A/N: this is the third and final part of bargaining. I did mean to write it as one but I felt there were natural breaks.
Also, my email crashed as I was transferring reviews to a sub folder and they disappeared. So all I have is the couple I'd replied to from chapter 1 and the latest ones for chapter 5. I'm really sorry if you reviewed earlier chapters and didn't get a reply, I did mean to catch up, but please believe me I really appreciate every one.
Mostly bargaining but a bit of Fitch feistiness too, no wonder Naomi loves her :)
You're in with the doctor again, both you and Gina listen intently as he runs through the remainder of her palliative care plan. You try to keep the contemptuous look from your face, why give it a fancy name? Call it what it is, it's a plan of how Naomi will die.
"Do you understand what palliative care means?" He asks, clearly the mask isn't good enough.
You sneer slightly, patronising wanker, "Yes, I do, its name comes from the Latin, palliare, to cloak. It's a multidisciplinary approach and is supposed to ease a patient's suffering and prepare them to die."
Gina squeezes your hand, she can see you're annoyed and it's her way of trying to make you stop, this isn't helping anyone, especially not Naomi.
You sigh, "I'm sorry, but this is a difficult thing to hear."
"I understand that and your reaction isn't uncommon either. It's not just the patient you know, palliative care plans can be for relatives too, you can speak to someone." He says kindly.
You take a deep breath and count in your head, Gina squeezes again, out of the corner of your eye you see her bristle too, maybe it wasn't only for your benefit.
"We have each other, we don't need to speak to some shitty counsellor, to 'learn to deal' with the death of my daughter." She says through clenched teeth.
He nods, "I understand how hard this is for you both."
You glance at his hand, there's a wedding ring, "You're married?"
He looks taken aback by the sudden change in conversation, "Er, yes..."
"Been together long?" You question.
"I'm not sure this is relevant..." He starts.
"Trust me, it is." You explain.
"About 11 years."
"Still alive, your wife, is she?" You continue.
A look of realisation appears on his face, "Yes and before you ask we have two children, a boy and a girl."
"I'm getting married tomorrow, but unlike most blushing brides, I don't have countless years of happiness ahead of me, I'm not starting a great adventure in to the unknown with my soul mate. We have a matter of weeks, maybe even less. Naomi is Gina's only daughter, there's no one else, always been the two of them, then the three of us. So don't you fucking dare sit there and tell us you understand. You don't, you don't have the first clue what it's like to watch a person you love so completely and utterly, fade to nothing in front of your eyes." Your voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to upset you. Perhaps we should come back to this another time." He suggests.
Gina stares coldly at him, "There might not be another time, so we'll finish now."
"Right." He checks his notes, "Have you considered hospice care."
"No!" both you and Gina say simultaneously.
"Naomi would hate it, she needs, no deserves, to be surrounded by beauty, and I don't mean here either." You say firmly.
Gina nods in agreement, you knew she would.
"Ok, we'll continue with the morphine for now and up the dose when Naomi's in more pain." He confirms.
The thought of her being in more pain cuts you like a knife. But you know it's the reality of the situation and you need to prepare yourself if you're going to stay by Naomi's side until the bitter end.
You see Gina having the same internal dialogue.
"Ok, Gina and I will take it in turns to sit with her and we don't want to have the same argument about visiting times over and over again, one or both of us will be in the room 24 hours a day."
He sighs, "visiting times are so the patients can receive treatment and get some rest."
"Rest won't change the outcome will it?"
He shakes his head.
"So we know better than you what will bring Naomi comfort so it's non-negotiable and it will happen." Gina backs you up.
He shrugs, "Fine, I'll make sure it's in Naomi's notes."
You both rise, "that's settled, thank you for your time."
He's relieved you're going. You can see how it's a tough job, having to deliver bad news or difficult messages. But it pisses you off they keep telling you they understand, or have sympathy. Until they have to deal with the spectre of death when it's someone they love, not just a patient, they'll never really grasp how fucking soul destroying it is.
"What a twat" you spit as you walk down the corridor.
Gina smiles, "But I think we showed him eh love?"
You smile back, "No one messes with a Fitch."
"Nor a Campbell..."'she replies.
You look at each other, "he had no chance against a Campbell-Fitch."
You arrive back at the room and pause outside, she's here, you didn't mean to miss her arrival. You smile as she sits at the bedside, animatedly chatting, probably about fashion or Paris, maybe both. You can't tell if Naomi is bored, she smiles in the right places and suddenly says something that makes Katie stop. Your twin nods and reaches out for her, she tenderly kisses her cheek as she embraces your fiancée.
"Shall we go in?" Gina asks and you nod, overcome with emotion.
"Hey bitch." You say with false brightness.
Katie turns, her eyes are red, "Alright Lezza? So I'm barren and you're going to be a widow, looks like the elderly care home plan is back on track babe."
You hug tightly, "Thanks for coming."
"It's alright you've upped your game since going to New York, but her," she motions towards Naomi, "still wearing student clothes is pathetic. Don't think any sister of mine is going to get married to that."
"Oh fuck off Katie. At least it won't be leopard print." Naomi counters.
She turns, "Have you seen your outfit yet?"
Naomi tries to rise and has a coughing fit, you're used to it but Katie's face drains of all colour.
"Can you two please behave." Gina says playfully as she soothes Naomi.
"I didn't start it..." Naomi states.
"Oh for God's sake, it's like being back at college, we're not 16 anymore. Grow up the pair of you." You chastise gently.
The room falls silent, growing up won't be an option for one of them.
"Told you I'd die for her didn't I?" Naomi interjects.
Katie stares, you wonder how she'll react, "yeah, and I told you I'd kill you if you hurt her again. Do you always need to steal my thunder?"
Naomi smiles, "You'll miss me."
Katie's eyes fill with tears, "More than you realise."
Again the room is silent. You aren't sure how to deal with Katie being kind to Naomi, you're used to them sniping at each other, it's still the norm even after all these years.
"So we've just been with the doctor." Gina states.
You're grateful for the subject change, as is everyone else in the room as small outbreaks of surprised chatter greet this hardly shocking news.
"I'm still dying then? No miracle cure?" Naomi quips.
You give her a withering look, although you know this is part of her coping mechanism, it's still sometimes hard to take.
"There better not be, I wouldn't let my sister marry a skank like you unless it was serious." Katie counters.
"Fuck you." Naomi replies.
"Eww, not if we were the last two people on earth and I was gagging for it."
You smile at Gina, who watches with amusement. You realise that's why you wanted Katie here, apart from the odd over-emotional blip, she'll make things feel normal. In spite of what you said earlier until the wedding's over that's how you want it to be. Two people, in love, committing to each other. You can deal with the doom and gloom afterwards.
"So what did doctor boring have to say?" Naomi questions.
She's made up nicknames for all the staff, "He's doctor wanker from now on."
She smiles, "Causing trouble Em, with all those questions and demands?"
She knows you so well, but you also know Naomi overheard some of the nurses moaning about you. Apparently you've got a bit of a reputation amongst the staff. You don't care, you love Naomi and you're damn sure she's going to get everything she needs even if it means making yourself unpopular.
"So what were you talking to doctor wanker about?" Naomi asks again.
"Let's discuss it after the wedding eh love?" Gina says.
Naomi's eyes narrow, she's suspicious, "I'd rather do it now. After all Emily's going back to New York straight after the wedding and I'd like her to be involved."
"But I thought you said..." I silence Katie with a well practiced glare.
It's a set up, she knows your intentions, you refuse to look at her.
"It doesn't matter if you look at me or not, I can read you like a book." Naomi states.
You hear the rising irritation, you don't want her to get angry, mainly because of her health but a little bit because you hate it when she's cross with you.
"I meant it Em..."
"Why don't we leave you two alone? I'll show you the canteen Katie." Gina says as she propels your twin thought the door.
At first you don't say anything, but Naomi has always been the master of the silent treatment, she knows you'll crack first, you always do, especially when you know you're in the wrong.
"We were talking about your care plan." You begin.
"What about it?" Naomi pushes.
"You know, just how one of us will be here all the time, how they need to relax the visiting hours crap." You sound like a small child.
The bed moves, it's followed by a metallic sound. You look at the cabinet, stare at the ring lying there and finally make eye contact. The blue eyes are steely.
"We had a deal Emily, no internship, no wedding."
"Please Naomi, you can't expect me to leave you? What if I can't get back in time or at all? I'd never forgive myself." You plead.
"You promised, if you don't keep your end of the bargain, what right have you got to expect me to keep mine? Hardly a sound basis for a marriage is it?" She refuses to budge.
"Nor is keeping a terminal illness from me, but that seems to be perfectly acceptable." You say petulantly.
Her eyebrow raises, alright so you're clutching at straws.
You sit on the bed, "I can't leave you..."
"Baby, we've been through all this. Everything I did was to make sure you'd keep a job you adore. Some nights I was so lonely and scared I nearly gave in and called you, but I didn't because I love you. What's the point if you lose your internship anyway, none of it was worth it."
You see the speech tires her, you keep forgetting that the long conversations or debates you're used to will now take their toll. You rack your brains for an alternative, suddenly something clicks and you smile.
"Whatever it is the answer is no." Naomi immediately states.
"Hang on, just hear me out. What if I could find a way to continue with my internship but stay here too?" You say excitedly.
She frowns, "I thought you said it wasn't possible..."
"Maybe it is, maybe not, but it's worth a try. I'll phone my boss, explain the situation and offer to do some work here in London, it means I'll be away from the hospital but I'll still get to see you every day."
"And if she says no?" Naomi asks.
It's a gamble based on your boss being reasonable, work being available and you being persuasive. But it's one you have to take, even if there's a small chance you can stay.
You look her directly in the eye, "Then I'll go back, I won't lose the internship. I made you a promise, I won't break it."
Naomi pauses, you're afraid she won't agree but she picks up the ring and puts it back on, before she smiles.
"Ok, but there is one condition." She states.
You nod, "Anything."
"You make the call here, on speakerphone." She requests.
"Jesus Naomi, don't you trust me?" You ask angrily.
"Take it or leave it Em." She's firm.
You tut, "Fine, I'll do it in front of you on speakerphone. I can't believe you think I'm so devious."
"I don't, but I do think you love me that much."
You check you watch, no time like the present. It's early, but your boss Rachel gets up at the crack of dawn. She's a morning person, as she constantly tells you when you arrive in the office desperate for your first coffee hit of the day. Maybe today that's something to be grateful for.
You sit on the bed and your hands shake as you make the call, it rings several times before she answers.
"Emily, where the fuck are you? AJ spun me some line about you being ill but he's a worse liar than you are." She barks.
Naomi folds her arms, shit, part of the reason you didn't want to make the call publicly was so she didn't find out you were already supposed to be back in the States.
She watches you like a hawk, "Er, yeah about that. I'm not ill, actually Rachel, I'm in London. I found out just before Christmas, my girl.. no fiancée, has terminal cancer. We're getting married tomorrow."
"Congratulations but shitty about the cancer." She says directly.
Her no nonsense approach is one of the reasons you like her, it's also what gives you hope she'll agree to your proposition.
"So when will you be back, these photos don't take themselves you know?"
"I want to speak to you about that, it's why I rang. Naomi hasn't got much time left, so I hoped I could stay in London for a while, don't worry, I'll still work, but I want to be near the hospital." The words tumble out.
Rachel snorts, "That's very generous of you. Emily, you're very talented, but I have a waiting list as tall as you are, there are people who'd kill to replace you on this internship."
"I know that," you quickly interject, "and you know how hard I have, and will, work. This isn't some vacation, I haven't skipped off for fun. Naomi is dying and I've already missed so much time with her, please I wouldn't ask if it wasn't so important and I'll never put you in a situation like this again."
"What happens if I refuse?" The same question as Naomi.
Your shoulders sag, "Then I promised Naomi I'd go back, I want this internship, I was one of the people who nearly killed for it in the first place if you remember."
She pauses and you hold your breath, "My mom died of cancer, I always wish I'd taken some time out with her. Just a minute, let me check what jobs we have on over there."
You smile at Naomi and do a victory punch, she smiles indulgently back.
"Emily? I'm really sorry, there's nothing. It's the holidays and all of the shoots are in Europe in the snow." She sounds genuinely apologetic.
You hug yourself as the tears threaten to flow, this was your last hope, "Are you sure? Nothing at all?"
"Hi Rachel is it? I'm Naomi."
You stare quizzically.
"Hey, sorry for all the cancer crap, it's a bitch." Rachel states.
"Yeah, I have to admit I've felt better." Naomi says with a tiny laugh.
"What are you doing?" You mouth quietly.
She shushes you, it always really annoys you when she does that and she knows it.
"What if Emily provides you with a human interest story?" Naomi begins.
"Depends what it is." Rachel is cautious, "Something personal?"
Suddenly you understand, "No! No fucking way..."
"Come on Emily, some of your best shots..." Rachel counters.
"I said no, I won't exploit her, or us, like this." Your voice rises.
Naomi looks at you, "Emily, you're an amazing photographer, I love you and I trust you completely, I wouldn't have offered if it was anyone else."
"Emily, who else will be as sympathetic? Even without it being Naomi, that's what makes you great, it's why people open up to you." Rachel reasons.
You snort, "And what makes you money."
You almost hear her shrug, "Fine see you the day after tomorrow..."
Naomi takes your hand, "It might help, hopefully you, but maybe Effy or my Mum too."
"Why are you being so insistent?" you ask incredulously.
Her lip wobbles, "Because I'm scared and now you're here, I don't want you to go."
The fight immediately leaves you, how could you lose sight of what was important? All you want is to stay, it's why you came up with this plan in the first place, to be with her, where you belong.
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot." You kiss her gently.
When you break apart, you smile at each other.
"Jesus, I can only imagine what's going on there. So Emily are we agreed?" Rachel's impatient voice cuts in.
"Yeah, fine I'll do it, but I get total copyright." You state firmly.
"That's not how it works..."she starts
"On this it is..." You know she's salivating at the prospect of a spring exhibition.
A pause, "Ok, just this once. So the first submission will be the wedding right?"
You hesitate, "Actually Rachel, I might...sort of...need a camera."