that is the end of this matter." He turned and walked towards the exit.

"IKARI!" The pillars called in unison.

"I see no use in further discussion, I have more important tasks to attend to." With that, Ikari left the room, not giving the committee another glance.

Silence reigned the room for a few moments after the commander of NERV had left.

Pillar 01 spoke up. "It seems Ikari has finally betrayed us… Tabris… why haven't you warned us sooner? Have you forsaken your task?"

The silver haired boy stayed silent, not impressed by the committee's harassment.

"Do you hear me, Tabris?"

"Yes, yes…" The boy finally spoke up, seated in a folding chair in the back of the room. "What would you have rather had me do… intervene? It would've been easy, but… don't you think it would have been awkward?"

"Besides, is it a good idea for me to keep coming here? I have been accepted as the fifth child." He said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"We are aware of that. Do not forget your tasks, should Ikari do anything improper, inform us immediately."

"I will…"

It was silent in the dark room for a moment, until the young boy decided to speak up again.

"Monitoring the third has been most interesting. Humans are quite peculiar when it comes to the people around them. The third worries over the well being of everyone around him, he gets angry for the sake of people around him. Truly fascinating."

"Humans are like that. Once the plan is executed, it is that from which we shall all be free."

-----

For some reason, the prospect of stepping back into Unit-00 frightened Rei like nothing had her frightened before. All she could think about was her encounter with the Angel as she stood in the NERV infirmary. That night had been one unlike any other. Normally she'd find herself stepping in her bed and quickly find sleep, but this night she had not been so fortunate. Her brow furrowed as she remembered the events of the night.

She had gotten in bed as usual, but as she reflected on all that had so suddenly changed in her life, all she could find herself doing was toss and turn in her bed. The prospect of the synch test she would have to go through, and stepping back into her evangelion… it bothered her. First it had been an unnerving feeling in her chest. The more she thought about it, the more she became sure that she would rather not step back into that entry plug.

The last she remembered before sleep finally overtook her, it had been 4:35 AM. But that was not the most unnerving experience for her that night. She had dreamt, and not pleasantly. Even now, as she thought about it, her heart quickened its' beating.

She could not remember much of her dream, but several images of it stood fresh in her mind. 'I was with Shinji, in the NERV park.' She remembered feeling pleasant, at peace, but the rest of her dream would quickly destroy any positive feeling she possessed about that moment.

Shinji stood before the tank of LCL, her clones laughing as they kept their gaze on him. Then he stood before her, tears staining his face. He told her he never wanted to see her again, that he hated her with all his heart now that he knew her secret. She tried to explain to him, but he wouldn't look at her anymore. When she gently laid her hand on his cheek to make him look at her he stepped back, disgust evident on his face. "Don't touch me!" Was the last thing he yelled at her before he slapped her in the face.

That was when she woke up, sitting straight up in her bed, panting heavily. There was no stinging pain in her cheek, but the pain in her heart was worse than any physical pain she could endure. No tears would find their way to her eyes to accompany that pain, though for some reason she found herself longing for them.

"Hey… are you alright Ayanami?" Shinji broke her out of her thoughts. As she looked into his worried eyes the pain she'd felt that night returned. That same worry would not be evident on his face had he known the truth. He'd hate her, and he'd have every right to. She looked around the room, remembering where she was.

"I am uninjured." She told him, her voice softer than usual. She had seen the young boy walk into the infirmary to go see Asuka, and she had felt the need to follow him, to be in his presence.

"I see." He said, knowing full well something was bothering her. "You know… I'm… I-I'm your friend Ayanami… a-and if you're bothered by something, please tell me."

"No…" She responded blatantly. "…you… would not understand." She closed her eyes, hoping he'd stop his questioning, yet somehow wanting to tell him everything, just to have it be over with.

Shinji sighed and took a step backwards. "I… wish you'd tell me." He sighed again. "I'm going to see Asuka now." With that he turned away from Rei and walked into Asuka's room.

Rei just stood outside the doorway, her back against the wall. She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a sigh of relief.

After standing outside of the room for a while, listening to Shinji's mumbling inside the room, she decided to proceed to headquarters. Every step she took towards her destination brought forward more doubt, more trepidation about what she would have to do when she got there.

Before she could fall deeper into her thoughts, however, someone called from behind her. "Pardon me… Have you seen Shinji?"

She turned around, and immediately an unnerving feeling overcame her. This boy, he looked so much like her. That smile on his face, it seemed so pure, yet false. A chill ran down her spine as she looked the boy over.

"Ah… you must be the first child." The smile on his face broadened as he continued. "You encountered the 9th, didn't you? The second wasn't so fortunate as you, it seems."

Rei just held his stare for a moment, then she spoke. "Who are you?"

"My name is Kaworu Nagisa, the fifth child."

They just stood for a moment, a metre and a half from eachother, a distance Rei did not feel like closing.

"You and I…" The silver haired boy said suddenly. "We're the same." That same smile still evident on his face.

Realisation hit her as they stared at one another. His pale skin, red eyes. They shared a common origin. But there was something different behind his eyes, something cold, inhuman. It reminded her of the way she used to be, of how she had felt for as long as she knew, until she met the young Ikari. Finally she spoke up. "No… we might be very similar, but we are not the same"

Immediately his smile dropped, brows lifted, surprise evident on his face. With that she stepped passed him and walked off.

-----

Shinji stood at Asuka's bedside, his face blank. "I can't talk to anyone, I can't tell anyone how I truly feel, except to you… and it's only because I know you can't hear me… at least I think you can't, but that's enough for me… god I'm pathetic." He sighed and sat down on the folding chair besides the bed. "I wish you'd call me names again… scold me, tell me I'm a wimp!" He sobbed. "Please Asuka… don't be like this."

He stood up from the chair again, and walked to the window behind him. "It doesn't matter what I do or say, I can't change anything… I can't help you, Misato or Rei… I'm useless."

He moved back to her bedside again, just standing there, motionless, speechless. "I have to go to a synch test now…" He said, finally breaking the silence. "I thought it wouldn't matter if I would never pilot again, but this… this is so much worse. I can't stand this anymore, EVA means nothing but pain to me, but I can't live without anymore. I'm sorry Asuka, I'm sorry I can't help you."

Silently he moved out of the room, leaving the comatose girl behind. Eyes cast downwards he walked through the corridors of NERV, towards the changing rooms.

When he arrived, he could see Rei's silhouette through the curtain dividing the two changing areas. He was surprised to see that Rei was not changing, she just sat on the bench, staring at the floor it seemed. He opened his mouth to say something to her, but quickly shut his mouth again. In stead he decided to change into his plugsuit, his eyes on the girl behind the curtain all the while.

A minute later Kaworu walked in silently. The silent blue haired girl on the other side started to change in her plugsuit as well. After a few minutes all were dressed and ready. They walked to their plugs in silence, all lost in their own thoughts.

-----

She sat in the entryplug. This used to be a comforting occasion, EVA had always made her feel that way, comfortable. This time, however, a creeping feeling of fear filled the plug. The menacing feeling made it hard for her to concentrate on synching. The plug instilled unwanted memories in her, brought them up like little air bubbles trickling to the surface, more and more as time passed.

She looked to her side, a small window showing Shinji with his eyes closed in his entryplug. She closed her eyes again, trying to concentrate as best as she could, but the memories and images were flushing over her like a heavy downpour now. A familiar pressure on her psyche crawled to the foreground. Her heart started pounding relentlessly in her chest and temples as a sense of shock rushed through her.

Immediately her eyes shot open, the entryplug seemingly closing in on her as she started to hyperventilate. Her breath came out in shudders as she looked around the plug, nothing was there. She closed her eyes again, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself. As she opened her eyes again though, all she saw was blinding white light. It was like the Angel was reading her all over again.

In the background she could hear the bridge technicians yelling over the comm. system, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. It was like shell-shock had overcome her, the sounds that reached her ears dull and seemingly far away, her vision blurred and fuzzy.

She couldn't breathe. She took deep gulps of air in, yet no oxygen found her lungs, as if she was drowning in LCL. Naoko's hands around her throat, Ritsuko strangling her, the dire emptiness and uninspiring blandness of the room she grew up in, deep inside NERV. Her classmates, no one she could identify with, all she knew was NERV. A pang of hurt shot through her heart as she tried once again, in vain, to breathe. Her hands swung around, as if to push away the thing strangling her, yet finding no culprit. Moments later, she blacked out.

-----

There he was, by her bedside, again. She had been out for two days already, and Shinji was getting restless. 'What if she doesn't wake up, just like Asuka? Why so close to the end? Soon all the Angels will be gone… I don't want to be the only one left. I wish it was me in this bed, and Rei and Asuka awake… they deserve to be alive… much more than me.' He sighed and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his tired eyes.

"Rei, please wake up, I don't know what to do without you… I'll be alone, and I can't stand it anymore… so please… wake up." He whispered to the unconscious girl in the bed. He looked over his shoulder, out the door. Kaworu was standing there, looking over him. Why, he didn't know, he hadn't been exactly friendly towards the grey haired boy. Yet he stood there, never taking his eyes off him and Rei.

Yesterday the boy had come up to him and told him to get some sleep, but Shinji had simply ignored him and stayed by the blue haired girl's side. He had hardly slept that night, but he had slept at least. This night he hadn't been able to find any, the bags under his eyes a silent testament to that.

Now that he thought of it, he hadn't eaten anything the last two days either. He'd only drank water when he had to go to the bathroom. Even though he hadn't eaten a thing, he couldn't find himself to get up and get some food, figuring the stress would probably make him throw up everything again anyway. That, and he just didn't feel hungry. He sat up straight, and sighed, eyes closed.

"May I hold your hand again?" A lump seemed to instantly form in his throat as the memory popped up. Her eyes, pleading him to answer in the affirmative. The soft shimmer in her eyes as he said yes. The gentle caress of her soft and warm hand against his. What if she wouldn't wake up? He'd never be able to talk to her, he'd never hear her soft voice again. He'd never get entranced by those beautiful crimson eyes.

His heart jumped slightly from his confession. 'Beautiful?... yes, she's…. she's beautiful.' He reached out slowly and put his hand gently on the young girl's forehead. Gently, he stroked her hair back as a few tears dropped from his eyes. "Come back, Rei… I need you." He whispered as he sobbed softly, and placed his hand over hers.

After a few minutes exhaustion finally got the best of him as he dozed off into a deep, and fitful sleep. He slumped forwards slowly, his head falling to the mattress, next to his hand covering Rei's.

-----

Kaworu stood outside the room, looking through the open doorway at the two occupants of the room, both asleep. He leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets, smiling as always.

'Humans are strange… Shinji-kun cares so much for the first and second. Second didn't seem too friendly in the short period I met her, yet Shinji cares for her nonetheless.'

He sighed, a content smile still gracing his face. 'I wonder why the committee is so hateful of these emotions. It seems to me they can do such good. If the lilim could just find it in their hearts to accept eachother, this place could be heaven.'

Quietly he removed himself from the wall, and walked inside the room. He stood there for several moments, exchanging glances between the sleeping boy and girl. Silently he put his hand on Shinji's head. He could read the troubles of the young soul. He could do far more, and tempted he was, but he admired the strength of the blue eyed boy sitting next to him. 'He doesn't know how strong he can be, how much he is admired… He thinks he's weak.'

He wondered why temptation to invade the young man's mind didn't take him over as he looked at the sleeping form in the chair next to him. 'The committee is concerned about Shinji's performance… and perhaps they should be, but I will not break him.' His smile widened slightly as the boy twitched underneath his hand. 'The committee is wrong, emotion is not weakness.'

Slowly he withdrew his hand and stepped closer to Rei, then put his hand on her forehead as well, wondering what kept the girl unconscious. She had not been attacked, it was just a flashback according to Ritsuko. He flinched as his skin made contact with hers, loneliness and estrangement seemingly oozing from her mind. He pressed on, not letting the cold feeling faze him, as he put his hand over her head, and closed his eyes.

-----

Rei found herself standing in a room devoid of light. It was strange, it was dark all around her, but it was as if she herself was fully lit. As she stepped forward, she noticed that she was apparently emerged waist deep in LCL.

"Where am I?" She whispered into the darkness, not expecting a reply.

Suddenly the room morphed from total darkness into one of pastures of red and orange. "This is your heart and soul." Someone answered after a few seconds, the voice familiar.

"Who are you?" She replied quickly, spinning around, looking for the source of the voice.

"I am you."

Confusion settled in as she finally found the source. The voice was hers, and the being in front of her resembled her, yet somehow was not truly her. "No, I am me… you cannot be me."

"I am the reflection of your soul. That which observes the self."

"I do not understand… why am I here?" She whispered. 'This place… red, the colour I hate.' She thought, her eyes scanning her surroundings.

"Yes, this place is the colour you hate… you hate yourself do you not?" The voice answered, reading the unspoken thought. "Doesn't it hurt though…? Solitude brings you pain, yet you push away those around you because you hate yourself."

"It is better to be alone, they… don't understand."

"You truly believe that? Humans cannot exist without those around them. You are human as well, even though you do not believe so yourself."

"I do not belong. Acceptance is not for me, it does not serve my purpose." She said, confidence not finding her voice.

"You vowed not to follow that purpose, have you forgotten? You have already been accepted, Shinji is your friend. You are afraid of accepting him, for what it might bring, yet your heart yearns for him, doesn't it?"

"He does not know. If he knew he would abandon me, therefore it is better to be alone."

"You and I know that is not truly how you feel. You think you are less than human, yet you act and think like one. Don't deny your feelings, you want his attention, you want him to speak to you. Every time he visits the second, you want him for yourself, to talk to you like he does to her."

"…I…" Her eyes dropped to the LCL around her waist.

"You envy her, hate her for it. That is human emotion as well, don't you see? If you allow him into your heart the loneliness and pain might leave."

Her eyes shot upwards, locking gaze with herself opposing her. "But… I will hurt if he-"

The being in front of her interrupted her. "That is part of being human as well. But isn't anything better than the hurt you feel now? Isn't that what you long for, to feel something else but pain and distress?"

"…I… yes…" Her eyes dropped once more.

"Then open your heart to him, accept him like he accepts you."

-----

Slowly, he cracked his eyes open again. 'Most interesting… learning about the lilim is truly intriguing.' He kept his eyes on the girl on the bed for a few more seconds before he turned away and walked towards the door. He took one more look into the room, to Shinji, still sleeping, slumped forward on the bed. His smile widened ever so slightly. 'The world has much in store for you Shinji…'

He turned away again, and walked out the door. 'I wonder how Second is doing… what Arael has unleashed in her mind.' He frowned at that thought. Though Arael was one of his brethren, his recent discoveries about human nature had unsettled his prior beliefs. 'The lilim mind is such a frail thing. I had hoped to learn more from her before Arael would taint her mind.' He sighed slightly, keeping his pace up as he neared his next destination.

'Emotion is such a beautiful thing… I wish I could feel like these lilim do, it would be very… interesting.' However, he knew he would never truly be able to feel like humans. He could make up his own mind, decide for himself, an honour which only befell him opposed to the other Angels, but not truly feel in the way humans would. He sighed again as he reached his destination, room 142.

He looked at the number above the room's entrance for a moment, then opened the door and stepped in. Slowly but determined he made his way to the room's only occupant. He took a few moments to make sure no one was watching him, then he laid his hand gently on her head.

The images flushing through him disturbed him slightly. The dead woman dangling on a rope from the ceiling, the little girl, Asuka, standing in the doorway to the room, eyes wide and mouth agape. The pain he read chilled him to his very bones as he delved deeper into her mind. The woman in the bed, a doll in her hands, she would not even look at her daughter as she stood by the room's window.

How it had hurt Asuka, to find out her mother would not acknowledge her anymore. Not even when she had been selected as the second child. She vowed never to cry again, yet it pained her so much, to keep up that horrible façade. No one knew how she felt, all she could do was keep up that mask, hiding her true emotions.

Kaworu could read her thoughts as if they were his own. Though the emotions accompanying them did not reach him, he fully understood the hurt this girl felt. She wasn't a real girl, she was the product of artificial insemination, she herself was a doll, or so she perceived. How could she compete with the puppet her mother was holding in her arms?

That doll, that blue haired bitch had outdone her when she had to synch her movements with Shinji. She reminded her so much of that doll her mother held. The doll that mother held like she was her own flesh and blood. When she had been selected, hopes had run wild as she ran into her mother's room, hoping for praise or at least a simple acknowledgement of her presence. Though the acknowledgement she had been give... she had tried to strangle her, her! Her own flesh and blood, her own child, to ask if she would die with her.

Kaworu withdrew his hand quickly as if burnt by his simple touch, staggering backwards. 'She's not ready…' He thought, panting. 'There's so much turmoil within her soul… she needs more time…' Slowly he backed away from the still girl. 'She needs more time to understand… this was not her fault.' Finally he regained his composure. He felt sorry for this girl. The mere seconds he had his hand on her were enough. He had learnt more, and that is what he sought, knowledge of what drove the children.

'It appears human interaction can bring much pain as well… but do the negatives outweigh the positives?' He needed more time, he decided, more knowledge of lilim. Painful as it was, he could not intervene. It would be easy to just blank her mind of this terrible corruption, a corruption instilled in her by his brethren. 'She will find her way…' He decided. 'All it takes is time… and I intend give it. Consider it my gift, Second. I admire your, and all humanity's strength for overcoming such hardship.' A simple smile graced his features once again as he came to his conclusion. As quietly as he had entered, he left the room, to let it's occupant fend off her inner demons.

-----

Author's rant: Well that was it... hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing this chapter (yes, truly, I did enjoy it!). Anyway, please review, like I said in the last chapter, it only takes up about two minutes of your time. I'll accept anything, even if it's just a stupid smiley or an 'ok' or 'uh… what?' or…. Ohw what am I ranting on about, no one reads this stuff anyway! Hope to see you all at the next chapter, peace.